Chapter 33
Elijah
It was Friday morning and opened my eyes, I spent the past couple of days at the office and looked at an empty desk where Kendall used to sit. I had enough of it and had to become distracted for a while. I decided to go for a drive so my mind would become clear.
Apparently, last time I did this, I had been on my bike, and that was how my accident happened, so this time I thought it safer if I took one of the cars. I showered and got dressed into something that was ideal for driving in and then headed downstairs for breakfast. I blocked any thoughts from my mind apart from a day of driving, and the open road that would help me forget.
I climbed inside the Porsche and headed out into the country, if I had any way to clear my mind, a drive around the mountains in a Porsche would do it.
The garage doors closed and I slowly headed down the driveway. I had no clear direction which to go, so I headed north toward the outskirts of town. I drove through the tight and twisty roads as they sliced between the trees, the car was glued to the floor the faster I went. My mind cleared as I concentrated on the road in front of me.
My mind just focused on the road, and I drove, the road markings blended into one as I drove on and on. I cruised along the highway and turned off and headed toward the far side of town. I looked at no street signs or landmarks and had not looked to see where I was, or where I was heading until a light flashed up on the dashboard.
I glanced at the fuel gauge and could see I needed gas, so I slowed and drove until I could see a garage in the distance. I filled the car with gas and could see a bar over the road and decided to get something to drink while I was there.
I parked the car and walked into the bar, the jukebox blasted out “Boxcar Willie, ” and I noticed a sea of Stetsons scattered around the various tables, the whole place looked like a scene from an old western movie. I headed toward the bar and waited for the waitress to come and serve me.
I glanced around the bar as I waited, and could see the walls were decorated with stuffed animals and vehicle plates. It was like time had stood still, and had just been a place frequented by old lost souls and cowboys who were hanging on before heading to the big rodeo in the sky.
As the waitress walked in my direction, I noticed an old man dressed in black sat a few stools away from me.
“Hi, there,” I said as I saluted him.
“Hi there, Sonny, chat car sure is pretty Mr.,” he said as he sipped his beer.
“Why thanks, it’s quite a handful to drive, especially on the country roads, that, I can tell you, but it’s great fun,” I said.
The waitress arrived, and I ordered a light beer, I didn’t want to drink and drive because it was too much of a risk, and I didn’t really feel like drinking alone.
“You want a drinking partner?” I asked the old man. “My treat.”
“I don’t mind if I do,” he replied as he tipped his hat to me, and moved across to me by a couple of seats.
The waitress handed my beer and passed the glass of sour mash to the old guy. “That car expensive?” he quizzed.
“It is, but I was left quite a bit of money from my dad when he died, and that was one of my vices. I did recently find out though, my mother and brother received nothing from the will, so I have to do some serious thinking to do.
“So, what brings you back this way then Sonny? I never thought I would cast my eyes on you ever again.” he asked.
I looked confused, he just sounded like he knew me, but I had no recollection of him or this place. Had I been here before or was he someone related to work who I had done business with?
“I’m sorry, do I know you? I don’t recognize you.” I sat there confused.
“Sort of, you were here before, but you are different this time. Last time you were a complete jerk. You were so full of yourself, and pig-ignorant,” he said.
“That must have been when I had my accident. Was I on a motorcycle?” I asked.
I must have left an impression, and from the sound of it, a bad one.
“That you were, Sonny, a nice bike, and you were full of it and shot out of here like a bat out of hell. You showed no manners, and you talked at me, rather than talking to me,” he said in a serious tone.
“I must apologize for how I behaved, I’m sorry. So, how was my mood when I was last here?” I asked as I tried to picture the events that led me to this place and how it had affected what had happened to me once I left here.
“You were not happy, and you looked bored and very pissed off with the world. Are you feeling better now? You are chattier than you were, and you are much politer than I remember, for sure,” he said.
I explained. I think the day in question was the day I had my accident and that I had since lost my memory, and couldn’t remember anything or anyone in my life. I also explained, that that person had gone and I had completely changed, and hopefully changed for the better.
“I’m happier since I had the accident, but it has been a rough few weeks. I can’t remember anything at all and have only just really connected to my mom and my brother again recently. I’d come so close to losing them had it not been for my brother,” I said.
“It’s strange how things happen in life,” the old man said with a kind smile.
“The thing is though, I have returned here on a day when I’m not really happy with myself again, but for different reasons,” I said to the old man. “And, I have learned I had no one in my life until the accident. Since then, I have been seeing a girl that works for me. She’s brilliant and has been the one who I can turn to when I have had a rough night,” I said as I ordered another round of drinks.
“Ah, woman problems,” he said as he sipped his bourbon.
“I have strong feelings for this girl, and I know she has similar feelings for me. We have become close, very close,” I said as my heart contracted in my chest. Fuck, I missed her so bad.
“So where is this girl now then?” the old man asked.
“Well, I think I made a wrong decision in my life, and that is why I have ended up here,” I said.
“How so, Sonny? Things can’t be that bad that they can’t be fixed,” he said.
“It’s a long story really, and one that has caused me and my family years of heartache and in some ways a lot of suffering,” I said.
I explained the whole situation about my relationship with my mother, and how she had the affair, and I had become the keeper of her sordid secret. I told him of my brother being gay and how my dad had seen Peter as being weak and had pushed his away from him. I then explained how my father disowned them both for different reasons and the fact he used to beat us when he had been drinking, and how Peter had protected me by provoking Dad to divert the beatings away from me.
I then explained that even though my dad beat me, I always looked and tried to get his attention and blessing, and by spending so much time with him, I not only fell into his way of thinking, I also fell into his thoughts concerning Peter and my mother.
It was at the time he died, we should have stuck together, but I had followed on from dad, and I just pushed the both of them further and further away from me. As I naturally received all of his estates, I lost all concern for both my mother and Peter. As the old guy knew, I had become a victim to myself. I had totally become consumed by my self-grandeur, wealth, and power. I had not looked at people as equals, everyone was beneath me, and I looked down on them, even if I didn’t know them.
I went into more detail regarding Kendall and my flashbacks and how I had not wanted to become my father, and so I had finished the relationship as a way to protect her.
“Well Sonny, you are sure a different fellow to what you were before, and now you are likable. It’s not right for a guy like you, to go through life alone. You should have the love of a good woman, and if you get it, then you hang on to her real tight,” he said.
“I hear what you say, and I agree, but what happens if I have totally put my foot in it and she’s not interested anymore?” I asked. “I could have blown the whole thing by not realizing I could control the events in my life.”
“Listen to me. All is not lost, you can still make it right. You have learned from the errors of your past ways, and it’s obvious she’s someone who cares for you.”
“I think you are right, and I should put it right, I should put a lot of things right while I’m in the process. I have been granted an opportunity to put my life in order, and I have come close to making a huge error of judgment,” I said.
I sat there and thought about what the old man had said, and he was right, I had become a different person, and my life should be more than it was, and the only way I could see this happening was if Kendall was in it with me.
I knew I couldn’t let her go, that was a simple trait of who I used to be, it was the easy way out, and a cowardly way to do it. I had to be strong within myself, and fight for what the new me wanted. I had control in my life, and I knew what I had to do to put it right. There were not many people in the world who got a second chance in life to start from scratch again.
“Well, Mr. it was nice to meet you, again. I think you have filled me with some very useful insights, and I would like to thank you,” I said as I grabbed my coat and stood from the stool. As I turned toward the door I went on, “I don’t even know your name? Mine is Elijah.”
“Just call me Gates,” he said as he tipped his hat to me as he offered the kind smile again.