Chapter Nineteen
Just before dawn, Amy slipped out of Nakos’s bed and snatched her clothes off the floor. She padded across the hall to her room, changed, and headed downstairs to start coffee. He’d wake up soon for work, but she needed a few minutes to herself.
The past weekend ping-ponged around in her skull as she measured dark roast and filled a carafe of water. Their lovemaking? It may have started off as sex, two bodies coming together in mutual need, but it hadn’t finished that way. He’d taken her like a man who’d come unraveled, and she was the only one holding the frayed end to maintain his sanity. Then—oh, then—after they’d had dinner, he’d gone slower, worshiping her body like he had something to prove. He’d put the beast back in the cage. Not only had she orgasmed, many times, he’d made the experience all about her. Holding her afterward. Cooing phrases and stroking her hair with endearing tenderness.
And telling her he loved her.
God, the L-bomb. Her throat seized remembering. She and Olivia often did the I love you thing. Amy didn’t have that kind of relationship with Kyle, but she knew her brother cared. Chris had said it a handful of times, the first being when he’d proposed. Not that she’d believed him. The words had never come off as sincere. Truth was, she’d been so desperate for any sort of attention that she’d latched onto the only guy who’d shown her any. It was better than winding up alone.
Nakos was very different. The way he looked at her, how he touched, and what he said was all unique. She’d stopped wishing for fairy tales and ever-afters long ago. Pithy dreams meant for other people. And then he’d kissed her. The carefully constructed box where she’d stored her emotions in order to survive unlocked when his lips had met hers.
How easy it would be to give in, to just accept the path he was forging, let herself believe she was due for some happiness. Nakos represented every little thing she’d secretly desired and could never have. More hopes she’d locked in her box, now free. When she was with him, she could almost accept the lie.
Until she sucked it up and told him what had happened to her, each moment they were together was merely another shadow closing in. The constant ache in her belly, the knots of guilt, had no chance of dissolving unless she was honest. He deserved to know who his best friend truly was, to know the woman he’d been sleeping with was soiled.
She’d lain awake most of the night, wrapped snug in his arms, thinking of how to go about telling him. Scenarios had drifted in and out of her mind, conclusions a meager theory at this point. If she had any idea how he’d react, maybe she wouldn’t be wound so tight, wouldn’t be killing herself with what-ifs.
Pouring herself a cup of coffee, she chugged half of it while standing by the counter. She gazed out the window above the sink as pink rays of sunrise split the sky over the horizon. The world began to wake, brushing off twilight and peeking at a new day. Dew glistened on prairie grass and hills were ensconced in golden light. It would make a pretty picture, but her camera was upstairs. Plus, she and Nakos had to be up at the main house for work soon.
Speaking of... She glanced at the clock. Normally, he was up by now. His internal alarm woke him at the buttcrack of dawn, if not sooner. She stared at the ceiling, not hearing the creak of his footsteps or the whoosh of water through the pipes from his shower.
She downed the rest of her coffee, set the cup in the sink, and made her way upstairs. He was still asleep, lying on his stomach, arms and legs spread as if skydiving in dreams. With a smile, she walked to the bed and sat by his hip.
They’d both zonked out naked last night. She didn’t know if that was the norm for him, but she could appreciate it. The sheet had fallen to his lower back, was wrapped around his legs, and left his upper half exposed. Olive skin and sinewy muscle. His face was smooshed into the pillow, raven strands spread around his head like a sexy Native American version of an angel. He didn’t make much noise when he slept, nor did he move around a lot, but his torso shifted with deep, even breathing. The man was even graceful while sleeping. Didn’t it figure.
They’d worn each other out yesterday. She hated to rouse him, but they needed to get going. She set her hand between the sharp blades of his shoulders and frowned. His skin was hot. Nakos had an internal temp that seemed to run warmer than average, at least that’s how it felt to her when he’d pressed against her, held her. Like her own personal heating blanket.
