Chapter Twenty-Eight

Talk about going from your highest high to your lowest low. For the first time, I realized exactly how Aubrey might have felt the moment she woke up and found that I’d abandoned her at the hotel in Vegas.

She was gone.

So was Pixy.

The morning sun streamed into the loft. My heart raced as a piece of white paper on the kitchen counter caught my eye. Unfolding it, I rubbed my groggy eyes in order to read each and every word clearly.

Chance,

Yesterday was beyond amazing. But I got carried away last night. It proved once again that I don’t have any willpower against my attraction to you. As long as I’m with Richard, my giving in like that is not fair to him. I didn’t want to risk things going any further if I stayed another day. I’m pretty sure I can’t resist you physically anymore. I’m sorry. I know I promised you the whole weekend. I’m just trying to do the right thing.

Crumbling the letter and throwing it across the room, I yelled, “Fuck.” My voice echoed into the empty kitchen. So, that was it? Yesterday was my final chance to make any kind of a lasting impression on her before she made a decision, and the last thing I did was jerk myself off before we passed out. After everything, that was how it was going to end? Well played, Bateman. How the hell did she even get transportation that fast back to Temecula with a goat? She must have researched an exit plan prior to agreeing to the trip. Aubrey probably had a car company on standby. “Chance took out his dick, so you can come pick me up now!”

Feeling hopeless, I leaned my elbows against the counter and rubbed my temples. I debated whether to call her and decided against it for the time being. It was the first time since reentering her life that I had no strategy. I honestly didn’t know what to do from here.

A couple of hours later, Adele came by after I’d called to let her know that Aubrey left.

Pacing across the loft, I ran my hands through my hair. “I’m thinking of going back to Temecula tonight.”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t?”

“Don’t.” She put her hands on my arms to stop me from pacing. “Look, I really like her. I hope that it works out, but you’ve done everything you possibly can to show her how you feel. It’s time to step back and give her the space she needs to hopefully come to the right conclusion—that you’re the one. I could see in her eyes how much she still cares about you. She was crying, for Christ’s sake. The only thing holding her back is fear of getting hurt.”

“What if she lets fear win and ends up with dickwad?”

“Then, you have to move on.”

Could I move on? I couldn’t fathom wanting anyone in the same way or as badly ever again in my lifetime. But if she chose him, I knew I would have to get on with my life eventually, date other women and finally end my two year celibacy.

She opened a package of Tim Tams and poured two tall servings of milk. Since you can’t get that brand of cookies in America, Adele had a friend from Melbourne who shipped them to her in bulk.

I dunked one of the chocolate-covered wafers into my glass and took a bite as I spoke with my mouth full. “How the fuck am I gonna stay here wasting away in Hermosa Beach, knowing that I may never see her again if she decides to move away with him? He’s leaving in just a matter of days.”

Adele looked confused. “How fast could she possibly move to Boston? Wouldn’t she have to sell her house, get rid of all her shit?”

“She rents the house and mentioned that most of the furniture was there when she moved in. The biggest problem is going to be transporting our goat.”

“You realize you said our goat, right? As in your goat, too?”

“Fuck. I meant her goat.”

Adele smiled sympathetically. “No, you didn’t.”

“You’re right. I didn’t.”

Later that evening after Adele returned to Harry’s, anger started to override all other emotions. I sent a text to Aubrey.

Chance: The chase is over. I’m giving you the space you want. If you need me, you know where to find me.

She sent a simple response.

Aubrey: Thank you.

I was pretty damn proud of myself the first few days of that following week. I didn’t call or text Aubrey and kept occupied at home in Hermosa Beach, working on a new junk art project and taking care of some long neglected repairs around the house. Even though I was keeping busy, deep down, I was miserable.

It was hard not to contact her, but I’d been taking my sister’s advice, keeping my distance in the hopes that Aubrey would make the right decision on her own.

As the end of the week neared, I was starting to grow impatient. One night, while trying unsuccessfully to distract myself with an episode of Top Gear, I impulsively broke my vow and texted her.

