Chapter 18
Hernán woke abruptly in his darkened room with the sense he’d shouted. Sheets twisted around his waist, the Henley and flannel pants he slept in were soaked with sweat, and his skin was clammy and cold. He didn’t know why.
A dream. It had to have been.
Vague recollection settled in. Lonnie again, like always, coming closer and closer. There had been a locked door, right? He had been very afraid, and terribly alone.
He closed his eyes and tried to recall the rest. Like pressing his tongue against a sore tooth, he didn’t want to remember but couldn’t help trying.
A gentle rap on the open door to his room startled him. Colin stood in the hallway, respectfully keeping his distance. “Hernán? Are you all right? I heard you shout something.” The concern in his voice reached into Hernán’s quivering heart, and brought with it calm.
“You can come in,” he said softly. Both had spoken in low tones, even with no one else in the apartment to disturb.
Colin padded toward the bed, his bare feet rasping quietly on the carpet. Even two weeks before, Hernán had lain sleepless for fear he would hear that sound, but tonight it meant someone cared.
In the dim light Hernán could tell Colin wore sleep pants and a T-shirt. He shifted up in the bed until he was propped by the pillows, and he untangled the sheets and blanket as best he could. Colin sank cautiously onto the edge of the bed, as if afraid to get too close. One hand began to reach for Hernán but then pulled back abruptly.
Hernán took the wandering hand and twined his fingers through it. Colin squeezed back.
“I’m fine. Just a bad dream,” Hernán said.
“Do you want to talk about it? Sometimes that helps.”
“I really don’t even remember what it was about. It was probably nothing.”
Colin let it go, but he raised Hernán’s hand and kissed his knuckles. It was such a casual gesture that Colin no doubt thought nothing of it. Hernán, though… He recalled his grandmother rapping his hand over and over with a hot spoon. The brush of Colin’s lips against his knuckles suddenly felt more real to him than the remembered cruelty. Softer, kinder, more…
Colin said, “Okay. Let me know if you need anything.” He began to rise but Hernán held onto his hand tightly. His heart fluttered again, but for a different reason than his fading nightmare. It wasn’t fear, but anticipation.
“Stay,” he said softly. When Colin hesitated, Hernán moved over on the bed to make room. With his free hand, he threw back the blanket and sheet. Colin made a pleased little sound that brought a smile to Hernán’s face. He hesitated for a moment longer, and then climbed into the bed.
They lay facing each other in the darkened room, still joined by one hand. “I’m sorry I woke you up,” Hernán whispered.
“Don’t be sorry,” Colin answered. Cautiously he leaned forward to give Hernán a chaste kiss on the lips.
The kind warmth Colin offered was exactly what he’d craved. After their explorations the week before, and the intimacy of the shower, he hadn’t been sure what to make of Colin not asking him to share his bed.
Rationally, he supposed it was Colin’s way to avoid pressuring him, and for that he was grateful. They’d hugged often in the days after, and even made out like teenagers lying on the sofa. When Hernán felt Colin’s hardness through his clothes, he no longer shied away. He replayed their night together often when he was alone, grasping his dick as he remembered the feel of Colin’s hands on him. Yet they had not been so intimate again in reality.
The raw, exposed part of him, though—the part that had relived his most horrific memories not only in front of Colin but a stranger as well—wanted more. He needed to be wrapped up and sheltered and comforted, but he was incapable of asking. Instead he just hoped irrationally Colin could divine his distress.
Shyness might have defeated Colin the week before, but he came immediately when Hernán needed him. His presence began to make Hernán relax, but the clamminess of his pajamas was embarrassing. It would keep him from falling asleep.
“Hold on,” he muttered, and then jumped out of bed for a moment. He yanked off his shirt and his pants, but hesitated in the slight chill of the apartment. Put on another set of clothes? he wondered. Nerves twanged in his chest.
Or lie there exposed, like a slut for the taking… His grandmother’s mocking voice in his head nearly made him scramble for the clothes chest.
Then he saw Colin’s eyes shining in a small sliver of light. Admiration, longing and desire danced there, but none of the arrogant possessiveness with which Lonnie had glared at him. They had already seen each other naked. Colin had respected his limitations and hadn’t pressured Hernán for more than he could give.
