Chapter Three
Delilah
“What are some good interests I have?”
“You want me to tell you your interests?” Mattie laughed as she looked up from across the cubicle. “I don’t know. Wait, why don’t you know your own interests?”
“I’m filling out a fake profile with my information so I can test the coding I used for the updated personal interests section. Just help me out here. What do I do that’s actually interesting?”
The last thing I wanted to do was put up an actual dating profile. I didn’t want to date anyone, and I was certain of that. But the errors were bugging me and in order to get the coding to work, I wanted to test it out on a page that I could manage.
Working in information technology was harder than I had ever expected. I learned something new every day, though, and I liked the challenge of my work. There weren’t too many jobs out there where you could literally reprogram a whole company’s livelihood and then hang out in the free lunch room over a mocha cappuccino.
Dating the Rich was a fabulous place to work. We had free food everywhere in the building. We could take as much time off as we wanted, although we didn’t get paid for it, so I never used it. We also had a gym downstairs and a massage therapist that came to the office once a month.
The only thing I didn’t like was my current supervisor, but those guys turned over so quickly that I knew someone else would take his position soon and I just had to tough it out for a bit.
“Hmmm, besides horribly boring art shows? I don’t know, you do a lot of things. Volunteering, working with your son and his school, all your running stuff…can you put that stuff in there?”
“Yep, I’ll add my love of cat sweaters, too, just for fun.”
“Ha, yep, I’m sure that would totally get the millionaires to love your profile. That’s just the type of woman they are looking for: lonely cat lady.”
“It’s not a profile to actually meet guys. I just need to test if everything is working, I’ll make it private again soon,” I said as I flipped my monitor around to show Mattie the profile I had set up so far. “You know, I swear I’ve fixed this error a dozen times and every time I think it’s totally good, I log in and it’s not.”
“If you don’t want people to respond to that profile, you shouldn’t have put that amazing picture of you on there. Damn, Del; that’s hot. Where was that taken?”
“On the beach after Spencer passed away. Spencer’s parents took me and Connor on a vacation. They are truly the best in-laws in the world. I’m so lucky to have them.”
“That is one kick-ass body you’ve got there, lady. I’d kill to look that good in a bikini. You should just walk around in a bikini. I mean, if I looked like that in a swimsuit, I’d just wear the damn thing to work.”
“It’s called running, Mattie. I ask you to come with me all the time and you always refuse. I’m only in shape because I used running as my only form of therapy after Spencer passed away.”
“Oh, I don’t want to exercise. I meant I’d actually kill someone if they’d just give me some abs,” she laughed loudly at her own joke. Mattie’s laugh boomed through our office and soon everyone had turned their heads toward us to see what was going on.
I loved her humor, though. Having her there with me over the years had been a big source of inspiration. She could turn even the dreariest of days into one where we were both laughing so hard we were crying. It was a special talent, that was for sure.
“Get back to work,” our angry manager grumbled as he stuck his head out of his office.
“One of these days he’s going to move on and we will get a decent manager,” I said softly. “I really thought he’d be sick of this job by now.”
“I know. I mean, what kind of man is that angry all the time? He is working at a match-making website. It’s not like we have a super stressful job or anything like that. You’d think that some sort of happiness would be a requirement to get a middle management job around here. All of the upper management seems so happy all the time.”
“Maybe he’s grumpy because he works here. You know what I’m saying? He needs a girlfriend and working here and being reminded that he doesn’t have one just makes him sad.”
We both giggled as we turned back to our computers and continued working. No matter what code I put into the social interest section, I continued to get errors throughout the morning. I reloaded several versions of the code and even read the entire code line by line as I tried to fix my error. It was exhausting.
By the time lunch rolled around, I was in the middle of a pure frustration fit. Coding for our clients’ profiles was my main area of work. I had to fix this error before I could continue on to test any other issues we were having. As I was about to walk away from my desk for lunch, an instant message window popped up on my screen.
IM from Brandon: Do you accept?
“Oh, Mattie, I’ve got a guy messaging me,” I laughed. “See what happens when I put an amazingly small bikini photo on my profile?”
“Is he cute? If he’s cute, you need to answer him. Remember, these guys are rich. You need a rich guy in your life.”
“It doesn’t matter. This is a fake account; I’m not going to accept the message. I don’t need anyone in my life. I’m very happy exactly where I am.”
“Del, it’s not really all that fake. It’s your picture and your details. Just answer him. Is he cute? And, yes, you do need a rich handsome guy in your life. Hell, I need one in my life. Answer him – for me. Take one for the team, Delilah!”
“Yes, his profile looks like he is acceptably handsome.”
“Let me see,” she said as she jumped up and came around to my desk. “Oh, wow, Del; he’s really handsome. You’ve got to talk to him. Message him, or accept his message, or whatever you need to do. Let’s make this happen.”