Chance: You there?

Aubrey: I’m here.

Chance: Hi

Aubrey: Sorry I haven’t been in touch.

Chance: It’s fine. I’ve been intentionally staying away so you can sort your head out.

Aubrey: Are you back in Temecula?

Chance: No. There’s nothing for me there besides you, and I’m giving you space. My home is here. Although, now that you’ve been here, it doesn’t seem whole anymore without you.

Aubrey: I’m sorry that you regret taking me home.

Chance: The only thing I regret is not bursting through that shower door, Princess.

She didn’t immediately respond. A few minutes later, my phone vibrated.

Aubrey: Thank you for not doing that.

Chance: You would still be here if I had.

Aubrey: Is that right?

Chance: You might have trouble walking, but you’d still be here.

Aubrey: I see.

She never texted back, so I typed again.

Chance: Are you okay?

Aubrey: Yes. I can’t text much more. I promise to call you this weekend.

Chance: Is he there with you?

Aubrey: Yes

Jealousy hit me like a ton of bricks. There was that voice again that sounded awfully like Mum. “Get off your hiney and get your woman!” Suddenly, it just clicked. What was keeping me here? Pride? Fuck pride. She was all that mattered. Getting her back was more important.

I was not okay. This was not okay. I knew in my heart that she loved me. I could see it in her eyes. She was just scared of getting hurt again. Sitting back like this was only giving him the upper hand. If I was going to let her go, it sure as hell wasn’t going to be without a fight. I needed to be near her.

Change of plans.

Grabbing my keys, I got into my truck and hit the highway toward Temecula. The road was barren, so I was going about eighty-five miles per hour.

The plan was to spend the night at the motel and be ready bright and early for whatever the day held. I wasn’t sure what tomorrow would bring. I just knew that I was going to be there with her till the end, regardless of how it turned out.

I’m in for the fucking long haul, Princess.

I turned the radio onto an instrumental channel for the entire ride. My nerves couldn’t seem to handle anything else.

It was late by the time I finally got to the motel. By some miracle, I fell asleep. I wanted to be parked at Jefferson bright and early in the morning to get her breakfast. Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.

The next day started out normally. The hustle and bustle outside of Aubrey’s office building was just like usual. When I walked into Starbucks to place her breakfast order, it became abundantly clear that this was no ordinary morning.

“G’day, Melanie.”

“Chance. I thought you left town.”

“I’m back.”

“I’m surprised.”

“Why do you say that?”

“You don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“Aubrey’s last day was yesterday. She came in to say goodbye to us.”

What?

“She’s not here anymore?”

“No. I’m sorry. I thought you guys were friends now. So, I figured you knew she quit her job.”

“Friends. Yeah. We are. She must have neglected to mention that little piece of information, though. Did she say where she was going?”

“She just said she quit and wouldn’t be seeing us every morning anymore.”

Scratching my chin, I stared into space trying to absorb that news.

Melanie interrupted my thought process. “Can I get you anything?”

Without even paying attention, I said, “Sure. A nonfat three-pump vanilla latte, low foam and extra hot.”

“You’re getting Aubrey’s drink?”

“Uh…yeah.” I hadn’t even realized that I’d ordered it. “Why not?” I shrugged. “For old time’s sake.”

As I sat at the corner table, swirling the foamy milk around in my cup, I tried to convince myself that her leaving the job and not telling me didn’t necessarily mean that she’d chosen to move to Boston with Dick. I could have texted her, but a part of me wasn’t ready for the answer. Maybe she only decided to quit, seeing as though the firm was shutting down anyway. Either way, this would likely be my last hurrah at the Starbucks that served as the backdrop for my time here with Aubrey. I wouldn’t be spending any more mornings stalking her on Jefferson if she didn’t work here anymore. I emptied my wallet of the cash inside and stuffed over a hundred dollars in the tip jar.

“Thank you, Mates. Appreciate your help all these weeks.”

Melanie’s eyes widened. “Wow, thank you. You won’t be back?”

