Chapter 24
To ease Hernán down from the emotional storm the telephone call had wrought, they walked quietly on the short journey to David and Brandon’s row house on Fifteenth Street. A look of relief gradually suffused Hernán’s gaze while they walked, and he kept Colin’s hand tight in his own.
When they arrived at the house, Hernán ran wide eyes up the three-story brick façade, and made a soft noise of awe. David opened the door at their knock. He gave Colin a one-armed hug and held out a hand to Hernán.
“Great to see you. Come on in.”
As David accepted the bottle of wine they’d brought, Brandon came down the hallway to greet them. He wore cargo shorts, and had eschewed the leg-shaped covering for his prosthesis. The silvery shaft extending from just below his knee sported stickers of a lightning bolt, The Flash, and Sonic the Hedgehog.
Colin belatedly realized that Hernán must’ve only seen his friend sitting down at Veranda that day, because he didn’t seem to know where to look.
In his warm Texan tones, Brandon said, “Hi Hernán. We didn’t really meet in Provincetown but I’ve heard a lot about you.”
Hernán shook his hand, straining not to look down. “Colin has told me a lot about you too,” he said in a strangled voice.
Brandon crooked his head and gave a grin. “I guess he didn’t mention my leg.”
Colin shrugged. “I suppose I didn’t. Honestly, I rarely think about it anymore.”
Brandon laughed. “Neither do I, ’cept when I have to go through airport security.”
David closed the door behind them and gestured for everyone to go into the living room. “Don’t let Brandon fool you. He had a great time freaking out the TSA guys. He stood there at the scanner and said, ‘Oh wait. Forgot something.’ And then he just yanked his leg off right there. I thought the woman behind him in line was going to faint.”
Brandon put his arms around David’s waist. “I offered to let her hold it and everythin’. You turned purple when I asked that hunky guard to carry me through the scanner. He was plenty big enough. He could have done it!”
David bent to kiss the top of Brandon’s head. There was nearly a half-foot difference in their heights but Colin thought they looked like a perfect fit. “You’re lucky he didn’t throw you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes,” David said with a laugh.
Colin hoped the joking helped Hernán to relax. He should have mentioned the situation, but it’d been a year since Brandon lost his leg. It rarely crossed his mind anymore. Once in a while Brandon would mention his frustration that the police had never been able to find the driver who hit him on his bike one September morning. Other than that, he seemed comfortable with his situation and rarely showed even a flash of bitterness.
Brandon said to Colin, “Hey, I signed up for a marathon in Virginia in November. Will you come cheer me on?”
“You can run a marathon?” Hernán exclaimed, and then immediately blushed. “I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to be rude.”
Brandon grinned at him. “Don’t worry about it. Believe me, it took a long time for me to get used to the leg too.”
Hernán was almost scarlet as he looked between Colin and Brandon. “I’ve just never met anyone with an artificial leg.”
“You want to look at it?” Brandon asked and extended his prosthesis as he held on to David. “It’s a lot lighter than you’d think, but really strong.” Hernán seemed very nervous but he crouched to take a closer look. “See where the cup meets my stump? I just pop in and out of that.”
“Don’t do it, Brandon,” David warned, a stern look in his eye.
“What?” Brandon asked, all innocence. “I just want Hernán to see how cool the thing is.” With a shit-eating grin, he pulled it off and balanced against his husband on his natural leg while offering the device to Hernán. Eyes wide, Hernán accepted the prosthesis.
“It’s really light, isn’t it?” Brandon prompted.
Hernán licked his lip nervously. He hefted it in his hands and agreed. “It is.” He looked over the apparatus. “Do you have to buy special shoes?”
“Nah, regular ones. The foot on there is made to the same measurements as my other foot so I just buy normal pairs.”
“Of course I’ll come to your marathon,” Colin interjected. He glanced at David. “Are you running too?”
“I might do the ten-K. I don’t think I have the stamina to pull off twenty-six miles.”
