Chapter Thirty-Three
Luna
It had been two days since Gabriel and I had had our picnic and my feelings had only grown stronger. I couldn’t wait for him to come to bed at night, and not only because we’d made love every night since, but because I loved being near him.
The excitement in the house had died down with Sandra gone and Harbor had called Gabriel earlier in the day to tell him he wasn’t coming back anytime soon. Gabriel couldn’t argue with the young man and told him to inform the police, which Harbor agreed to do.
I’d been in the pool most of the afternoon, floating on a raft as I read my book at the shaded end of the pool. The only soul I’d seen was Carl walking from the house to the back car port, where he took off toward the winery.
Once I got out, I’d headed up to the shower where I rinsed off the pool water and sunscreen and washed my hair. My mind kept thinking of life before and how I’d been happy, but not fulfilled. Not like I was when I was with Gabriel.
I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him, so I knew it was now or never. I had to speak my mind. I had to tell him that I was falling for him and that I didn’t want the annulment.
After drying off and dressing for bed, I went downstairs to see Gabriel. I had so much on my mind, and I didn’t know where I’d start to explain the way I felt and what I wanted. I didn’t want to come across as needy or desperate, especially if he didn’t feel the same, but I was sick of waiting for him to admit any of his thoughts or feelings.
There was something about the way we had sex, it was more than that, more than motions and meaningless gratification. When I was with him, it was love making: heartfelt and true. I needed to know where his head was at. When he lay atop me, kissing me tenderly and with care, I would never be convinced he didn’t care greatly for me, maybe even to a degree of love. And if it weren’t love, then perhaps it could grow into it.
I hoped and prayed that the chance of it would be enough for him to keep the marriage and give it a shot.
I found him in his office with his head buried in his work, the screen of his laptop reflecting off his face. He didn’t look up as I entered, and I thought there had to be something interesting there to keep his attention. I walked in and sat down across from him. When he glanced up, I realized he had his phone to his ear.
“I’m on it. I wish they’d told us sooner.” He finished his call and dropped the phone to his desk.
“When are you coming to bed?” The past few nights he’d gone with me, and though it was a tad early, I hoped I could convince him to follow.
He raked his hand through his hair and frowned. “I had a call from Mason; the police are suspicious of a man who they claim used to work for me. Mason got a tip-off from someone inside the department, and I think I know who this guy is. I want to go over the recordings again to see if I can find him.”
“You’ve been over those several times now. I doubt you’ll see anything you haven’t already. Besides, if you knew the man, don’t you think you’d have noticed him by now?”
“Not necessarily. He could have been wearing a hat or a disguise. As a matter of fact, it’s a hat I’m looking for.” He stared intently at the screen and I gave up my hopes of a romantic evening.
“I was headed to bed. I hoped you’d join me.” I had such hope only minutes before, but as he shook his head, I knew I’d be going up alone.
He glanced up and met my eyes and frowned. “I’m sorry. I wish I could join you, but this is important.”
What I had to say was important, too, but I wouldn’t burden him with it now. “Would you like some help?”
“Could you make a pot of coffee? I’ve got to stay alert so I don’t doze off.” He stopped for a moment to stare at me. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I started for the door, but he wasn’t buying it.
“I have it on good authority that when a woman says she’s fine, that means she’s not.” He waited, as if I was supposed to spill my guts, but I continued out.
“Luna!” I heard him call behind me, but I didn’t stop. I headed to the kitchen, where I threw the door open and nearly scared Carl to death.
“Excuse me, Carl.” My face warmed as it reddened with embarrassment, and I headed straight for the coffee pot.
“No problem, Miss, but isn’t it a bit late for coffee?” He lowered himself at the breakfast nook and scratched his head.
“It’s for Gabriel. He’s working late again.” My tone was mocking, and I wondered if Carl caught on to my aggravation.
“It’s not easy being married to a busy man.” I nodded in agreement as I waited for the machine to brew the pot. Carl returned his attention to his paper. Every now and then, he’d dunk a cookie into his large glass of milk and take a bite. I grabbed a mug and the pot and bid Carl farewell. I hurried back to the office where I placed the pot on the warmer by the bar and poured Gabe a cup.
Making his coffee was something I’d done a few times at work, so I knew exactly how he liked it: black as the night.
