Panic

Sweat is dripping down between my breasts as Roark’s palms my mounds pinching my nipples. We’ve been at it for hours. I’ve returned to work and this is the first time in two weeks that I had two days off in a row.

“Don’t stop, baby. You feel how hard you make me?” He groans.

I ride him like my life depends on it. Our sex life has taken a huge dive. I think we’re both trying to make up for that. Looking at Roark beneath me—his muscles flexing and working, the red in his cheeks, his sweat covered face—it all reminds me that he’s alive.

This amazing man that I almost lost as he bled out in my arms. He draws me baths and rubs my feet during the limited times he gets to spend with me. He has adjusted to my crazy life in the last few weeks as if it’s always been the norm.

“Roark, baby, oh my God,” I cry out as he plants his feet in the mattress and thrusts up into me.

“You feel me? Damn, you feel so good,” he says, as he lifts to pull a nipple into his mouth.

Always catering to me. He has proven a man of his word. He takes care of me. I come home to warm meals. When I’m too tired to feed myself, he feeds me.

He takes me to work and picks me up so that I’m never driving on the road tired and alone. Even though I now work so much closer to home. He installed blackout shades so I can sleep without the sun waking me.

“Yes, yes, yes,” I cry breathlessly.

And this. He brings my body more pleasure than I can ask for. I don’t know if it’s because we haven’t had sex in a few weeks, the music playing in the background, or just something else that has shifted between us, but this feels like the best sex we’ve ever had.

“Damn,” he hisses, flipping me onto my back.

He fists the sheets at the sides of my head and rolls his body into mine. His face is tight with lust as he looks at me in wonder. From the look on his face, he’s thinking the same thing I am.

I wrap my legs around his back and bow off the mattress. One of his hands goes to my waist, gliding around to my backside. My eyes cross and roll into the back of my head.

“Ro,” I whimper.

“Come, baby. I’m not…going to…last. This shit is too good…Fuck,” he groans in between pauses, fighting to get his words out.

I feel the moment he explodes inside me. My eyes widen. It’s so hot and leaves me with a sensation I’ve never felt before. I know right away there’s no way there’s a barrier between us.

He thrusts a few more times proving my point. I know what it feels like when I come and he pushes through it. This is way more than just my essence gushing around him.

His brows crease. I watch as he pulls back and looks down at his length. The condom is there, but its torn in half.

“Holy fuck,” he says, his voice filled with panic. “Shit. I didn’t feel it break.”

He lifts to his knees and shoves his hand into his hair. Anxiety is clear across his features. I sit up, reaching for his face. My lips gently press against his.

“Babe, it’s not like we don’t have each other’s test results. Relax, it’s fine,” I reassure him.

“It’s not fine, Allison. More than an STD can be a result of me coming inside of you,” he says.

“And I would be so happy to have a baby with the man I love,” I say softly.

His eyes meet mine and soften. He grasps me by the back of the neck and pulls me in for a kiss. It’s a tender, loving connection. He places his forehead to mine.

“One day I do want babies. I’m just not sure now is the right time. You just started a new path in your career and I’m still getting my life in order—”

“My career would be fine. This would be a great time for me. I’m turning thirty-one this year. I’m not saying we have to start actively trying. I’m just saying don’t panic about this. Relax, Roark,” I say.

He nods, pecking my lips. Worry lines still crease his face, but he doesn’t protest. Instead, he gets up and goes into the bathroom. After a few minutes, he returns with a warm cloth to clean me up.

Again, taking care of me. My exhausted body grows heavy and I pass out with thoughts of a little Roark in my arms. That wouldn’t be a bad thing at all.

Our baby would be loved and cared for.

India just found me a property that’s perfect. Actually, it’s one of my old shops. It just hit the market. It’s like divine intervention because every other place has been wrong somehow or the deal fell through for some crazy reason.

It’s time for me to make a decision. I can have the shop open by the end of the year, but I need to decide if that will be as the owner of a barbershop or a silent partner that never touches a pair of clippers or a client.

My hand moves to Allison’s belly. She snuggles closer in her sleep. I blow out a breath.

“Time to man up, Ro,” I huff to myself.

“Huh?” Allison says in her sleep.

I chuckle. Her light snores tell me she’s answering me in her sleep. I kiss her temple.

I’ll get this right.