Chapter 35
Elijah
I had taken on board everything that Gates had said at the bar and had decided to go to Kendall’s house and try and put everything right. I quickly showered and got dressed. I looked at the clock, and it was just after six pm. I had decided to go around to her house and have a good talk with her about everything that had happened and everything that I had said.
As I drove I planned what I was going to say. I didn’t want to over-complicate things, I just wanted to lay out the facts and had in my mind reckoned it should take around 20 minutes, for everything I had to say, to be explained.
Kendall wouldn’t appreciate me coming out with any bullshit, so I just had to be just as natural as I could, and only explain the clear facts about what she knew had influenced my actions.
I left my home and headed toward Kendall’s house. I prayed she was in and had not gone out anywhere. I rounded the corner and approached her driveway, and as I looked at the house, I could see that the upstairs light had just been turned off, so I knew she was at home. What went through my mind as I approached the driveway was her reaction, what would she think of me turning up without calling ahead first? This worried me, she could slam the door in my face, or she could give me the chance to explain myself fully.
I parked the car and started to walk up the driveway toward the house. As I approached, I could hear Bo barking and Kendall telling him to be quiet. I knocked on the door and waited for the door to open. Finally, I heard the lock open, and the door opened slightly. Kendall poked her head around the door.
“Elijah, what are you doing here?” she said as she opened the door widely.
I could see Kendall was dressed ready to go out, she stood wearing a blue dress and high heels, she looked gorgeous, and it ran through my mind I had indeed made a mess of things and missed my chance with her.
“I’m sorry, I see you are going out, I’ll come back another time,” I said as I started to turn back toward my car.
“No, don’t be silly, come inside,” she replied as she pulled on my arm.
I entered the hallway and Bo was sat on the floor wagging his tail, “Bo, I told you to bite any man who entered this house,” Kendall said to Bo as she ruffled the hair on his head.
“Hi Bo, how are you doing, have you been taking good care of your mom?” Kendall looked at me and smiled.
“Present company exempted,” she said as she smiled.
“What I wanted to say…” Kendall ushered me into the living room.
“So, as you were saying,” she said.
“What I wanted to say is, I was an ass for what I said, I was rash and made a huge mistake, and said as much as I could in the worst possible way,” I said quietly.
“So, what are you trying to say?” she asked.
“I went to the bar where I was before I had the accident and there was an old guy there who I had spoken to before,” I explained. “I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly recognized me, that was how much of an impression I left on him.”
“And what did he have to say?” she asked in curiosity.
“In no uncertain terms he told me, I used to be a total dick, and I had changed,” I held my hands in front of me. I clasped them together and could feel the sweat building up as I got even more nervous. She had to forgive me. I’d done it for her, and if I could take it back, I would. It was almost ironic that instead of being a greedy, self-serving cock, I’d decided to think of someone else for once… and look where the hell it got me.
“So, what else did he say that was insightful? And what has made you come here?” Kendall asked, her face a mask of indifference. It was a defense mechanism. It had to be.
Fuck. Please let it be.
“He explained I shouldn’t go through life alone, and if I ever found a good decent woman, I should do everything I could to hang on to her forever. This old guy’s comments hit me like a brick, and it was clear what I needed to do to make it all right, and that was why I have ended up here. I want to make it right,” I said and licked my lips. My heart was racing in my chest harder than it had been the day I woke up in the hospital with no clue as to who I was. Funny what love could do. The power of it was almost overwhelming. The high addictive.
“Okay…” She lifted her eyebrow at me and waited.
“I have spent the week thinking, actually every time I see your empty desk I think of you, and I’m reminded, I well and truly made a mess of things,” I explained. I tried to keep my eyes on her pretty face. There was no room for grace in checking her out, though I wanted to so fucking bad. She was mine, and some part of me knew that I had the right to covet any and every part of her that I wanted to.
“Go on with it. Get it out. I’m sure there is a lot more for you to say?” She put her hand on her hip, and I realized that she wasn’t going to make this easy on me. Not that she should have, but I didn’t want to jack it up. The most precious thing in the world stood in front of me, and my next few words would mend up everything I’d fucked up, or they would destroy the hope I had left.
I got the impression that Kendall was getting a little kick out of me explaining, I was squirming while I was talking and I wasn’t sure if I was digging a bigger hole for myself. I had to continue, there was no way any of this could go on another day, it was tonight I had to put it right, and tonight only.
