Chapter 17

Andrew

 

“Hey.” Eric gave my shoe a nudge under the table. “Still with me?”

I shook myself, not sure how long I’d been lost in thought. We were sitting in the pub down the street from our hotel, sharing a plate of those awesome barbecue chicken nachos while we perused the lunch menu. They tasted amazing, but my mind was a million miles away.

“I, um…” I cleared my throat. “So, you know earlier, when I was looking at jobs?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, I left the location open again. So they’d come up anywhere.”

Eric nodded, but didn’t speak.

“And… there were a few that looked promising. Good pay. Solid companies.” I thumbed the edge of the menu I’d been ignoring. “They’re in Seattle.”

Another nod. “You had a callback from one in Seattle too, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. I just…” I picked at the nachos, suddenly not sure if I was hungry at all. “I mean, is it weird? Me applying for jobs in your city?”

Eric lowered his gaze, and his lips twisted slightly like he was giving it some serious thought, and he stayed that way for a long moment. Long enough I thought I might have my answer. “If you were only applying in Seattle, that might make me a bit nervous. But you’re not. You’re casting your net wide and not holding yourself to one place.” He shrugged tightly. “In this market, especially when you don’t have to stay in Des Moines, that just seems prudent.”

“True. But…” I didn’t even know how to phrase the question.

“Andrew.” He leaned closer and touched my arm. “I’m not going to tell you where you can and can’t apply for jobs.”

“No, but…” I hesitated again. “Well, I guess I’m wondering, job search aside, what happens when we go back the States?”

Eric swallowed. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…” I gestured at him, then me. “Do we…” Fuck, how did I even word it without sounding like a clingy idiot? “Is this over when our vacation is?” Yeah that probably wasn’t the best way to phrase it. Could I have sounded a little more pathetic and desperate?

The question was out, though, and there was nothing to do but wait for a response.

Eric stared down at his menu for a long moment before he took a deep breath and met my gaze. “Look, I love what we’re doing. I do. But I’m also coming off a long relationship that didn’t end well. So I don’t know how much I can really offer, you know? I don’t want to keep stringing you along, but at the same time, I don’t want to stop doing this. I just… can’t say for sure where it’ll go, if that makes sense. It’s too early in the game.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I get that. I just don’t want us to turn into Facebook strangers, you know? Where there’s nothing after this except occasionally liking each other’s statuses or saying happy birthday.”

A small smile formed on his lips, and he squeezed my arm. Shit, had his hand been there this whole time? The smile grew a bit. “I don’t think we’ll turn into anything like that. We’ll just have to play it by ear and see how things work out.”

“Okay. I can live with that.” I managed to smile too, though it was harder than it should have been. “I guess I’m just not ready for this part to be over.”

“Yeah,” he whispered. “I’m not either. I’m ready to go home and sleep in my own bed, but…”

We locked eyes. Neither of us had to finish the thought. He was right—it was definitely time to go home.

I just couldn’t shake this feeling that I was already there.

 

***

 

It seemed appropriate to visit Trevi Fountain on our last night in Rome. Legend had it if you threw a coin over your left shoulder into the fountain, it meant you’d come back to Rome someday, so it struck me as almost poetic to make this our final stop.

A cab dropped us off at the end of what looked like an alley. The driver gestured down it. “Trevi Fountain.”

We paid him, got out, and headed down the alley, which actually turned out to be a narrow street lined with souvenir shops. None of them seemed to be offering anything we hadn’t seen displayed in dozens of others, so we didn’t stop.

At the end of the road-slash-alley was a small square surrounded on three sides by more shops. And along one side was Trevi Fountain.

I gaped at the sight of it. I’d expected Trevi Fountain to be like all the other fountains we’d seen so far—a sculpture or statue in the middle of a small pool. Maybe a few tourists stopping for pictures while everyone else rushed by because yeah, yeah, yeah, another fucking fountain.

That was not the reality of Trevi Fountain.

It had to be at least sixty feet across, maybe a little more. Larger than life white statues of horses and men—gods, probably—stood along a two-story marble façade of a building I couldn’t identify. Water poured down around them and over the huge rocks at their feet and into a bright turquoise pool.

The crowd around the fountain was easily as dense as the one around the Colosseum, just packed into a much smaller space. Along the fringes were souvenir vendors, beggars, and those guys dressed as gladiators trying to scam people into paying way too much money for photos, and at least one souvenir booth was right in the middle of the fray.

