– Whitney
After work, I’m making dinner while Tony is out. He shows up when it’s nearly done. He reeks of alcohol.
“How was your day?” I ask him.
“Fine.”
“Any luck finding a job?”
“Geez, Whitney. Is that all you care about? Whether or not I find a job?”
I blink, taken aback by his aggressiveness. But then I feel defensive.
“Actually, it’s a big concern right now. You keep saying you’re going to get a job, but nothing happens, and it’s difficult for both of us to live just off of my student loan money. And some of my parents’ money.”
I gulp, thinking, no wonder they don’t like him.
“I can’t help it that you hang out with your boss Lance all day for free, when really they should be paying you.”
“It’s called an internship, Tony. And it’s for our future. In a few months, I’ll have graduated and will likely get a good job as a result of this internship.”
If I don’t blow it by causing problems with Harlow, I think.
I was planning a nice, casual dinner at home, where I could tell Tony about my dilemma at work, which is as follows: on the one hand, I think I could validly assess Harlow and help him improve. On the other, someone higher up than me will likely want me to say that he’s further along than he really is.
And I’d have ethical problems with that. Not to mention Harlow’s haughty attitude. He probably thinks he doesn’t even need my help.
I’ve been thinking a lot about asking for someone else to replace me as Harlow’s physical therapist. It seems like the wisest and most ethical course of action. And yet, I worry that it will look bad for me at work.
As Lance has pointed out, this is my opportunity to prove myself, and I’m not sure I should quit before I even try. Not to mention, I wouldn’t mind the chance to get up close and personal with Harlow…
“What’s for dinner?” Tony asks, as if reading my thoughts and wanting to draw them back to himself.
“Just tomato soup and grilled cheese,” I say. “I had a long day at work and school, so I decided to keep it simple.”
Tony opens the fridge and pops open a Heineken.
“Fine by me.”
Another one? I want to say.
Instead, I ask, “What’d you do today?”
“Just hung out with Nate and some other guys,” he says. “Shot some pool.”
So basically he was in a bar all day while I worked, and now he’s drinking more beer while I cook.
“Do you want to make a salad?” I ask him. “The veggies are in the fridge.”
“No, I’m going to relax and play a game of Madden ‘til dinner’s ready,” he says, heading over to the living room, beer in hand.
I can’t take it anymore. I just explode.
“Tony, I don’t think I can do this.”
“This? What?”
He plops down on the couch, not even seeming very upset.
“Us. I just feel so disconnected from you, and you don’t even seem to make an effort anymore. It’s not just a matter of finances, although that’s an important issue. It’s just that emotionally, I feel lonely, as if I’m not even in a relationship at all…”
“Geez, Whitney. We’ve both had long days. Can’t this just wait until later? I don’t have the energy for a long-winded relationship assessment conversation right now.”
I know in my heart that I’ve reached an impasse, but Tony’s right that at least I had a long day. I guess I don’t have in it me to take action about our relationship and my internship right now.
I spoon myself out a small bowl of soup and eat it while Tony obliviously plays his video game. I have lost my appetite.
“Dinner’s ready, serve yourself,” I tell him, on my way to the bathroom. “I’m going to take a bubble bath.”
I sink down deep into the water and try to clear my head. I can’t run away from two challenges at once.
As I hear the sounds of Tony’s video game continue in the living room, I decide to break up with him, and to work with Harlow. It’s time I stopped taking the easy way out for once.