––––––––

No bloody condom. I’d let a guy stick his dick in me without a rubber. Never in my life had I ever done that; had a dick inside me or not used protection. I didn’t stick my own in anyone without being gloved either. And there had been me giving my sister and Boomer hell over being careless.

Fucking idiot.

I’d left early, that piece of shame hanging over my head more than my sister catching me in Ayden’s bed. I wasn’t half as bothered about that scenario than the one a few hours earlier. I didn’t think he fucked about but hell’s teeth, it wasn’t the point now, was it?

The fresh air of the morning woke me up as I walked the mile or so home. My sex addled brain had finally slipped from its lust induced fog and decided to take a pity party with every fucking step toward my shitty little flat. Although Ayden had stuck his cock in my arse for a few scant seconds, the memory lingered in a not so pleasant achy kind of way. A sore ache that made my balls throb and my heart hammer because I wanted so much more than what he’d given me. Without a condom.

Goddamned idiot for sure.

A hypocritical idiot.

Thoughts of Ayden were wiped instantly when I saw Charlie’s car idling at the kerb outside my flat as I turned the corner onto my street. Six a.m. was far too early for a social visit, I had to surmise the old man was not parked outside my home waiting for coffee and bagels.

Thinking up my lie, I approached the car. This shit was getting old, I had to get out from under him and soon. With his car window rolling down as I bent my head, I gave him the most charming smile I could muster and sang out a cheery ‘morning.’

“Where you been?” he barked, sour whisky breath threatening to make me gag.

Last time I checked, he wasn’t my dad. But he was my boss, and I’d learnt very early on in my acquaintance with Charlie it was best not to piss him off. “Over at Malc’s.” The untruth slipped easily from my mouth, it hadn’t been the first lie I’d uttered to this man and would not be the last.

“One of my boys spotted you at that club last night. Any progress?”

Well, the old bastard had just saved me a fuck ton of trouble and a trip all in one sentence. I made to look shifty, as if I was about to tell him a state secret and hoped like hell my acting skills were on point.

“I think there might be an in with one of the bouncers.” I leaned my elbows on the top of the window and pushed my head inside the car a little way. “One of the bartenders was looking for some blow. Pissed he couldn’t get anything past his boss.”

Charlie eyed me sceptically. “And he just told you that?”

“Nah. He knew who I was, his brother gets his gear off me, said the bouncer mentioned my name as well.”

“All right. What d’ya reckon?”

“I’m gonna have another sniff around tonight, when it’s busier, see what the score is.”

“Okay. I got Shorty locked down for a few. Take that twat, Boomer, with you. Keep him straight, mind.”

The window started rolling up. Conversation over. I extracted myself from the opening before the fucker had my head caught in the traction and throttled me. I straightened up as one of Charlie’s goons revved up the engine and tore from the parking spot. I breathed a sigh as the car roared off. Well, if the impromptu meeting had told me anything - it was Charlie was watching me and I needed to be a bit more careful.

Plodding up to my flat, the thought of a hot shower and some clean clothes were enough to put all else from my mind. I was sick fed up of my head never stopping, constantly going around in circles, while trying to watch my back too. I climbed into my bed for a few hours sleep, my alarm rousing me six hours later.

Twenty minutes was all it took to feel warmer and clearer headed than I had when I’d arrived home. I’d resisted the urge to jack off under the warm water knowing the orgasm would feel empty without Ayden’s input and goading. I still sported a painful erection from thinking of him as I wrapped a thread bare towel around my waist and made my way through the flat to the kitchen.

I was starving and surprised I hadn’t smelled the coffee that was sitting in a take-out cup on my counter top. I did, however, get a whiff of Chrissie’s unmistakeable perfume; not entirely unpleasant, unlike her company. Sure enough, she was at my rickety table, dressed up to the nines. Her milky tits barely supressed in a tight-fitting tank top, her jacket hooked around the back of the chair she was sitting on, one leg crossed over the other.

“Make a habit of just wandering into someone’s house uninvited?” I asked as I headed toward the cupboard furthest away from her.

“Morning to you, too, dear. Door was open. I brought you some coffee, thanks would be lovely.”

“Door was closed. Most people would knock.” I grabbed the half bag of bread from the shelf, sniffing at the opening to make sure it was still fresh then popped two slices into the toaster before turning to face her. Very pretty woman, gorgeous actually, that jet black hair of hers making her eyes so dark it’d be easy for a sucker to drown in them. Not me, nope. I’d learnt quickly and figured this woman out a long time ago; her heart was as black as her hair. Much like her father. Much like mine. “What is it you want?”