“I actually want to say, I don’t want to lose you. I’m sorry for the way I handled things. I was trying hard to think about you and the fact that I am a dick.” I paused. “Or I was a dick, but I guess cutting things off was a stupid way of doing it. I just keep thinking I’m going to wake up and become the asshole I’ve always been. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, Kendall.” I lifted my hand as she started to speak. “And yet, that’s exactly what I did. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, baby. Please.” I bowed my head in embarrassment.
“Well, I have had a few people say I’m better off without you. It may have hurt to start with but maybe you have done me a favor by finishing is the way you did. Nothing was dragged out, and there were no arguments so, it was just a clear-cut case of, here today, gone tomorrow,” she said.
Damn. I loved the way Kendall explained things. She had such a clear insight that came from being so honest and pure. I could see why I had become attracted to her in the first place, apart from her being so hot. From what she had told me about her mother, she had followed in her footsteps and held no punches when explaining things, but Kendall did it in such a nice way it never felt hurtful.
“My Mom spent an hour telling me she knew this would happen and she relished the fact that it did, and she was happy it was all over, I have tried to defend you against her, and you treated me like shit, to be honest. She was right, and I should have listened, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt and stuck by you,” Kendall explained. “I deserved better, I never asked for anything, I just wanted to be respected and loved for who I’m.”
“Yes, I was, and I’m still scared, I’m scared to death of me. That is why I reacted the way I did. Like I said, I have hurt people because of who I was, and I didn’t want to hurt you, but since the weekend, I realized, all this was in the past. It has been years since I put people in this situation, and that was how I was, not how I’m now. Even if part of my old personality came back, I’m confident I now know enough, and have enough control, to not let it control me or my thoughts,” I explained as I looked into Kendall’s green eyes and could see she was listening to every single word I was saying.
“You humiliated me and just brushed me to the side like I was nothing?” Kendall said in honesty.
“I’m eternally sorry for the way I acted, and the way I said things, or in fact didn’t say enough regarding the matter. I was just so wrapped up in the conversation with Mom. I was hurt and upset with myself at that time, and unfortunately, I took it out on you,” I explained.
“Keep going.”
“I want a happy future, and know for that to happen, it has to involve you. You’re the key to everything, and if you are not with me, I have nothing at all. No amount of money will bring me what you have already brought me in such a short time,” I explained. “Even my house misses you. It once again feels cold and bare without you and Bo. There is nothing in there that is warm and inviting, it has lost its soul, or should I say, your soul has been lost from it.”
“Well look at the time, I’m all dressed up, and I’m late for where I was going now. I have made all that effort, and I have no one to appreciate it now, I had a great night planned and, well I’m still here,” Kendall said.
“Please forgive me, I got carried away with trying to explain myself, in my mind it would only take a short time to explain it, yet I see it has taken me nearly two hours to get everything out in the open,” I said, feeling slightly embarrassed for talking so long.
I had indeed spent a long time with Kendall, and I had totally lost track of time, she had made no attempt to stop me from talking and just let me keep going on, and on. I had tried to explain as much as I could about the way I felt. I wanted to put it all behind us, and start all over again now everything was in the open.
It was Kendall who was my center of attention, and it was only her that I wanted to focus on, everything else didn’t matter. I wanted her, and I wasn’t going to settle for second best, not today or anytime. This was one of those make or break moments that we all have in our lives. I needed Kendall to understand, I wanted to make it, and not to break this moment between us.
“I’m in trouble now. I missed my date with Mandy, and I have got dressed up for nothing,” Kendall said as she smiled at me.
“Let me make it up to you. I’ll take you out somewhere,” I replied as Kendall stood. “We can talk more about it.”
I stood with Kendall as if to leave, and she turned her back toward me.
“I’m not sure about you, but I’m quite happy to talk more here. Can you unzip my dress please?” she asked.
Kendall turned toward me, and I looked at her. She was so damn beautiful. I could see in her eyes she had accepted what I had said. She stood there with her long blonde hair flowing over her shoulder, and her fair skin highlighted the matching green bra and panties. My mind flashed to what a dream woman she actually was, and I had indeed been a complete and utter dick for the way I acted.
Kendall kicked off her heels, took my hand and led me toward the stairs.
“Come on, let’s go and talk some more…” she said softly.