“You carried me up six flights of stairs at that hotel in Paris, cowboy” Brandon said with a chuckle. “You’ve still got some life left in you.” To Hernán, he said, “We didn’t realize the hotel we picked in Montmartre was so historic that it didn’t have an elevator. After a day of sightseein’ I was wiped. Couldn’t keep my gait to handle the stairs on my leg. So David carried me on up!”
David smiled fondly at his husband. “Just carrying you over a threshold would have been so normal and boring.”
The glow on Brandon’s face pleased Colin. His crush truly over, he was nothing but grateful that Brandon and David had each other.
He couldn’t help a glance at Hernán. Would they one day have the same rapport he found so appealing in his friends? It was hard not to let his excitement carry him away. He’d already shared more with Hernán than with any man he’d ever dated before, and he couldn’t wait to see where life took them.
With the awkwardness over Brandon’s leg resolved, Colin saw that Hernán was able to join in conversation more naturally. They sat in the living room around a marble tray of cheese, prosciutto and slices of baguette. Hernán confessed he spent more time on a treadmill than running because the DC streets still made him sort of nervous.
David immediately invited Hernán to join them on one of their training runs. “We could swing by your condo one morning and take you down to the Mall,” he offered. “Colin, you come too.”
“I’m not really a runner,” Colin tried, but Brandon just laughed.
“Bullshit, buddy. You run up a storm during kickball season. Come on, give it a shot. You might like it.”
Reluctantly, Colin agreed to try with them, though he had his doubts he’d enjoy it. Kickball was fun. Running for the sake of running seemed like work.
Dinner was relaxed. Conversation, lubricated by David’s excellent wine selection, ranged far and wide. Brandon and David talked about the places they’d gone on their honeymoon. Colin had visited Europe often with his family so he knew many of the same iconic museums and landmarks. He downplayed the experiences, though, to make himself sound like a tourist rather than the guest of wealthy families, celebrities and even nobility who knew his father.
He started to worry they were excluding Hernán, but his boyfriend surprised him.
“I’d love to go to Paris,” Hernán said eagerly into a natural pause in the conversation. “I studied French as well as English in school. I loved the cultural lessons about Paris, almost as much as the ones about New York.”
“Hernán speaks fluent French, along with his Spanish, English, Nahuatl and Arabic,” Colin preened, proud to the point of bursting.
“I’m not at all fluent in Arabic,” Hernán muttered.
“You must have been a good student,” Brandon said. “I always had trouble sittin’ still in school. Barely got my therapy degree.”
“I really loved college,” Hernán confessed. With a glance at Colin, he ducked his head and said, “I’d like to go back and get a degree someday.”
“That’s great,” Colin said, at the same time Brandon asked, “You didn’t get to finish?”
“No. I dropped out,” Hernán said. Tentatively, he added, “I was stabbed in El Salvador, and I didn’t go back to college after that.” Seeing Brandon’s stricken expression, it was clear David had told him nothing of Hernán’s situation. Hernán volunteered more of his life, including the reason he’d gone to David for legal help. He even mentioned vaguely his journey to cross the border.
Brandon shook his head sadly when Hernán finished. “Those Cuernos dudes sound like bad news. I’ve seen talk about them in the papers. Do you really think they’d come after you in the States?”
Hernán shrugged and winced. “My uncle thinks they would, to prove a point or to keep up their reputation. How can I really know?”
David brought them back to happier topics, observing, “It sounds like you’re a gifted linguist, Hernán. Have you thought about enrolling in a degree program for that? Lots of businesses and government agencies are desperate to hire people with strong language skills, particularly Arabic.”
“Huh.” Hernán tilted his head and looked at Colin. “I suppose I could look more into that, if I get papers.”
“Even before,” Colin said. “Most schools will let you enroll regardless of immigration status. You can’t get certain benefits like government student loans, but some places reduce tuition in that case.”