Yet this was different. He was really, really hot. She brushed the hair off his face and studied his profile. Dark stubble shadowed his wide jaw and he did appear a tad ashen. She pressed her palm to his forehead and winced. That was some fever he had going.
Concerned, she bent and kissed his cheek. “Nakos?”
He grunted, but that was his only sign of life.
“Hey, I think you’ve come down with something. You’re burning up, and the sun rose and shone before you.”
“I don’t get sick.”
Which was true. Aside from a couple sniffles as kids, he rarely got sick. “Well, you were overdue.” When he didn’t stir, she kissed his cheek again. “I’m going to call Olivia, let her know you won’t be in.”
For that, he peeked one eye open. “Not sick. I’m getting up.” With what seemed like great effort, he rolled to his side, facing her, and muttered a curse. “My bones have melted. And my head’s split open. Are my brains spilling onto the pillow?”
Not sick, huh? Since he’d reclosed his eyes and was already asleep again, she left him to it and went into her room to call the main house.
“Hey, Liv. Nakos is sick. He won’t be in. If you give me an hour to get him set—”
Olivia laughed. “Is that code for sex? Nice try. Nakos doesn’t get sick.”
“You’re as bad as he is. I assure you, it’s not a code. He’s got a fever and barely managed to roll over.”
Pause. “Hmm. Now I’m worried. Does he need a doctor? Should I call Hank? Because, seriously, he’s never used a sick day. Not once.”
Technically, Amy was making him use it, but still. “I think he’s all right. Just a bug. I’ll be up in an hour. Let Aunt Mae know.”
“No, no.” Olivia sighed. “Stay there. Play nursemaid. Men are babies when they’re ill. We’ve got things handled here.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yep. Holler if he gets worse, though. I think this might be a sign of the apocalypse, Nakos not working.”
Amy laughed and disconnected, then went into bathroom to hunt up Tylenol. Pills in hand, she jogged downstairs, poured a glass of orange juice, and strode back into Nakos’s bedroom.
“Hey, I’ve got some medicine. Can you sit up for a minute?”
Not a muscle twitched, save for that of his mouth. “Not sick. Don’t need medicine.”
She rolled her eyes. “I have magic candy that’ll make your bones stop melting and fuse your head back together.”
His lashes fluttered and his lids lifted. Immediately, he hissed and sluggishly dragged his arm over his eyes. “It burns.”
She set the OJ on his nightstand and stood. “I see vampirism is a side effect of the illness we shall not name and to which doesn’t exist.” She closed the drapes, muting the room of daylight, and sat on the edge of the mattress.
“I’d laugh if the effort wouldn’t kill me.” His words were mumbled since he’d yet to pull his arm off his face. “I might, maybe a little, be sick.”
“Uh huh. Lift your head for me. Swallow these and you can sleep.”
A world-weary sigh, and he struggled to raise himself onto his elbows. At sloth-speed, he took the pills, downed them with a healthy sip of juice, and flopped onto his back in a heap. “Ugh. The room’s spinning.” When she rose, he reached out, weakly fingering her pants as if trying to grab hold. “Stay, anim. Please.”
Oddly touched, she kissed his brow. Chris had never wanted her around when sick. He was a total asshole if not feeling good and usually got meaner. She’d wound up crashing on the couch a number of times.
“I’ll be right back.” She brushed her lips over Nakos’s forehead, earning a weak smile.
Leaving the juice in case he’d want it later, she changed into PJs in her room, seeing as she wasn’t going anywhere, and snatched her laptop off the table, then climbed in bed beside Nakos. He was out cold again, so she sat against the headboard and set her laptop on her thighs. She checked her photo site accounts, noting she had a number of downloads and hits. It wouldn’t break the bank, but she was earning more revenue than she’d expected.
After playing around for a couple hours, scrolling the internet, Nakos moaned and stirred. She shut off the computer and put it on the floor. His color looked a little better, but he was still very warm.
Idly, she ran her fingers through his hair, massaged his scalp, hoping it would give him some relief. Honestly, seeing him down for the count was more than a little unnerving. He was always so strong, steady. He sighed contentedly, easing into her attention like a cat.
