As I approached the restaurant that Blake said he would meet me at, I realized I was more nervous than I thought I’d be. And maybe it was because this wasn’t a game or a play scene or anything irrelevant like that. This was about my brother’s life.

I didn’t like to bring my personal life into Irons or to those in it. And even though I called this meeting, I was still going to try and avoid bringing up Johnny specifically. I knew this would be a difficult meal with Blake, mostly because our relationship has been on the rocks for years. A lot had changed between us, and I was hoping to steer clear of the mention of Anthony Graves. He’s the reason our relationship was strained, and if Blake brings him up, then my chances of getting any money would be lost.

The hostess showed me to the table where Blake was already waiting. Blake stood to greet me, and a waiter was at our table before I could sit down.

“May I get you something to drink, sir?” the waiter offered.

I glanced at Blake’s glass of whiskey and asked for a beer.

“How’s Amy?” Blake asked right out of the gate as soon as the waiter was gone.

“She’s good. I’m working with her on her pain tolerance.”

Blake didn’t say anything and looked away as he sipped from the glass.

“I’m not going to delay this, Blake,” I sighed. “I need to talk to you about my membership dues that I just paid a few weeks ago.”

Blake frowned and I could tell he was lost and trying to figure out what I was talking about.

“Yes, your funds were received and cleared. What specifically were you concerned about regarding them?”

I took a sip from my beer bottle and leaned back in my chair.

“I need the funds back.”

Blake sat emotionless for a moment.

“Are you leaving Irons?” he asked.

I smiled, though I’m sure he’d like that.

“No, I’m not leaving Irons. Irons is everything to me, Blake. You know that.”

“I’m confused. Can you please feed me everything you came here to say instead of partial thoughts?”

Damn, why was he such a dick to me? I reminded myself to keep calm. It was for my brother.

“I’m sorry, Blake. Someone in my family is ill, and they need a very costly surgery—”

“One of your brothers?” he asked gently, interrupting me.

I nodded. Of course, Blake knew everything about everyone. He had eyes and ears everywhere.

“He’s on a waiting list for the surgery. At the rate that the list is moving, he should be up for it in late fall or early winter.” I leaned forward, gripping my beer bottle. “I’m not asking you for money, please don’t misunderstand me. I’m asking you to gift me a year of membership to Irons by giving me back my annual membership of twenty-five grand.”

Blake picked up his glass and downed the rest of his whiskey.

“How much is the surgery?” he asked.

I took a deep breath and was thankful he hadn’t shot me down just yet.

“It’s expensive. The surgery itself is over $100,000, and then on top of that there are the hospital fees and the anesthesiologist costs.”

Blake whistled and shook his head.

“Which brother is it?”

As much as I didn’t want to talk more about it, I started to feel like it was my only shot with Blake.

“Johnny. Not the oldest.”

Blake nodded.

“Johnny is the one you’re the closest with.” I nodded at his statement. “He’s the one that stood up for you when your parents found out about your kinks.” I nodded again, regretting that I ever told him about that. “He means a lot to you.”

“Yes, Blake. He means…more than I can convey.”

Blake nodded and picked up his menu. Soon, the waiter came by, took our orders and when he left, Blake switched conversations.

“You should bring Amy to the club on Monday. She might enjoy spectating.”

“Monday’s are Masochist Mondays, Blake.”

“I know. Paul, there is more than one speed to you.”

“I’m trying to get her there.”

“Maybe she’s as far as she can go. And if you truly love her, you will accept the speed that she can go.”

“I need more, Blake.”

Blake leaned back in his chair and shook his head at me.

“You want more.”

“No, you’re wrong. I need more.”

We continued through our meal, and I prayed that nothing else came up that would make me angry. Otherwise the money I needed for my brother could go up in smoke. If I ever needed to exercise control, it was now.

“Tell me, Paul. If Anthony walked through these doors and came over to you and asked you to administer beating sessions, but the tradeoff was that you had to leave Amy, would you?”

“Yes.”

I knew in my heart and gut that there was nothing I needed to think about or mull over. I’ve wanted that for years.

Blake wiped his mouth and set his napkin on the table as he motioned for the waiter. When the waiter arrived, Blake handed him his card for the bill.