“Well, the new job I’m doing at your nonprofit is enough for now. But yes. I think I’d like to go back to school some time. Once I’m more comfortable at the center and in my classes, maybe I’ll research academic programs.”
Over dinner, Colin had to resist the temptation to fist-bump the air. Hernán got along with David and Brandon like they’d always been friends. Brandon’s antics with his leg and Hernán’s willingness to disclose his past broke the ice so thoroughly broken that it might as well be snow. It was a perfect night, reminding Colin of those few months in his college days when Pranav had gathered friends in Colin’s apartment.
Colin ignored a frisson that things would end the same way. No one would take Hernán from him, if he could possibly prevent it.
Walking home afterward, Hernán took his hand. “I feel like I’m in a wonderful dream. This day teaching, talking to Albert and Andrea, dinner with gay men who are married and in love—you can’t imagine how far this is from my life in El Salvador.”
Colin squeezed his hand. “And you can’t imagine how different this is from my life before I knew you. I hung out with Brandon, sure, and sometimes David. But I never felt so much a part of things as I do with you.” He looked around happily at the houses and buildings as they walked, part of the pulse of the city.
“Brandon really doesn’t know about who you are? I mean, about your family?” Hernán asked.
Colin shook his head slowly. “No, I don’t think so. Brandon’s been to my condo and flown on my plane, but he seems to assume I’m just kind of successful. He’s pretty transparent, so if he’s ever googled my family, I think I’d sense it.”
“You’ve told me a few stories about your brother and sister, but not why you keep it all secret from your friends.”
“I’m not sure I know,” Colin admitted. “From my earliest memories, I was embarrassed about who we were. It was fun, though, a lot of the time. I can’t deny that. My parents have a house on Nantucket and we spent almost all summer there every year. I had everything I wanted, but it never seemed…important. I didn’t want to work in the family’s insurance business like my dad and Katherine. I’m not the life of the party like my brother Griff. If I didn’t look like my folks, I might have thought I was adopted.”
Hernán frowned at him. “You know, what I’m hearing you say is that you didn’t fit in with them, and you feel guilty about that.”
Colin considered. He nodded. “Yeah, that feels about right, actually.”
“No, it’s wrong,” Hernán said firmly. “They didn’t fit in with you, I think. They make money, you make other people’s lives better. They have a bunch of material things and enjoy them. You value people.” He suddenly turned his head away. “Okay, I’m out of line. It’s just that I get worked up when it sounds like they might not appreciate you. But that isn’t fair because I don’t know your family.”
“Would you like to?” Colin asked. Hernán glanced at him, puzzled. “My mother has been asking me to come up for a visit. Maybe you’d go with me, next weekend? I’d like them to meet you.”
The sidewalk drew Hernán’s attention. He muttered, “I don’t know.” They walked in silence for another block, and then Hernán shot a furtive glance at Colin. “I’m so…”
“What? You’re so smart, handsome, kind, driven? Don’t be egotistical.” Colin grinned widely to make sure Hernán knew he was teasing.
Hernán barked a laugh. “Funny. I was going to say, ‘so in love with their son’ but now I’ve changed my mind.”
Colin tightened his grip on Hernán’s hand and said seriously, “Don’t joke about that.”
Hernán blushed. “Sorry. What we have is too important to make fun about. But look at me, Colin. Are you sure you’re comfortable bringing me to meet your family? I’m a poor, undocumented immigrant.”
Colin gaped. “Have I made you think they wouldn’t approve of you?” he exclaimed. “Dammit. I drank too much wine. I don’t know if I’m supposed to defend my family or reassure you.”
Hernán turned red and looked ahead, over the busy DC streets. “I… If your parents said I wasn’t right for you, it would be hard to fight them. I understand that.”
