Chapter 11

Andrew

 

Eric and I had spent the day walking until I thought my bones were going to crumble. Then we’d spent tonight stuffing our faces with Italian food and some of the best wine I’d ever had. Needless to say, I wasn’t up for much physical activity tonight, especially since by the time we got back to our hotel room, it was almost eleven thirty.

I toed off my shoes, then sprawled on the bed, grateful to be off my sore feet.

“Mind if I join you?” Eric asked as he put his wallet and a handful of change on the nightstand.

“Long as you keep your expectations low.”

He laughed and gingerly eased himself down next to me. “Yeah, I’ll be lucky if I stay awake, so don’t worry.”

“Good.” I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and kissed his temple as he cuddled up next to me. Sex definitely wasn’t on the table tonight, but that was fine by me. The alcohol alone had left me sluggish and relaxed; I didn’t imagine I was physically capable of getting a hard-on, never mind doing anything with it.

Sore body notwithstanding, though, I loved this—just lounging in bed, fully clothed, with Eric’s head resting on my shoulder. It was the perfect way to spend a lazy evening, and damn it, I hated that I couldn’t fully enjoy it because I knew it would only last so long. We only had a few more nights together.

Sighing, I drew him closer and kissed his forehead. I so wanted to know what it was like to be with him when there wasn’t a ticking clock in the background. When I wasn’t dreading that email from the airline telling me it was time to check in for my flight.

But this was what we had, and I was damn sure going to enjoy it for as long as I could.

“Thank you again,” I whispered. “For bringing me along. This has been amazing.”

“Thanks for coming.” He smiled up at me. “Rome and Pompeii wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun alone.”

“And Des Moines wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun as any of this.”

“Same with Seattle. I love the city, but it’s not Rome, that’s for sure.”

I shifted a little so we were looking at each other. “Did you travel much before this?”

“Not recently, no.” He smoothed my hair. “What about you?”

“Not outside the U.S.”

“What about in it?”

“Oh yeah. My parents used to rent an RV during the summer and take us to national parks all over the country. Yellowstone. All the canyons. Places like that.”

Eric sighed. “I never did make it to Yellowstone or the Grand Canyon.”

“Yellowstone was really cool. Some places, I don’t remember very well. We went to the Grand Canyon when I was six, and all I really remember is being hot, thirsty, and tired of walking.”

Eric laughed. “So, kind of like today?”

“Well, Pompeii is a lot flatter, which helped. And I also knew what I was looking at. To a six-year-old, the Grand Canyon is just a lot of rocks.” I paused. “And chipmunks.”

“Chipmunks?”

“Yeah. They were everywhere. Me and my brother kept trying to get them to come up to us, and my mom was freaking out that we’d get bitten.”

Eric inclined his head. “Did you?”

I snorted. “Am I that easy to read?”

He chuckled, sliding his hand up the middle of my chest. “You just seem like the type who won’t believe something could bite you until it does.”

“Hmm, yeah. That does sound like me.”

“So what happened? Did it actually break the skin or what?”

“Yeah, it took a little chunk out of my finger.” I laughed, shaking my head at the memory. “My mom wigged out and wanted me to go to the ER because she was convinced I had rabies, but the park ranger and my dad both talked her down.” I smirked. “Probably wasn’t smart of me and my brother to prank her with a tablet of Alka-Seltzer.”

“Alka—” Eric laughed. “Oh my God. You didn’t.”

“Yeah, I did. And when your mom is already freaking out that you might have rabies, and you suddenly start foaming at the mouth?” I grimaced. “Me and my brother were pretty much in trouble for the rest of the trip. Especially since she knew he was the one who’d put me up to it, since, I mean, how many six-year-olds do you know who’d think of something like that?”

“No kidding. I don’t think I even knew rabies meant foaming at the mouth at that age. Or that Alka-Seltzer would do it. How old was your brother?”

“He has five years on me, so he would’ve been about eleven.”

“Devious little shit, isn’t he?”

“You have no idea.”

“Oh, I do.” Eric chuckled. “My siblings and I did shit like that too. All the time.”

“Yeah? Do tell.”

He gazed up at the ceiling, eyes unfocused. “Well, our parents stopped letting us buy fireworks for the Fourth of July because we started using the warning labels to get ideas.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean my brother read the warning on a Roman candle, and it said not to hold it in your hand or point it at other people.” He laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “And that was the beginning of neighborhood Roman candle fights.”

I burst out laughing. “You’re joking.”

“Nope. My sister still has a scar on her back from when my brother’s Roman candle set her shirt on fire.” He grimaced. “We were all grounded for the rest of the summer after that. Including her.”

“She got grounded for getting burned?”

“No, she got grounded for shooting me with her Roman candle right before he got her.”

“Jesus. You guys sound like a pack of hellions.”

“Says the guy who faked rabies after getting bitten by a chipmunk.”

“Touché.”

We both laughed, and he cuddled against me for a moment. Then he winced and sat up with a groan. “Fuck, my back is killing me. I’m going to grab another shower. See if that loosens up some of these muscles.”

“Good luck with that.”

“Worth a shot.” He twisted around and leaned down for a kiss. “I’d ask you to join me, but it won’t be very exciting.”

“It’s okay. Joining you would require standing up. And… no.”

He gave a little grunt of agreement, kissed me again, and sat up again, swearing under his breath. “Fuck my life.”

