Jesse and I keep quiet on the cab ride to the spot I’m taking him to hike—about forty minutes from my condo.

I thought this would be a great opportunity to spend time with Ty, but frustrated as I am that his work got in the way, I understand. And I sure don’t mind getting to spend more time with Jesse.

That’s greedy of me. I shouldn’t want it, not as much as I do. I’ve had to keep telling myself that again and again ever since I first laid eyes on him, though, and it can’t curtail my desire.

When the cab drops us off, I lead Jesse to the trail cleared through thick, lush, green foliage. We dodge branches and crawl over a few capsized trees and piles of rocks.

“This is kind of neat,” Jesse says once we’re about halfway along the trail.

I turn and see the eagerness in his eyes. It reminds me of that same eagerness he had that night when we almost followed through with what would’ve been a horrible mistake.

“Tourists don’t really come out here much, so it’s only the locals that keep the path used and from being totally overrun by trees and bushes.”

A few moments pass before Jesse pipes up. “So…you have to admit, it was a little strange that this opportunity came up like this. I mean, to where it’s just the two of us on this hike because of that shit with Ty’s work. I’m sure you weren’t thinking you were going to be going on a hike with me when we met.”

“I wasn’t thinking a lot of things would happen when I first met you.”

I dodge a branch and continue along the path. I’m glad I’m facing away from him. I don’t want him to see my desire, and for some reason, I feel like whenever he’s looking at me, he can look past my guardedness and see more...or maybe just that he’s trying to.

“I feel bad Ty had this shit come up with work, though. Figure he probably would have liked to spend more time with you.”

“I thought you said you guys were friends. I can’t imagine that’s the truth.”

“Do you not want to spend time with him?” he asks.

I stop in my tracks and turn to him, forcing him to halt behind me.

“Of course I want to spend time with my son. Look, I don’t know what he’s told you, but I do my best. And I was actually kind of glad this scheduling mishap occurred and he wound up being here because I thought I might get to spend some more time with him. We’re both so busy, living our separate lives, we don’t get much of that. Ty seems like he gets busy a lot when I’m around. I get that he actually has work to do, but other times, I feel like he always has a reason to be somewhere else.” I shake my head. “I shouldn’t even be telling you any of this.” I continue along the path. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to blow up at you like that.”

“No, no. It was my bad. I didn’t mean to make it sound like you didn’t want to spend time with him. Just, the way you reacted when I said he would want to spend time with you was weird. Like you think he hates you or something.”

“Sometimes it feels like he does.”

“Eric, Ty doesn’t hate you.”

As he says the words, they warm my heart. And I wish they were true, but I know better. I’ve seen that cross look from Ty—those eyes that seem to say as they look at me: Where were you all those years? Why weren’t you there for me? And they make me feel like I was just as shit at being a parent as my own father.

“I’m sorry. I really would prefer not to talk about this,” I spit out. “We can talk about any subject other than Ty, but let’s say I have my reasons why I’d like to avoid this.”

“Fair enough,” Jesse replies.

I feel bad for shutting him down, but just because I want to bone him certainly doesn’t mean he’s entitled to know anything about the complicated circumstances behind my relationship with Ty. Plus, not like I need to say something to him that he can go blab about to Ty, maybe make this situation even more complicated than it already is.

“We can talk about anything?” he asks. “What about anal sex?”

I nearly trip, and I stop and turn back to him. He looks as surprised as when I snapped at him about Ty. “That’s what you want to talk about?”

He looks a little flustered and smiles awkwardly…adorably awkwardly, his lips curling into his dimples as his eyes shimmer in the sunlight. “I have some questions, and I assume these are things you know about.”

I open my mouth like my body is urging me to respond, but I’m speechless.

“Considering you’re the only reason I started asking these questions,” he says, “I’m pretty sure that means you would be the right person to ask.”

I feel uncomfortable and aroused all at once.

“I googled some things, and I looked at videos, and I even, like, tried to…” Jesse gestures with his hand, indicating he’s been fingering himself. He looks at my crotch. “Oh shit, sorry.”

“Well, that’s what happens when you talk about this stuff,” I say through my teeth, annoyed that he has this power over me.

“I mean, see, this is a great example of why I need to talk to someone.” He motions to my crotch. “That’s really big, and it seems like that should not fit in an asshole. That’s all I’m saying.”

My face twists up as I eye him curiously.

Judging by the amusement in his expression, I can’t tell how serious he’s being. Is he genuinely curious or trying to make me horny? Maybe both?

“That can definitely fit,” I assure him. “Have you watched porn?”

“Obviously, but, like, it’s weird when you’re thinking about it in the context of your own butt, because I had my fingers back there, and I was working it a little bit, but I still couldn’t imagine that thing fitting.”

“You certainly didn’t seem like you were going to have a problem with that the other night.”

“Well, I figured you weren’t going to, like, do anything that wasn’t physically possible. I was caught up in the moment, and…”

“It would fit just fine. And it would feel good.”

I’m painfully hard. Fuck Jesse for doing this, and fuck that I can’t fuck Jesse right here, right now.

“Yeah, that’s the thing,” Jesse continues. “I’m reading about the prostate, and—”

“You can’t tell me you didn’t already know about the prostate.”

“I knew about the prostate, but I’ve never considered it enough to do anything about that, if you know what I’m saying.”

“Yes. Yes, I do. Did you discover that when you were fingering yourself?”

“No. I mean, I didn’t get that far. I kind of tried it out, to see…”

I could be the one to help you discover it. No. No, I can’t. Stop this!

“You seriously never stuck anything in your ass, not even your fingers?” I ask.

“Seriously.”

I want to be the one to change that.

As I gaze into those dark-brown eyes of his, see the way the fresh sweat glistens on his face, I can’t help but want so much more, to really let him know just how that works. I ball my hand into a fist and turn back around. “You know, on second thought, I think maybe we should pick yet another conversation.”

“You can’t make all my conversations off-limits.”

“Well, I think the two we’ve covered are probably the only things that are really off-limits for us, okay?”

“I’m asking out of curiosity. I think that’s fair.”

“I get it. You’re young. You need to go explore your sexuality, try some things out with different guys. These are all things you can do as soon as you get back home.”

“Okay, okay,” Jesse says. “I won’t keep asking about butt sex. Sorry I brought it up.”

I adjust my dick in the crotch of my pants.

“Is there a safe topic you’d like to suggest?” he asks.

“So, software development… That’s really interesting.”

He laughs, and I’m pissed at how playful and easygoing he is. Everything he does seems to fucking turn me on. I hate myself for it.

“This is what best buddies’ fathers normally ask their friends,” I tell him. “About their jobs, school.”

“Is that before or after they throw them down on a bed and start sucking their dick?”

“Seriously, can you stop with that?” I ask, turning around to him.

He raises his arms. “Whoa, whoa. Teasing. Sorry you can’t handle a joke.”

“I can handle a joke. I just wish you would take this more seriously.”

“I stuck my fingers up my butthole. I’m taking it pretty fucking seriously.”

I laugh. Damn, he has a way of getting to me, and by the sneaky smirk on his face, he knows it too.

I’m playing with fire, and Jesse makes me want to get burned.