Chapter Eighteen
Nakos had either died or he’d been shot with an elephant tranquilizer. Hihcebe, she’d slayed him. Without mercy. Helluva way to go, though.
Face buried in Amy’s strands, breaths soughing, he held the side of her face. A part of him was worried she’d evaporate. Sex had never been like that for him. Ever. The connection? The link? The unprecedented amount of pleasure? Nothing like it.
He was probably crushing her, but he couldn’t move. Sheer annihilation. Mind and body. Spirit, too. And he wanted to do it again. As soon as he recovered. Which would most likely be a decade from now.
Her light perfume infused his nose, latched onto his skin, and invaded his lungs. The thump, thump of her heartbeat synced with his until he couldn’t differentiate one from the other. Their warmth mingled, and she seemed to absorb his as much as he did hers. It was as if his every inhalation came from her, each tremble and moan out of her a direct current through his system.
There was no him. No her. Only them.
He’d heard of this phenomena from his tribe. Old myths and ways proclaimed a mated soul bond could occur for a chosen few. It wasn’t always a romantic fitting, either. Sometimes it was a man with the land, an animal. Or, if they were lucky, a woman. He’d like to blame this euphoria on post-coital hallucinations, but he’d felt similar stirrings before they’d wound up in his bed.
Okay, he didn’t actually think the universe was at work, toying with him and Amy. And the tribal stories were just that—a means to portray the spiritual aspects of their beliefs. It was more about greater knowledge of oneself and respecting what was around them.
But still, it was like she was inside him, a part of him on a cellular level. Her pain, her joy, her fears, were his.
Idly, she stroked his shoulder, his upper back, her caress delicate and reassuring. “Did you fall asleep?”
“No, but you can stop touching me sometime in the realm of never.”
She paused as if processing, and he growled. A throaty laugh, and she continued her ministrations. This time with both hands. He smiled into her hair, content.
“I gotta tell you, Nakos. This animalistic side of you is sexy.”
For that, he lifted his head. “What?”
Mermaid eyes smiled at him. “You shift into an alpha when aroused. Growl, take charge, dominate. I had no idea you had this in you. The guy I’ve known all my life is reserved and contemplative. Mind you, I’m not complaining. It’s hot. Surprising, but hot.”
Had he been like that? If so, it was a first. He’d always been more about love-making than rough sex. Not that he’d been rough with her, but there had been something...barbaric in the way his body responded. Amy did tend to bring out his baser needs on a gut-deep level.
And he needed to quit crushing her. “I’ll be right back. Don’t move.” He gave her a quick kiss, rolled off her, and padded into the bathroom to dispose of the condom. When he returned, she was under the covers. “You wouldn’t, by chance, be trying to hide that beautiful body of yours, would you?”
She offered a lazy smile. “Air conditioning. I was cold without you as a heating blanket.”
Easily remedied. He climbed in, dragged her across the sheets, and tucked her to his side. While he ran his fingers through her hair, he thought about what she’d said before he got up. “Animal, huh?”
That husky laugh of hers wrapped around him. “Normal Nakos has returned. No worries. I like both sides.”
She leaned over and kissed him briefly on the mouth, then resettled. Her leg tangled with his and her arm draped over his chest. It was the closest she’d come to initiating intimacy, even if it was mere cuddling.
“All this because I was standing in the kitchen?”
He huffed a laugh. “You could be anywhere, Ames. I’d want you regardless.”
Setting her chin on his pec, she took in his features. A wrinkle formed between her brows like her thoughts were headed into enemy territory again. “Sex has never been like that for me.” She closed her eyes. “That’s so embarrassing to admit, but it’s true.”
“Don’t be ashamed. Sex takes two people, and if you weren’t fulfilled, it wasn’t all on you.” He turned on his side to face her and skimmed a hand down the curve of her spine. “The fact that you can talk about it with me is part of the reason why you were satisfied. There has to be some level of trust to enjoy yourself.”
“I guess. It still took a lot of work on your part to...” She shrugged.
“You’re not work, Ames. You’re pleasure. I enjoyed every second.” He took in her blue-green eyes, her expression wide open for the first time in he didn’t know how long. What he found wasn’t exactly settling. She was hiding something, or holding back, and he didn’t have a clue why. “Have you noticed you’re not taking as long to climax? Each time we come together, you let go a little more. Listen to what your body tells you. Be secure in the knowledge that I adore looking at you, having you against me. Use my actions and words to build the confidence someone took from you. It’s freeing, Ames. I promise.”
For the longest time, she just stared at him. Nose to nose and sharing air, they lay there while her gaze grew distant. Wherever she went, it wasn’t a happy place, and he almost spoke to bring her out of it. But if she was working something out, far be it for him to stop her. He wished to hell he knew what put those shadows in her pretty eyes. He wanted nothing more than for her to believe him. Better yet, to believe in herself. She was getting there. Through every encounter with him, he was chipping away at her walls. He could only pray time would chase away all her demons, whatever the cause.
