Chapter Twenty-Three

They say that the rate of recidivism for criminals is upwards of fifty percent. I was becoming a damn statistic. Even though I had a key and wasn’t technically a criminal, my little snooping gauntlet had me feeling like the felon that I was.

It started innocently enough. I let myself in to go to the bathroom; then Pixy was looking thirsty. So I went through half of the kitchen cabinets to find a bowl. Nothing too incriminating there. Some fancy wine glasses, coffee mugs with law firms etched into them, canned goods with the labels all facing the front. I smiled when I saw two bottles of the red sauce with a pompous rooster proudly displayed on the front. My girl liked the cock sauce.

From there, I moved onto more conspicuous investigating. The bathroom had only one pink toothbrush. The tub was filled with only girly crap. I might have opened the canister of cream on the countertop and taken a giant whiff. It smelled like Aubrey. I was smiling like an idiot again. Until I opened the mirrored bathroom closet. Tylenol, deodorant, razors, extra this and that and…birth control pills. I opened the little oval container and saw Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday had already been popped out of the silver foil this week. The urge to flush the remnants of the month down the toilet was powerful. But the ramifications from doing that was something I couldn’t even allow myself to think about. I ventured down the hall further.

Inside her bedroom, I opened the sliding closet doors. One of the doors was off the track and almost came crashing down onto my head. Princess fucker fixes nothing, I see. There was no sign of men’s clothes in the closet, which made me feel somewhat vindicated after the bathroom medicine cabinet find.

On top of her dresser, there were a few framed photographs, one of which I presumed to be Aubrey and her dad at her law school graduation. She was looking at him as he looked at the camera proudly. I remembered he was a lawyer, too. There were a few others. One of her and a friend as teenagers. Another of an older woman and Aubrey. They looked alike; it must have been her grandmother. The last picture caused a crushing sensation in my chest. It was of her and Dick…with Pixy sitting between them. Mutton, you damn traitor. As much as it hurt to look at it, I couldn’t stop staring at it for a full five minutes. Aubrey was smiling widely. She looked…happy. That should have been me.

I’d seen just about all I could take and was about to walk out of her bedroom, when I stopped in front of the last dresser drawers. My eyes fixated on the top drawer, which was square—the type you keep your underwear in. Seeing as I was already an asshole today, I slid it open. Inside was filled with lace. And a note.

Cocky – since you have nothing better to do, how about fixing the closet doors?

I laughed for a full five minutes. We knew each other so well. Then I fixed the closet doors.

I hadn’t heard from her since yesterday morning. I was hopeful maybe tomorrow she would text, excited as hell when my phone flashed her name at almost nine in the evening.

Aubrey: Thank you for fixing the doors, pervert.

Chance: Anything for you.

A few minutes passed. I wasn’t sure if I should apologize for my obvious snooping or not.

Aubrey: You didn’t try any on, did you?

Chance: I’m more of a sniffer than a cross dresser. Plus, I like your ass in lace, not mine.

Aubrey: Very funny.

Chance: I wasn’t kidding about liking your ass in lace.

My phone went quiet. Clearly, I’d moved this conversation from friend territory. I figured why not push my luck a bit more.

Chance: I miss you. When can I see you again?

Aubrey: How about a dog walk tomorrow afternoon? My last appointment at the office should be done by 4.

Chance: I’ll meet you at the shelter at 4:30

Aubrey: OK.

Chance: Good night, Princess.

Aubrey: Night, Chance.

 The next afternoon, we met at the shelter. Aubrey arrived after me, looking as beautiful as always in her fancy suit. But when she disappeared into the bathroom and came out wearing jeans, a white t-shirt, flip flops and a pony tail, she looked fucking phenomenal. I couldn’t help but stare at her as we each leashed up two dogs and headed for the park.

“What? You’re looking at me like something is wrong?”

“Just looking at you. I’m not sure if it’s possible, but I think you get more beautiful every time I see you.”

She was quiet as we entered the park. We walked for a while and then sat on a bench. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“What was it like? In prison, I mean?”

I suppose it made sense for her to wonder what I’d spent the last two years actually doing. Seeing as all I had done for two years was wonder what she was up to. She was catching up.

“It was…degrading. Overcrowded, yet solidary at the same time.”

“Did you have any visitors?”

“Adele came to see me, every other Saturday.”

“What about your Mom? Is she still taking care of your ill grandmother?”

“No, she passed.”

Aubrey looked over at me. Her face fell. “I’m sorry. That was thoughtless. Your grandmother was ill. I should have realized.”

“You couldn’t have known.” I cleared my throat. “They’re both gone now, actually. Mum died of an aneurysm the first year.”

