Braxton

With each day, I grow almost desperate with the need to just hold Heather. I have the simple need to be close to her and know she’s mine. I feel like my heart is bleeding out. However, to fix my bleeding heart would be to force hers to bleed more, which is the part I struggle with. I won’t unmask her pain for my own pleasure. Only a shit bag would force her to relive the things in her past, just so he could be happy.

Yet, I need to find a way to bridge the gap between us. I constantly think of how I could’ve done things differently. Still, it all leads to the same path.

I have to go about this differently. There’s nothing I can do to change the past, no matter how much I want to. I need to figure out how to reach beyond her demons. It kills me that when she thinks of us, she thinks of that monster. However, deep down, I understand.

I need to find a way to get Heather to see me. I need her to connect with her feelings for me. If I don’t figure something out, we could remain like this for forever,—me longing for her and Heather denying the incredible connection between us. Hell, a year and a half has been too long already.

It’s not just me anymore. Others are beginning to see our chemistry. Shit, it’s undeniable. Whenever I’m in a room with Heather, it’s like magnets are pulling us together. I’m drawn to her.

No one misses this fact, everyone’s just confused as hell because Heather has been holding up this charade. I still think this game she’s playing is dangerous. Someone is going to get hurt. It’s only a matter of time before it all blows up. This tension between us is like a forgotten pressure cooker. At some point, the lid is going to explode clear off.

Our love will stand bare before the world. Something this strong can’t be hidden forever. Now, if only I could figure out how to help it along.

I frown at the bullshit I’m about to pull. I blame it on my dick. Heather and Lucy were at the bar earlier for beers. Lucy had a few and things got…interesting. The sexy way she danced around Heather—, I’m sorry, I’m a man,—that shit was sexy as fuck.

Honestly, I vaguely remember Lucy from high school, despite everyone saying she went to the same school with us. She sure as shit has changed, since the first time Heather showed up with her as her date. Before, I might have said Lucy was cute.

Now, Lucy comes around looking like a fucking knock out. Her honey blonde hair is now streaked with hints of platinum blonde. The long locks fall down to her waist in soft layers that complement her.

Those little tight jeans and the t-shirts that show off her body are always spot on. Forget it if she puts on a dress like tonight. Those shapely legs are a nice sight to fixate on.

However, when she danced around Heather, it only drew attention to how hot Heather is. Standing there in jeans and a baggy t-shirt. Her short hair framing that gorgeous face. Those lush lips, begging for my attention.

Heather was the star of my fantasy. Lucy just added a little something extra. I’ve been tugging at my own shit for almost two years. I definitely banked that show for my lonely nights.

I haven’t been able to bring myself to sleep with anyone else, since being inside of Heather. I’ve known Heaven, I’m not interested in the brochures for anywhere else. How can you have perfection and settle for spoiled milk or filthy rations?

My body craves Heather as much as my heart does, which is why it’s time to switch it up. I’m tired of whispering dirty secrets to Heather just to insure she still remembers me. Oh, she hasn’t forgotten. I see the lust in her eyes, before my words even reach her ears. This is not a one sided thing. If it were, I’d back off.

I’m an asshole, but I know when to throw in the towel and walk away. That time hasn’t come. Heather just needs to face the truth. This distortion of life she has needs to come to an end.

“Papa’s here,” I mutter to myself.

With the same grin on my lips that makes my mother call me a little shit, I lift my hand and knock on Heather’s door. I know she and Lucy came back here after the bar.

Yeah, yeah, I have a tracker on my girl’s car. So sue me. I protect what’s mine.

Finding out that Heather has been running across town to check on her little sister almost made me lose my shit. Knowing that fucker could have access to Heather makes me want to set shit on fire. It’s going to happen sooner or later. I’m going to get my hands on him.

I haven’t been idle all of this time. I called in a favor with the one person I trust to dig and not ask too many questions. The one person crazy enough to just know I need to handle some shit. Uncle Ronan warned me to be cautious. He’ll let me know when it’s safe to put that dog down.

Yeah, waiting for Heather to give me the okay or her blessing has gone out of the window. I plan to handle this my way now. The only problem is who Ernest Kline works for.

My cousins have some things in the works that I can’t afford to fuck up. The Alliance hasn’t been set in stone, but I could tip the scale on the plan that’s brewing. That’s the only thing keeping that motherfucker alive.

I’m pulled from my thoughts of filleting that piece of garbage by the opening of Heather’s front door. Lucy’s cute little face comes into view. Her cheeks are red and her hair is pulled up into a messy bun. I figured she would be here with Heather.

