“I’ve got you.”

The words struck panic hard and deep. I gasped for air, and it was like someone had built a fire in my lungs. Each breath burned, but to not breathe was worse. Black spots danced in my vision, blocking out the owner of the voice.

I didn’t need to see him to know who he was. I knew his voice, the feel of him. He’d made me feel safe, and now he was stripping that away from me, replacing it with fear.

It was the ultimate betrayal, to have the person I trusted the most let me down. He said he had me, but I knew he didn’t. He was walking away, lies still falling from his lips, smile still on his face.

I tried to call out to him, to tell him that I still needed him, but my voice caught in my throat. Once he disappeared, I’d never see him again. I’d be left with the new him. This cold, angry creature who knew only violence and pain. He’d hurt me and like doing it because that’s all I would be to him. An outlet for all the misery he held inside.

How could things have changed so fast? I didn’t understand. Was I truly this naïve that I’d believe he meant anything he said? He’d broken my heart, and he would take my life. It’d be easy to do. I was only a shell of a person, more fragile than anyone realized.

Was that what had finally turned him away? Seeing me for who I was? A coward who couldn’t stop him. A child who couldn’t save her mother. A woman who failed at everything she did. A friend who couldn’t save her mentor. A lover who couldn’t keep him.

Two hims. Two men. Both betrayers. Both heart-breakers. Men of lies and violence. I’d given my heart to one from birth, and he’d protected it…until he tried to destroy it. I’d given my heart to another, and he crushed it.

“I’ve got you.”

I heard the sarcasm now, dripping from every word. The laughter underneath the promise. A mockery.

“I’ve got you.”

He let me go.

“I’ve got you.”

He tried to kill me.

“I’ve got you.”

He hurt me, and he’d do it again.

“I’ve got you.”

No one ever stayed. No one…

I jerked awake, disorientation lasting only a few seconds before I registered where I was. My apartment. Home. Jalen had brought me back here after the funeral. I remembered now. We’d had sex, and I told him my story. He’d held me while I’d fallen asleep.

No wonder I’d had such a confusing nightmare, mixing past and present, my father and Jalen. It was actually more surprising that I hadn’t experienced more nightmares over the past week. Stress usually brought them on more often.

It was morning, and the light in my room was enough for me to see that I was alone in bed. I could hear Jalen in the shower though, and the sound helped me relax. He hadn’t snuck out.

I pulled the blankets more tightly around me and gave in to the desire to snuggle back down into the bed. I wasn’t self-indulgent often, and today seemed like a good enough day to give it a shot. Besides, it was Saturday. I hadn’t done much in the way of work this week, but I didn’t see the point of opening up before Monday, especially since all the work fell to me now.

I was still lazing about when Jalen came into the bedroom. His hair was still wet, and he wore only the dress slacks he’d worn to the funeral. He looked…lickable. I pushed myself into a sitting position, prepared to enjoy the view. He bent over to pick up his shirt, then visibly startled when he saw me.

“You’re awake.”

“I’m thinking a lazy Saturday might be just what the doctor ordered,” I said with a smile. “We can make brunch out of whatever I have in my kitchen and just veg out. Watch some TV. I’m sure you’re as exhausted as I am. I really appreciated you being there–”

It wasn’t until just then that I realized he wasn’t looking at me. In fact, he was looking everywhere but at me. I might’ve written it off as him dressing, but his cheeks were flushed. I frowned.

“Is something wrong?”

“Don’t you feel like we went from zero to ninety in ten seconds flat?” he asked.

I tucked my blanket more tightly under my arms, suddenly self-conscious once more. “What do you mean?”

“This.” He gestured around us. “We went from complete strangers to staying over at each other’s places and talking about all this deep, personal stuff.”

“I’ve got you.”

The voice from my dream echoed in my head as my body went cold.

I could have reminded him that he’d been the one to initiate our first kiss. That I hadn’t exactly had to twist his arm to get him to have sex with me. I could’ve reminded him of how he’d later regretted the asinine way he’d behaved, both that night and when he’d found Clay here. There were dozens of other instances I could have brought up, times when he’d clearly been the one taking the lead or insisting that he stay with me when I told him to go home.

I didn’t say any of that though. I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. All I could do was stare at him.

“I’m not saying I don’t like you. Things are just going too fast. We need to take a step back.”

A step back.

I wasn’t an idiot. I knew that was what people said when they wanted to leave but didn’t want to look like the bad guy. I’d just lost someone close to me and told him about the worst thing that had ever happened to me. If he flat-out broke things off, he’d be the worst sort of asshole. A step back meant that he wasn’t abandoning me. Just taking some time to think. Getting some air.

Retreating like a fucking coward.

“I’ve got you.”

“You understand, don’t you?” He still couldn’t meet my eyes. “It’s been a lot to deal with.”

I swallowed a bitter laugh. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing how deep he was cutting. I also wasn’t going to tell him it was okay. It was fucking far from okay. I managed a tight nod.

“Do you want me to walk you out?”

I barely recognized my voice.

“No.” He shook his head, relief flooding his features. “Thanks.”

I didn’t know if he was thanking me for the offer or for what he thought was agreement on my part. I didn’t care either. I just wanted him gone.

“I’ve got you.”

The front door closed, and the sound echoed back through my apartment, confirming that I was alone. If I believed in fate or destiny or any of that shit, I might’ve thought my dream was prophetic.

Instead, I saw it for what it was. A reminder of the truth I’d let myself forget.

Men left.

“I’ve got you.”

For years, I’d blamed my mom for what happened, for not leaving my father and getting us out of that situation, but the one thing I’d never felt toward her was abandonment. She hadn’t chosen to leave me. If anything, it had been her loyalty that had gotten her killed.

No, my father had been the one who’d taken her away, and he’d taken himself away too. Sure, he’d had that accident at work, and it’d changed him, but I’d heard enough about what happened to know that the accident had been his own fault. He hadn’t been paying attention to his work, and it’d bitten him in the ass. He might not have exactly chosen to walk away, but it’d been his poor choices that had put him in the position to get hurt.

“I’ve got you.”

Anton hadn’t chosen to leave either, but he’d known how dangerous people could be, and he hadn’t taken enough precautions to keep himself safe.

“I’ve got you.”

Clay…Clay had never left me. I’d run away from him, but he’d looked for me. Without Anton around, he could have ignored me. There were so many times I’d done things that should have driven him away, but he’d stayed.

“I’ve got you.”

I threw off the covers and got out of bed. I knew exactly what I needed to do and where I needed to go. The first thing I needed was a shower. Then, I’d pack a bag.