“Ames.” Her name was little more than a slur, but the conviction behind his tone made her smile. As if weighed by bricks, he slid his arm over, patting the sheets blindly as if searching. “Ames?”
“Right here.” Scooting down, she lay facing him, keeping up with the head massage.
“Feels good.” Half asleep, he draped an arm over her waist. “Come here.” Before she could move, he snuggled closer and buried his face under her jaw. His frame went utterly lax against her as he settled in, hotter than a furnace. “That’s better.” His lips brushed her throat as he spoke. “Smell so good. I hope I’m not contagious.”
“It’s okay if you are. I can take care of myself.” After all, she’d been doing it for years. But she held him close, offering the comfort she’d never been given, glad she was here to issue it. Being sick sucked, and she knew what it was like to be in pain or too weak to move, wishing someone would do something as simple as rub her back.
He grunted a sound of disagreement. “Not anymore. I’ll take care of you.” In seconds, his breathing evened out again.
She adjusted the sheet to cover him and ran her hand up and down his spine. His heartbeat was like a lullaby playing just for her. He didn’t stir, but he did seem to slip deeper into sleep. As she held him, emotion once again stalled her lungs.
It seemed silly to get worked up over something so mundane as his behavior when sick. Yet she could no more control her reaction than she could deny him what he wanted. Here he was, feverish and achy, but he still thought of her. Saying nice things, needing her close. He was half-buried in a mind fog, and his first instincts were to cuddle with her, not bark orders or push her away. It cemented her experiences with him as legit, proving he wasn’t only saying or doing what he’d thought he should.
They laid in bed all day and evening. In the early afternoon, he’d managed to rouse long enough to eat half a bowl of soup, and sometime around midnight, his fever had broken. He woke up Tuesday morning with the sun, only mildly sluggish for the encounter, and Amy was grateful he was better.
On Wednesday, after they were done with work, he wanted to test out the new horse he and Olivia had acquired, and asked Amy to go for a ride. With her on Pirate, a two-year-old gelding, and him on the new stallion, Brandy, they took off for Dead Man’s Pass near the southern pasture.
The twenty minute trek did wonders to clear her head and she relaxed into the gentle sway of her horse. The sun was lower in the sky, but still cast hot rays over the waist-high fields. They had another couple hours of lazy daylight before dusk would settle, and she breathed in the scents of soil and warm fur, cut grass and hay. Sounds of leaves crackling and the creek trickling were a light background to clomping hooves.
They passed one herd of steer grazing in a pasture, and Nakos halted his horse. He dismounted, cooing platitudes to the stallion. “Why don’t you hop down? We can rest here a bit.”
She obliged, and he tied the reins to a wooden fence post, then gave each of the horses a carrot from the satchel. Grabbing a blanket, he strode over to a lone cottonwood and spread it by the base. He disappeared from sight in the tall, golden prairie grass when he sat.
Curious, she made her way over, finding him prone on the blanket, one arm bent behind his head, and his Stetson tipped over his eyes. A gray tee stretched over the ridges of his pecs, his abs, and his legs were crossed at the ankles, encased in a worn pair of denim.
Lazy, sexy cowboy.
“I really wish I had my camera right now.”
He grinned and crooked a finger, summoning her.
Waiting a beat, she chewed her lip. She had an undeniable urge to straddle him, ride him in a more satisfying way than the gelding. Save a horse, right?
And why not? He’d, thus far, enjoyed everything they’d done together and was constantly encouraging her to do what she wanted while they were intimate. They were a mile from the main house and all the guys were done for the day. The area was private, and even if someone did stumble upon them, the pasture would hide their romp.
Smiling, she kicked off her flip-flops and, with her knees on either side of his hips, she lowered herself onto his thighs.
Quick as a blink, he flicked off his hat, grabbed her waist, and lifted his head. A guttural groan rumbled over the call of a whippoorwill as he looked at her. His dark eyes swept over her, met her gaze. The longer they stared, the harder his chest moved air. He seemed to be waiting, albeit patiently, for her to follow through.