From the top of the steps of a church on the other side of the small square, we were able to see the fountain well enough to grab some pictures.

Eric lowered his camera. “So we’re supposed to throw a coin in, right?”

“Yeah,” I said. “You’re supposed to throw one coin over your left shoulder into the fountain, and that means you’ll come back to Rome someday.”

“Seems straightforward enough.” He eyed the crowd, then turned to me. “You want to brave all that to get down to the edge?”

“Why not?”

“YOLO.” He shrugged, and we descended the church steps and ventured into the throngs of people.

Despite the masses, it was surprisingly easy to get down to the fountain’s edge. Though the crowd was thick, everyone seemed to be either on their way down or on their way back up, so as long as we patiently went with the flow, we eventually made our way to the edge.

When we got there, we each fished a coin out of our pockets. Mine was fifty euro cents; I didn’t see his.

He stood at the edge first, made a goofy pose as if he were throwing the coin, and after I’d taken a picture, he actually tossed it. It arced out into the middle of the fountain and joined everyone else’s with a soundless splash.

Then we switched. I stood by the edge, and Eric took a few steps back so he could get a picture. I glanced at the coin between my fingers, then the man waiting to snap my picture with his phone.

I want to come back to Rome with you someday.

And with that, I tossed the coin over my left shoulder.

People were still vying to get to the edge, so we moved out of the way, and once we’d made some room, we turned back just to look at the fountain. The statues were amazing—detailed and precise, so lifelike, from what I guessed was Poseidon to the giant seahorses. There were some lights unobtrusively arranged to illuminate the statues once the sun went down, and I kind of wanted to stick around and see what it all looked like at night.

Or maybe I just didn’t want to leave. Screw coming back to Rome—I didn’t want to go. Because leaving Rome meant leaving Eric. Damn it.

Using the thick crowd as cover, I slid my hand into Eric’s. He glanced at our hands, then at me, and smiled as he closed his fingers between mine. He didn’t pull away, though. Just like he had on our night tour, he let me take his hand and neither of us shied away from people knowing we were a couple.

Abruptly, though, he jerked his hand away and spun around. “Hey!”

I turned just in time to see someone in a dark T-shirt slipping into the crowd. In seconds, he’d completely vanished—there was no way I’d ever be able to pick him out.

“Stupid fucking pickpockets.” Eric grumbled as he patted his pockets. “Good thing my wallet was in the pocket closest to you. I don’t think he got any—” A look of horror crossed his face. Then he swore. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Alarm raised the hair on my neck. “What?”

Eric rolled his eyes and gave the sky a really? look before facing me again. “Son of a bitch got my sunglasses.”

“Your—you mean, the ones you bought in Gibraltar?”

He nodded.

“After the monkey stole your Oakley’s?”

Eric sighed heavily. “Yes.”

I snorted before I could stop myself and clapped my hand over my mouth.

He tried to glare at me, but the corner of his mouth twitched, which did nothing to help me suppress my laughter. Finally, he laughed too, shaking his head. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders, and he let himself be reeled in.

When I could finally speak, I asked, “Do you always have bad luck with sunglasses?”

“Not until this trip, no.” He scowled after the pickpocket, then shook his head and laughed. “Guess I’m buying a new pair when I get home.”

“Guess you are.”

He met my eyes, and we both chuckled, and I wondered if he knew how much his smile made me warm all over. If he knew how much it was driving me insane to know that we were down to a few hours. That he’d be able to buy that new pair of sunglasses at home a lot sooner than I wanted to think about.

My humor faded, and I swallowed hard. We both know this was it and there was no way around it this time. A long-distance relationship was a possibility, but in practice… I wasn’t so sure. Eric had just taken a full month off work. He could only take off so much more time after this. I still didn’t have a job, and my reserves were getting low. Definitely too low to travel back and forth between Iowa and Washington. Plus, once I started a new job, I wouldn’t have vacation time for a while.

So yeah, we could do this, but I didn’t have any illusions it would last. And if it wouldn’t last, then what was the point?

Eric sobered. Tilting his head, he rested his hand on my waist. “What’s wrong?”

The fact that we’re taking off to different places tomorrow and there’s nothing I can do to change it.

His fingers pressed into my side as if to remind me he was touching me. Not that there was any chance of me forgetting about the warmth of his palm through my shirt. “Andrew? Talk to me.”