“That’s my honest answer, Blake. You know how I feel about that. I could help him. He needs physical pain—”

Blake cut me off and looked around.

“I know it was your honest answer. I knew the answer before I even asked you the question. Now listen to me very closely; Anthony doesn’t need to have beating sessions. You put the notion in his head when he was in his early twenties and lost his father. You were planting a seed to your benefit. You were manipulating him. He will never step into a dungeon cell with you. Get it out of your head, Paul. Stop chasing that desire. It will never come to light. You will never have him in your grip,” Blake said quietly as he signed the credit card receipt before tossing the pen down.

I gripped my pants and the knees under the table. I was so angry. How dare he tell me that Anthony would never be in my grip! How the hell did he know for sure? God, I wanted to stand up and punch Blake in the face for saying that to me.

“And since Amy isn’t your soulmate, I suggest you stop pushing her to try to meet your needs. Do not break that woman.”

He turned to leave, and I felt like shit. Blake was my chance to recoup twenty-five grand. That would have put me at $51,000.

Depressed, I finished eating alone and drove home. The cost of the car Graves has would more than cover Johnny’s surgery. I loved my Challenger, but it was time to part with it to help my brother. Amy sold her car in a heartbeat, and she cut off Samantha from her payroll to help.

Amy.

She was willing to do anything to help my brother, yet I wasn’t willing to meet her in the middle with regards to our dynamic. I was pushing her to take more and more physical pain.

I talked to Amy when I got home and said we needed to trade my car in for something cheaper. She seemed sad about it because she knew how much I loved my car. It was the one thing that I had to show my status. And now, I was losing it.

Yet Blake had an expensive Mercedes. Colin fucking Everett had two obnoxious vehicles to show off whenever his mood dictated it. And Graves…he had that goddamn sexy BMW machine.

Jesus Christ. My priorities were so fucked up.

* * *

I woke up, and as I had my coffee, I tried to think of more ways to come up with the money. Amy helped me make a list of things around the house that I could sell, and she even volunteered to help me organize a garage sale.

“Fuck, a garage sale, Amy?”

The thought of doing a garage sale repulsed me. I never saw garage sales in my neighborhood, and I didn’t want to appear as needing money.

“What’s wrong with a garage sale? People have them all of the time. In California—”

“This isn’t California, Amy. People don’t have them in this neighborhood. I don’t want to look desperate for money.”

“J.P., it’s for your brother. Who cares what others think?”

I sat quietly and pictured myself putting out a cardboard box with poster board and “Sale” handwritten on the side.

“I bet Everett and Graves have never had to do a fucking garage sale,” I bitched.

“You have to stop comparing yourself to them, J.P.”

I glared at her.

“They have everything, Amy. I wonder what it’s like to never have to worry about money. To just say ‘I want this,’ or ‘I want that,’ and then it magically appears. They just swipe a little piece of plastic or pull out a wad of cash, and there it is. Everything.”

Amy was quiet for the rest of the morning, and I was ready to take my car to get it appraised and sold. The fucking car place gave me $18,000 for mine, and I had to spend $11,000 of it for a five-year-old pick-up truck.

Goodbye status car.

We went to the bank afterward to deposit my pitiful fucking $7,000 check. When the teller handed me my receipt with my new balance, I stopped in my tracks. I asked the teller for the last few deposits because this balance was a lot higher than I thought it should be.

“There is a $50,000 wire that came into your account this morning,” the teller said as she looked at her screen.

“$50,000. Who is the sender?”

“Blake Eriksson.”

The amount was the cost of two years of Irons membership. Blake came through even after the way our meeting ended yesterday. When I got home, I called Blake.

“Blake, thank you. I sold my car this morning and took the check to the bank. That’s when I found out about your wire.”

“You’re welcome, Paul.”

“I wasn’t expecting that amount. After last night I wasn’t expecting any of it.”

“It’s for family. Brothers will go to the end of the world and back for one another. I know he means a lot to you.”

“I don’t know how I’ll repay you anytime soon. Maybe next spring I can give you a little extra for membership.”

“No. Just your regular dues. Not a cent more. Think of your last two years at Irons as a free pass.”

I nodded and thanked him again before getting off the phone. As Amy and I did the math, I was pleased to see that we were more than half way to the cost for the surgery.

Johnny was going to make it.