“Afraid not.”

When I pulled up to Aubrey’s house, a white and blue sign on the front lawn was the first thing that caught my eye. My heart started to pound furiously.

What in the hell?

As I got out close enough to read it, I saw that it said, For Rent. My heart seemed to fall to my stomach. Taking my key out, I rushed to the front door and opened it. Mutton’s water bowl was still in the kitchen, but it was empty. No sign of the goat anywhere. All of the furniture was still in place, but it seemed all of Aubrey’s personal belongings were gone.

I was practically flying through the house. A sweep of her bedroom also confirmed the worst. Every last item of clothing in her closet was also gone. Sitting on her bed and looking around the room, reality was starting to sink in. Adrenaline pumped through me.

Calm down, Chance.

In a daze, I returned outside into the blinding sun. I opened the shed and started packing my lawn equipment into the back of the truck. That was when I heard a whistle.

Turning around, I realized it was Aubrey’s nutty neighbor, Philomena. She’d run outside to meet the UPS guy and was carrying a brown box.

She sauntered over to me, dragging her slippers on the pavement. She had rollers in her hair, and her lips were sloppily outlined with bright pink pencil but no lipstick. “Hey, hot stuff.”

Trying to act friendly despite my rotten mood, I said, “Nice to see you again, Philomena. What do you have there in the box?”

“Who knows? I order stuff in my sleep and don’t even remember.” She snorted.

“Ah, that’s right. The four Magic Bullets. You gave Aubrey one.”

“You want one? I’ll trade you for a ride on your mower.”

“That’s alright. I’m retired from the lawn care business as of today.”

“You mean now that she’s gone?”

My eyes darted toward hers. “You know where she went?”

“I didn’t have a chance to talk to her, saw her leaving with the boyfriend yesterday. She was inside packing. I asked him what was going on, and he said she was moving to Boston with him. Next thing I knew, there was a sign up out front this morning.”

My ears felt like they were burning. “Really…”

“Yeah.”

I couldn’t remember what I said to Philomena after that. I didn’t even have a recollection of the ride back to the motel. I would have expected to feel angry or confused, but everything was just numb.

Holding my phone in my hands as I sat on the bed, I wanted to text her, but the more I thought about it, the less it seemed like a good idea. If she really were moving to Boston, she didn’t even bother to tell me that she’d made her decision. Was she there already? Was she even going to call me this weekend like she’d promised? Suddenly, the numbness was wearing off, replaced by pure rage.

Grabbing my wallet, I walked across the way to the bar. I didn’t want to feel the emotions of losing her. I didn’t want to feel anything tonight.

The words rolled off my tongue bitterly. “Hit me up, Carla Babes.”

Carla looked absolutely shocked to see me sitting in my usual spot. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, Aussie.”

“Well, I came to say goodbye. I’m leaving to head home tomorrow, and I’m not coming back.”

She poured my drink faster than ever, sensing I needed it badly. “What happened?”

I took a swig and slammed the glass down on the bar. “It’s over.”

“That’s it? Over? Aubrey stayed with Dick?”

It pleased me that she’d also adopted my nickname for him.

“Yes. I went to her house today, and everything was cleaned out. There was a sign out front advertising the place for rent. The dickhead told the neighbor Aubrey was going to Boston with him.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“End of story.”

“So, she didn’t even have the decency to tell you herself?”

“The decency or the guts, not sure which.”

“How did you leave things with her?”

“I’d gone back to Hermosa Beach for a while. She thinks I’m still there. She was supposed to call me this weekend. I decided to come back anyway and check on things. Now, I know what she was planning to tell me when she called.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Not your fault.”

“I was really hoping things would work out for you. You deserved to have a happy ending.”

“Can we not talk about this anymore? About her?” I swallowed as if it were painful.

“Okay. Whatever you want.”

Carla quietly placed drink after drink in front of me. She knew that I was in no mood to talk, so she let me be. At one point, she cut me off, refusing to serve me anymore. I lay my head on the counter as she wiped down the tables. The bar was getting ready to close. I had no concept of what time it even was. The sound of the television and a few patrons talking was muffled.