He suddenly ached to feel Colin’s skin against his own all over again, and with that he forced away the hateful voice of a hard, old woman.
I will do this. I’m strong enough.
He climbed back into bed naked and tugged on the hem of Colin’s t-shirt. Colin nodded and shucked his pajamas, tossing them into the corner of the room and waiting to follow Hernán’s lead. Hernán rolled over to face the same direction as Colin and shimmied until the length of Colin’s body pressed along his back and legs.
Colin’s arm came over his body and under his arm to hold him around the waist, loosely enough Hernán didn’t feel trapped, securely enough he felt safe.
The remaining tension drained from his body and he sighed contentedly. Colin kissed the back of his head and settled down himself. In moments Hernán fell asleep again, and that time it was dreamless.
When he woke a few hours later, the warmth against his nude back and the weight of an arm on his chest were momentarily alarming. He stiffened in fear until he heard a soft snuffle. Colin. There was no reason he should recognize that sleep sound, yet he did.
Hernán also realized two more things: he badly needed to pee, and he was rock hard. A slight, exploratory twitch of his hips against Colin’s sleeping body disclosed he wasn’t alone in the morning wood dilemma.
Consternation made his muscles tense. He’d never been in such a situation before, and he cursed himself as an idiot for sleeping naked. What had he been thinking? He didn’t want to lead Colin on. God knew the pleasure of a warm body wrapped with his gave him the most peaceful night he could recall in a year but… What would Colin think of him? Would he expect Hernán to go all the way? And if he didn’t, would he think Hernán was just a cruel tease?
The insistent pressures on his bladder and on his brain warred. “Hernán, relax,” he heard Colin mutter sleepily into his ear. “I don’t expect anything.”
How did he know what was bothering me?
“I, uh, I kind of have to pee.”
Colin kissed his hair and muttered, “Go pee then. Imma sleep some more.” And he was out again.
Hernán envied his easy slumber, as he climbed gingerly out of the bed. What kind of privileged life did it take for a man to enjoy such untroubled rest?
Crossing the hall to his bathroom, he stood over the bowl. He had to press down on his hard dick to angle it properly. Normally a good piss was enough to relieve his erection in the morning, but he remained conscious there was a man in his bed. In Colin’s spare bed? In the bed he was using? With a snort of disgust at himself, he flushed and then washed his hands quickly.
A glance in the mirror surprised him. His eyes were brighter than normal; the dark circles greeting him were less pronounced. And was that a smirk?
“Do it, Hernán,” he said sternly to his reflection.
After what Colin had said about Brandon and his crush on Hernán, the way they’d been together the week before, his respect in the nights after… He realized he’d already known. Colin had shown him every day since they met how important Hernán was to him. Once he’d let go of his lingering jealousy for Brandon, it seemed obvious.
“Colin thinks he’s in love with you,” the man in the mirror told him. “Show him how you feel.”
His stomach churned and his balls tightened. He wasn’t sure whether the reaction was fear, or the memory of spying on Rudy as he moved in the near-dark with some random partner, both moaning softly with pleasure. Mirror-Hernán was having no part of his confusion. “No one is taking anything. If you give it freely, it’s still yours.”
He rinsed out his mouth, splashed water in his face, and tried to regulate his breathing. “Okay, okay, okay,” he chanted quietly.
After turning off the light he returned to the bedroom. Colin lay askew, blanket up almost to his nose, hair sticking out in every direction. He gave the slightest snore and Hernán’s heart turned over. The adorably awkward man currently sleeping in his bed was prepared to do anything in his power for Hernán. So Hernán had to be brave as well.
He slid back under the blanket, took a deep breath, and shifted over until he found Colin’s warm body. His shins fit against Colin’s calves. His thighs touched the back of Colin’s legs. His chest met the middle of Colin’s ribcage, and his belly fitted into the small of Colin’s back, right where it curved down to the top of his ass.
Colin gave out the sweetest, most contended sigh Hernán had ever heard, and practically melted back against Hernán’s body.
The last place they were separated vanished as Colin’s butt pressed against Hernán’s groin. His dick, which had never gone down completely despite the piss, surged to life. It involuntarily flexed along the warm crevice between Colin’s cheeks.
