Two hours later, Liz and I are at the condo where she'll be living.
"Thank you so much for doing this," Liz says. "I thought my mom was going to kill me. She acts like her main issue now is the fact that I'm moving out, but she always finds something to complain about. Really, if she knew I had let you take my virginity, without any kind of relationship in place no less, she would have hit the roof. There's no telling what she would have done. So good thinking with the fake engagement story."
I lift her up and sit her on the kitchen table. I realize this is the first time we've been together that hasn't been in my office. I kiss her slowly and deeply.
"Liz, there's nothing I wouldn't do for you."
She returns my kiss, and I feel compelled to be completely honest with her.
"And actually,this arrangement benefits me as well," I confess.
"Oh yeah?"
"You probably heard Dr. Stenton mention a deal going through in a month," I tell her. "That's a business merger and the other partners would be worried if they knew I was…"
"Having sex with your patient?" she asks.
"Yes," I agree, feeling a bit surprised at how bad that sounds when she utters it. But fuck it. I take what I want, and taking Elizabeth Jane felt so damn good that I regret nothing. And now, all I want to do is whatever it takes to just keep taking her.
"There's another meeting about me, tomorrow," I tell her. "Dr. Stenton is suspicious about what he witnessed when he walked in on us and the partners want to discuss it with me."
"I see," she says, staring at me a bit incredulously.
After what happened with Maria, the partners aren't going to trust me not to get into drama involving Liz. Even though Maria did take the extra money and leave— proving herself to be the gold digger I knew she was all along. And even though what I have with Liz is something completely different than what I had with Maria, or any other woman for that matter.
My partners know me as a badass player who gets in, gets it done, and moves onto the next. They'll never believe that it's different this time with Liz and that they needn't worry because I'm…
"So, if you tell them we're engaged, they'll know they won't have to worry about liability?" Liz asks me, interrupting my train of thought just before I was about to admit to myself the feelings that have been lurking beneath the surface this whole time, bubbling and stirring and threatening to explode.
I love her. I love this fucking girl so much.
"I can explain," I tell her, feeling bad that she thinks I'm just lying to save my ass when actually, for the first time ever, I wish my lie could be true.
"It's okay," she says, smiling. "It makes perfect sense. You did this to help me, and also you. Fair's fair."
I pull her into me and smell her hair. It always has the scent of cherry blossoms, so she must use a shampoo like that.
I'm glad she's not mad at me— after all, how could she be? I saved her from the wrath of her mother— or at least some of it. And she seems to understand that this arrangement benefits me too.
So why do I feel let down that she accepts it so easily? Did I want to torture her by wanting her to want this to be real instead of just pretend?
"And when do I start working for you?" she asks, with a challenging sparkle in her eyes.
"Oh, I… I just said that, so your mom wouldn't think…"
"That in our fake engagement scenario, I was marrying you for money? That I was going to be your kept wife?"
"Something like that," I admit with a grin.
"Well, I appreciate you carrying out the lie to its fullest extent, but I'm going to need that part to be true," she says.
I look at her. I could easily find an opening for her as a receptionist. But I don't want her to have to work for me, even though the thought of having a reason to see her every day excites me. I want something altogether different for her— for us.
"I do have college tuition to pay," she says, "so I'm going to need some money. And I look forward to having a job and some financial independence from my mother."
"You can start tomorrow," I tell her.
It figures that the one woman I want to be with, to take care of and provide for completely, is the only one who isn't a gold digger and who is content to find her own independence. That thought fills me with a mixture of sadness and pride.
I look at her and decide I'm mostly so proud of her even though she's accepting our new fake reality a bit better than I would have hoped. I suppose I wanted her to protest, to beg me to really propose to her.
But I should have known better. Liz isn't a weakling and that's one thing I love about her. She comes across as stand-offish and shy, but it's only because her mother has scared her into being completely obedient at all times. Her real spirit— the one who mother couldn't break no matter how hard she tried— is strong, brave and, despite it all, even kind.
As Liz returns my gaze, she looks like she's melting for me. And that's another thing I love about her— that this strong woman becomes so weak in my presence, so turned on by my touch that she'll submit to me and let me do as I please with her.
I lean down to kiss her.
"I guess this is the first time we're actually completely alone together," I tell her. "And in someplace other than my office."
"I guess we should take advantage of it, then," she says, and winks.
"I guess you're right."