She blinked as if coming to, her gaze dropping to his mouth, then his jaw and lower. Over his shoulders, across his chest, she roamed, heating his skin more than any touch. The last dregs of darkness receded and her lips parted with shallow breaths. A blush worked up her neck, tinged her cheeks.
“There, anim. Right there.” It took entirely too much damn effort to keep still, but it was time he made her take action. “What were you just thinking about?” Judging by the heat in her eyes, she was probably conjuring fantasies he couldn’t name on his best day. His shaft stirred, thickening between them. “Show me what you want.”
Her gaze shot to his. Tentative. Debating. She was tempted, though. He could tell by the lip chewing and increased respirations.
“Do it, Ames. Show me. Quit thinking. Act.”
Her hand lifted, hovering over his shoulder, fingers flexing. She leaned forward and paused, her mouth inches from his neck. A needy moan from her throat sent him from hard to aching without so much as a downshift.
Panting, aroused as hell, he beat back the urge to do this for her. She liked his animalistic side? Well, it was threatening to make another appearance. “Do it,” he grated. “Touch me, kiss me, whatever you want. Hell, bite me for all I care. Just do it. Now...”
Surging forward, her mouth latched onto his neck at the same moment her hand gripped his bicep. Nails dug into his flesh, and her hot tongue flattening over his tendon ripped a groan from his throat. She pressed against him, her pert nipples grazing his chest. Fingers drifted down his back, scratching, and stopped at his hip. Kissing her way to the underside of his jaw, she threw her leg over his waist and bucked.
His eyeballs thunked the back of his skull so hard they rattled. He shoved his hand in her hair and dragged her mouth to his. Licking his way inside, he plunged, stroking his tongue like he desperately wanted to with another part of him. He worked his arm between them and cupped her mound.
Hihcebe, so wet for him already. He groaned his approval and parted her folds, coated his fingers. Her swollen nub begged for attention, and he pressed his palm there. Circling. Building her tension. Then, he slipped two fingers inside, and her walls immediately gripped them in a vise. Hot, supple velvet. Need shot up several levels and threatened to consume.
As if that was all the encouragement she needed, she drove her fingers into his hair, tugging his head back and severing the kiss. Teeth grazed his jaw. His ear. His neck. A violent quake shot through him. She rode his hand with reckless abandon, nipping his restraint one nibble at a time.
Losing his ever-loving mind, he removed his fingers from her heat and reached for the nightstand, earning a moan of protest. “I’ll make it better soon, bixooxu.” She could bet her life on it. His hand shook as he tore into the foil and sheathed himself.
When ready, he held her cheek, forcing himself to recall his original mission. “What do you want? How do you want me to take you?”
Eyes pinched closed, she whimpered and rocked her hips. “Nakos...”
“Tell me. Right now.” Sanity was this close to taking a permanent dirt nap. “Tell me and I’ll make the ache stop.”
Her lashes fluttered, and she pinned him with helpless desire wrapped in torment. “Can...” She swallowed. “From behind. Can you—”
Done. He flipped her over, pinning her back to his front. She gasped, sending his heart thundering. Aligning himself, he thrust deep. She went rigid for a fraction of a beat as if he’d hurt her, then relaxed. But it was that split second that shut down all his systems.
“Are you all right, anim?” He nuzzled her ear, closely watching her profile.
“Yes, I...” She let out an uneven breath. “I need to do this. Please.”
And that stopped his heart. Dead. Her response wasn’t exactly a ringing endorsement for their position or what they were about to do. Need to do this? As in, to prove something to herself or ...? What, exactly?
Unfathomable conclusions elbowed aside lust, brought on by her and her alone. The way she’d gone stiff just now. Her inability to orgasm with lovers before him. How long it took her to get to the point of no return. And the walls she continuously kept around herself. Like...even he might hurt her.
Was he reading too much into it? A simple sentence? The cold ball of dread in his gut said no. But, as he studied her, he began to doubt his concern. Her brows were furrowed in a frown of pleasured concentration, lips parted like she was struggling to draw air through a haze of lusty fog, cheeks still flushed pink in desire, and...her hips rocked, taking him deeper.
Yet the nettling sensation wouldn’t ease.
Gently, he slid his hand up and tilted her head back, exposing her throat and making her position even more vulnerable to him. “Who are you with right now?” Because he could’ve sworn when he’d first thrust into her, it wasn’t him.
“You,” she breathed. “I’m with you.”
Warmth pushed out the cold, and he pulsed inside her. “Say my name, bixooxu.”
“Nakos.” A moan. A plea. “Please, Nakos.” She arched, throwing her head farther back against his shoulder and nudging him deeper inside her soft, willing body.
Yes. Mercy, yes.
He palmed her breast, kneading, and rolled his hips. “Again. Say my name again.”
A strangled sound rumbled through her, into him. “Nakos.” Her husky voice was riddled with tenuous tension. “Nakos, Nakos, Nakos,” she chanted.
To reward her—or pacify himself—he eased out of her so slowly dots spotted his peripheral. Then, he drove home. Hard. Fast. Her soft, giving flesh cushioned him, cradled every inch of his shaft like a caress. His lungs emptied and his throat burned.