The tremor in Hernán’s voice acted like ice water on Colin, and changed his perception of the simmering tension about a visit. It had nothing to do with Colin’s family, and everything to do with Hernán’s fears and doubts. The poison his grandmother had injected into his veins made him believe no man would ever really love him.
And maybe he’s right to doubt me. Maybe he can sense the ways I failed before, so he knows how risky it is to rely on me.
Colin could think of only one way to put both their hearts at ease. He tugged Hernán to a stop and begged, “Please, angelito. Come meet my family. Let me prove you have nothing to fear.”
Hernán put a hand on Colin’s cheek. His dark eyes shimmered in the light of the street lamps, but he nodded. “Of course. We’ll go next weekend.”
The next few days seemed to fly by. Colin listened and provided feedback when Hernán planned out his classes. The time they spent in Colin’s office or at the dinner table, talking about lesson plans or ideas to convey tricky idioms, made up some of the happiest hours of Colin’s life.
Hernán’s enthusiasm for his students and his pride at doing something useful brought out a confidence in him that held Colin spellbound. When he recalled the Hernán who saved him from Provincetown Harbor, with his head down and long hair hiding his face, he couldn’t believe it was the same man.
Maryanne teased Colin unmercifully about his puppy dog eyes tracking Hernán through the office, but she was delighted to have Hernán’s time and energy as well.
Hernán still resisted seeing a therapist, but Colin hadn’t been awoken by Hernán’s nightmares since he’d spoken with Albert and Andrea. No doubt there were landmines waiting to be tripped, but Colin proceeded as carefully as he could. In bed he waited for Hernán’s lead.
Outside the bedroom, the easy comfort they found in one another seemed to be changing Colin. He was more assertive at work, more decisive about their lobbying strategy and his other projects.
When Maryanne commented approvingly, he spent the next hour in his office considering his behavior. Yes, even he could see the changes, and the reason came to him: he wanted Hernán to be as proud of him as he was of Hernán.
Over the weekend, they went shopping for clothes for Hernán. Temperatures had begun to drop, with the evenings growing almost cold, and the belongings he’d amassed in Provincetown weren’t well suited to fall in DC. Colin tried to buy him a new wardrobe, but Hernán refused.
“You pay me a lot for my work at the center, Colin. You won’t take money for rent or for food anymore, so I have plenty now. I can pay.”
Colin sighed. “I know. It’s just I’d rather you save your money for college or something more important than clothes.”
Hernán chuckled. “Warm clothes seem pretty important on a chilly day like this.”
“Okay,” Colin grumbled. “Will you compromise on one thing?” Hernán looked suspicious, but gestured for Colin to continue. “You buy all the practical clothes you need for the fall, but please let me buy you a good suit. I know you won’t need it every day, but maybe you’ll go on a job interview at some point. Or you’ll let me take you to the theater in New York. Or—”
Hernán cut him off firmly. “I’ll buy the suit, but you can help me pick it out. It has to be reasonably priced, though. My kind of reasonable, not yours.”
The guilt Colin felt for pushing a suit on Hernán ended the moment he saw his boyfriend step out of the changing room in a slim-cut, gray pinstriped jacket and trousers. Even before the clothes had been fitted, they clung to Hernán’s frame, accentuating his broad shoulders and narrow hips. With his thick dark hair and beard, smoldering eyes and a body that looked poured into his suit, Hernán belonged on the catwalk, not in a classroom. When he saw Colin’s open-mouthed awe, he blushed shyly but looked pleased.
Fortunately the clothes could be tailored in time for their trip to New Jersey. Colin had half an idea to take Hernán from Saddle River right to New York City for a night, where they could maybe take in a play.
With each day that passed, Colin grew increasingly certain that Hernán was the man he’d longed for all his life. And he thought—he hoped—that Hernán felt the same about him. Colin shouldn’t bombard Hernán with the gifts and trips of his own fantasies, but controlling the impulse was difficult.
If a suit was a negotiation, how would Hernán react when he saw how Colin’s parents lived?