The snoring stopped entirely and Hernán felt the tension rise beneath Colin’s skin. Now. Show him. He wrapped his arm around Colin’s chest and pressed lips to the spikes of hair standing up from his scalp, and then he rocked his hips so his cock slid along the smooth flesh of Colin’s ass.
Colin clutched Hernán’s arm enclosing him and released a shuddering breath. He pressed back until Hernán’s hard shaft nestled securely against him. Without turning his head, Colin said in a husky voice, “Whatever you want, Nán. I swear. Anything.”
Hernán slid his arm down over Colin’s tight stomach and found his hard shaft, already damp at the tip when his fingers traced lightly around the head of it. The sensation of Colin’s dick in his palm, the heat and weight and smoothness of it, fired something in Hernán’s belly. Something like desire. No, more than that. A burning need rose in Hernán’s chest, to connect with Colin as he’d never wanted with any other person.
“I’d like…” He paused, licked his lips and tried again. “Colin, may I make love to you?”
Colin rolled over abruptly to face him. His eyes were bright and shiny and his cheeks were pink as he held Hernán’s gaze. He nodded and then clutched Hernán’s hand in his as they kissed. Hernán let himself become more aggressive, using his tongue to nudge open Colin’s mouth before he plunged in.
It was nothing like the terrible room with Lonnie, where every shred of his dignity was ripped away by a cruel, grasping man. Instead, it was shared pleasure. Colin offered everything but demanded nothing.
With each stroke of his hand, with each thrust of cock against cock, Hernán let himself yield and take in equal measure. So much fire burned between their tongues, their lips, their clasped hands, that Hernán whimpered. Tears formed in the corner of his eyes.
He broke off and bent his neck to control his emotions, until Colin’s lips pressed against his forehead. Suddenly Rudy’s chatter about his favorite lube or brand of condoms ghosted through his head.
“Do you have…stuff?” he asked Colin shyly, hearing the eagerness and embarrassment at war in his tone.
Colin kissed his hair and said, “I’ll be right back.” He hurried away to his own room and returned in moments with a small box of condoms and a black plastic tube. Tossing them onto the bedside table, he climbed under the blanket and pulled Hernán to him.
They kissed more and Hernán stroked along Colin’s back, his neck, down his arms with increasingly sure hands while their erections rubbed against each other.
Colin broke away to meet Hernán’s eye. Hesitantly, he asked, “Have you done this before?” Hernán bit his lower lip and shook his head slightly. “Is it okay if I show you what I need?”
Hernán whispered, “Teach me. Please.”
On his back again, Colin retrieved the black tube, popped it open, and then drizzled clear liquid into Hernán’s palm and over his fingertips. “You’re really thick, and I haven’t done this in a long time. It’ll feel better if you use your fingers to, um, help me open up.”
Light dawned. “You want me to put my fingers in your ass?” he asked. Colin blushed as he nodded. Hernán said softly, “I’m sorry if that’s crude. I don’t know how else to ask.”
They shifted around until Hernán could easily reach between Colin’s legs, one raised and bent. He ran his slick palm over Colin’s hard shaft, down to his silky-smooth scrotum, along the taut skin between his legs, and then up along his crease. He found the pucker and immediately began to circle that little furled muscle with the pads of two fingers.
Colin moaned slightly and pressed back against his hand. His eyes grew fevered and he lunged to capture Hernán’s mouth just as Hernán pressed inward with the tip of his index finger. The heat fascinated him, as did the way Colin began to rut.
A part of my body is inside his. The revelation of how soft and warm Colin felt around his finger made his erection iron-hard. Soon he would be encased in that warmth. The yearning in his belly, the dryness in his mouth, made it difficult to wait, though the way Colin gripped his finger made him wonder how he would ever fit inside.
“Slide it in and out,” Colin said breathlessly, and he clenched around the intrusion. His lean body, naked and smooth on the white sheets, writhed and shuddered. His blue eyes caught a glimmer of light, flashing sapphire as he gazed up adoringly. Hernán had never seen anyone more handsome.
