“Say it.”

Clay gave me a quick sideways look, then turned his attention back to the road. “Say what?”

I rolled my eyes. “Come on, Clay, I know you’re dying to tell me what you think. How this is a bad idea, and I’m making bad choices because of this shit with my dad coming back up again.”

“I never said any of that,” he pointed out. “You’re the one saying it.”

“Because you’re thinking it,” I said. “I saw the look on your face when you saw Jalen.”

“In your hotel room,” Clay said. “Let’s not forget that I saw him in your hotel room. A room that has only one bed.”

“He came to apologize, and I asked him to stay.” I refused to regret my decision. He hadn’t tried anything, not even when I’d asked him to sleep on the bed next to me. When I woke from a nightmare-free sleep, I’d been curled up against his side, but he hadn’t tried anything then either.

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Clay asked carefully. “After what happened with him before?”

“We had a good talk,” I said. “And he asked me to give him a second chance.” I put my hand on Clay’s shoulder. “I’ve got my eyes wide open, and he knows he’s got a lot of work to do to earn my trust back.”

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I know.” I squeezed his shoulder before dropping my hand. “And I appreciate that. If he fucks up again, I promise to let you beat him up.”

“I’m going to hold you to that.”

As we pulled up to the courthouse, my mouth went dry, and the butterflies in my stomach took flight again. I could do this.

Clay reached over and squeezed my hand. “You’ve got this.”

Sure I did.

“One final question, Miss Quick,” Vijay said. “The events you’re testifying to occurred nearly ten years ago. How can you be certain that your memories are accurate?”

Some prosecutors might have shied away from the question, hoping that the defense wouldn’t bring it up, but Vijay had told me that she preferred to cut off some of the more basic arguments the defense would make by asking the questions herself. This was the big one.

“My high school history teacher once said that there are certain events that people always remember exactly where they were when those things happened. Pearl Harbor. The moon landing. JFK’s assassination. September eleventh.” I looked over at the jury. “What happened that day wasn’t a small event within a series of things that happened around me. It wasn’t seeing a glimpse of a stranger. What he – what my father did – destroyed my entire world. That’s not the sort of thing that’s easily forgotten.”

“Thank you.” Vijay looked at the judge. “No further questions for this witness, Your Honor.”

The judge glanced at his watch. “It’s nearly noon. Let’s break for lunch and be back here at twelve-thirty. Forty minutes should be enough. Once again, let me instruct the jury that you’re not to discuss the case with anyone, that includes speaking with witnesses or lawyers.”

I let out a shaky breath before I stood. My knees felt like jelly, but I stayed standing, so I counted it a win.

“Great job,” Vijay said as she walked with me back to the witness room. “I’ll order us some food, and we can go over the most likely question the defense will ask.”

I nodded in agreement as I made my way around the room. My muscles were tight from the combination of stress and sitting for the past two and a half hours. Vijay had been brutal, but not cruel, as she’d taken me through everything from my father’s accident to waking up in the hospital the day after the murders. There’d been no glossing over things, no shortening them like I’d done for Jalen. She’d already gone through different parts of the timeline with other witnesses and shown pictures of the crime scene. I was the crux of the case though, tying the facts to emotions.

I reminded myself I was halfway done and sat down next to Vijay as we waited for our food to arrive. I wasn’t really hungry, but the last thing I wanted to do was pass out on the stand, so when my chicken salad arrived, I forced myself to eat it.

Before I’d had enough time to completely decompress, it was time to go back. The judge and jury entered. I went back to the stand and was reminded that I was still under oath. I took my seat and braced myself.

Malcolm McCloud was every negative stereotype of a defense attorney to the rich. Vijay had told me that his clients weren’t usually wealthy though. He hadn’t been able to make enough of a name for himself to generate the sort of clientele he needed for the lifestyle he wanted. She suspected he planned to use this case to make a name for himself as an attorney who’d do anything to win. Including tearing me apart on the stand.

“Miss Quick,” he paused, then tilted his head as if something had just occurred to him. “That’s not actually your name, is it? Not the name you were born with. You go by Rona Quick, but your real name is Rona Elizabeth Jacobe.”

“Is there a question here, Your Honor?” Vijay asked.

“I’ll rephrase,” he said with a smarmy smile. “What names were you given by your parents, when you were born?”

