“We can't get a divorce Jeanine. My culture doesn't accept divorces.”

Your culture is the reason that we are here. You said that this was just a small ceremony for your culture, but it wasn't. I can't see how your culture wouldn't let us have a divorce. We should get an annulment. I didn't know that we were getting married. You know that. Are you telling me that you will fight it?”

Jeanine was working herself up, while I tried to calm her down. Last thing I wanted to do was get her upset, but it didn't look like there was going to be another choice. She couldn't see it the way I did. We loved each other, we were going to be together, so I didn't see why she would want to go and ruin it.

“I am telling you that you will not be allowed to divorce me. It is not how the laws are here.”

“Well if that is the case, then I'm going to need to go home. Because the laws are that way there. There is no way that they will make me stay married to you. It was a lie, and you know it.”

I was fighting a losing battle. I was starting to see that now. While I wanted to just lock her away for a little while, until she had made up her mind, I knew that I couldn't. I knew I had to let her go to let her do what she wanted to do, even if that meant divorcing me. The very idea of it made my head hurt.

“I don't want you to go Jeanine. I don't want you to go at all, but I certainly don't want you to go before the weekend. You were supposed to stay here that long and I would like you to stay. Can't we just forget about this?”

I knew the answer to that before I even asked. She was not going to let this go, and from the way she was acting she was ready to go now. It was one of those times, that I didn't want to let her go. I knew that I was going to have to though. I was just going to have to hope that we really were meant to be together and that she would somehow find a way back to me. It was a tall order, to say the least.

“I think it would be best if I went Craig, surely you can see that it is the right answer. After everything that has happened.”

“You know that I don't want you to go.”

It didn't really matter what I wanted though. I could see that much in her face. She was upset with me and right now there was nothing good that was going to come of us being together in this way. I didn't know what was going to happen, and that was the worst part of all. I didn't even want to think about the idea of losing her.

“I know, but I think that I have to. You have stepped over a lot of lines and while I know that our cultures are different, that doesn't excuse it. You were in America long enough to know that we at least like to get consent, before we get married.”

She had me there and all I could do was agree. I knew that I was wrong and that I had done something to ruin her trust in me.

“I know Jeanine. I really don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking, I know that I can't keep apologizing because it's not going to change anything. I did what I did, and we are married. I wish they would just give us a chance though. We had talked about this before so it's not like we're complete strangers and this was never in the cards for us.”

She was irritated with me and had this exasperated look on her face. Her expression was priceless, and I could tell that I was just making things worse. I really needed to shut my mouth because I was just digging the grave deeper.

“You really just don't get it do you?”

Get what? I get why you’re upset, but I don't get why you want to run away. We are married now. We should at least make a go of it.”

“This is not a marriage Craig, this is nothing like a marriage. What you need to understand is that this with all done without me knowing it. We can't be married if I didn't say yes. And I couldn't say yes because I didn't know what was going on. You tricked me, and you know it. Why are you trying to make this harder than it has to be? It’s hard enough as it is.”

I told her that it wouldn't be annulled, simply for the fact that we had consummated it. I know that's not what she wanted to hear, but I wanted her to know. The last thing that I wanted to do was upset her anymore, but I wanted her to get the idea out of her head.

“I'm just asking for some time. Just let it sink in, give us some time. Don't you think we at least deserve that?”

I was trying to convince her softer side, the one that I knew better than the hard side, I saw before me.

“I just can't do this right now Craig. I don't even know what to say. You are acting like this is no big deal, but it is. And you know it is.”

“I just don't want to lose you over something like this.”

“Then you shouldn't have done it.”

She was right again, but that didn't help anything. Knowing that she was right, it didn't make the way I felt any different. I just wanted her to get over this, so that we can move on. I really didn't see what the big deal was, because I knew that we were supposed to be together. I was just making it happen a little faster and I kept thinking that she would calm down soon enough. Then she would see that it wasn't as bad as she was making it out to be. It was supposed to be romantic.

“So, what do you want to do?”

“I want to go home Craig. That is all that I want to do right now. I don't want to fight with you, and I don't want to argue. When I send you the divorce papers, I want you to sign them. And then we will see what is left.”

None of the things she described was anything that I wanted to be a part of. I didn't want to divorce, it wasn't even recognized in my religion and I meant that when I said it. Whether she got the paperwork changed, and somehow got her divorce, I knew that it wasn't going to make a difference to me. We would always be married in my eyes. I kept telling myself that I had done the right thing, even though everything was crashing down around me.

“I will do whatever you ask. But just know that we will always be together, whether you get paperwork saying otherwise or not. You will always be my wife. When you are ready to come back, I'll be waiting for you.”

“I don't think that's going to happen Craig. After everything that has went on here, I don't think it's going to happen at all. I thought for a while that we were perfect for each other, I really did, but things have changed, haven't they? You are not at all who you said you were, and I fell in love with a different man.”

“That is not true. I am everything that I said I would be and so are you. We were meant to be together, that is why you're here. You know that. You know that this is supposed to happen, but you're scared, so you're running away.”

“That may be so Craig. But I'm not ready to get married. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to get married. I don't think it'll turn out well.”

I wanted to assure that she would be back. I just knew that she would. But I don't want to sound too cocky about it.

Instead of strapping her down and making her stay with me, I got her a plane ticket and watched her go. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done, but I knew that it was necessary. I don't know how it was going to happen, but I knew that she would be back.