Vegas
“Papa, Momma, Snake, I saved you a table over by the big screen. Momma, you look hot!” Walking over to my family, I hug everyone. I hold my mom at an arm’s length. Even though she’s in her fifties, she could pass for my sister. “Jesus, Momma! I need to borrow those stripper heels, and those pants are hot as fuck!”
“Mija! Do not talk to your Madre like one of your friends.” My Papa barks at me because he’s still somewhat old school when it comes to my mom. He smiles only really for her, and kisses her lips, grabbing her from me and holding her because she’s his and so precious to his heart. Seeing them together is so special to me. I want what they have so much, so unique and rare. Snake pulls out a chair for our mother, pushing her in it.
“Vegas, can you grab Pops and me a draft and a red wine for Mom?”, Snake asks. I secretly love how he always takes care of her as much as our Papa does. Papa would beat his ass if he wasn’t polite to the women in the club or our family. The feeling of having them around and being protected when they are is an indescribable calmness. “Si, bro, I’ll go grab our drinks and be right back. James will help behind the bar tonight, so I can sit with you guys.”
More of my Papa’s crew filter into the bar and look around to find seats. Making my way around back to the table, I set the drinks in front of everyone. Taking a seat next to my brother, I look at the tv and see that the World Series is on. I’m so excited. Earlier I had James do some intel with a few loan sharks he knows from out there around the casinos, and he brought me back the stats for the game tonight.
I’m pretty confident in my bet against my Papa. I know he loves baseball as much as I do. When I was a little girl, he would take all of us to the Dodger games, memories I will always treasure. Snake was so good, almost made it to the Little League World Series a couple of times, but, as he got older, priorities of the club became his priority.
“Mija, your man just struck out swinging for the fences. You can just pay me the hundred now, your team is going to clam up after that,” Papa smirks at me, he thinks he won.
“Hell, no, I am not! There are five more innings left, one batting error? That means nothing yet. What about your shortstop? Don’t think I didn’t notice his routine grounding fielding error that could have given your team a double play? The team who makes the less fielding errors will win this game. Our bats are still going strong.” Like I was saying, I did my homework and prepped to win.
We spend the next few hours chatting and laughing. Surprisingly, we are packed, with the game on and several bikers from Cali and Reno Clubs rooting the game on. Some bet on players while others bet on point spreads, cash is piling on the table tops. Shit talk fills the space along with laughs and clanking glasses.
The moment we all have been waiting for has us on the edge of our seats. Dodgers have the field, bottom of the ninth inning, score is 7-9. My team, the Astros, are two runs behind. We have two guys on third and first base. Guess who comes up to bat? You would be right, it’s the big hitter who struck out before. Papa is smiling so big right now. One out is all they need, and Dodgers win the World series.
I keep a straight face trying not to show my fear. The batter steps up to the plate. He digs his feet into the dirt, kicking some back. ‘Confidence is everything’, I tell him in my head. I cannot hold it in, “Make something happen, man!” The pitcher stares down the batter, rocks back, and fires down a fast ball. Strike! “Fuck! Get in the game, dick head!”, I scream at the tv along with many others. Papa grins at me but says nothing. “Focus, man, focus!”, I yell at the tv again.
The pitcher rocks back letting go a wicked drop ball. The batter drops his shoulder pushing his weight forward and sends that fucking ball over the fence! Jumping up out of my seat, I start screaming at the table, “Yeah, motherfucker! Fuck, yes! We won! The Astros won with a home run! Pay up, Papa! I won! The Astros won!” I can tell he’d love to send me to my room with my language to him, but he can’t, so yeah, I own it, bad behavior and all, even though he raised me better.
“Mija, here’s your hundred,” he hands me my hard-earned cash. Somewhere along the way, Snake got cocky with Papa and bet against me so he pulls out a hundred and passes it over to me, too.
“Thanks, bro, your money is the best, I love taking your money”, I say folding it and sticking it into my back pocket. Hugs and fist bumps are passed around the tables, more shit talk. Looking over to the right, my heart hits my stomach, completely taking my win to a low. No. Why would Papa and Snake bring him here?
At the opposite side of the room sits a man with dark eyes who I really didn’t want to see ever again. I’m pretty sure I made that clear. Derrick’s eyes have been tracking me all night, I can tell by the haunted look in his gaze for me.
Standing, he strides towards me, and I’m rooted to my spot on the floor. The man I once pictured as my future stands in front of me, looking over my face with a yearning in his eyes that scares me.
“Alessia, you look happy, this place is incredible.” He says it, but his eyes don’t leave mine. “Can we talk for a minute? Alone?”