“Hell yes, Amy. Come on.”
She dipped under his shirt, splaying her fingers over the cut muscles of his abs, and his stomach concaved. Up, she moved, taking the tee on her journey, and when it bunched around his chest, he reached back and jerked it off. His brows rose in a now what, but his pupils blew, belying the casual quirk.
God, did she want him. Need him. He’d shown her what true passion was, had given her undeniable pleasure on levels she hadn’t known existed. All she had to do was look at him and she wanted. His mouth, his hands, his everything.
Panting, she unbuttoned his fly, carefully released his zipper to free his erection. He wasted no time shoving his pants and briefs down his thighs. She rose on her knees to give him room. Before kicking the jeans aside, he pulled a condom from his pocket, laid it on his chest like a taunt.
Breasts heavy, her panties drenched, she stood and shed her clothing, then reclaimed her position over him. Anticipation buzzed under her skin, fluttered in her belly, and she didn’t think. For once, she just went with her gut. Grabbing the condom, she tore into the foil and, watching him, she rolled the latex down his thick shaft. A warm breeze teased her flesh.
He pulsed in her hand and bucked. “Hihcebe, anim. Yes.” Need had his voice grating like gravel. “Take what you want. Take me.”
Rising over him, she swallowed hard. Always before, this position had unnerved her. Wondering what to do, how to move, where to put her hands. Being watched had felt like being judged. Unsettling.
But not now. With Nakos’s eyes dialed to hell-yes and his respirations cranked to I’m-dying, she didn’t pause a beat. She guided him inside her and took him slowly, savoring the stretch and the way he completely filled her. The blessed sweet ache subsided, only to shift that throb to every other part of her body.
He barked a sound of stunned gratification and flung his arms over his head, hands fisted. The deliberate move wasn’t lost on her. He was submitting to her, telling her he was at her mercy instead of the other way around. Whatever she wanted to do to him, he was willing. He was hers.
Setting her hands on his chest, she rocked. The slick glide sent a tremble through her entire nervous system. She did it again and, this time, he rolled his hips to meet her.
He thrust his head back, biceps bulging. Tendons strained in his neck. She got so caught up in watching him, his gorgeous body and the way he reacted, she didn’t realize she’d paused until he lifted his head and met her gaze with carnal desperation.
A muscle ticked in his jaw. “Look at you.” His wandering gaze caressed her skin, even if his hands never sought. Her face, her breasts, where they joined...a scorching trail that had some of the feral animalism draining from his eyes. Wonder replaced everything else. “Look at you, bixooxu. The sunlight in your hair, on your skin. How your cheeks flushed when you took me deep. The reckless abandon in your eyes. So fucking beautiful. You have no idea what you do to me. But you? Like this?” He shook his head. “My brave anim. Mercy, how I’ve missed that fire inside you. Show me. Be fearless with me.”
As she stared at him, heart in her dang throat, she knew, understood, a flicker of what he’d been feeling. The love he claimed he had, the blinding trust, was all right there looking back at her. It rose inside her, too. Swelled. Warmed her in places that had long ago grown cold. In all her life, she’d never felt wanted, loved. Beautiful. He brought that to her, gave it over as if it were a gift he’d been keeping for the day she’d need it.
“Nakos.” God, it hurt. An endearing, heartbreaking kind of hurt that both repaired and destroyed what was left of her.
“There you are.” He sat up, cupped her cheeks. “Now you get it, now you hear me. Let me in all the way.”
As he took her mouth in a slow, drugging kiss, she rocked over him, shoved her hands in his hair to hold on, dislodging his ponytail. He rose up to meet her, pelvis moving in both a restless and refined dance that shattered her. She ground her hips. He thrust. Her breasts crushed against the hard wall of his chest and her legs wrapped around him, as binding as his arms holding her.
They clung, they sought.
And she knew, for once, she finally mattered. If only to him, it was enough.