You’d have to be a fool not to see how serious she takes this whole farce. I don’t want to give breath to what I truly think. I just know this all does not end well.

I shake my head at my thoughts. “Where’s Heather?” I ask strolling into the apartment, despite the small crack Lucy has provided in the open door.

Her gesture isn’t welcoming at all. Not to mention, I notice the agitation my arrival has placed on her face. I wave that shit off in my head. Strolling right over into the kitchen. I grab a cold beer, making myself at home.

“Good to see you too,” Lucy mumbles, as she follows me and flops down on the other end of the couch.

“Likewise,” I mutter and take my first sip of my beer.

Now this place looks like Heather. I smile to myself, taking in the light blue sofa and accent chairs. She had to have the pink vintage looking coffee table. The thing was custom made from an old chest and repurposed window. I spent the day with her waiting for it to be finished.

Over the last year and a half, Heather and I have had our moments. Days when we call a truce to spend time together on neutral terms. I don’t give her shit, she doesn’t tell me lies. It works.

“What are you doing here?” Heather says, as she appears from the hallway that leads to the two bedrooms and the small bathroom.

I lift my shoulders and take another pull from my beer. “Thought I’d stop by. Not in the mood to go home. Ry took off. Don’t want to be alone,” I reply.

“You’re afraid to be home alone,” Lucy snickers.

“Bite me,” I toss at her.

“If I weren’t into girls, I possibly would,” she lifts a brow at me, as if she just said something to shock me.

I turn my head and let my eyes roll over her. “I’d pound your skinny ass into next week. Don’t go barking at trees you can’t climb,” I say, knowing my words hit their mark, as her eyes widen and her mouth drops open.

“Ugh, none of this. It’s been a long freaking week. So much is going on,” Heather huffs, taking the seat between myself and Lucy.

Her scent engulfs me, calming my nerves and soothing all my thoughts. She also snatches my beer from my hand, finishing it off. I press my lips at her, but get up to get us two more.

“It has been a busy week at the office. You’re off for the weekend though, right?” I call over my shoulder.

“Yeah, but I’ll be spending the weekend on a little assignment for Dad,” she sighs.

“What kind of assignment?” I ask, my curiosity lit.

“Dad wants me to help talk Nellie into moving back. We’ve been talking on the phone a lot the last few weeks. I think I almost got her,” Heather says with a satisfied grin on her face, as I hand her a fresh beer.

I decide to play nice, bringing a third beer over for Lucy. She takes the offering, but places it on the coffee table. I’m fine with that. The sooner she sobers up, the sooner she can get the fuck out.

I never said I was willing to share Heather. If you ask me, Lucy is just a cockblocker. I would be able to make so much more headway if Lucy weren’t always around. I toss those thoughts aside, as Heather’s words set in and peak my interest.

“Seriously, Nel is thinking about moving back. Damn, I miss that girl. We used to have so much fun when we were little. All the fights and shit she and Bean would get into. Those two were crazy together. You couldn’t fuck with one without fucking with the other,” I shake my head chuckling. “Why isn’t Bean talking her into coming back?”

“She may come to work at Black and Lock. Dad wanted me to talk up shop,” Heather shrugs, slouching to rest her head back on the couch.

“I think I remember Nelly,” Lucy says, trying to join the conversation.

Heather’s stomach growls cutting into our little chat. I grin, bumping her with my shoulder. Heather’s cheeks glow as she pats her stomach.

“Sounds like you’re hungry, Kid,” I chuckle.

“I can cook something quick,” Lucy offers.

“No one wants your weed brownies,” I tease.

“Shut up, Brax,” Heather laughs out.

“What,” I say through my laughter. “I still can’t believe the shit I know about our dear Lucy.”

“What were you doing on a gay site anyway?” Lucy grumbles.

“Not just gay, Lesbian,” I clear up, frowning. “That shit was hot. A friend told me about it, so I checked it out.”

“Asshole,” Lucy huffs under her breath.

“So I’ve heard,” I stand and stretch. “I want some Chinese. I’ll take the walk and get it.”

“Oh, yes,” Heather groans. “I’m all for that.”

“I’ll be back,” I start for the door.

“Don’t you want to know what we want?” Lucy say, blinking up at me.

“I got it,” I wave her off.

Heather just shakes her head, finishing off her beer. As I make my way for the door I hope like hell, Lucy will be gone by the time I get back. Sure, I never have to ask what Heather wants, but I didn’t ask Lucy in hopes she’d take a fucking hint and leave.

* * *

Heather

He’ll return with her favorite. I’m sure it’s banked somewhere in that brain of his. He’ll order her usual subconsciously. I’m used to it.