I hadn’t seen her since the morning I’d found Shorty with her. Looking at her now, she showed no ill effects of the incident. Retrieving the butter from the fridge, when I turned, Chrissie was there, caging me against the fridge, her supple curves pushing into me. Groaning at the contact, the brush of her body against my dick had him perking up again.

I’d always found Chrissie attractive, she was probably only one of two or three women that I could let go with and have a reasonably decent time screwing. It always helped that she let me shag her arse as hard as I liked. My body clearly remembered this fact and the half stubby decided to make his full-grown presence known.

“Oh yeah, Gripp...” Leaning in, she nipped at my ear then slid down my body, her hands taking my towel and throwing it off to the side when she sank to her knees. Her mouth was tantalisingly close to the head of my fully flushed dick. “I ain’t seen you in a while, baby.”

Whether she was talking to me or my manhood, I didn’t care. Spearing me with those bottomless pits one would call eyes, she screamed of sex and bad ideas and a fucking orgasm. An uncomfortable sensation rolled over me, I didn’t like I wanted to stuff her mouth with my cock just so she couldn’t talk.

“You ain’t even got an hour for me?”

Here’s the thing about me and Chrissie. We’d been fucking around for years, and old habits die hard. Every time she mentioned the word girlfriend, I’d gag and run a mile. There was only so many times you could tell someone they weren’t happening until you got sick of the sound of your own voice. This was me and Chrissie.

“Lemme take care of you, baby. You know I can do you good, Gripp.”

Oh, she could all right. My cock strained, almost begging to be swallowed down through those cherry red lips. “Chrissie,” I sighed. Resting her hands on the front of my thighs, she swiped her tongue at the wetness seeping from the end of my dick. What a traitorous fucking bastard. I tried pathetically to swat her hands away, but she was having none of it, her fingernails digging deeper into my muscle. “This thing is done.”

Blinking up at me like she didn’t understand what I’d told her a hundred times or more, I felt guilt at the way I’d treated her. This was my fault. I kept calling her, and she came running. I fucked her and enjoyed it, hadn’t stopped or drawn any lines.

Mixed signals right there.

Her hot mouth sucked around my cock and I thumped my head back against the door of the fridge, rattling the jars on the top, dropping the butter as I clenched my fists. Fuck, her mouth felt amazing, always did.

Behind my eyelids that were squeezed tight, Ayden’s disappointed face looked back at me, and the memory of the night before became sullied as Chrissie took my whole cock in her mouth and deep throated me good.

A harsh, pained moan escaped as I came to my senses and gripped at her hair, but something stopped me from yanking her from me. This was what I deserved. Chrissie and I were alike, both scraping the bottom of the barrel, both in the same world. The heat of her mouth felt so good, I wanted to come in there, where I belonged. Ayden was a pipe dream, too good for the likes of me, no matter how much I tried to pretend I could change and be worth something. All my clear judgment and comprehension went out the window with my good intentions as Chrissie’s mouth worked me over, that fucking amazing tingle riding in waves coming sharp and fierce. Both hands grabbed fistfuls of silky back hair and I jabbed my cock in and out of her willing mouth at a furious pace, ignoring the dread coiling up my spine.

Fuck my life.

Hearing a small cough to the side of me, my head snapped around to catch sight of Boomer leaning against the kitchen door jamb. He looked thunderous, like he wanted to beat my head in and then some. Looking down at Chrissie still sucking me off, disgust rolled over me in long waves. In a panic I pushed her from me, shoving her to the floor so she was sprawled at my feet, her skirt above her hips and her bare pussy for all to see.

Oh fuck, what the hell had I done?

When I looked back up, Boomer was no longer there, like he hadn’t been standing shooting daggers at me in the first place. I used my feet to shunt Chrissie further away from me. “What the fuck are you doing?” I hissed, angry more at myself than her.

Reaching down for the towel, I tucked it back around my waist, my dick still raging hard. The realisation of what I’d been doing not enough to quieten him down. Shit! This was bad. I wanted Ayden, wanted to start something good and real and honest with him, not this.

“What the hell, Gripp?” Chrissie swiped her hand across her mouth, red lipstick smearing around her mouth and across her cheek. I had no answer to give her, not about to explain myself to her.

“Get up!” Grabbing her arm and hauling her to her feet, I pulled her skirt down as she stood full height in front of me. In her heels she was eye level, her black orbs accusing, angry...embarrassed. “Go home, Chrissie.”

Eyeing my hard on, she pointed at me like the spoiled little bitch she was and stamped her foot. Levelling me with a sneer that wasn’t pretty and meant nothing good, she threatened with the only card she’d ever had over me. “Yeah...I got to go see daddy anyway.”