This is not what I wanted. I never wanted him to touch my place. Papa says to me in Spanish, which I know Derrick won’t understand, “Mija, take care of your past, whatever future you choose or who you choose, it needs to be dealt with. You should have talked this out a long time ago, it’s time. Lay your demons to rest, baby girl.”
Taking my Papa’s advice, Derrick, my ex, and I walk through the bar, back to my office. All I feel is a thousand eyes on my back. Shit, Blade will hear of this. I just hope he’ll hear me out later.
∞ ∞ ∞
Blade
Spider and I just wrapped club business for tonight, getting our books balanced and our calls done, when a call comes in from Cowboy. “Prez, did you meet all of Fuego’s men?”
“No, why would that be a problem? And get to the fucking point, what is going on?”
“Vegas has her family here with her, the bar has been packed watching the game. She’s too into the game to notice this fucker, Hawk, sitting in the corner, and he’s been watching her all night. Like I thought, he was just going to make his move after the game, and he did. Hawk walked right up to her, man, and she froze like she saw a ghost. Her father didn’t look very happy about it, but Vegas and Hawk headed to her office. Alone. What do you want me to do?”
“Not a goddamn thing.” Tossing my phone on the table, with my head down, I feel my heart trying to jump out of my chest. I try to calm the fuck down before I head over there and make another fool of myself.
“Hawk is her ex, bro, she hasn’t spoken to him in two years. I heard him asking about her around the club. I put Cowboy on him. It’s Derrick, man.” Spider knew, and I get he’s trying to let us do our thing and get to know each other, but fuck.
“A heads up would have been nice, dickhead! Derrick, that fucker, is only here to get her back. Word was going around about me and Vegas. Fuck, man, get your shit on, we are riding over there. She’s mine, she belongs at my side.”
“Fuck, yeah, Prez, let’s go claim your Ol’ Lady.” Spider follows me out, and soon we’re on the road to The Black Rose.
∞ ∞ ∞
Vegas
Sitting in my chair, I hear the door shut behind Derrick. We haven’t been alone or even talked since that day when I left California. The air in here is suffocating with the feelings of the past. He stands at the door, still focused on my face. I’ll wait him out. This is my place, I have the upper hand here.
“Alessia, where can I start? Say I’m sorry? We both know you could care less about an apology. What I want to tell you is that a part of me left the day you did. A piece of me broke when I broke your trust. I want you back. I’ll transfer up here to the local chapter, do what I need to do to show you I am ready to be the man you wanted then. I want it all back, Alessia. Every kiss, every time we came together. I miss your touch, your heart, I miss my best friend. Can we try to get us back?” He pleads with me, and, to my surprise, I believe him, he really does want me back.
“Derick, you had it all when we were married for six years. I gave you my trust and my future. It wasn’t enough then and it’s supposed to be enough now? Your hopeful words won’t get me to give into your plead of a bright future now. Did you really fight for me when I left? You sure as fuck didn’t. That says it all, Derrick, says a whole lot about Jenn’s little sister, Ashley, doesn’t it?”
“What does it say, Alessia? Tell me!” Derrick sounds annoyed and frustrated. Never could handle my mouth or confidence, he always wanted a good girl to stay at home and be submissive to him.
“You fucked her more than once, you were probably giving her the hopes and dreams every woman wants to hear. My hopes and dreams, the ones you had already promised to give me. You were setting up your life to leave me behind. Why didn’t you have the balls to go through with it? I’ll tell you why, because we both know my Papa and brother would have buried your ass six feet deep for betraying and disrespecting me. Consider it a parting gift the fact that I never told a soul about who you were with that day.”
Jenn and Dana know, but no one else. The longer I talk about this, the anger pours out thicker with each word.
“Really? Is that what you think? No, I wasn’t giving her the love I GAVE you. Ever! I’m not going to lie and say we didn’t fuck around because we did. You and I were so young, Alessia, known each other since high school. Hooked up, and I couldn’t control you. You were a force I couldn’t let go of. You are so bright and beautiful, I felt like I was a shadow compared to you. When Ashley started hanging around the club, just back home from college, she looked at me like I looked at you, and I fucked her to feel better about myself. It made me feel like the man I never could feel around you. I didn’t have the confidence you did, okay?”
He looks at me with pain in his eyes and continues. “That’s on me now, I learned that shit the hard way. I thought it was your love in me lacking, not my confidence in me, in us.” Dropping his head in his hands, Derrick grabs his hair and looks back up at me. Glossy eyes are pleading for my love and forgiveness.