She tapped me on the shoulder. “Come on, big guy. I’ll drive you across the street.”

I got into Carla’s red Prius and rested my head back on the seat with my eyes closed. I was still a little drunk but starting to sober up. I would have probably had to drink myself to death to get to the level of inebriation necessary to forget this day. So, in a sense, I was pissed at Carla for refusing to serve me more alcohol but grateful to her for looking out for me.

She walked me to my room and quietly followed me inside. Lying back on my bed, I crossed my arms and closed my eyes. When I opened them, Carla had disappeared. The water was running, and I realized she was in the bathroom.

I closed my eyes again. This time, when I opened them, Carla was standing by my bed. She’d taken down her hair, which was usually up in a retro style. She’d washed off the heavy red lipstick she wore. Most notable was the fact that she’d taken off all of her clothes except for her red lace bra and matching underwear. Her breasts were spilling out of the material, and the panties barely covered her curvy bottom.

My voice sounded sleepy. “What are you doing?”

“Remember what we talked about? The offer still stands. Let me make you forget everything. No strings, Chance. Just you and me and a really good fuck.”

My dick twitched, my body unable to control the natural reaction to that proposition.

“Carla Babes, you don’t have to.”

“I want to. God, Chance, I want to so badly. You have no idea what you do to me.”

Shit.

Before I could form words, she began to straddle me over my jeans, grinding against my half-stiff cock. “I think you’re ready for me,” she muttered over my lips.

She kissed me, and I reluctantly returned it, unsure of whether to accept her offer or push her off of me.

“Do you have a condom?” she whispered.

“No.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to worry. I’m on the pill, and I’m clean.”

Carla lifted my shirt over my head as I closed my eyes again. She was kissing down my chest as my intoxicated mind imagined it was Aubrey.

Aubrey.

Aubrey.

Aubrey.

Carla gently pushed me back further onto the bed. She started to open my belt buckle as I continued to lay down. When my cock sprung free into the cold air and she started to stroke me, I knew she was about to take me into her mouth. Something deep within me screamed, “Don’t do it.”

I slid my body back suddenly before pulling up my underwear. Standing up, I zipped my pants.

Moving my fingers through my hair, I looked down at the ground and shook my head. “I can’t do this.” Grabbing my shirt and slipping it back over my head, I said, “I’m so sorry.”

With her hands on her hips, Carla bit her lower lip and nodded in understanding. “It’s okay, Aussie.”

“It’s not you…it’s just—”

“Her. I know. It’s her.”

“I’m just not ready to—”

She spoke louder. “You don’t have to explain, Chance.”

Carla looked sad. I hated hurting her feelings, but being with her like that didn’t feel right at all.

“I’ll get dressed and go, okay?”

“You don’t have to leave.”

“I really should.”

After she put her clothes on, Carla came over to where I was standing and kissed me gently on the cheek. “One day she’s going to wake up and regret it. I hope by that time, you’ve found the one you’re really meant to be with. Because it’s not her.”

“Thank you, Carla Babes. Thank you for everything.”

“Please come back someday when your head’s on straight again, will you, Aussie? I want to know that you’re happy.”

“I will. I promise.”

Just like that, Carla drove away into the night.

Left with a minor case of blue balls, I retreated to the shower. Letting the warm water run down on me, I squirted some shampoo into my palm and fisted my cock into my hands, jerking it roughly. Despite best efforts to block her from my mind, all I could think about was Aubrey as I stroked myself. Visions of her rubbing her clit while we masturbated together in my bathroom infiltrated my brain. I jerked myself harder and imagined coming inside of her instead of my hand. As I finished, my thoughts were spiraling out of control. I leaned against the tile wall, overcome with emotion as the orgasm shook me.

Fuck you, Aubrey.

Fuck you.

I hate you.

I love you.

I hate you.

I love you.

Shit.

I still love you so much.