I watched him shuffle gingerly across the room to the bathroom, and I cringed with sympathy. I dreaded the moment when I finally had to move, never mind put weight on my poor tender feet.

While he showered in the other room, I leaned over the side of the bed and picked up my backpack, which was about all the bending, lifting, and moving I was capable of. While Eric showered, I pulled up my laptop and checked my email. To my surprise, I had a couple more nibbles from some job applications I’d sent out. They wanted to talk about interviewing me as soon as possible. Holy shit—there was actually hope of getting a job in the near future?

I should have been relieved and excited.

But I wasn’t.

Especially because I’d bombed my last interview. And because one of those nibbles was for a gig in Seattle.

Gnawing my lip, I gazed at the bathroom door and imagined the man currently in the shower. Getting a job wasn’t optional. I knew that. I knew that the longer I took to find a job, the harder it was going to be, and my financial reserves wouldn’t last forever. Not even if I moved back in with my parents, which was looking likely if I didn’t nail something down fast.

But taking a job felt… permanent. Like I was either lashing myself to Des Moines and snuffing out any chance I had with Eric, or I was making a declaration about our relationship by relocating to Seattle, which could ruin what I had with Eric.

Fuck. This thing with Eric was too new to even be a factor in my job hunt. And anyway, long-distance relationships were daunting but not impossible. It wasn’t like we’d been seeing each other long enough to think about things like moving to the same city. Not even if a solid job offer came from that city. Not even if a solid job offer was the only way we’d ever end up in the same city, because if things got serious and we decided to live closer together, I was kidding myself if I thought he’d be the one to pick up and come to Iowa. I could change jobs relatively easily. He had a business in Seattle. I had… choices.

Shifting my gaze back to my email, I tried to ignore the knot in the pit of my stomach. What if I made the wrong choice? What if I took a job in Iowa, and then Eric lost interest because the long-distance thing was too much? What if I took a job in Seattle, and then Eric felt too suffocated or rushed or crowded because I was too close too soon?

The shower shut off. My heart rate shot up. I was tempted to put the computer away, but damn, I really needed to reply to each of these emails. They were potential leads for employment, which I desperately needed.

They also felt like minefields. Damn it, why was this so complicated?

The reason it was so complicated stepped out of the bathroom a moment later wearing a pair of gym shorts. He was scrubbing at his wet, tousled hair with a towel, and paused when he looked at me. “What’s wrong?”

“Hmm? Oh. Nothing. Nothing.” I shook my head, gaze drifting to the three unanswered emails in my inbox. “Just…”

Eric came closer and lowered the towel. “You were totally relaxed and smiling when I left, and now you’re tense. What’s up?”

I let my gaze flick toward the computer screen, and my stomach tightened even more.

He sat beside me and took my hand. “Talk to me.”

“I…” I swallowed, staring down at our hands. “I got three emails about job applications. Two in Des Moines and, um, one in Seattle.”

His fingers twitched almost imperceptibly. “Oh. That’s good, right? They’re interested?”

I nodded.

“So… what’s wrong?”

I exhaled. “I guess I’m worried that every option I have when it comes to looking at jobs means making a decision about us.”

Eric said nothing, but he didn’t pull away either.

“Whether I take a job in Iowa or Seattle or… hell, I don’t know. Phoenix or something…” I turned to him. “I don’t want that to be the end of… you know. This.”

He swept his tongue across his lips. “I don’t want that to be the end of this either. I didn’t come on this trip looking for anything that I’d want to take home, but…” His forehead creased as he looked at me through his lashes. “I like this. I like us.”

“Me too.” My heart beat faster as I held his gaze. “So I guess I’m trying to figure out what to do. With…” I motioned at my laptop.

Eric looked in the same direction and chewed the inside of his cheek for a long moment before he turned to me again. Resting his hand on top of mine, he said, “Maybe we’re putting the cart before the horse here. You’ve got a few nibbles, but have any of them made you an actual offer yet?”

I shook my head. “No, and the last interview was a bust.”

“So, I’d say do the interviews and see what happens. Keep all your options open right now, and when an offer comes down the pipe…”

“Cross that bridge when we get to it?”

“Yeah.” He squeezed my hand. “The most important thing right now is for you to find a job and get back on your feet. After that, we’ll figure us out.”

I searched his eyes. But what if the job I take sways our decision about us somehow? What if… fuck, there were so many what-ifs. It was like a Choose Your Own Adventure story, except the romance in the story was the romance in real life, and if I turned to the wrong page, I might not like the result. And I wouldn’t be able to flip back and try again.

He was right, though. There was no point in sweating about the three prospective employers waiting for me to respond because for all I knew, I wouldn’t get past the initial interview anyway. It was entirely possible the firm in Seattle had sent me that email, and two seconds later received a résumé from their dream employee, at which point they gave that person the job and forgot they ever contacted me. Until there was actually a job offer on the table, I was worrying about nothing.

“Okay,” I said. “Let me shoot them each a quick email, and then maybe we can call it a night.”

Eric smiled and pressed a soft kiss to my lips. “Sounds like a plan.”

He went back into the bathroom to continue getting ready for bed, and I sighed as I rubbed my tired eyes. Okay. Okay. I’d send them emails. I’d see what happened. Maybe I’d interview, maybe I wouldn’t. Maybe I’d get offers, maybe I wouldn’t. Beyond responding to the emails right now, everything was out of my hands, and there was no point in worrying.

But I had a feeling that wouldn’t stop me.