Fourteen
ALEX looked up at the building in front of him. Like most of the older buildings in the center of Manchester, it had a frontage of red brick with lots of windows, all of which were blacked out, affording the passersby no view of its interior. The double-entrance door—a beautiful, ornate wooden door, painted black, a polished black sign hung above it bearing the name of the club—stood at the corner of the building. Nothing else. Next to the door, a large man dressed completely in black was standing with a clipboard in hand. Possibly a security guard? Alex watched as a few men approached the club, dressed fairly casually, and spoke with the guard, who seemed to know them and opened the door.
Alex glanced down at his clothing. He’d finally decided on his tight black jeans and a black T-shirt, which hugged the contours of his torso. He carried his denim jacket. He’d spiked up the hair on top, as usual, and black trainers finished the look. The card had given no indication of opening times, so Alex had judged that 9:00 p.m. would be a fairly safe bet. Interestingly for a club, no loud music spilled out onto the street, although Alex could just detect a heady bass beat thumping away. Alex had walked through the heart of the Gay Village to get here, and there was a huge choice of clubs, all of them loud, brash, and colorful. Alex had never seen the inside of a single one.
His heart hammering, Alex made his way up to the entrance, clutching the card tightly in his hand.
The guard looked at him politely. “You a new member, sir?”
Sir? Alex was impressed. Most bouncers weren’t known for their polite conversation. His hand trembling, Alex handed over the card and slip.
The guard studied them thoughtfully before handing them back to him. “May I have your name, sir?” Quietly, Alex gave his name, which the guard duly noted on his clipboard. “Okay, sir, you’ll need to hand in your jacket at the desk inside, and you’ll be given a wristband for this evening.” The guard looked Alex up and down with what could only be described as an appreciative gleam in his eyes. “May I suggest, sir, that you don’t remove it?”
Slightly taken aback by his comment and attitude, Alex nodded as the guard opened the door and held it for him. Alex entered quickly and found himself in a small, warmly lit reception area. The slight thump of the bass was more apparent now, coming from behind closed doors. In front of him was a large desk manned by a slim young man with short blond hair and green eyes. Alex was greeted with a bright smile.
“Good evening, sir.” The young man—Elliot, according to his name tag—took the card and slip, perusing them while Alex placed his jacket on the wide desk. Elliot took out a green wristband and handed it to Alex. “Please wear this throughout your stay with us this evening, and don’t forget to hand it back before you leave.”
Alex slipped the lime green band around his wrist, wondering why he’d need such a thing.
Elliot pressed a button on the desk. There was a metallic click as the door lock released, and then Elliott gave him another bright smile. “Enjoy your visit, sir.”
Alex nodded, and pushed through the doors. Once inside, his eyes adjusted quickly to the subdued lighting—and then he was suddenly frozen to the spot. He had just fallen down the rabbit hole, only this definitely wasn’t Wonderland. This was a BDSM club.
OH. FUCK.
Alex felt like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. Music played unobtrusively, a steady pounding beat thrummed through the floor. He could see a bar area with tables set up around it, but what grabbed his attention was the men.
There were men of all shapes and sizes, all ages and ethnicities, but Alex had seen enough porn and read enough to know who the Doms were and who were the subs. There was a lot of flesh on view—some subs wore next to nothing, and many of them wore collars around their necks, some attached to leashes. Subs knelt beside their Doms. Some crawled in front of a Dom, restrained by a leash. Alex stared, eyes wide, as a Dom pulled his sub across his lap and spanked his bare ass, the sound of the heavy slaps loud to his ears. The sub’s low cries reverberated through Alex as he watched the sub’s pale ass redden.
Alex forced his feet to move, edging past the bar, his eyes cast down, to turn a corner… and came to a stop. Everywhere he looked, there were things going on that were all competing to blow his mind. A sub stood gagged while his Master fondled his cock and balls. Another bent over some kind of a bench, his wrists and ankles restrained, his upturned ass bare, while two men took it in turns to hit his ass with a long flat paddle. And against it all was a constant soundtrack, a litany of low moans, sighs, and commands of varying intensity. The sights and sounds went on and on, seemingly without end.