I looked around in fear that our manager would come walking past. I didn’t want to get caught using the instant messaging app on our dating site while I was supposed to be working on fixing our problems. He already yelled at us enough for no reason at all, so I didn’t want to give him an actual reason to yell at me.
“I only have my profile up while I’m fixing this error. I really shouldn’t be talking to any of the guys on here.”
“Why not?”
One of the things I loved most about Mattie was her willingness to go against the norms of everything. She was so much bolder than I was. I was pretty sure I’d always be a rule follower, but I liked having her around so I could live vicariously through her and her wild ways.
“I’m an employee here. I’m sure there are rules about us having a profile on the site. Plus, I’m not dating right now.”
“Yes, you are. You totally brought that guy home from the charity event last month.”
“That wasn’t dating,” I clarified. “That was a one-night thing.”
“Oh, come on. Just say hello to the guy. What could it hurt to say hi? Everyone is heading out to lunch. Robert isn’t even around to see what you’re doing. You are flat out of excuses. Say hi to the guy.”
Mattie reached around me and clicked the accept button on the message. Soon, another message popped up and she went scurrying back to her desk with a huge smile of pride across her face.
“Mattie!”
“You can thank me later when the two of you fall madly in love and you’re married to a millionaire.”
Brandon: Hi, I’m Brandon. It’s nice to meet you.
Delilah: Hi, Brandon. I’m Delilah, my friends call me Del.
As I typed my reply, I looked at his profile to see who this guy was and if he was anyone I might be interested in. Even though I wasn’t really dating, there was always this little voice inside my head that said there was another right guy out in the world for me. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever find someone I could love as much as my late husband, but I still had a little hope that someday I would cross paths with a man of equal standing.
“What’s he saying?” Mattie asked as she leaned in from across the cubicle. “Is he nice? Are you going to go out with him? I bet he’s really rich. Ask him how much money he has. Wait, no. Don’t ask that.”
“He just said hello, and I said hello. Now go to lunch; I’m only going to talk to him for a second before I’m getting back to working on this project. I need to get this error fixed before the end of the day.”
Mattie laughed as she grabbed her purse and headed out. We normally ate together for lunch, but she knew how I was when I had a lot of work. I wasn’t on a regular break and lunch schedule like she was, so I could always leave early if I skipped my lunch. Mattie worked in customer service and had to be at her desk at specific times.
Brandon: That’s one hell of a profile picture.
Delilah: Well, it got your attention, didn’t it?
Brandon: Definitely. I was a little disappointed you didn’t have a cat sweater photo, too. I bet you look amazing in cat sweaters.
Delilah: That was a little joke my friend and I put on my profile. I don’t actually own a cat or a cat sweater.
Brandon: What! False advertising. I can’t talk to you if you don’t actually own a cat sweater. Man, that was a huge selling point.
I paused our conversation for a minute while I looked through his profile a little closer. If I could have designed my ideal man, physically at least, it would have been Brandon. He was six-two with medium-brown hair cut in a trendy, short style. His light-green eyes popped out from every picture on his profile, and I was pretty sure the guy was incapable of taking a bad picture. Even the one of him crossing the finish line at the Boston Marathon had him looking epically handsome.
Brandon: Did I lose you?
Delilah: Sorry, I’m still here. I’m actually at work right now so I probably should get back to working…lol.
Brandon: Then we should meet for a drink sometime?
I froze as I stared at my computer screen. Did I want to go on a date with this guy? He was handsome and seemed pretty normal, but I wasn’t sure my head was in the right place for dating. Suddenly the whole interaction got real and I freaked out. No, I wasn’t ready to go on a real date. I couldn’t handle that.
Quickly, I closed out of the window and went back to work without replying to him. I clicked my profile back to hidden so no one could message me or see my profile. I was just going to have to fix my error without the active profile on there. I certainly couldn’t risk him messaging me and me having to explain why I had just disappeared.
My hands shook as I tried to type the code fixes into the computer. With adrenaline rushing through my body, I had to stop and sip some water while I cleared my head a little.
I pulled a family photo out of my wallet and tears started to pour down my face while I looked at how happy Spencer and I were when Connor was born. There really hadn’t been any happier moment in my entire life than when they placed my son in my arms with Spencer right there by my side.
My stomach churned with guilt over just talking to Brandon. Logically, I knew that I wasn’t cheating on Spencer. I’d had a few men in my bed since he had passed away. None of them had sparked such a rush of emotion as my brief conversation with Brandon, though.
Brandon seemed to be a normal guy who I actually would have dated before I met Spencer. He obviously had a decent job, since he had paid for a premium membership on our website, and I noticed he had a full consultation coming up with our Director of Love. Those meetings were only for truly elite clients, so Brandon had to be at least a millionaire if he qualified for that meeting.