“Why do you let him do that?” Lucy’s voice interrupts my thoughts as soon as the door closes behind Braxton.

“Let him do what?” My brows wrinkle.

“For one, he walks in here like he owns the place,” Lucy says exasperatedly.

I lift my shoulders. “He’s here enough. I guess it feels like home for him,” I reply.

“Okay, well, what’s up with him always ordering for you,” Lucy mumbles, a pout on her lips.

Again I shrug, not seeing the problem. “He knows what I like. It’s a Black thing. They get it from Uncle Joe. The women in their lives don’t pay and they anticipate them is all.”

“But you’re not the woman in his life,” she says with a deep frown.

“You know what I mean,” I huff. “What’s up with you tonight?”

She’s been acting strange lately. We left the bar early because she asked to go somewhere to talk. I was tired anyway so I agreed and we came here.

“I thought we were going to get to talk,” she says nervously.

“I’m all ears. What’s on your mind?” I ask knitting my brows.

Lucy looks down into her lap. She had a bit too much to drink I think. I blame the alcohol for her dragging me out to the dance floor, while she rubbed herself on me like a cat.

Lucy looks up and closes the small distance between us. I watch her, waiting for her to speak. Her eyes search my face, for what I’m not sure. She licks her lips, finally breathing out her thoughts.

“Hav…have you ever wondered if there could be more between us?” She says just above a whisper.

“More? More like how?” I knit my brows. “I told you if you needed a place you could have the second bedroom.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” she sighs. “Heather, I’m attracted to you. I’ve had a crush on you since high school. What I’m saying is, have you ever thought about not pretending? Have you ever thought about…you know, what it would be like to actually kiss? Not the pecks on the cheek.”

I sit with my mouth open. My father taught me to pay attention to details. How the heck did I miss this one?

I’ll tell you how. Your attention has been on Brax. You’re driving yourself crazy.

Ain’t that the truth. I’ve been driving myself crazy for nineteen month straight. I don’t even want to count how many times I’ve almost caved. The energy that pulses between us is unreal. I deny it with everything I am, but I still crave him. I just know how wrong it would be to drag him into my messed up head.

Then there’s all the focus I give to Amanda. I still check in on my sister to make sure she’s okay. I haven’t noticed any more broken bones. I’d like to believe she would tell me if Ernest is hurting her.

We now sneak in a visit every other week. Eugene and I have come to an understanding. He actually sought me out, which I thought was weird. He just said he was doing someone a favor. I shouldn’t trust him, but for some reason I do.

Yup, all of this went over my head because I have a million things on my plate. Not once did I think about a real relationship with Lucy. I don’t even know what to say to her.

She looks down into her lap. “I’m sorry. Maybe I had too much to drink. I never should’ve said anything,” she murmurs.

“No, I’m sorry. I…you just surprised me is all,” I reply, pulling my shit together. “I’ve never kissed a girl or anything.”

“Oh, but I mean we could try. I mean, if you want. If you’re okay with it,” Lucy rushes out.

I’m stunned. What do I say to that? I’ve taken nude pictures of this girl, never once have I had those types of feelings. I feel so messed up for not seeing that she has. Guilt starts to twist my stomach. I feel like I’ve been using her. I never thought we’d carry things on this long.

We’ve only “broken up” a few times so that she could see someone else. It never lasts long, but each time she has had a friend she’s offered up to pretend to be my girlfriend. In return I’ve given them similar services to the ones I’ve provided for her,—a makeover for a few dates.

Every time I mention calling it quits so Lucy can have a life of her own, she tells me it’s fine, she doesn’t mind helping me at all. Now, it all makes a little more sense. I feel so awful.

I look at Lucy, really look at her. She’s a very attractive girl. With the makeover I did for her, she has really come out of her shell and blossomed. Lucy doesn’t even look like the same girl anymore.

I had so much fun creating her new look. When we’re shopping for her, I feel like I get to shop for myself. I’ve been living vicariously through her for nearly two years.

I cherish her friendship, I would never want to hurt her. However, the sad look on her face tells me I have. I fidget with the hem of my t-shirt, trying to figure out what to say.

Lucy has a plan of her own, before I can register what she’s about to do, she cups my face and leans in. I gasp in surprise. Her soft lips press against mine gently at first. I shut my eyes, as my brain tries to catch up with what’s happening.

If I thought I was in shock a few minutes ago, I’m in pure disbelief now. Lucy slips her tongue into my surprised mouth, but I don’t push her away. I feel terrible about misleading her.

If I try this…maybe I can make up for using her. She’s a girl. She’s safe. I can do this.