Alex didn’t know where to look, or what to make of it all. His brain couldn’t process all the information. Watching BDSM videos or reading about it in the privacy of his room was one thing. With those, he never failed to get hard. But this? This was fucking real, and all the more scary because of it.
In front of him was a stage area, surrounded by a crowd of men, their eyes focused on whatever was happening out of Alex’s sight line. But even so, Alex couldn’t miss hearing the distinctive crack of a whip or the cries that followed swiftly on.
Whips, floggers, paddles, palms, gags… it was overload, and Alex wanted out. He turned, desperately trying to get his feet to move.
A tall man blocked his path. He ran his eyes over Alex, smiling appreciatively. His body language screamed Dom to Alex even before he opened his mouth. “You’re new, aren’t you?” His voice was husky, deep. “Are you with someone?”
Alex dropped his gaze immediately, shaking his head, his heart pounding so fast as the man cupped his chin, raising it. Alex couldn’t resist, but he kept his eyes low, refusing to meet the man’s gaze.
“You looking for someone in particular?”
Alex couldn’t say a word. He didn’t dare move.
The Dom chuckled. “Why don’t you come over here with me,” he suggested. He slid his hand down to caress Alex’s upper arm. Alex shivered. “You and I can discuss what your limits are for this evening. You never know, we might be perfect for each other.” He reached around to press lightly against Alex’s back, with the intention of steering him toward the bar area.
“You know better than that, Joe.” A deep voice, firm and low, came from behind Alex, a voice that sounded vaguely familiar. “Look at his wrist. He’s not here to play.”
Joe released Alex’s arm straightaway, stepping back. “Sorry, Thomas,” Joe murmured, deferring immediately to Alex’s as yet unseen deliverer.
Wait a minute… that voice…. Thomas. Alex spun around, staring in shock as he recognized Leo’s business partner.
Thomas paled. “Alex, what are you doing here? Does Leo know you’re here?” His eyes flickered for an instant toward the stage. “How did you get in here?”
Alex found his voice. “I was sent a pass. What are you doing here?”
Thomas sighed resignedly. “I own half this club.” He looked decidedly unhappy at finding Alex there.
Suddenly, something slotted into place in Alex’s overworked brain. Thomas owned half the club…. Thomas was Leo’s business partner….
Alex looked toward the stage, remembering Thomas’s brief glance. No…. He walked deliberately in that direction, his heart quaking at the thought of what he was about to see. Behind him, Thomas was calling his name.
Easing past the assembled men, Alex made his way to the front of the stage to where a sub stood facing a large wooden cross in the form of an X. The sub’s hands and feet were secured to the cross with metal rings attached to the leather cuffs around his wrists and ankles. The sub grabbed onto rings on the cross. Alex could see thin red marks across the sub’s buttocks, thighs, and upper back, evidence of the whip that Alex had heard being used only a short time ago. His heart almost stopped when he caught sight of Leo, wearing a leather harness and black leather trousers, in the process of laying down the whip and moving to the sub, lightly running a hand down the sub’s back. Leo was murmuring to the restrained young man, soothing, comforting noises, though Alex was unable to make out the actual words. The sub turned into Leo’s hand as he stroked his hair, clearly seeking further comfort from him.
Alex was rooted to the spot. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the scene before him, unable to process all he was seeing. The man he’d been dating had just whipped another man and was caressing him as gently as a lover would. And that one realization hit him hard. The shock began to wear off, only to be replaced by feelings much more intense and primal. He had trusted Leo. He had fucking trusted the man. Hell, he’d come out for him…. And Leo had hidden something monumentally huge from him.
Low murmurings began around him, and Alex watched as this registered with Leo, who looked toward his audience… and froze, his mouth wide in horror, his expression aghast, as he finally caught sight of Alex.
Slowly, Alex raised his head, unblinking as he looked Leo in the eye, not bothering to mask the emotions that were coursing through him. The color slid from Leo’s face as Alex’s deliberate, intense stare hit home. All those around them fell silent. And then slowly, deliberately, Alex turned his back on Leo and walked toward the exit.
He could hear Leo’s shocked exclamation, he could feel the floor reverberate when Leo jumped down from the stage, heard the buzz of voices as the men started talking once more, heard Leo crying out his name… but Alex didn’t stop. He walked quickly into the reception area and searched the rack behind the desk for his jacket. Once retrieved, he put it on as if in a dream and headed for the outer door. He was reaching for the handle by the time Leo caught up with him.
