Chapter Twenty-One
Drenched, shivering, Amy huddled in the corner of Olivia’s old tree house and tried to breathe. She hadn’t been able to take the emotional assault and just needed to get away. Fast. The frenetic panic had almost been worse than the fear.
After Nakos had stalked out of the barn, she’d gone the long way around so no one spotted her and had stumbled onto their old stomping grounds by accident. A brief storm had come through, but the tree house had no roof, thus she’d been caught in the worst of the rain.
From her perch on the northern side of the main house, she could barely make out the dim glow of lights since there was enough distance to give the illusion of privacy. The small structure was built high in an oak and was roughly seven feet long at most. Old pine boards were scarred, a tad musty, but sturdy. Branches formed a canopy overhead, stars and a sliver of moonlight peeking through the leaves. She hadn’t been in here since she was a kid, had forgotten all about it.
It had seemed a good place as any to get her head together, but that had been hours ago. She still couldn’t bring herself to move. Dark had descended while she’d cowered and crickets chirped in the night. A soft stirring of grass rustled and an owl hooted. The quiet nature sounds did nothing to calm the frazzled tatters of her nerves.
God, talk about a blow. She’d been washing vegetables next to Mae at the kitchen sink, wondering if Nakos would be interested in a bath together later, and she’d glanced out the window to find...him.
Everything had systematically shut down. Kaput. She hadn’t been able to think or breathe or so much as form a sentence. There was no way she could’ve known what seeing her uncle again would do to her. After the...incident, he’d left the next day to go back to Texas and she hadn’t seen him since.
Hard, so dang hard she’d worked to build herself back up, put on her big girl panties, and forge her defenses. She’d moved beyond it, had grown stronger, was living a semi-normal life. And one glimpse of that man had thrust her right back to being the helpless girl she’d once been—shoved against a brick wall and crying through the pain.
Alone. Utterly, utterly alone.
A sob hitched her chest for the millionth time. Everyone knew. Judging by the shouting after Nakos had left her standing in the barn, everyone now knew her dirty, shameful secret. She drew her knees to her chest and rested her forehead on them. Mortification stung her cheeks even as the coldness inside her spread. Consumed.
Would she ever be warm again? Did she have any friends left?
Footsteps sounded below, and she tensed.
“Amy? It’s Nate.” He paused. “If you’re in there, I’m coming up. Just letting you know. I don’t want to startle you. Here I come.”
The floor vibrated as his feet hit the wooden slats of the ladder. His bald head emerged at the opening, followed by his huge inked arms, then a torso in a fitted black tee.
His gaze searched the space, landed on her, and he let out a long-winded gust. “Thank Christ. I’m coming in.” He climbed the rest of the way and sat on his haunches, giving her a wide berth. “Are you hurt? Injured?”
She shook her head.
“Good.” He pulled out a walkie-talkie. “I’m just going to tell the others that, okay?” He brought the radio to his mouth, eyes on her. “Stand down, everyone. I’ve got her. She’s all right. Head back to base and call it a night.”
Nakos, Kyle, and Olivia keyed over one another, their questions a rapid fire.
Nate pinched the bridge of his nose. “Olivia, baby. She’s safe. Kyle, head to the main house with Olivia. Nakos, give me five minutes and I’ll call you on the satellite phone.” He sat against the opposite wall from Amy and stretched his legs out. “That should keep them quiet for a few minutes. We’ve scoured the entire ranch twice. We were worried.”
“I didn’t mean to scare everybody. I just...I had to...”
“Run?” He nodded. “I get it.”
More like hide, but close enough. “How did you find me?”
“I was searching the side of the house again and remembered this was here.” As if to give her a moment, he shifted his focus to the cramped quarters, a half smile curving his lips. “The secret place. Olivia brought me up here once, a few months ago. It wasn’t entirely a bad experience.”
A surprise laugh huffed from her mouth. “We used to hang out in here, spilling our guts. That’s why she calls it the secret place. I assume that’s not what you two did up here.”
“Oh, there were secrets told. She has a way of getting them out.” He grinned. “The how was interesting.”
Another laugh, and some of her tension drained. “I bet.” She shivered, sobered. “I really am sorry.”
“I’m only going to say this once, so listen close. You don’t have anything to apologize for. None of it. Not one single thing. Hear me?” At her nod, his frown eased. “Good.”
The phone clipped to his belt rang, and he glanced heavenward as if seeking guidance. “That’s probably Nakos. Do you want him to know where you are?”
She didn’t want to see anyone. Couldn’t. “Not yet.”
He put the phone to his ear, listened a moment. “Yes. No.” He studied her, skimmed a gaze down the length of her and back. “I wouldn’t lie to you. Trust me on this. She’s fine. She’s not hurt. I’m not leaving her side until she wants to move. Go home. I’ll bring her there when she’s ready.” He closed his eyes as if in pain. “I know, man. Bye.”
