––––––––

I stood outside his room door for a good five minutes trying to gather myself. Sophie said he was feeling a bit better and I knew he was medically recuperating but I was still unsettled. He’d woken three days earlier and he hadn’t allowed me up to see him. I couldn’t help but take that shit personally, and honestly....it fucking hurt. Lucca had no answers and Sophie wasn’t talking. Said it wasn’t her place. She’d been up a few times in the last few days, was I upset? Of course, I was, but the mere thought of him just being okay dampened the hurt a little. Now was my time, and it had been far too long. Fuck did I need to see him. It had been too many endless days since his smile had warmed my heart, I needed him like I needed the air to breathe. How could I have not realised it sooner?

I knocked softly on the door before walking in. When my eyes caught his, my unease fell away and I rushed to his side. “Ayden...” I breathed, looking him up and down to make sure he was, in fact, going to be fine. I could see nothing to suggest that he’d almost died, just a cannula stuck into the back of his hand and a yellowish colouring around his eyes.

“Hi,” he said back, looking up at me. I had to touch him, needed to touch him. I leant down and kissed his forehead, watching as he closed his eyes at the contact. It was the only sign I needed.

God, I’d missed him so fucking much.

My heart ached at all he’d gone through, all that I’d done to both him and Sophie. It didn’t bear thinking about, but I couldn’t shove it out of my head. I told him that I missed him. Told him that I was sorry, sorry for fucking up. Sorry his best friend was gone. Sorry he was hurting because of me. He smiled at me shyly, reaching up to stroke his hand along my cheek. I soaked up his warm fingers, his loving touch.

Home....he felt like home.

“I missed you too.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” I felt the tears coming and mentally willed myself to be strong; he didn’t need my pansy arse crying.

“It’s okay, it wasn’t your fault.” His voice was rough and scratchy. I clasped my hand over his on my face and drew in a deep breath.

It was a stupid question, but I had to know how he was feeling. He removed his hand from underneath mine and cleared his throat. “Better.” Somehow hearing it from him and not some random stranger made all the difference and my shrivelled black heart unfurled some more.

For the first time since I’d met him I had no clue what to say. It wasn’t awkward exactly, but I didn’t feel as comfortable with him as I normally did. My confidence had taken a battering, and I kept running my mind back to the last time I’d seen him at his dad’s house. I could sense there was something more going on and it had my insides knotted tight.

He spelled it out for me, in black and fucking white, no punches pulled. “Tell me what’s going on with Chrissie.” I stood stunned for a moment, trying to process his words, not expecting his anger to be about her. “I can’t go any further with you until you explain.”

Always straight to the point, man, I loved that about him even when I was on the other end of his scrutiny.

“Explain it!” His tone caught me off guard and I winced at the slight hint of venom. “You said you’d had no girlfriends. You lied to me, Shaun.” He blew out a breath, readying to say more. I absolutely knew what was coming and I deserved every single bit of anger he so rightly had for me. “Explain Chrissie....and how she ended up in your flat that night with you balls deep in her.”

I looked at him before sighing and then laying it out for him. I told him it all, didn’t leave out a single thing, including the fact I’d had my cock in her mouth two weeks before. That was the hardest to admit to because whatever way I wanted to look at it, that right there was a fucking betrayal and it hurt him more than what I’d left out about my tumultuous history with Chrissie. He’d had enough of my crap, yet there I was giving him more and I had never felt shittier in my entire life. I tried to reason with myself I needed to be truthful with him if we were ever to move forward. Spilling my guts was the only thing to do. No more lies or secrets or half-truths.

“I was going with the motions.” No excuse; but it was exactly what it was. Nothing more and nothing less. “I never expected you, Ayden. I didn’t think falling in love was on the cards for me. I don’t know when you were never under my skin, I can’t remember a time without you. That fucking night was something I can’t get my head around; it’s missing, I can’t dredge up a single minute at the bar. It was a set up. Her. Charlie. Who knows? But some fucker planned it.”

I wanted to grovel, get down on my hands and knees and show this man everything he meant to me. I possibly had another chance here, and there was no way I was losing him over something that never meant anything.

“I can only promise that it will never happen again, on my life, I swear. You’re it for me.”

With no more words left to convince him, what happened next was entirely in Ayden’s hands. One thing was for sure, I wasn’t resting until he understood my love for him, whether he told me to fuck off or not.