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We didn’t go home to the Loft. Dad took Sophie and I down to the house in Beaufort, saying it would be the best place to get some quiet. To recuperate. The hour-long ride was more uncomfortable than usual, nobody saying anything, all lost in whatever little world we had crawled into for safety’s sake. I should have been happy I was finally out of the over bleached room I had spent the last thirteen days in but somehow, I couldn’t find it in me to even smile, let alone feel happy. My mind whirred with unwelcome thoughts and memories that made me sick to my stomach the whole ride home.

Sophie’s small, cold hand in mine was the only thing I was feeling; I couldn’t even begin to imagine how Sophie was. I was struggling, I didn’t know how to do this, how to come back to the here and now, or how to bring Sophie with me. She was lost, gone. Still breathing but very much broken.

And Shaun.... well, I imagined he was the same.

How the hell did we all move on, get past all the pain? I glanced down at our entwined fingers then at her belly. She seemed a lot bigger, her stomach more noticeable, although she wasn’t. She’d lost some weight, perhaps that was it. Sitting watching her I realised that maybe her baby could be Sophie’s saving grace and that might be the best angle to work with, maybe we could claw each other back from the edge. Letting out a breath, my eyes blurred at the thought. We were crashing, like great big breaker waves tumbling forward.

She’d be fine; I’d make sure of it.

Jake would trust me to do this.

“Nearly there,” my dad called from the driver seat. Sophie’s hand squeezed mine, I couldn’t tell if it was from nerves or apprehension. She’d shut down and even I was having trouble reading her. When Ryder suggested we came straight down to the house I jumped at it and did little to convince Sophie it would be the best idea. Neither of us had seen Shaun in a few days, guessing he just needed some space and time to process what we’d told him. Sophie was taking it harder than me, he hadn’t come for her when it was time to leave the hospital and she felt let down, he had disappeared when she needed him the most.

I hadn’t wanted to see Shaun then anyway. My anger had dissipated, and I had accepted his explanation, but I still couldn’t stop thinking about all he’d said. And all that he hadn’t said. My feelings were confusing, and I wasn’t in the head space to deal with him. So yes, I jumped at coming down to the house knowing that he was at the Loft. The space would do us the world of good.

The car pulled into the driveway and Sophie let go of my hand to undo her seatbelt, it looked like she was mentally steeling herself for the next few days. I took a look out the window, sighing softly, realising how serene it was here compared to the rush of the city. Opening the door, the salt air from the sea hit me and I closed my eyes, sucking in a cleansing breath.

Yes, this is where I needed to be.

A few hours later we were settled around the kitchen island tucking into some long awaited decent food. I think maybe Taylor had made the pasta dish I was now shovelling down my throat, pasta was her speciality. Sophie was picking away at it slowly, but I saw that she was making an effort, so I let her be for now, it was good enough for me.

“I need to be away for a few days, Ayden.” My dad spoke as he set down his glass of wine. He wasn’t a drinker but now and again liked to indulge in the odd glass at dinner. “Ryder, too. You guys be okay here?”

He looked over to Sophie, she nodded her head but didn’t say anything nor did she look up from her plate. I cleared my throat. “Sure.”

“Okay, good. I’ll have my mobile and the security is set on the house.” He was still worried; normally he didn’t bother with the alarm system what with this being a sleepy village on the coast. “You need anything or go anywhere, you call to let me know.” He gave me a pointed look. “Understand?”

I did, perfectly; we both needed the reassurance he was giving us. He wanted us safe and tucked away from harm for whatever was coming next.

Sophie’s stool scraped across the tiles as she got up from her seat. “Thank you for dinner,” is all she said before she turned on her heel and left the room, no one having the heart to make her stay.

My father patted my arm. “It’ll take some time, just be there when she’s ready.” It was all I could do. “How you doing, son?” He gave me his full attention, as always.

“Better.” I put my hand over his. “Better for being here.” He seemed happy enough with that.

“And Shaun?”

My smile disappeared, knowing he would ask eventually, I shouldn’t have been surprised but even the sound of his name had me hurting and caught me off guard. I just shrugged; I had no answers for myself never mind him. He got up and moved to my side, enveloping me in a hug. “Do what you need to do for yourself, not for anybody else. I’ll be right by your side.” He was one of my strongest supporters and I loved him hard for it.

“I will dad and I know.” I basked in the adoration that he had never hidden from me, letting me know every single day that I was loved and loved fiercely at that.

“You know where I’m off to right?”

He didn’t need to tell me what was going on in the next few days. A noose of fear snaked its way around my heart and gave a squeeze, reminding me of all I could lose if this went wrong. He kissed the top of my head sensing my unease.

“We’ll be fine; I’ll keep him safe. I promise.” Easier said than done. I knew how hot-headed Shaun could get but I pinned all my hopes on my dad and my uncle to keep him safe and out of jail at the very least. “I promise.”

He sat back down next to me again reaching for his wine. “You use the next few days to figure out exactly what’s going on in your head. Three days most. We’re not dwelling on this, okay?” The look he pinned me with meant business, I knew it well and while it didn’t exactly strike fear in me I did take note and listened to what he told me. “No details, Ayden. None whatsoever. So, you don’t ask. Not even Shaun. You need to be able to do that.” He took a sip from his glass before speaking again. “But know this; when I get back, things will have been taken care of and you won’t need to look behind you all the time.”

I pushed my plate of food away from me, having lost my appetite the moment Sophie left the room, now the smell of the food was nauseating. My stomach churned with fear – a very real fear of losing the people I loved with all my life. I had no trouble admitting I loved Shaun, I just had to get my head around everything and finally make that decision.

Losing Shaun would surely plunge me into the depths of further misery and obscurity. Yet loving him completely would most certainly be the greatest thing in my life. Was I ready?

“What if I can’t?” I asked my father.

Eyeing me gravely, he said, “it’s all or nothing. If you can’t, then you walk away. It’s only fair. I’m sure he’s hurting too, Ayden.”

He had me there. I hung my head in front of me and inhaled deeply. “Okay.”

The next three days were going to be an absolute mind fuck sifting through my emotions.

It was either the end of the beginning or the beginning of the end.

No matter, the choice was mine.