Carefully, he set the phone aside, stared at it. “He’s out of his mind with worry. And I don’t just mean not knowing where you are.” He met her gaze, held it with determination. “You didn’t see him tonight, Amy, and be glad for that. But understand me. He’s a fucking wreck.”
Tears, hot and heavy, scorched her throat, fell on her cheeks. She covered her eyes with her hand as pressure built in her chest. “I couldn’t tell him what happened. So often, I tried, but... I’m weak. How am I supposed to face him now that he knows?” She wiped her eyes. Sniffed.
“Weak is violating a twelve-year-old girl simply because you can. Weak is having the urge to want to in the first place.” He leaned forward. “Strength is getting back on your feet after some jerk took something precious from you. Strength is picking up the pieces when your sense of security, your very trust, has been stolen.” His tone softened, and in his golden-brown eyes was an understanding she never thought she’d ever find from another. “You aren’t weak, Amy. You’re the very definition of courage. Crying? Being scared? Needing to run once in awhile? That’s not weakness. That’s being human.”
“All these years, I was fine. Really, I was. Until...”
“Until the nightmare was shoved in front of you again.”
She let out a watery exhale. “Yeah.” She met his gaze, hoping to have her doubts assuaged, once and for all. Needed to hear it from a man. “What if...” She swallowed thickly, pressing a hand to her belly to stop the churning riot. “If it was Olivia, would you look at her the same? Would you still...want her?”
“Yes. Hands down, without a doubt, no thinking required, yes.” He rose, scooted to the spot next to her, and leaned against the wall so they were shoulder-to-shoulder. “She’d still be the sweet, stubborn, bleeding heart I married and can’t live without. Just like you’re still the same sassy, strong, talented, and independent woman Nakos fell in love with. Scars and history don’t change that.”
“Really?”
“Swear to God.” He tilted his head. “Now, if it was Olivia, I would, however, hunt the asshole down and beat him within an inch of his life. Which, by the way, is what Nakos tried to do until I held him off.” He scratched his jaw. “Kinda sorry I stopped him.”
“He did not. Nakos?” Then again, now that her head was a little clearer, he had seemed...well, out of his mind when he’d left her in the barn.
“Totally came unglued. Clocked your uncle three times before I got in there.”
“Huh. Wow. He’s always been level-headed. Meticulous, honestly. Drives me nuts sometimes.”
“Take it from a guy. Men in love? We don’t know our asses from our elbows. Threaten our women, and we lose it.” He turned his head and looked at her, their faces close enough she could see some of the shadows still lurking inside him. “Let me ask you this. If it had been Olivia, like you said, would you consider it her fault? Would you agree with her if she blamed herself?”
Okay, fine. She got the point. It was hard to erase years of ingrained thought mentality, though. “You know I wouldn’t.”
Empathy shone in his eyes, and it changed the whole big bad wolf persona he had going for him, showed the heart under all the brawn. “I’m going to be blunt. You were raped. You were violated. You had no say in the matter or control over what happened. I think maybe it’s time you realized you were a victim. And it might be a good idea for you to take some of that power back.”
Tears threatened again at his tenderness. “How?”
“For one, talk about it. With Olivia, with Nakos, with the dog. Doesn’t matter who. Six months ago, there’s no way I’d admit that, but there is something oddly liberating about voicing the ugliness.”
She didn’t know if she’d ever get to a stage where she could, but if Nate thought it was a solid start, she’d consider it. “What else?”
“Press charges.” He shook his head when she opened her mouth to argue, and took her hand in his. “We’ve got him locked up, just waiting for your statement. I’m not claiming that retelling what happened will be easy. Flat out, it’s going to suck. I’ll be right there, not judging, along with Olivia and Nakos, if you want to go that route. The asshat will probably fight the charges and there will be a trial. I’m not going to lie. That’ll suck, too. And there’s no guarantee he won’t walk. But it’ll hold him accountable for the sick thing he did, and perhaps the process will give you closure.”
He squeezed her fingers. “Victim doesn’t equal weak. Regardless of what you decide, remember that much. You are ten times stronger than he is, and he’ll never touch you again. You have my word.” He suddenly looked a little distressed at her new stream of leaking tears. His eyes widened and his brow furrowed. “Or I could just kill him. Nakos told me once he knew where to hide a body so it’ll never be found. Of course, he was threatening me at the time.”
Laughing, she dropped her head on his shoulder. “I’ll think about it. The pressing charges part, not murder.”
“Open offer.”
She laughed again, then sighed as they slipped into a comfortable silence. Animals scurried in the night and leaves crackled. She breathed in heavy humidity, the scent of wet grass and fertile soil, feeling calmer. A damp, rain-tinged quality hung in the air, and it had a strangely cleansing effect. Or maybe it was the company.
“You’re a good guy, Nate.”