Leo inserted himself between Alex and the door, his eyes frantic. “Alex, please, don’t go.” Leo’s voice shook with emotion.
Alex stopped, unwilling to push him aside. “Get out of my way.” He hardly recognized the sound of his own voice, the low, menacing tone so alien to him. Confrontation of any kind was abhorrent to him, and he just wanted to get out of there, afraid of what he might say if pushed.
Leo wasn’t giving up that easily. “Please, boy, I just want to talk to you.” His eyes were pleading with Alex, and Alex’s chest tightened.
He tried valiantly to compose himself before looking Leo in the eye once again. Oh fuck. There was no getting out of this after all. Alex began to speak, making an effort to keep his voice from shaking. “The fact that you never brought up this club, or your role here, yeah, that pisses me off. I mean, really pisses me off. The fact that you have this whole other fucking life? That pisses me off too. But to see you there, with that… that man, to see the way you were with him….” The words caught in his throat, and he waited until he had control of himself before continuing. “You just shattered all the trust I had in you, Leo. So, you may want to talk to me. But right now this boy doesn’t want to listen.”
Alex pulled the green band from his wrist, flung it down on the floor in front of Leo, and pushed past him out into the street. Walking rapidly toward the bus stop, Alex had trouble seeing where he was going. He tried to blink away the hot tears that just kept coming. Not once did he look back to see if Leo had followed him out. Not once.
ALEX let himself into the house and headed straight for the stairs. He was emotionally exhausted, and he didn’t want to see anyone. Unfortunately, it just wasn’t his night. His mother came out of the lounge and caught sight of his face. Christ, he probably looked a wreck.
“Alex? What’s the matter? I thought you were out with… with Leo.” She spoke his name as if it left a sour taste in her mouth. Yeah, well, Alex could sympathize with that feeling right now.
“He got called into work,” Alex said quickly, the lie sticking in his throat. He tried to carry on up the stairs, but she hadn’t finished.
“Have you two fallen out or something?” There was the faintest glimmer of emotion in her eyes. Alex prayed it wasn’t what it looked like, ’cause from where he was standing, it sure as hell looked like hope. And ironic though that may have been right now, he wouldn’t like to think his mother was even slightly happy that her son might’ve broken up with his boyfriend. ’Cause what did that say about her?
“Sorry, Mum, I just need to put my head down for a bit, okay?” Alex gave her a tight smile. “I’ve got a shocking headache.” She grunted but let him go.
Alex went into his room, shut the door, collapsed on the bed, and stared up at the ceiling.
His thoughts were all over the place. Once the tears had dried up, all the way home he’d been unable to stop thinking about the club. Before, BDSM porn had always turned him on, but he’d never really thought about being part of a lifestyle like that. And it looked a much scarier world in real life. He’d been unable to turn off the images of what he’d seen in the club. Although it made him ashamed to think it, Alex knew some of the things he’d seen were stuff he’d contemplated doing, if only in his deepest fantasies. Things he wouldn’t ever share with another living soul, not even Em—or Leo, if it came to that.
At least now, Alex could look at Leo and see his behavior with new eyes. The man was a fucking Dom! Would he want to do stuff like that with Alex? Alex had to think. Did that whole Domination/submission thing appeal to him? And what about Leo? Could he ever trust Leo again? He still couldn’t believe what he’d witnessed. It felt so fucking unreal.
Around and around his thoughts chased, relentlessly, until Alex really did have a headache. After collecting a glass of water from the bathroom, he collapsed back onto his bed, head heavy, pain behind his eyes. He couldn’t think like this. And he needed to think. Just where the fuck did he go from here?
It seemed as if he tossed and turned for hours as sleep eluded him, although the reality was probably very different. His final thoughts before sleep took him were of Leo. He needed to decide if he was going to let Leo back in. Because just thinking about not having Leo in his life? Right now, that was a thought which caused Alex mental anguish. The trust that had slowly and painstakingly been established between them had cost Alex dearly. He didn’t know if he could put himself through that tortuous process again.