Beyond his financial stability, he was really handsome, funny, and liked to run as much as I did.
Guilt wasn’t really a logical feeling for me to have since my husband had been gone several years, but maybe it was because I hadn’t met a guy I actually wanted to date before. The men in my life over the last couple years had been what I liked to refer to has place holders. They stood in for what I needed at the moment without pushing a relationship agenda.
The problem was that Brandon was on a dating website: he actually wanted a real relationship with someone and I had responded to his messages. My stomach continued to churn as I went back to figuring out my coding error on our profiles.
“It looks like it didn’t go well,” Mattie said as she came back from lunch.
Her face drooped apologetically as I tried to explain what had happened. The conversation had gone pretty well. The problem was that I hadn’t mentally prepared myself to have a good conversation with an emotionally available man. My spur of the moment decision had me swirling with emotions.
“It was all right. I’m just not ready to date.”
“You are ready! Don’t even tell me this. Come on now – Connor is in school; you’re doing great at work. It’s time for you to get out on the market for real. Like an actual date where you have a drink and eat some food.”
“I’ve had a drink with guys before,” I protested.
“Standing at the bar while they flirt with you and convince you to go back to their place, is not dating.”
“I know, I know. I just don’t think I’m ready.”
“Okay, let’s assume you’re right. When will you be ready? What exactly are you waiting for?”
“I don’t know. Isn’t it too soon? I don’t want to fall in love with some guy and look like the horrible widow who rushed out to find a second husband.”
“Del, it’s been four years. I guarantee no one is going to say you rushed out to find a husband. Hell, even Spencer’s parents tried to fix you up last Christmas. If your own late husband’s family is trying to find you a guy, that’s a clear sign you have a green light for dating.”
I had to laugh at the memory of Mary and Steve trying to fix me up with their accountant. They had invited him to a New Year’s Eve party that was a couple’s-only party, then they invited me. The poor guy ended up sitting next to me and talking about my son’s pre-school mishaps all evening long. I certainly wasn’t a fascinating date.
Mary and Steve were literally the most perfect in-laws in the world. They came over and took Connor for fun weekend trips. They babysat for me whenever my babysitter flaked out and always made me feel loved, no matter what was going on in my life.
I was so lucky they were in Los Angeles with us; I never would have stayed in town after Spencer’s death if they hadn’t been there to help me. My family had begged me to come back to Idaho, but I had just started at Dating the Rich and I really loved the warm California weather. It was a difficult decision to stay in sunny California, but was made easier by my in-laws.
“I’ll consider it. I’m not saying I’d date this guy, but I will consider going on a real date soon.”
“Why not the millionaire from the site?” Mattie asked firmly. “He’s a decent guy, right?”
“Sure, he seemed nice enough. But let’s be realistic here: if he’s a rich, good-looking guy, the last thing he’s going to be looking for is a woman with the kind of baggage I have. He could get any hot, young thing on our site to go out with him. I’m sure he wouldn’t be interested in me.”
“He’s rich, right? He messaged you, right? I think that’s a pretty good sign he was interested in you.”
“You know money isn’t important to me. I’d date a poor man if we got along well. And, I think he was only interested in that bikini photo. Anyways, it doesn’t matter now. I’ve got the account private and he can’t message me. End of story.”
“Okay, so then if this guy asks you out, promise you’ll go with him.”
“I just shut out of our conversation and made my profile invisible. I doubt he’s going to be asking me out, since he has no way of reaching me,” I shrugged. “Plus, technically he did ask me out, right before I closed the conversation and blocked my account.”
“Del!”
“Sorry, it was an impulse move. How about I make you a compromise: I’ll go out with the next decent guy who asks me out. Does that sound like a deal?”
“I guess, but you really should make your profile live again and let that guy ask you out. There’s no reason you need to date some loser like Markus when you’ve got guys like him hitting on you.”
“Did you and Markus talk about last night?” I asked nervously.
It really was sad how many problems Mattie and Markus had in their relationship. It was even sadder that they both chose to stay together. If they really weren’t happy, why bother pushing through an unhappy relationship? It seemed much better for both people to just move on and find what it was they were looking for.
I really didn’t understand why Mattie refused to leave Markus. She said she loved him, but it seemed more like she was afraid she wouldn’t find another man if she got rid of him.
“We didn’t talk about it.”
“Really? Your man was clearly flirting with the bartender and probably even got her phone number, yet you didn’t want to talk to him about it? Mattie, you’re better than this. You deserve so much more.”
“I don’t like arguing with him. I’m not his keeper, and I can’t go around patrolling everything he does. We have talked about it before and he’s not sleeping with her; he’s just a naturally flirty guy.”
I rolled my eyes at the utter stupidity of her words. It sounded exactly like something Markus had probably said in order to convince her he was not the type of guy who would cheat on her again. Yet everything he did showed he was exactly that type of guy.