“Didn’t used to think so, but I’m a work in progress.” He patted her leg. “The stuff I told you tonight was all a variation or another of what Olivia and Nakos have reiterated to me. Must be true, right?”
Smiling, she lifted her head. “Must be.”
He studied her face. “Since we’re here in the place of secrets, I have one for you. Olivia’s pregnant.”
On a gasp, she straightened.
“Yep. About six weeks along. She wants to wait a couple more before telling everyone, so act surprised when she does.” He paused, staring ahead as if lost in thought. “We all get scared, Amy. Right now, I’m fucking terrified.”
“Don’t be.” At his grunt, she squeezed his arm. “That’s the best news. Consider it a fresh start. A clean slate. You’re going to be a wonderful dad.”
“If I don’t royally screw it up.”
“Not going to happen. You have all of us to help steer you in the right direction and you, of all people, understand what going without is like. Those instincts to protect are ingrained in your DNA. Plus, you love Liv so much. A baby is proof of that love.”
A laugh, and he swiped a hand down his face. “No truer words.” He sighed. Stared at her. “What about you? Gonna tell Nakos you love him? Put him out of his misery?”
She should’ve a long time ago. His giving heart, his unyielding patience, his strength? All root deep and part of the beautiful man she never thought she could have, nevertheless hold on to. The passion alone would keep her warm for the rest of her life. And for some reason, he wanted, loved, her above everyone else.
She’d work on believing she deserved him. Because Nate was right. It was time she stopped giving shame and fear the reins.
“I do love him.”
“No kidding.” He grinned and glanced around. “So, can I give you a lift home or is this your new pad?”
She lumbered to her feet and stretched. “Home, please.”
Taking her offered hand, he stood as well, pretending to let her assist. No way she’d really budge him. “You sure? An inflatable mattress over there. A chair in the corner. You could be pretty solid here. Except for the leaking roof. That might be a problem.”
“I’ll have to bring it up with the landlord.”
“Be happy to help. I hear she’s a hot redhead.”
“God.” She laughed until her side ached. “Definitely a great guy. Come on. Take me home.”
“Good choice.”
They climbed down and strode over damp grass flickering with fireflies toward the driveway, where his Harley and Olivia’s truck were parked. He opted for the truck, she assumed, because she was wet from the rain.
Once they were headed for the gate, he broke the silence. “Do me a favor. I’m going to talk to them when I get back, but come up to the house tomorrow and have a chat with Olivia and Kyle.”
“I will.” In fact, she pulled her cell out of her back pocket, relieved it turned on considering how drenched she’d gotten. She shot off a quick text to Liv, copying the same message for her brother.
I’m all right. Talk to you tomorrow. Love you.
She re-pocketed the phone as Nate cut the headlights and bumped up Nakos’s driveway. He put the gear in Park and glanced at her in the truck’s dim interior.
Anxiety twisted her belly, banded her lungs. “Is it stupid that I’m nervous as hell?”
“No.” He rubbed his jaw. “Love has a way of bringing people like us to our knees. If you weren’t nervous, I’d say there’s something wrong with you. You’re going to be okay, Amy.”
A nod, a weak smile, and she stared at Nakos’s cabin. Two stories of cedar with a wrap-around porch. No frills, just a couple rocking chairs, but she’d come to think of the place as home. Truthfully, she’d been more comfortable here than anywhere else. She’d never felt welcomed or wanted growing up in her parents’ house, and the little ranch she’d had with Chris had seemed more like a weigh station for passing time.
Nakos had opened not only his cabin, but his life and heart to her. No hesitation. He’d given her the safety and security and love she’d been missing, that she’d so desperately craved and hadn’t trusted. Which, she realized, had been wrong on her part. Understandable, but wrong. She should’ve believed in him.
The proof was right in front of her. Every light in the place was on as if he’d kept the torches burning for her safe return. Emotion squeezed her throat, put a sheen in her eyes.
“I am.” She tore her gaze away from the house and looked at Nate. “I am going to be okay.”
He flashed her a grin. “Damn right.”
Exiting the vehicle, she strode up the porch steps and eyed the door. Taking a deep breath, she turned the knob.
Nakos sat on the couch, elbows on his thighs, hunched over with his head in his hands. His feet were bare and he wore a pair of loose gray sweats with a forest green tee. His raven strands were out of the band and in chaos as if he’d repeatedly fisted his hair. The rigidness of his frame was stiff with tension, and her heart lurched. Turned over in her chest.
As she closed the door, his head jerked up and his red-rimmed midnight eyes met hers. Wide. Frenzied. Disbelieving.
Oh God, he’d been crying. She opened her mouth to say something, but he shot to his feet, swept his gaze over her. Once. Twice.
Then, he made a choking sound and stalked to her. Ate the distance between them like the beast had total control of his body. He cupped her face, pressed her back against the door, and crushed his mouth to hers.