Slamming his lids shut, he pressed his face into the crook of her neck and repeated the motion. Out equaled pain. Back inside was the equivalent of heaven. Torture. Relief. She bore down to meet his thrusts, and the way they moved together was an unbearable graceful dance.
He had her wrapped so tightly in his embrace, there was nowhere for her to go, nothing to feel but her. The backs of her thighs rubbed the tops of his. Her perfect, round ass was snug against his pelvis. The eloquent curve of her spine fit along the contours of his chest like she was made specifically for him alone.
She moaned, trembling, and he realized she was close. He slid his hand to where they were joined, spreading his fingers through her drenched folds and circling her clit with his thumb. Immediately, she clenched around his shaft, and he pumped with all he had left in him. She bowed, but he held her firm. He wouldn’t let her escape, would never let her go as long as there was blood in his veins and a beat to his heart.
Fire burned in his gut and spread. His nerve endings sizzled, misfired. He hissed air through clenched teeth as the sensory overload blew him away. He thickened inside her, almost to the brink of release, and his muscles quaked as he tried to hold out.
He pressed his lips to the shell of her ear. “Come, anim,” he rasped. “Fall apart and take me with you.”
She grew taut, teetering on the precipice. He circled his thumb faster, drove harder, and dropped his forehead to her shoulder as a sheen of sweat broke out on his skin. Just as he was about to beg, she let out a short cry and convulsed around him.
He roared against her neck, mouth wide and jaw locked. Though the sound was muted by her skin, it raked his throat and the ferocity misted behind his lids. Balls tight, jet after jet, he came. His bones splintered, only to mesh and fuse back together again while she milked every last ounce of his life from him.
When he came back into his body from wherever she’d relocated him, her arm was bent behind her and she had her fingers buried in his strands. Words and syllables were a long ways off, but he pulled out and turned her so she faced him. They shared a pillow, and he ran his knuckles over the stubble burn he’d put on her cheek.
“You’re quiet.”
“I’m recovering.” Or trying to. He pulled a breath and met her eyes, but he just sunk deeper instead of gathering his thoughts. “I don’t know what to say, Ames. I really don’t.”
Her mouth opened like she wanted to speak, but it was several moments before she did. “That word, bixu…?”
“Bixooxu,” he corrected, sensing her turmoil now.
“Yeah.” Brows furrowed, she bit her lip. “Did you mean that?”
He traced the soft edges of her jaw with his fingertip, gaze following the path. “Would it be such a surprise? I’ve loved you many years, Amy.”
“As friends.”
A sound of agreement, even though he suspected it went way deeper all along, and he settled his hand on her hip. “I meant it as more of a term of endearment than a declaration. Love has many forms, but you were always…different. Nothing I can define, and it won’t make sense, but I think us, like this, was inevitable. It just took me too long to connect the dots.”
“What does that mean?”
He sighed, not sure if that was hope or fear looking back at him. “It means, Ames, that if I’m not already there, it won’t be long. Loving you, in any capacity, fills the missing gap I’ve lived with my whole life. Falling in love with you would seal that fissure.” His heart picked up rhythm when that damn doubt crept back into her eyes, and then the beat shifted ribs as uncertainty morphed into what he could only assume was guilt. “Why does that scare you? It’s me here, anim. Why does the notion of me loving you frighten you so badly?”
“No one ever has, that’s why.” Her lower lip quivered. “There were people who were supposed to, some that claimed to and didn’t, and others who think they may have, but…” She closed her eyes, shutting him out. “If you mean what you just said, you’d be the first.”
Hihcebe. If her goal was to gut him, she could consider it a success. He was bleeding out. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he fought the pain binding his windpipe and let his lips linger. He’d wanted inside her head, had needed to understand her hesitancy, but now he couldn’t deal with the answer.
It made sense she’d think this way. Her parents certainly hadn’t shown her any support or affection. He hadn’t a clue about previous lovers, yet all signs pointed to no. Her ex definitely hadn’t given her respect, never mind love. She’d had Olivia, her brother, and Mae, but chances were, years and experience had probably taught her not to trust those feelings.
And there he went. With his chest hemorrhaging and her naked in his arms on a lazy Sunday afternoon, he fell in love with her all the way. No crushing sensation. No fear rising up to choke him. No doubt whatsoever.
His heartbeat leveled as if the organ finally had purpose and ferociously thumped like it wanted to rip through his chest to get to hers. He breathed freely, filling his lungs with her sultry scent, and he let himself savor the peace for just a brief moment. It wouldn’t last. This situation may be as easy as him opening his eyes and trusting what was in front of him. Yet for her, it wasn’t that simple.
He was in for a long journey ahead. Her mind was a congested freeway, her soul a never-ending stretch of deserted highway, and her heart was under construction, even though her body was a winding, curvy back road he could map with his eyes closed. Nothing worth its weight came without effort or determination. All he had to do was take his time, instill the leisurely pace that drove her mad, and do it as fast as he could before she caught on.
He had to prove to her the destination was worth it, that it was a safe place. A happy one. “I love you, Ames,” he whispered against her skin. It was a start, at least. “I love you.”