Hernán claimed a kiss as he began to piston his finger, each time going slightly deeper, until Colin gasped and pressed their bodies together. “Two now,” he instructed hoarsely, but Hernán was getting the hang of it. He felt Colin relaxing, taking more and more of him inside. He pulled out, waited for Colin’s small noise of protest, and then slid back into Colin’s hole.
Colin grasped Hernán’s dick and just held it in his fist while Hernán began to fuck digits more quickly in and out of his ass. Since he was supposed to be stretching Colin, he spread his fingers and pressed outward against the ring of muscle, coaxing it to open further and further.
Colin mewled and pushed back until Hernán’s fingers were so far inside that Colin’s sac rested against his palm. Unbidden, he pulled out long enough to roll and tug on Colin’s balls, and then plunged three fingers up Colin’s ass.
“Move them around,” Colin moaned. “You’re right there at my prostate.”
Hernán curled his fingers over a spot inside that felt different, and Colin shivered as he rhythmically pulsed his grip on Hernán’s dick in his hand. The sensation of being milked was exotic, novel and the best thing Hernán had ever felt down there. He whispered, “Careful, or this will be over too soon.”
With a small groan of protest, Colin relaxed his grip but his eyes on Hernán’s were fierce. “I’m ready, Nán. I need you inside me.”
Hernán disengaged his fingers so Colin could retrieve the condoms. He pulled one out of the almost-full carton. Hernán didn’t know whether that meant it was a new box, or Colin didn’t have much call to use them up. Selfishly, he hoped for the latter.
Colin tore open the foil, extracted the rubber ring, and rolled it down Hernán’s shaft. He squeezed hard around the root of Hernán’s fully-sheathed erection. “This is going inside me,” he panted. “I want to see your face as you slide it up my ass.”
The eagerness and passion in Colin’s voice were exhilarating. The shy young man, uncertain of himself and of how fast to drive Hernán, had become one who knew what he wanted and asked for it. Hernán found he liked that Colin every bit as much as the version who rapped politely on his door.
He drew strength and heat from the more elemental Colin, flexing his dick in the man’s grasp as he said in a low voice, “Show it to me, bello. Show me where my dick’s going to go.” He didn’t know where the sexy talk was coming from, but it was clear Colin liked it.
With a sharp inhalation of breath, Colin threw off the remaining covers, rolled onto his back and put his hands under his legs to pull them up. Hernán shifted around on his knees until he was between Colin’s thighs, staring intently at the asshole on display for him. He ran a lubed finger around the puffy edge of it and met Colin’s eyes.
“Is this where you want me to put my cock?” he asked in an innocent voice.
Colin groaned. “Goddammit, Nán. Quit teasing and just fuck me.”
He huffed a soft laugh though his heart was pounding with excitement. Uncertain of whether more lubricant was needed, he retrieved the black tube and drizzled more of the silky liquid along his sheathed length. Positioning the shiny, encased head of it right at Colin’s opening, he moved his hips slightly. He began to press against the rim and retreat, before coming forward to press again in a slightly different spot.
He kept it up for another minute until Colin gasped out, “You’re driving me crazy. Are you sure you’ve never done this before?”
Hernán stilled and waited until Colin’s eyes met his. Serious again, he said, “You are the first man I’ve kissed. The first man I’ve stroked. And…” his breath hitched as the head of his cock parted the lips of Colin’s ass and slid into warmth, “you are now the first man I’ve fucked.”
Colin threw his head against his pillow and gasped, which Hernán took as an invitation. He pressed his hips forward, slowly and steadily. The sense of sliding down into Colin’s body, of being gripped all along his length, of Colin’s thighs cradling him as he reached his full depth, was stunning. Life-changing.
Ignorant jokes he’d heard all his life hadn’t prepared him for the sensation, the beauty, of joining his body with another man. He and Colin were as close as two people could possibly be. His orgasm was right there, waiting to be triggered, but he didn’t want anything to ever bring this union to an end.
He trembled when his balls came to rest against Colin’s ass. Colin’s sac pressing warmly between their bellies, Hernán leaned forward to seek another kiss. He clenched his teeth to try to hold off as the electric thrill in his balls and cock threatened an abrupt climax. He worried he would disgrace himself because stimulation threatened to overwhelm his control.