I make up my mind to kiss Lucy back. It’s not bad, I don’t feel what I feel with Brax, but it’s not terrible. When I respond Lucy really gets into it, she deepens the kiss and moans. I’m still okay when she does.

My mind begins to race with the possibilities of something real with Lucy. I reach to tangle my fingers in her hair, which encourages Lucy further. Her hand on my cheek starts to roam.

I’m fine when she caresses my neck. Her soft touch is pleasant. It’s when Lucy’s other hand cups my breast, over my t-shirt that I freak out. She’s so into it, she doesn’t realize I’m totally losing my shit. She moans and kneads at my mound.

I push her off me so hard her back hits the arm of the couch. I scramble back away from her to the other side. I’m sure my eyes are wild as I look around for escape.

“Heather, Heather, I’m…I’m sorry. I…ar…are you okay? Did I do something wrong?” Lucy says frantically.

I drop my head into my hands, starting to sob. I start to hyperventilate. I feel small and vulnerable. I don’t know how to stop the panic.

“Heather,” Lucy whispers.

“I’m so…so…sorry,” I stutter out.

I shake my head in my hands. It’s been years since images of Ernest and Skinny Man have haunted me. I squeeze my eyes tight as the lid blows off the tightly sealed box I have all that horrible shit in.

“I…I think I should leave,” Lucy murmurs.

I don’t reply. I can’t. I’m spiraling out of control. I can hear the pain in Lucy’s voice, but I have to save myself before I can think about her.

Damaged. I’ll always be damaged. Damaged and lonely.

* * *

Lucy

I mean, I get naked in front of her once a week. Whenever I’m posing, I’m posing for her, not the pictures. I never even load the full nudes to my site and social media. Those are exclusively for her.

Heather’s gorgeous and so talented. She made me into a whole new person. I’ve never felt as pretty as she’s made me. I was just plain before. Now, I shine whenever she dresses me up and we go out. I’ve been asked out by guys and girls, since my makeover. I have a new confidence I never had before. It was why I thought I should tell her how I feel.

She gave me the confidence to kiss her. I thought she was into it. She kissed me back. What did I do wrong?

I sit watching her completely freak out. I know I said I’ll leave, but I can’t move. I’m paralyzed in this single spot. My back hurts from the force of hitting the couch, after Heather’s push. I feel so stupid. I shouldn’t have pushed this.

I don’t want to lose her. I just couldn’t leave well enough alone. For nineteen months, two weeks, and four days, I’ve gotten to spend so much time with Heather. I’m with her whenever I can be. I just thought, maybe if she knew how I felt we could…be real.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” I say softly, as I start to move.

I collect my things, starting for the front door. I open the door to find Braxton lifting his hand to knock. His golden eyes fly pass me to Heather. I step out of his way quickly, before he tramples me.

My heart tears right out of my chest, as Heather jumps right into his arms. I blink back the tears. She allows him to hold her so easily, the panic from moments before evaporates. I look down at my feet, the moment seeming too intimate to watch.

“Shh,” Braxton coos to her, while rubbing her back.

It’s too much, I can’t stand here. I’ve seen the way they are together, but it hits me hard in this moment. There’s so much more to Braxton and Heather than she lets on. I’ve tried to deny it for so long.

I can’t lose her, but I can’t watch this either. I slip from the apartment, closing the door behind me. When the door is sealed shut, I lean my back against it and let the tears fall.

You did this to yourself. I know I did, but my heart wants what it wants. I don’t know how to change that, but I won’t lose her.

* * *

Braxton

Heather shakes her head in my chest. Her tears soaking the front of my t-shirt. I tighten my arms around her and rub her back. My mind tries to come up with what the hell could’ve happened while I was gone.

“It’s okay, Baby. I’m here. You can tell me,” I coo, hoping she’ll tell me something so I can fix it.

Still, she shakes her head again. I blow out a breath, before kissing the top of her head in comfort. I hate that her body is trembling. I want to explode, but I know that’s not what she needs.

Despite what my family thinks, I can be civilized. I reach to lift Heather into my arms and sit on the couch. The food is forgotten on the floor, next to one of the accent chairs. I barely had time to drop it, before Heather was in my embrace.

I run my hand over her hair, relishing the silky feel, along with the fact that I’m getting to touch her. I press a kiss to her forehead, when her sobs turns into little hiccups.

My heart swells, when she curls into a ball in my lap, tucking her face into my neck. I feel my entire body uncoil. Whatever’s wrong…I’ll figure that out later. For now, we can sit here and need each other.

“Stay,” she whispers the words so softly, I almost don’t hear them.

“Always,” I reply, knowing inside I’m answering way more than her simple request.

For the first time in just about two years, I can breathe.