I didn’t care what his excuse was – he wasn’t being respectful of my friend and that pissed me off. The problem I had was that I was her friend and it seemed to upset her when I brought up what an ass her boyfriend was. I clearly didn’t want to get her upset and didn’t want to make her feel bad for staying with the guy; I just couldn’t understand why she continued to give him the benefit of the doubt.
“Mattie, come on.”
“I know what you’re going to say, but I love him and that’s the end of it. I trust him. Well, I mostly trust him. I’m not going to break up with him, so just leave it alone.”
“Fine, but just be careful, please. I really don’t want you to get a broken heart.”
“Yeah, yeah,” she said as she answered a call and got back to work.
I went back to looking for my error and my computer flashed blue and then went totally black and shut down. I jumped back at the sudden noise of the computer shutting down and then glanced around the office to see if anyone else was having problems.
Everyone else seemed hard at work and were clearly not having the same issue I was. When my computer was unable to turn back on, I had no other choice but to call our main IT help desk. It was like the ultimate defeat when a computer person had to call on another computer person to help them. It was even worse when you were a female in a field that was predominately male. I absolutely despised having to call anyone for computer help.
“Hey, Tom, my whole system shut down and won’t turn back on.”
“Hi, Delilah. How are you today?” Tom said cheerfully into the phone. “That computer of yours has been causing you a lot of problems lately. Maybe it’s time we think about replacing it.”
My computer had been a pain in the butt for months. It constantly required rebooting and finagling to get it to operate even close to how it was supposed to work. The problem was I never wanted to deal with setting up a new computer. I knew how to get this one running, so I always just fixed the errors and moved on. But this time the poor old thing might have given me its last hurrah.
“I was doing well until I lost my computer. I’m trying to figure out a coding error, though; it’s a little frustrating. The damn thing normally just reboots, but this time I can’t seem to get it going again.”
“I’ll come right down and see what I can do,” he replied and hung up before I could protest.
Tom was standing next to my desk in less than two minutes. His glasses pressed deep into his nose as he leaned down near my legs to look at the computer. I tried to roll my chair away, but he had his hand on the arm rest to support himself while he looked for the serial number.
“I can get the number for you, Tom,” I offered, as his close proximity to my legs started to make me nervous.
“It’s okay, I’ve got it. You know, this is one of the oldest computers in the office. I think you should have one of the new ones since you’re doing so much programming and network projects.
“Why don’t you take the rest of today off? I’ll have our new vendor come set up the Lightning Razor computer for you in the morning. He swears by this new model and I was going to test it out, but since your computer is crap, I think it might be easier to just give it to you.”
Although I really didn’t want to have to deal with a new computer, the Lightning Razor was epic in the computer world and I was excited at the opportunity to mess around with it. If my computer wasn’t even going to turn on, then it was time for me to suck it up and get the new one. It would take a little bit of work to set it up, but once I had it running, the new computer would be ideal for my productivity.
“All right, I’ll talk with Robert and cut my day short today. What time should I meet with the vendor tomorrow?”
“I’ll have him come at eight,” he said as he pushed himself back into the standing position.
Tom leaned against my desk with part of his stomach showing from under his polo shirt. It took all the self-control I had not to look straight at his bulging stomach as I tried to wrap up our conversation.
“Okay, I’ll be here,” I said. “Thanks so much for your help. Have a good rest of your day.”
“You know, I was just about to head out early today, too. Would you like to go to an afternoon movie or something?”
“I’m sorry, Tom, I’m still not really dating right now. You know it’s just so hard to move on after losing the love of my life,” I said dramatically.
“Oh, yeah. I’m sorry. Okay. Um, yeah, I’ll touch base tomorrow after the technician leaves. Have a good day,” he said as he scurried away.
“You said you’d go out with the next guy who asked,” Mattie laughed from the other cubicle.
“Oh no, that one doesn’t count,” I said. “I’d rather date the guy from the website.”
“Do me a favor and keep your profile visible for a little bit. It might be fun to at least talk to some decent guys…assuming there are decent guys on our website. Sometimes I wonder.”
“Fine, I’ll make it public tonight. I’m going to head out for the day. I’m trying to get a long run in for my marathon training; any chance you want to join me?” I asked, although I already knew the answer.
“Nope. Have fun with that torture.”
“See you tomorrow, and maybe you can actually offer a little help next time Tom gets his sweaty butt into my cubicle. I thought we were friends.”
“I know, but it was so fun to watch you squirm.”
“I hate you and love you all at the same time.”
“I know. I love you, too,” Mattie said as she waved goodbye and I gathered my things for the day.
My endorphins were still racing through my system after flirting with Brandon. It was the perfect time to go for a long run and zone out a little. I wasn’t all that great at running, but it was the best stress reliever around.