Chapter Twenty-Seven
Grace
I'd never felt such pure lust for a man as I felt for Adam Wallace, but I also resented his ignorance and the way he stereotyped me and my family as simple minded people who couldn't possibly understand the complexities of life outside of Corner Grove. And after Honor told me about what had happened in the barn, I was furious with both Gabe and Adam for being so stupid and childish.
The lust for Adam, frustration over the store, and grief over the loss of my parents mingled in a confusing mix that left me wanting to run away. So, I avoided Adam as best I could by rising early and being out of the house by the time he got up. By Sunday morning, I was exhausted from the physical demands of running the store, so slept until the sun shone through the open window in my bedroom and woke me. As was usual on a Sunday, the house was silent because the others were at services. When Mamm and Dat were alive, I'd go to services simply to avoid an argument, but now that I was the one in charge, I didn't explain and the others didn't ask.
I rolled over and felt the soft, silky nightgown rub against my skin. Sunday was my luxury day because I didn't have to put on my cotton dress or wear my kapp until the others returned for the evening meal. I threw off the covers and stretched as the sunlight covered my body in a warmth that made me feel like I'd shed the heaviness of the week. I could smell the hydrangea that Mamm had planted outside the windows on this side of the house and light breeze blew the scent into the house as I got up and slipped into the silky, aqua-colored robe that matched my nightgown and padded down to the kitchen to make coffee.
Verity had left the remains of breakfast on the table and after I'd made myself a pot of coffee, I sat and picked at the leftovers as I plotted my day. I had intended to spend part of it walking the fields to see how our crops were doing, but as I sat enjoying the quiet morning air, I considered taking a book out to the porch and reading in the shade. The idea of spending a day doing nothing made me feel uneasy, so I decided to put on clothing and walk the fields before it got to hot, then maybe I'd relax for a bit before getting dinner started.
"Where is everyone?" Adam asked rubbing his eyes as he entered the kitchen. His hair was tousled and there were creases from the pillowcase on his cheek. He looked like a small child who'd just woken up.
"Sunday services," I replied as I pulled my robe around me and jumped up out of my chair. I'd forgotten that he was in the house and felt embarrassed to have been caught in my nightgown and robe. I left my coffee sitting on the table and tried to slip past him murmuring, "There's coffee on the stove. I'll go change."
"No, don't..." he said as he gently took my arm and pulled me back toward him. "You look so...relaxed. Just sit down and enjoy your breakfast."
"But I'm not appropriately dressed," I said as I half-heartedly pulled away from his grasp.
"You look beautiful to me," he said as he looked down into my eyes. I felt my breath catch in my chest as we stood staring at each other without moving. I blinked first and in an instant, my arms were around his neck as he wrapped me in his arms and bent his head to kiss me.
I knew I should resist. None of this was right, and I knew I shouldn't give in to the lust that drove my physical desire for this man, but I was sick and tired of disciplining myself to do what was expected of me. I wanted something that was just for me. Something that made me feel alive and free as opposed to weighing me down with obligation and responsibility. I wanted something that made me feel good, and the way Adam touched me made my body vibrate in a way that I'd never felt before.
"Adam, I..." I gasped as I broke away from the kiss and pulled back as the call of duty and obligation tugged at the outer edges of my brain.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." he said with a wild look in his eyes that told me he wasn't at all sorry, only that he was trying to regain the control that was quickly slipping away.
"No, not sorry," I said seeing the desire in his eyes. I pushed the doubt out of my mind and pulled him toward me kissing him again. His hands slowly roamed my body before cupping my silk-covered bottom and squeezing as he pressed himself against me.
"Grace..." he gasped as he kissed a path from my mouth to my ear whispering, "I need you."
I wound my arms around his neck and nodded in response. Adam took my hand and pulled me to the bedroom where he pushed me backward on to the bed before slowly sliding my nightgown and robe up over my body. I moaned as his hands pushed the silky fabric up around my waist and then pulling me up in to a sitting position, he tugged the coverings up until I lifted my arms and he could remove everything.
The good girl side of my brain set off all the warning alarms, but Adam short-circuited them all by laying me down and softly caressing my now-naked body as he lay down next to me and kissed me again. He explored every inch of exposed skin before slipping his hand between my thighs and gently pushing them apart.
"You're so soft and warm," he murmured into my lips as he stroked the skin between my thighs eliciting a moan from me.
"Adam," I whispered as I spread my legs. "I want you. Now."
Before I could say another word, he pulled his t-shirt over his head and slipped out of his boxers. I gasped at the sight of his naked body. He covered my body with his own as he positioned himself between my legs, coating his shaft in the wetness he'd inspired before slowly pushing inside of me. I groaned as he began moving his hips. I knew this wasn't the smartest choice, but the part of me that wanted to be me, and not the Amish sister or business owner or orphan, stubbornly clung to the notion that this would remind me of where I belonged, and who I really was.
We moved in unison as we ground against one another seeking the release that we both craved. Sweat dripped from Adam's face and welled up between my breasts and ran down my stomach making our bodies slick and slippery. I could feel him stroking me as I reached for the release I knew would send us both spinning and as he thrust into me, I hit the edge and cried out as I climaxed. Adam wasn't far behind and I felt him throbbing and jerking as he, too, released.
We lay there for a long time, not saying a word as we caught our breath. The reality of what we'd done suddenly hit me and I could feel the panic beginning to well up. Adam rolled to one side and gathered me in his arms pulling me against his chest as he kissed my forehead and stroked my hair.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Yeah, are you?" I said as my lips brushed his smooth chest.