“Oh my God, Chance. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.”

I opened the water bottle I was carrying and fed some to the panting pooches. Aubrey was still looking at me when the bottle was empty. So I gave her my full attention and waited to hear what she was thinking about.

A tear rolled down her face before she spoke. “You’ve lost so much.”

I wiped it away and cupped her cheek. She leaned into my touch. I could barely breathe remembering all that I lost. “Yes. I did.” I closed my eyes briefly to pull myself together. When I reopened them, Aubrey was still watching me. So I continued. “Sometimes, it takes losing everything to make you realize what you really need.”

She laced my fingers with hers and squeezed. We sat on the bench like that for another hour before the four dogs we were exercising decided it was time to get back up. I told her about the soccer clinic I started in prison. She told me about everything she did to get the animal shelter up and running. Her firm allowed her to do a sizeable amount of pro bono work, which made her happy. It sounded as if she had found the type of balance she was still figuring out she wanted two years ago.

After we returned the dogs to the shelter, I wasn’t ready to let her go. We were standing out front, and it felt like an awkward end to a first date. “Could we go get a bite to eat?” I asked.

She bit her bottom lip. “I sort of have plans tonight.”

Dick. I nodded and looked down.

“But—”

I glanced back up hopeful. I wasn’t beyond puppy dog eyes.

“They were sort of loose plans. Maybe I could change them.”

I answered honestly, “I would really love that. I’m not ready to give you back tonight.”

She nodded and excused herself for a minute, walking away to make a phone call out of earshot. When she returned, she dropped her phone into her purse. “What are you in the mood for? I need to stop home and change for wherever we go. The dogs got me all dirty, and I don’t want to put back on my suit from work.”

“How about we order in?”

She thought about it for a few seconds. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Chance.”

I held up three fingers. “I’ll be on my best behavior. Boy Scout’s promise.”

She squinted at me as she considered the idea. “Fine.”

My other hand was behind my back with two fingers crossed.

We ordered spaghetti carbonara and chicken cutlet parmigiana from the Italian restaurant a few blocks from her house. Sharing, we both dug in as soon as it arrived. She dipped a piece of bread into the sauce after we polished off both dishes. “I see you’ve lifted your ban on carbohydrates. I seem to remember you only allowing yourself one cheat meal a month.”

“I decided I liked food too much. So I traded bread and pasta for a strict regimen at the gym. Richard got me into running, and I realized I could burn off a slice of cheesecake in less than thirty minutes. Totally worth the half hour.”

I looked away. Hearing her talk about him, and all the good he’d done for her, left me conflicted. I was happy she was enjoying things more but sad I wasn’t the person who helped her learn to enjoy what life had to offer. If I was truthful, hearing his name from her lips also made me feel cross.

“Sorry.” She caught my long face and offered sincerely.

“I’m being an arse. I’m glad that you’re eating and exercising.” I needed a minute, so I got up and took our plates to the sink. Aubrey cleaned up the table while I loaded and started the dishwasher. It felt so…domestic. So right. I wondered if she felt like this with him, too.

It was only eight o’clock when dinner was done. I didn’t want to outstay my welcome, yet I never wanted to leave. I stared down at the kitchen floor. There were some cracks in the grout—a project for another day. “Do you want me to go?” My head was still bowed, but my eyes looked up at her filled with hope.

She shook her head and spoke softly. “How about we watch a movie?”

Pixy joined us in the living room. The minute we sat on the couch, the bugger hopped up on the adjoining loveseat. He propped his head up on the armrest and stared at us. “It’s sort of his seat,” she offered.

We argued about what to watch before we finally settled on a series on Netflix that Aubrey babbled on about. It was a show about a motorcycle gang with the mum from that old TV show, Married with Children. We had a TV in the day room in prison, but there was no way a show about bikers was on the approved list of programs. I was a few years behind on even the meaningless things like television shows.

“You know, when I first saw your motorcycle that day in the rest stop parking lot, I imagined myself riding on the back of it, my arms wrapped around that guy.” She pointed to some blonde bloke on the television, riding a Harley with bright white sneakers. “I wondered what it would feel like to ride.”

“Oh yeah?” She lifted her legs onto the couch and stretched them out. Her knees were bent, but her feet reached my thigh. Without thinking, I took one of her feet into my hands and started to rub. She looked pensive at first, but her shoulders quickly relaxed. “Feel good?”

“Mmmm…hmmm.”

“Guess I’ll be taking a trip back down to Hermosa Beach.”

“Why is that?”

“To get my bike. I owe you a ride.”

She closed her eyes as I kneaded her feet. “I’d like that.”