“Don’t you think I needed all of you too, Derrick? I needed your trust, love, respect, I also needed your words. We were best friends. At some point, you stopped talking to me about your fears, hopes and dreams. You pulled yourself away from me. I gave you your space, Derrick, thinking you would come back to me. You used that space to fuck new pussy, to make yourself feel better!”
I can’t stand the look on his face at my words, but he will hear and feel my words. Like the pain I felt at his betrayal. “That broke my heart, broke all of us. You walked out on us. Instead of coming to me, your friend, your wife, you went to another woman. I can’t forget that, not ever. Say we got back together? You end up in another low situation, I will never believe you won’t go to another woman for strength. You should have come to me. I was your backup. You forgot that in your vows to me.”
Courage is what I feel right now. I will rip every piece of me apart to get this over with. Time apart has given me courage to face this man again.
“That’s just it, Alessia, how do you go to the woman you think is better than you and ask for strength?” Derrick stands, his voice rising with his emotions, stepping in front of me, hitting his chest with a fist. “That made me feel worse! I see the fool I was, what I was lacking back then. I see you now, Alessia! I see the woman that always wanted to be free, but also be special to the man she lays with. I didn’t know how to let you go, be as bright as the confidence inside you, and at the same time keep you close. I am sorry! I want you back. I want us back, Alessia, please?” Derrick’s voice drops with his sincerity, crouches next to me, practically on his knees for me.
For a few seconds, I look at my best friend, the one that I remember. The man I married. For a short moment in time, I mourn him for the last time. “Life is crazy, one day you think you can have it all, the next it all can be gone. We weren’t good enough for each other, Derrick. Not just you, but me too. I see that now. I should have pulled you to me, consumed you with my love. I didn’t do that, did I? You resented me for who I was. I do think now, even if you wouldn’t have done what you did, that we would have split eventually. You’re right, I needed the freedom to grow, and instead of you feeling a part of it, you felt left out. I thought you needed time to deal with your thoughts, I let you hang yourself. Then I blamed it all on you.”
I sigh at the realization that I am as much to blame, not for his cheating but for us growing apart. “Derrick, we were friends once who found comfort in each other. We let our feelings of lust and friendship be blinded by what we thought was love. You don’t know me now, and I don’t really know you. We are just two old friends. The woman you see today isn’t the same girl from then. I think you see what we were never going to be. You need to find that woman who really is your future. Someone who compliments and understands you better than I could ever have.”
Standing up, I feel done. I feel like I just realized and faced what I never wanted to, that I was part to blame. Derrick stands next to me, looking me in the eyes, looking heartbroken, but also resigned. There’s a knock at the door. We both turn our heads towards the door. “Come in.”
Blade opens the door, and I see Spider standing at the bar, arms crossed over his chest. My breath catches, because I’m scared. What will Blade think? ‘Please let him hear me out on this,’ I keep saying over and over to myself. He stays by the door and that scares me. ‘Please come stand by me,’ I call out to him with my heart.
Derrick breaks me from my thoughts with his words, but not my eyes which stay on Blade. “I see the man who stands by that door is the man you already chose.” Blade grunts, and I can tell he’s about to explode, but keeping it reeled in. Derrick storms out, also slamming the door fiercely on the past, on us. Finally, I feel free of the pain we were holding onto.
My voice sounds small and shaky, “Blade, that was Derrick.”
“I know who that was, and I know why he was here. The only thing I want to hear from you is what do you want, Alessia?” He sounds more like the fearless Prez, and less like my Blade.
“You, Blade, that’s all I want, just you.” I pray that he can feel the truth.
“Did you work out your past, is it over?”, Blade asks a little less defensive.
“Yes, it is all over.” I pause, then ask, “Do you want me to tell you about it?”
Blade moves in front of me, running his hand up my arm again, tracing my roses. “Nah, babe, I just need to feel you right now.” His hand continues up my neck, touching my cheek, then behind my neck. My eyes follow his hand, then up to his honey whiskey colored ones. Blade’s lips touch mine reverently, then his forehead to mine. “Grab your coat, Alessia, we are going for a ride to your place.”
Grabbing my jacket and zipping it up, we head out the back door to his bike. Blade starts his bike, holding his helmet out to me. Snapping the helmet on, I grab his outreached hand, swinging my leg over and sliding in close behind him.
The night air is freezing on the back of his bike. My arms snake up under his jacket, crossing my forearms across his stomach and making an “X”. Scooting in so close, my body feels welded tightly to his. Blade rides through the starry night, and we turn together, our bodies in sync with one another. I pray to the stars above to please make this one right, make this man be my new beginning.