For the life of me, I couldn’t have cared less. I’d passed the point of giving a shit. We’d never been a couple, not in my eyes, she could tell Charlie whatever the hell she wanted. I’d done her dad a favour the first time all those years ago, we shouldn’t even still be doing this dance with one another. Enjoying it once, it had been a mutually beneficial agreement which should have just been sex, because Lord knew Chrissie liked to fuck as much as I did. But the lines had got crossed somewhere along the way, and I should have known better. Of course Charlie would use Chrissie to try to keep me in line, much like he used to do the same to her. Together, Chrissie and I would be good for him. I wanted fucking out and continuing to screw around with my boss’s daughter was not the right way forward. It was suicide and would scupper any chance I had with Ayden.

“You do that, sweetheart,” I retorted. “let him know I’m off the market while you’re at it.” Because when I thought about it, I was.

“Really?” Scowling at me, she corrected her clothes, those tits of hers bouncing before my eyes. This wasn’t ending well, not for me anyway.

“Come on, Chrissie. You knew what this was between us.” I tried to placate, do a bit of damage control. “It was fun for a while but it’s over, has been a long time.” I guessed trying to mend bridges with a soft tone wouldn’t work with her, but I tried anyway.

Looking like she wanted to stick pins in me, she grabbed her bag from the table and reached for her coat. “We’ll see, Gripp. We’ll see.”

To say I was relieved to watch her leave was an understatement. I should have thrown her out the minute she’d arrived. She’d parted on a threat and I knew everything had become more complicated. This was going to blow up in my face big time.

I searched for Boomer, curious as to what his problem was. He’d never messed around with Chrissie, knew the score so I had no idea what he was all bent out of shape for. When I found him, he was sitting in Sophie’s room, where I’d told him he’d be for the foreseeable future until he sorted himself out, calmed down on the gear.

“I’m not gonna lie for you, Gripp.” He didn’t look at me. “Ayden,” he clarified. I wracked my brain trying to remember if I’d mentioned him at all, drawing a blank, darned sure I hadn’t. “He deserves better than what I just saw in there.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Going on the defensive, I wasn’t even sure Boomer knew I was into guys. I’d never exactly divulged the fact to him, he’d never seen that side of me. Or so I’d thought.

“He seems like a good guy.”

Dropping my head along with the pretence, I was ashamed, a familiar emotion these days it seemed. Not for what my best friend had walked in on, but the fact I’d gotten to the point where I was willingly shoving my dick down someone else’s throat and enjoying it mere hours after Ayden. I was a fucked-up mess. Boomer was spot on, Ayden deserved far better than the likes of me.

“He is. The best,” I said. Going forward I needed to be honest with him.

Leaving the room in a sullen mood, I headed to my own, collapsing on the unmade bed, staring at the cracked and peeling ceiling that perfectly encapsulated my life. Ayden was my future. I knew it, felt it deep in the bones of me. He was my saving grace. Why would I risk the possibility of an us for a blow job from a woman I didn’t really like? The boss’s daughter of all people? How could I possibly be what he needed if this was the way I carried on just a few short hours after leaving his bed?

I shit on every good thing that came my way, and there hadn’t been all that many decent things in a very long time. I was a fucking fool.

As long as I lived this life, there was no chance Ayden and I would be anything. Getting out would give us all a fair shot, especially Sophie. Charlie had to go down first, then I could work out the rest. Wipe the slate clean. Start again. I wasn’t a stupid guy, had a head for numbers, complex numbers, I loved the enigma they often posed. It was a tenuous thought but a future job along those lines was a possibility. Doing something other than run drugs constantly looped in my head. What was I good at? What could I do? How would I make enough money to keep a roof over Sophie’s head?

Peering down at my hands, I studied the letters across my knuckles, laughing bitterly. My palms were spattered with years of blood and violence, how could I change? I ran my thumb over the initials, a lump forming in my throat, tears in my eyes. Scotty would be so disappointed.

Fuck, I was losing it big time.

The fallout from Chrissie and Charlie was not going to be easy. Did it really matter what I was trying to accomplish? Me and mine came first, I couldn’t think of anyone else.

I heard my phone chiming a message, guessing it was Ayden. Ignoring it, feeling a little vulnerable, I had to get my head in gear. My life needed sorting and I had to decide where I wanted to go from here on out, and if I was seriously contemplating a future with Ayden.

“Ten of Swords,” I whispered, turning over onto my side and closing my eyes for a few more hours.