“Rona Elizabeth Jacobe.”

“Why did you change it?”

Vijay had warned me that the first thing McCloud would do would be to try to get under my skin and make me come across as a hostile witness, which meant that no matter how inane I found his questions, I couldn’t lash out.

“Two reasons,” I said evenly. “It made things easier to have the same last name as my Uncle Anton, and I had no desire to be connected to the man who’d killed my mother and two other women, and who tried to kill me.”

“Because you hate your father.”

Vijay stood. “He’s testifying, Your Honor.”

“Mr. McCloud, stick with questions.”

He smiled at the judge. “Of course, Your Honor.” He looked back at me. “Do you hate your father, Miss Jacobe?”

I clenched my jaw.

“Your Honor, please ask Mr. McCloud to address the witness by her legal name.”

“Mr. McCloud…”

He held up a hand. “Sorry, Your Honor.” He gave me an expectant look.

“My feelings about my father are…conflicted,” I answered honestly.

“But one of those feelings is hate, is it not?” He adjusted his tie. “In fact, for a year before the tragic deaths of your mother, Annabeth Khaled, and Darcy Fitzsimmons, the two of you were constantly at odds. You got into trouble, and he laid down the law, and you hated him for it.”

“Your Honor…”

“If you don’t have a question to ask, Mr. McCloud–”

“I do, Your Honor.” His eyes narrowed as he focused in on me. “Did you hate both of your parents, Miss Jac-sorry, Miss Quick? Didn’t you have a real motive to want them out of your life?”

Okay, I hadn’t seen this line of questioning coming. Getting me angry, discrediting my memories, those made sense. Him accusing me of the murders? That was crazy.

“I was thirteen,” I said. “I argued with my parents, but I didn’t want them dead.”

“Not even after they refused to let you go to the Carlisle pool party the previous week?”

I frowned. “You think I killed…you think I’d commit murder over a pool party?”

“Wouldn’t you?” He walked back to his table and picked up a picture. “Defense exhibit four, Your Honor.” He handed it to me. “What’s shown in that picture?”

My stomach flipped. “My diary from when I was a kid.”

“Would you read the highlighted portion?”

“Your Honor, we received no notice of this evidence.” Vijay was on her feet again, her cheeks flushed.

“The diary was in the original evidence boxes,” McCloud said. “Ms. Castellanos has had it available to her for nearly ten years.”

“He’s not offering the diary,” Vijay countered. “Just a picture, which wasn’t included in the original evidence. There’s no way to authenticate that the pages in the photo actually belong to Miss Quick.”

“Miss Quick’s word should be enough for verification, Your Honor.”

“You’re calling her credibility into question and want to use a credible testimony from her to do it?”

“She has a point, Mr. McCloud. Are you willing to allow verification by submitting the entire diary as evidence?”

I pressed my hand against my stomach and prayed that McCloud wouldn’t want to risk it. The entry in the picture had been written in anger. Taken as only a few lines highlighted on one particular page, it could be pretty damning. But if they allowed in the diary, there would be plenty of other entries where I talked about how much I loved my family. Still, no one would want their childhood tantrums and crushes made a part of the public record.

“I’ll withdraw the photo,” McCloud said.

“Let’s get back to it then,” the judge said. “Do you have additional questions for this witness?”

“I do, Your Honor.” He was smiling again. “Miss Quick, let’s talk about your feelings toward Darcy Fitzsimmons.”

When I lived in Hell’s Kitchen with Anton, one of our neighbors was this wizened old woman who talked in all sorts of odd phrases. One that she’d often said after a long day was that she felt like a washrag that had been used, rung out, and hung to dry. I’d never really understood what she meant, but as I stepped off the witness stand hours later, I finally got it.

“We’ll reconvene tomorrow with the defense’s first witness.” The judge banged his gavel.

“You were great,” Vijay said. “Go back to the hotel and get some sleep. The defense only has a couple witnesses, and after the way he came at you, I’m thinking his entire plan is to present as many other possible suspects as he can and get the jury to believe that makes reasonable doubt.”

“Do you think it’ll work?” I asked, my voice raspy. I needed something to drink.

“Not a chance,” Vijay said. “I think Mr. McCloud thinks more highly of his skills as a lawyer than he should. This is his first big case. He’s only done parking tickets and misdemeanors before. He probably oversold himself to your dad without even looking at the case.”