"I'm great," he replied before kissing my head again. "But I don't think I should have done that."
"You didn't do it. We did," I said suddenly feeling stubborn. "I'm a grown-up, not a child, you know."
"Hey, hey, easy, lady," he said as he tipped my chin up and looked into my eyes. "I'm not trying to undermine your autonomy. I was just commenting on the fact that we didn't use protection, and that was my responsibility."
"Oh, I see," I said calming down and then feeling the panic rise again as I realized he was right.
"Whatever happens, I'm not sorry," he said gently kissing my lips.
"I'm not sorry either," I said sounding more like a defensive child than the woman he desired.
"Grace, why are you so defensive?" he asked looking at me with an expression that told me he was honestly curious.
"It's a long story," I said lightly tracing the seatbelt shaped bruise that ran diagonally across his chest. "Does this still hurt?"
"You're avoiding my question," he smiled. "And yes, it still hurts, but less since Verity gave me that ointment to put on it."
"Did she give you arnica?" I asked running my fingers down the length of his arm and twining my fingers with his.
"I don't know what it is, but it's helped with the pain and the swelling," he said as he squeezed my fingers. "Grace, are you still in love with Gabe?"
"What?"
"Are you still in love with Gabe?" he repeated.
"Oh my God, no!" I cried as I threw my head back and laughed. Adam watched me with a dark look on his face until I said, "Gabe and I were sweethearts when we were kids, but that's been over for a long time. He's like a brother to me, but he believes that I've just taken a wrong road and that if he's patient enough, I'll return."
"Will you?"
"No, it's not like that, Adam," I said searching his eyes as I tried to decide whether to tell him the whole story or not. There was part of me that didn't want him to know about my other life, but I wasn't sure why that was. "It's complicated."
"Isn't it always," he said looking away. I knew I was perilously close to shutting him down if I didn't say something.
"Adam, how can I help you do what you came down here to do?" I asked trying to push the conversation in another direction.
"Nice diversion tactic," he said with a small smile. He kissed me again and then said, "Look, I need to sell at least ten of these turbines in order for my company to be able to sign a contract with the manufacturers, but your bishop doesn't want anything to do with this project. So unless he changes his mind, we're done."
"What would it mean to sell twenty of them?" I asked, uncertain about what the whole process involved and scared that he'd aimed too high. Most Amish people didn't have a whole lot of extra cash laying around to invest, so asking them for money would be pointless.
"I need to be able to place at least twenty turbines on farmland to get the wind farm going and be able to sell the excess back to the power company," he explained as he stroked my arm with his thumb. I could feel the heat rising between my legs as he talked. "The crazy part is that it doesn't require any investment from the people who agree to let us put the turbines in their fields. We pay them rent according to how much energy is generated on their land."
"So, what are we talking about? A couple hundred dollars a month?" I asked as I reached up and stilled his hand.
"Oh, Grace, no! We're talking five to eight thousand dollars a year," he said adding, "Per turbine."
"Wait, you're telling me that you simply want permission to construct the turbines on farmland and that you'll pay the people who allow it?" I said stunned by the revelation.
"Yeah, didn't I tell you that before?"
"No, you most certainly did not," I laughed. "How much land do you need?"
"If we do it on farmland, we only need five-hundred fifty feet between each turbine," he said lapsing into the specifics of the project and tracing the outline for wind farms on my bare skin. "In residential areas, there has to be fifteen-hundred feet between each turbine and any buildings. That makes it almost impossible to generate any real power in the suburbs."
"So how many could you put on our land?" I asked as a spark of an idea began burning in my mind.
"How many acres do you have?"
"About twenty-five acres," I said holding my breath as he did the calculations in his head.
"That's eight turbines, so conservatively you could make about twenty-four to thirty-thousand a year from the turbines alone," he said. My heart skipped a beat as I realized that this could be the solution to our problems.
"Is that guaranteed income?" I asked.
"Well, it should be, but there's always an 'act of God' clause in every turbine contract," he said as he brought my hand up to his lips and kissed it. "Stuff we can't predict and that might mean the payments are delayed or rolled over into the next year's installment."
"So, in other words, it's guaranteed until it's not," I said as I calculated what this might mean for the farm and the store.
"What are you thinking, Grace?" Adam asked as he watched me closely.
"I'm thinking that I think I need to help you sell the turbine idea to the community," I said. "I want it on our farm, but we won't be big enough to meet your goals."
Adam leaned in and kissed me again, this time lingering as he flicked my lower lip with his tongue and then gently bit down sending a wave of warmth coursing through my veins. I returned the kiss, but my brain was somewhere far away thinking about how to parlay the turbines into income that would support my brother and sisters so that I wouldn't have to gut my retirement savings to ensure that they were okay. Adam kissed me more insistently.
"Can we do this later?" I asked as I rolled out of his arms and grabbed my nightclothes off the floor. "I need to take care of a few things."
"Yeah, sure," he said. I could tell by the tone of his voice that my rejection had hurt his feelings.
"I'm not done with you, Mr. Wallace," I said as I leaned down to kiss his lips. He turned his face away and my lips missed their mark.
"Yeah, whatever," he shrugged as he rolled off the bed, grabbed his boxers and yanked them on as he avoided my eyes.
"Fine, be that way," I said as I turned and marched out of the room and up the stairs. He could be as mad as he wanted, but once I'd figured out a way to sell the turbines to the rest of the Corner Grove Amish community, he'd understand and be grateful that I'd kept my wits about me.