“I…” Well, shit. With time winding down as fast as it was, I was running out of opportunities to be honest with him and give him the whole truth. I didn’t have much to lose at this point either because after tomorrow, I wouldn’t have him next to me when I woke up each morning. So why the hell not? Finally, struggling to hold his gaze, I whispered, “I love you, Eric.”

He stiffened, eyes widening.

“I know it’s soon,” I said just as softly. “But everything has happened pretty fast since I met you, and I can’t help it.” I half-shrugged almost apologetically. “I love you.”

He didn’t speak. He didn’t look away from me, but he didn’t speak, which meant he also didn’t reciprocate. Somehow I wasn’t all that surprised. I had my answer. I was in deeper than he was. I’d dropped the L-bomb after a month-long vacation fling right before we headed back to our normal lives in different states, and he hadn’t said it back.

I tried not to feel too rejected. Yeah, it stung, but it was more of a reality check than anything. This was a month-long vacation fling. We were headed back to our normal lives in different states. He hadn’t said I love you back. It was reality whether I liked it or not.

I cleared my throat. “We should probably head back to the hotel. We need to get packed.”

Eric nodded, avoiding my gaze. “Yeah. Good idea.”

We exchanged glances. Then we both looked at the fountain.

And I wondered if I’d ever make it back to Rome after all.

 

***

 

Neither of us said much while we packed our suitcases. In fact, the room would have been completely silent if not for the rustle of clothing and the sounds of zippers being closed.

I wasn’t usually very methodical about packing on a return trip. I made sure any fragile souvenirs—not to mention my camera—were carefully padded, but everything else? Meh. I was just going to toss it all in the laundry when I got home, so why bother making sure stuff didn’t get wrinkled?

Tonight, everything was folded carefully and neatly. Not because I cared how my luggage looked when I got home, but because it was something to do. Something to occupy my hands and my brain besides how soon I was going to be saying goodbye to Eric.

Except I only had so much luggage, and in no time, I was finished packing. So was he. We’d each left out clothes for tomorrow, along with toiletry kits, but everything else was packed, and our suitcases were lined up neatly by the door.

We faced each other, and my heart simultaneously raced and sank. I couldn’t help getting that fluttery feeling whenever I looked at him, but the sinking one wasn’t going anywhere either.

This is going to be over. After tomorrow, that’s it. We both know it.

Eric pushed his shoulders back and looked in my eyes. “So, I guess we’re ready. All we have to do in the morning is call a cab.”

As if it were really that easy.

“Yeah. I guess so.”

We stared at each other in uneasy silence.

Why do I feel like I blew it by telling you I love you?

He spoke first again, this time after taking a deep breath. “Look, um, I want you to know I’m really glad I met you on the cruise.” He smiled, faintly but sincerely. “And that you came with me to Rome.”

Why does this sound like a thanks but no thanks after a job interview?

I kept that to myself, though. “Me too. And we’ll keep in touch, right?”

“Of course.” Eric’s smile broadened, and he came a little closer and took my hand. “We were planning to before you decided to join me in Rome, remember?”

But that was before I said way too much.

Silent, I nodded.

Eric reached up and cradled my neck in both hands. Without a word, he drew me in, and my knees almost shook out from under me because it was one of those long, languid kisses that had had me hooked on him since day one. Tender and gentle, but also hot, promising a hell of a lot more than a kiss once we made it to bed. Not right this second, though. For now, it was a kiss, and that was all it was, and God, it was perfect.

After a moment, he drew back and looked in my eyes. There were a lot of things in his gaze, but apathy and indifference weren’t among them. Maybe he hadn’t told me he loved me at the fountain, but if I was reading him right, he wasn’t looking forward to tomorrow any more than I was.

So why didn’t that make me feel any better about anything?

I muffled a cough and broke eye contact. “Do you think we should call it an early night? Since we have to be up?”

“Maybe,” he whispered. “But I was planning to sleep on the plane tomorrow.”

I looked at him then, and my mouth went dry. “Were you?”

“Yeah.” He ran his fingers through my hair and moved in close so his body pressed against mine. “The longer we stay up tonight, the more tired we’ll be.”

I swallowed, wrapping an arm around his waist. “So what do you think we should do to keep ourselves from falling asleep?”

He grinned. Then I grinned.

And without another word, I kissed him.

Maybe I couldn’t have him after tomorrow. Maybe the last month was all we’d ever have.

But we still had tonight.

And I didn’t see either of us sleeping any time soon.