I walked around his desk and placed the cup within reach before leaning against his chair. After an hour, I moved to a chair and sat quietly, hoping he would be done soon so we could go to bed.
“Luna, why don’t you go to bed? I’m going to be here a bit. I’ve got a few more files to look through from the G2 office.”
“More files? What are you looking for?”
“The guy – the one I told you about.” Gabriel was aggravated, and I couldn’t blame him, but he didn’t have to take it out on me.
“Is this something that could wait? I’d hoped you and I could talk.” I understood the importance of clearing his name and solving the crimes, but it seemed a bit unnecessary to do the investigator’s work for them.
“We can talk while I do this. You won’t bother me.” He cracked his knuckles and then got back to work.
“It can wait. I’d like your attention for the conversation I’d like to have.” I rose from the chair and stalked across the room to the door.
“Hey, don’t walk out of here like that again. What’s going on?”
“I had hoped we could discuss us and the annulment.” I took a deep breath prepared to explain further when he threw up his hands and slapped them down on his desk.
“I thought we’d been over that enough already. If you’re wanting out sooner, you can wait until I’m done here.” His tone was harsh as his eyes hardened.
I stalked back across the room to stand over his desk. “Don’t snap at me. You’ve got no idea what I wanted to talk about.”
“You’re right, I don’t. But I know it can’t possibly be more important than what I’ve got going on right here, right now.” He returned his attention to the screen and I threw out my hands in frustration and turned to leave again.
“You’re right. How could I possibly be as important as that?” I hadn’t wanted us to fight, and since he had it all wrong, I wasn’t about to correct him.
I had only wanted to tell him how I felt and that I thought my love was growing; instead, I left the room wanting to slap him.
As I climbed the stairs, I sighed. How confusing to have so much love for someone and yet still want to wring his neck. I put my hand on my throat and winced. Too soon? I said a silent prayer for the victims and went to the bathroom.
When I came out, Gabriel was standing in the doorway, and his presence startled me. I hadn’t expected to see anyone, especially him.
“What is wrong with you?” Our eyes stayed locked as I crossed the room and climbed into bed.
“There’s nothing wrong.” It was the truth. My feelings for him were right – too right.
“Answer me and stop telling me there isn’t something bothering you.” Again, he had it all wrong.
“There isn’t anything bothering me. I have a few things on my mind, that’s all.”
“A few things like…” His eyes widened as his hand waved me on.
“It doesn’t matter. I understand that you went ahead and got Mason to get the contract ready to expedite the annulment when the time comes, but-”
“You want it now. Am I right?” He crossed his arms and lifted his chin, though his eyes cut downward to meet mine.
“No, would you stop assuming for five minutes and let me speak!” I hadn’t realized how loud I’d gotten until his eyes widened and he cleared his throat.
“I suggest you get to the point; I’ve got work to do.” He released a long breath and waited as I shifted nervously in the bed.
“I have feelings for you that are growing. I know you want the annulment, but I’m not sure I do anymore.” I took a deep breath and let the rest of my confession spill from my lips. “I’m falling in love with you.”
The look on his face was all I needed to see as my heart slammed to the depths of my gut, shattering into a million pieces. I held my breath on the sliver of hope that he would say what I wanted to hear and pull me from the certain death that followed.
Instead, he stood silent, his face turned down in a scowl and his eyes regarding me with horror. I blanched back as he stepped forward.
“Please go,” the words croaked out of my throat. “I know you don’t feel the same way, and I can’t blame you. You married me on a whim, and it was a mistake. I shouldn’t have bothered you when you have so much else on your mind, but I had to get that off my chest.”
He stepped forward and shame burned through me as he made a move out of pity. He crawled onto the bed and pulled me into his arms, still silent.
Downstairs, his phone rang, and though the sound was faint in the distance, it could have been a siren blaring between us. “I have to take that, but we’ll talk about this, okay. You’re right; this was too important and I shouldn’t have pushed it.” He planted a farewell kiss to my forehead and staggered out of the room and down the stairs.
I broke down in tears as I pulled myself to my feet. I didn’t want to be in his bed. I couldn’t spend another day in this lie and decided that the best thing I could do is move down to the room where Kim had stayed.
I’d poured my heart out to him, and for what? To have him regret that I’d said it. I walked to the closet and gathered my things. By the time he’d return, I’d be gone; and though it wouldn’t be far enough away from the humiliation that wrecked me, it would have to do.