To say that I was shocked at the news that my lawyer gave me, would have been an understatement. I had known that things could go south, I just didn't know how badly. Not only was I going to have to show up in court there in a few weeks, we had to live together until then, and that was to start immediately. I had twenty-four hours to get back down there where he was in South America and to move back in with my husband. Apparently, that was where I was supposed to be.

I was shocked that a judge could do that, could make that sort of decision about my life. I wanted to fight the situation, but the supposed best divorce lawyer around, was telling me that I had to. He made it very clear that there was nothing I could do about it. I was just going to have to go with it.

“If you two are not compatible, all you have to do is spend a few weeks there until the court date is done. You still have a couple of weeks before we can take the test anyways. Just think of this as an extended goodbye. I knew that the judge had discretion about this, but I didn't know that he would go this route. It would be unheard of in America, but not so much here.”

“Yeah, sounds like you said, I shouldn’t have gotten married to a stranger another country, huh?”

He smiled at me and agreed.

“Now you're getting it.”

I was more than getting it. I was certainly be paying for it, in spades. For a wedding that I didn't even know I was in the middle of, I was starting to think that there was nothing I could do. I was starting to think that I wasn't even going to get the divorce I wanted.

“So, I really have to go back down there? I have to drop everything I'm doing and go back down there, live with him?”

I knew that I had to, but I was still hoping that there was some way out of it. I just didn't understand how I could be forced to live with a man whether he was my husband or not. It shouldn't matter. I should be able to get married if I wanted to, just like I should be able to get divorced.

“Yeah, I hate to tell you, this but yes. Just go and chill until you get your pregnancy test back. As long as it comes out negative, then there really shouldn’t be anything to worry about. Then they should give you the divorce that you want.”

“What if it is positive?”

I didn't like the look that he gave me. I felt like it was positive, he was going to own me for life. I hadn't even thought about it, but I wasn’t as opposed to the idea as I thought I would be. Especially with what was going on right now.

“We will cross the road, if we get there Jeanine. There's no sense of work ing yourself up over something that might not happen. Let's just deal with what we can deal with. That's all we can do right now.”

I agreed, but I still had a lot of questions. I still didn't understand what was going to happen next, or how in the hell I was supposed to go live with Craig now. It didn't seem like it was going to be a good idea. Not after how I left.

While my lawyer was sure that Craig didn't have anything to do with judge’s ruling, I didn't believe that at all. It sounded like something that Craig would do. He like to control thing, so I couldn’t really put it past him.

“I will answer all the questions that I can, but at the end of the day, you really need to get on a flight and get back down there. If you want the judge to get your divorce, you’re going to have to play his game. He wants you there, living with your husband, and you need to do that for a little while. At least until we get this all straightened out.”

Still unable to believe that I was going to be forced to move in with Craig, I knew that my lawyer was right. I didn't want to break the judge’s ruling, because then I would never get the divorce that I wanted. I just want to be done with this, so I was willing to go the extra mile to not be.

“Well, thank you for your help. You will be there for the court date, right?”

“Yes, I will be there. You just need to make sure that you are there and doing with the judge says.”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Well, what you shouldn't do, is have sex. Whatever you do, don't have sex with him again. If you do, I don't know if I'll be able to get your divorce. Because then the timer starts all over again and you would have to re-petition the court, living with him the whole time.”

My cheeks were getting red again because he was talking about sex. And now I was thinking about it.

“Of course, I'm not going to have sex with him. I'm trying to get a divorce, remember?”

He raised an eyebrow to me and I could tell that he didn't really believe me. I can't say for certain that I believed myself. There was a lot that I wanted to do, and now that he told me that I couldn't do it, all I could think about was me and Craig back together. It was something that we did rather well together.

When I got on the flight, I was even more nervous than before. A few weeks ago, when I took this flight, I was naive, and I didn't know what I was getting into. I didn't know what kind of man Craig was, and what he could do to me. Now, I did. And that was no better. Now, I knew exactly what it was that he could do to me, and how we could mess with my brain. He was pretty damn good at it.

It seemed longer this time, that I was in the air so much longer than before. I knew that I was going to have to just take it all in stride. But then why was my lawyer’s words still in my head? Why was I thinking about the fact that I couldn't have sex with him, knowing that I wanted to? I wish that he wouldn’t have even said anything, because it was all I could think about the very long flight there. How he would feel inside of me, just one more time.

Somehow, I knocked off, but I woke up in a sweat and thinking about where my dreams had left off. It was easy to say that I didn’t want to be married to Craig anymore, but it was another thing altogether to admit that I didn't want to be with him. Even after everything, I still wanted to be with him. I knew that was wrong, I really did, but it was the truth.

He was very good at making me feel like the only woman in the world and I’d missed that. I missed the way he made me feel when he touched me and I would have been lying if I didn’t want to feel that again.