Colin wrapped his ankles around Hernán’s back as they stayed immobile, mouths locked together but otherwise still. The inner core of him pulsed around Hernán’s buried shaft as Colin moaned against his lips. His body quivered under Hernán’s and rippled along his rectum. Hernán suddenly needed to move, but the way Colin’s arms and legs wrapped around him was so welcoming and secure he didn’t want to disturb them.
Pleasure surged again alarmingly along his length and he was distressed to realize he was even closer to coming, just from being in to his balls. He sank his tongue deeper into Colin’s mouth as he fought for self-control, trying to convey how he felt, the things he wasn’t ready to say but was desperate for Colin to know. His admiration. His friendship.
His love.
Colin gasped and broke the kiss. His eyes squeezed shut and the grimace he made looked almost painful. “So good. Oh god, Nán, I’m sorry, it’s too good, you’re deep in me, I can’t—”
And then his asshole pulsed around Hernán’s cock as he began to spasm in Hernán’s arms. Warm, sticky come splattered against their joined bellies and Colin cried out. The rhythmic pulse along his cock, the mineral smell of Colin’s pleasure, carried him right off the edge too.
Hernán howled as his cock began to throb and shoot endlessly. The ecstasy was different than anything he’d ever felt, better than his hand or Colin’s, and it reverberated in his teeth. He sobbed in joy and in relief.
The spasms began to ease and finally he stilled. The two of them stared at each other, wide-eyed and stunned, until Colin suddenly started to laugh. Hernán joined him a moment later, squirming around so the warm come between them slid and squelched in their navels. That made Colin laugh even harder. He squeezed Hernán with his arms and his thighs.
Hernán’s mirth quieted enough for him to say, “Even I know it wasn’t supposed to be over so quickly. I’m sorry.”
Colin shook his head, but his eyes glinted and his mouth stretched in a huge smile. “Is it premature ejaculation if it happens to both of us?”
For some reason that made Hernán begin to laugh again. He was still hard despite the sense he should be embarrassed by his performance, and he couldn’t resist thrusting playfully into Colin.
“Oh now you’re ready to fuck me,” Colin exclaimed. He dissolved into another fit of giggles. “Well, okay then.”
“At this rate I figure I can do you ten times before breakfast,” Hernán said, and he was gone too, pressing his face into Colin’s neck as they both rocked with laughter.
“Oh my God, I love you,” Colin said on a gust of breath, and then immediately froze. “Um. I mean. Shit.”
Hernán raised his head and met Colin’s eyes. The laughter was gone but he couldn’t leave Colin with that panicked look in his eyes. He nuzzled their noses together. “Shh,” he whispered. “It’s all right. And I knew anyway.”
Colin relaxed marginally in his arms and suddenly Hernán understood he had been wrong earlier. He was ready to say it.
He kissed Colin gently on the lips and then said softly, “Besides, I love you too.”
Colin gasped. His hands shot up to Hernán’s head and held him still. Eyes shimmering, he asked shakily, “You do?”
Hernán nodded and felt his throat tighten. Colin swam in his vision. “I love you. You’re the best man I’ve ever known and I’m very happy we found each other.”
Colin buried his face against Hernán’s neck. His body quaked in Hernán’s arms.
“Oh, don’t cry, sweetheart,” Hernán murmured. “Don’t cry.” Colin just shook his head as he tried to find his voice. Hernán held him until he remembered his dick was still encased inside a very full condom. “Hey, cariño. I think I’m supposed to take this thing off before I go soft.”
They untangled themselves reluctantly, Colin reaching down between his legs to hold the edge of the condom as Hernán pulled free. It drooped with jism and he felt unreasonably proud at the impressed look in Colin’s eye.
“Wow. That’s a load and a half.” Colin’s voice still sounded shaky but he jumped out of bed to dispose of it in the bathroom. He carried back in two towels.
Shyly, Hernán said, “You know, if you’re willing to give me another chance, I think I probably have the hang of it now.”
Colin bent to kiss him. “You got me off doing nothing more than sliding into me. If you actually start fucking, I might die.” He growled and tugged Hernán’s lower lip in his teeth. “But I’m prepared to take that risk.”