I hoped she was right. People could believe some pretty crazy shit.

Clay waited just outside the courtroom, immediately engulfing me in a huge hug. “You did an amazing job.”

“Thanks,” I said as I took a step back. I appreciated the hug, but there was another set of arms I wanted around me.

“How are you doing?” Jalen came from my right, hesitating only a moment before hugging me. He’d been careful with how often he’d touched me today.

“Okay,” I said. “Glad it’s over.”

“If you don’t want to come for the rest, it’s fine.” Vijay looked from Clay to Jalen and then back to me. “It’s okay for it to be too much. Lean on your friends, but don’t feel like you need to come in. I’ll keep you in the loop.”

“I can’t even think about tomorrow,” I said honestly. “I just want to get back to the hotel and go to sleep.”

“I’ve got a car out front,” Clay said.

Jalen reached for my hand. “I can take her.”

Clay’s eyes dropped to where my fingers were laced between Jalen’s. “I’m not sure I trust you to do it.”

“Whether you trust me or not doesn’t matter,” Jalen said. “It’s Rona’s decision.”

“After what you did?” Clay’s voice held an edge as he took a step toward Jalen.

“Stop.” I didn’t say the word loudly, but both men stopped where they were and looked at me. “Clay, thank you for everything. You have been the best friend I could’ve asked for, and I don’t want anything about our friendship to change.”

“But?”

“But Jalen and I aren’t…friends. We’re…something else, and we need to spend time together if I’m ever going to figure out if I can trust him again.”

Clay studied us both for a moment before nodding. “All right. I’ll head back to the hotel. I’ll be right down the hall if you need me.”

“Thank you.” I kissed his cheek.

“I’m going to hold you to what we talked about before,” he said before he walked away.

“What did you talk about before?” Jalen was trying to sound nonchalant, but it wasn’t working.

“I told him that if you hurt me again, he could beat the shit out of you.”

Jalen stood still for a moment, then nodded. “Okay then.” He gestured with our joined hands. “Should we go?”

We didn’t talk on the way back to the hotel, and I was grateful for it. I didn’t need conversation right now. Being able to lean my head on his shoulder and close my eyes, knowing that I didn’t need to worry about anything, that was all I needed. He saw to all of it.

A new officer was waiting outside my door, and he gave us both a smile as we went inside. I appreciated the security, but now that Jalen was here, I wasn’t sure I needed it anymore. My father wasn’t some mob boss or one of those serial killers who had all sorts of crazy followers. It was just him. There wasn’t really any need for protection.

It wasn’t until I’d seen him this morning that I realized how scared I’d been about seeing him again. Anger, I’d admitted and accepted. Fear, that had surprised me. But then they’d led him in, and everything had vanished. Anger. Fear. I’d looked at him, and all I felt was pity.

He’d looked…old. Much older than I would’ve imagined. His hair was thin and scraggly, unable to cover the scar that ran from the middle of his skull to just in front of his ear. As much a souvenir of his accident as his personality change. His skin was sallow and hung on him, almost as ill-fitting as his orange jumpsuit. But it was his eyes that were the worst. Blue like mine but looking nothing like mine. They moved constantly, looking at everyone and everything with the same flat hatred.

There was nothing left of the father I’d loved as a child.

“Rona?” Jalen touched my arm, bringing me back to the present. “You’re worn out. Why don’t you go get a shower, and I’ll order us some food? Anything specific you want?”

I shook my head. He was right. I was worn out. Beyond it, actually. “Thank you.” I put my hand on his shoulder and stretched up to brush my lips across his.

It was barely a kiss. Nothing like what we’d shared in the past. But it was a start.

His eyes lit up, and he started to lower his head for another kiss. I put my fingers on his lips, stopping him.

“I’m not ready for sex, not yet.” I slid my hand to his cheek, the stubble rasping against my palm. “But I want to be there. I want to trust you again, want this to work. When I say stop, you stop.”

His answer was to cover my mouth with his. His lips were gentle, moving with mine as I leaned into him. His body was firm and familiar, exactly what I needed to feel safe.

I really hoped he meant everything he’d said since he got here, because I didn’t know if my heart could handle being broken again.