* * *

Sure that I had no eyes on me, I made my way back to the club, every step fraught with paranoia. Being Saturday night, the place was hopping and the chances of being seen as anything other than two blokes out at a club for a drink, were slim. I was thankful at having planted seeds in Charlie’s head already, he may have felt inclined to let me be for the night.

Leaving Boomer at the bar again, I had to guess there was security cameras everywhere because Ryder was standing at the office door as I approached, ushering me inside when I got closer.

“That’s Martin,” he pointed to the corner of the room, where the guy who’d had me in a headlock in the storeroom sat.

Tipping my head in his direction, I said; “no hard feelings.”

“Cool,” he replied. “Hey, man. This is my job. Can’t have you peddling that nasty shit in here. Just wanted to make sure you understood.”

“Oh, I got you all right.”

“Take a seat.” A third chair had been added to the two I’d previously seen last time I’d been in the office. “Lucca can’t make it. He wants you down at his place sometime soon. Introductions, clear the air, whatever.” Ryder snickered. “He’s proper that way.” I didn’t detect any malice and surmised it was a joke among friends, which I certainly wasn’t.

Sitting down, I felt somewhat more comfortable than before, but I kept my wits about me, not wanting to look complacent no matter what.

“Okay, Shaun. Here’s the deal.” Ryder sat opposite me, a folder in hand and crossed his leg over his knee then he dove straight in, no bullshitting around. “Your mate, what’s his name again?”

“Boomer.”

“That’s his name?” Martin laughed. “I get why they call you Gripp, but Boomer? Loud mouth, is he?” I caught Ryder cutting Martin a fierce ‘shut the fuck up’ kind of look.

“His name?” Ryder asked again.

“It’s Ben. Nobody calls him that except my sister when she wants to piss him off or is pissed at him.” I flicked my attention over to Martin. “And they call him Boomer, cos yeah...he’s fucking loud and got a voice that would melt the knickers off any chick that listened to him sing.”

“All right. Ben goes to rehab next weekend. You got six days to convince him. You think you can?”

“I think so. I got money saved that could cover some of it, it was kinda earmarked for him if he couldn’t manage to sort his shit out anyway. I got him staying at mine, trying to dry out a bit, but he deals, snorts his product. If Charlie’s giving him it, then it seems like a prolonged battle uphill just to tumble back down again.”

Ryder waved his hand in the air and shuffled about inside the folder. “Kid, I got more money that I know what to do with. It’s sorted. It’s not a top-notch facility, is affordable even by your standards so as not to raise suspicion. You take the cash you have though, give it to your sister. If anyone’s looking, it needs to be where it usually is. You get me?”

“Yeah.” I scratched at my ear, thinking. “Charlie’s got tabs on me. Visually anyway.”

All three of us were quiet for a beat before Ryder spoke again. “Charlie’s my father, Shaun.”

My jaw dropped, astonished. Now that was something I’d never have guessed. Not once had I heard a peep of any kind of rumour, of Charlie having a son.

And oh shit - that made Chrissie his sister.

My predicament just got better and fucking better. Was I digging my own goddamned grave here, or what? How I ended up in one convoluted mess after another was beyond me, I simply couldn’t help myself.

“Definitely personal between you both, then?”

“Yes,” he agreed. “He’s left me alone so far but Charlie’s good at the waiting game and I reckon he’s waited long enough. He wants something I have. I’ve been back down here nearly two years now; my time is running out. I have far too much to lose if he comes after me.”

“Let’s get on with it then. I want out and I need it more now than ever.”

Martin coughed and bent forward in his chair. “This is not gonna be easy. You need to disappear for a while. Even then, whatever goes down is most likely gonna be loud and come straight to your door. You ready for that?”

“Who else?” Ryder had been watching me, studying me while Martin had talked. The guy could read me like a book and I felt ill at ease he could so easily. “Who else do I need to look out for? For you, I mean.”

I lowered my head to my chest not sure how honest I wanted to be. Then again, if there was a chance Ayden was going to get caught up in the crossfire, it was best I was straight about everything.

“I met a guy recently.”

Martin’s eyebrows shot up. “A guy?”

“Yeah, a guy. I like him, could be something there. No, fuck...there is something there. Like a whole lot of something.”

“Well, this is a surprise,” Ryder laughed. “This guy know what you’re into?”

“Kind of. I mean, I’ve been honest to a point. Told him I was making plans to get out. Haven’t lied about stuff when he’s asked, but he hasn’t asked all that much. Just the bits that matter. Like if I’m a junkie or not.”

Reaching over to the desk, Ryder grabbed a pen from the side and poised over the folder a second later when he asked; “What’s his name? He run the same circles as you?”