Me too, Princess. Me, too.

“You wanna know what I thought the first time I saw you?”

She chuckled. “Probably not.”

“I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you. You were gorgeous, but something about the way you smiled as you played with that bobblehead just did something to me.”

“I thought you hated me.”

“I wondered what it would feel like to ride, too. Only I wasn’t thinking about the bike one bit.”

Our eyes caught, and I watched as her pupils actually dilated. Fuck. She was getting turned on. I pressed my thumbs into the arch of one of her feet, and she closed her eyes and let out a small moan. “God, I love that sound.” I heard the thickness in my own voice. My cock was growing to match it.

As I rubbed, I felt the tightness from her muscles flee. But it was replaced by a different type of tension. A raw sexual energy filled the air around us. She was relishing my touch, slowly giving into how it made her feel. My hands at her feet moved up to her calf. Her breathing became jagged with each knead. God, I missed the feel of her skin beneath my fingers. I wanted her body under mine so badly, it was almost painful to keep myself from pushing too fast. My hand slid up to the back of her knee, and I inched closer to her. Her body was so responsive to my touch.

“Chance,” she moaned with her eyes shut.

I leaned into her slowly. “Aub—”

The sound of the doorbell was the equivalent to throwing a bucket of ice water over Aubrey. Her eyes flew open and bulged from her head, and her body became rigid. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who she thought was at the door.

“What if it’s…Richard?”

“So what? We didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But…I didn’t tell him about us. You showed up the other night on my doorstep and said you were leaving town. I’m pretty sure that raised his suspicion enough. If he finds you here, he’ll think something is going on between us.”

I was suddenly defensive. I stood. “There is something going on between us.”

“You know what I mean.”

The doorbell rang again. I wanted nothing more than to stomp to the front door, swing it open and tell Dick to take a hike. But Aubrey was looking panicked. I raked my fingers through my hair. “What do you want me to do? Slip out the back door?” I was being sarcastic. Although, the way she looked at me told me it was exactly what she wanted. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I’m sorry. I really am. I…I…just can’t let him find you here.”

We stared at each other for a long moment. Leaving like this felt monumental to me. Like I was the other guy. Not Dick. It hurt like hell, but I did what she wanted. Without another word, I left out the back door.

I waited by the back window until I saw him inside, then walked around to the front. I couldn’t watch from the outside in again. It would kill me. And there was no way in hell I could stick around to possibly watch his car spend the night. So, I left. There might have been tire marks on the street outside of her house—but I left.

Steamed, I got on the highway and headed back toward Hermosa Beach. It was either that or wallow in my own self-pity with Carla, and I didn’t trust myself to stick around at the moment. I made it about an hour before my gas light was flashing. Pulling into the combo rest stop-gas station, I parked and leaned my head on the steering wheel for a few minutes.

What was I doing? Aubrey was happy. At least she was before I selfishly showed up back in her life. I wanted her to want me back so badly, I questioned if I was seeing something that was no longer there. The hour drive had me flip flopping back and forth between being certain she only needed time to learn to trust me again and being certain I was doing the wrong thing for sticking around.

Just as I was about to get out of the car, the sky opened up. Rain started to teem, bouncing off the hot California blacktop making it steam like dry ice. It was eerie looking, really. Lonely, almost. Maybe it was a sign.

I jogged into the rest stop. Unable to beat the raindrops, my clothes were drenched as I headed to the bathroom. I splashed some water on my face, looked in the mirror and tried to give myself a pep talk. I couldn’t even convince my own sorry ass that everything was going to turn out fine, yet I was trying to convince Aubrey. My phone buzzed in my pocket and, for a second, I let my hopes rise. It was a text from my carrier telling me I’d nearly reached the end of my data plan usage allotment. Now, there’s a damn sign. I was running out of time.

Grumbling to myself, I walked out of the restroom and decided to grab a bite before filling the tank and getting back on the road. I laughed when I saw my choices: Starbucks or Popeyes Chicken. It was ironic, really. Perhaps, I’d stop in the small gift shop and look for an Obama bobblehead on my way out. I was internally berating myself for being such a pathetic fuckwad.

Anxious to get the hell out of there, I ordered some chicken and reached into my pocket for my billfold to pay. Something tumbled from my pocket and clanked loudly on the floor. It was the key Aubrey had given me. I picked it up and closed it into the palm of my hand as I paid for my meal.

It hit me then. Here I was looking for a stupid sign, when all along I’d had the key. Dick rang the bell. They’d been together seven months, and she hadn’t given the princess fucker a key. I’m not the other guy. She just hadn’t admitted it to herself yet. Now that was something I could give her a hand in doing.