“No, no. It’s the bloke my sister is staying with just now. Ayden.”

The pen didn’t move like I expected it to, and I heard Martin sigh off to the side while Ryder didn’t write Ayden’s name on the folder. He didn’t look up at me either, just sat with white knuckles gripped around the non-moving pen. “You think it’s wise? Getting involved with someone right now? You strike me as a fuck and run kind of bloke, Gripp.”

Shrugging my shoulders, knowing exactly what he was getting at but feeling like I was missing a whole lot. “He makes me want this more, so much more. I can’t help what I feel, it’s thrown me off if I’m being honest. I know what I should do, but I can’t. He’s important for a reason and that’s all that matters for now.”

“Okay, okay.” Ryder jumped up and moved to empty the folder on the desk. “Let’s wrap this up.”

I followed him over and scanned over the contents spilled on the wood. He pushed a business card toward me. “Ben - rehab by Monday at the latest. Call Lesley on that number there, she’s expecting you.” Picking up the card I read the name before fishing out my wallet and shoving the card inside. “She’s my wife’s friend who’s willing to help, so do me a solid and get Ben there.”

Next were two train tickets to Edinburgh. “You’re taking Sophie up to the city. I’ve heard its great fun. Lord knows that girl could do with some laughs. I’ve booked a room somewhere as well. Of course, you won’t be there, but appearances must and all.”

“Ayden wants to take Sophie to his dads over the summer. I figured that would be a good deal for getting her away. He promised she’d be safe.” Ryder stood full height and slipped his hands to his waist, tipping his head back, peering up at the ceiling as if in exasperation. “What? I didn’t know you had all this planned. He offered, and it seemed like a good thing. She’s out the way, I need her to not be anywhere near me for a while and know she’s safe. Not fucking wandering about a strange city she doesn’t know.” I shoved the train tickets away from me.

“So, Ayden and Sophie will be away? That’s good, Ryder. Move on.”

Sighing loudly, he picked up the tickets. “You still need to have these on you and make it look like you’re going away for a bit of fun. Make it known to Charlie, open your wallet in front of him or something. Just make sure he knows you’re going away. The tickets are booked for the middle of next week. Is that doable for you?”

“Yes, I only have a pick up and one visit next week. Charlie runs to his dealers every two weeks with nothing in between. I have some days for an imaginary trip with my sister,” I scoffed and rolled my eyes at him. Honestly, the idea was absurd but who was I to argue, the man was helping.

Picking up the last card, Ryder handed it to me. “This is my number. Put it in your phone, under whatever the fuck you want except my name, then leave the card on the desk. Text me before you leave this office, so I have your number. The second one is Martin’s, do the same. I figure Lucca will give you his when you see him.”

I did so, setting his number in my contacts under the name Harold. Don’t ask me why, seemed funny at the time, but the way the air had turned frosty told me I was better keeping it to myself. Martin’s number went in as Marty, my fun over. Then I typed out a lame text that simply said, ‘Thank you, douche.’

He cracked a smile then turned to Martin. “You mind leaving us for a minute?” Off he went, not acknowledging me or his boss.

The second the door shut behind him, I about shit myself when I was bent over the desk so fast, my arm shoved high up to my shoulder blades, my cheek squashed to the lemon smelling wood, and Ryder plastered against my back. Not in a good, come fuck me kind of way either.

“Sophie and Ayden get caught up in any of your shit, I’ll come for you myself,” he hissed in my ear as he laid his full weight against me, my hips painfully pressing into the edge of the desk, my teeth gritting. I couldn’t move my head to agree with him so grunted in response. “When I let go, you’re gonna start talking. I want every single piece of info you have on Charlie, significant or otherwise, and I mean everything.”

I owed him that much so didn’t complain, it would be a weight off my shoulders to shed and share a burden. This guy was going to help me, and I was giving every means possible I could in order to walk away in one piece. When he let go, I eased up and straightened myself out.

Then I talked.

For the next forty-five minutes I gave Ryder every secret I had on Charlie, leaving nothing out, hoping it was enough. Hoping it was the key to my future and would set me free. When I was finished, Ryder grinned at me.

“I think Charlie’s going down. You ready to start over, Shaun?” Picking up his phone, he typed out a text as butterflies hammered around inside me. There was no turning around now. Dared I hope we could pull this off? “But first we need to go see Lucca. You need to see what you’re getting yourself into.”

Those words were not comforting words at all, did not sound good to my ears. “Now?”

Laughing, Ryder shook his head. “I’ll text you in the morning.”