Chapter 24
After texting Sierra, I left with Gavin. We spent half the car ride in silence. Occasionally he would broach the topic of our relationship, but I would turn toward the window. Five minutes resembled fifty. “This better be good or I’m calling Sierra to come get me.”
He concentrated on the road, but he reached down to hold my hand. I still wasn’t sure about renewing this relationship thing with him again, but his touch felt right.
“You remember I told you about my sister?” He didn’t wait for a response. “I used to volunteer with at risk teens back at Berkeley. A suicide prevention program, and I would mentor high school kids. When I got here, I wanted to do the same thing. It’s the program I’ve volunteered at since the beginning of the semester.
“When you first saw me at Groove, I was meeting with the Executive Director of the local program. When I signed up, I signed a confidentiality waiver. I’m not allowed to give away the identities of the kids I mentor.
“When you saw me at Greens with Shannon, I couldn’t tell you she was my mentee. And when she kept on calling, I couldn’t have you guessing Shannon and my mentee were the same person. I couldn’t tell you, but I wanted to.”
He shifted his gaze back to the road. “The first time I had left you, she threatened to cut her wrists. And when I didn’t call you back, I had been with her at the hospital with her family. They had said my friendship was the only thing helping her get through the bullying and depression she experienced.”
He squeezed my hand. “So, I had to stay. But it had killed me because I couldn’t tell you anything. Especially not after you saw her. I couldn’t attach a name with her face. I was in a bind.”
We pulled into his driveway, and he cut the engine. “Lou? Will you please say something?”
I listened, processing everything. It did make sense. Though, I still didn’t feel good about this Shannon person. Especially about the power she wielded over everyone.
Sounded like she required more professional interventions than Gavin could provide as a mentor. I turned in my seat to face him. “This last time when you left, when we were at your house, she threatened suicide?”
“She had cried into the phone, threatening an overdose of her meds. Her parents were out on a date, and she refused to call them. I had threatened to call 9-1-1 but she promised me she would wait if I went to her house. Obviously, I called Tara, our executive director, who got a hold of her parents.” He paused. “I needed you when I got back.”
I held my breath a moment and let the air slowly escape. After hearing his story, it did make sense why he couldn’t tell me who she was. But if he left me every time she called, I wasn’t sure I had the strength or the patience to endure the emergencies.
Maybe when I aged a bit more, had more therapy under my belt, I’d be more open to helping and being the supportive girlfriend. Hell, I might even volunteer myself. But at this point, I focused all my energy on ensuring I had zero relapses.
“I talked with Tara, and we agreed to assign a different mentor to Shannon. We shouldn’t have this issue anymore. She grew too attached to me.”
And then I grunted because it was simple. “She fell in love with you.” Of course, she did. Her along with the rest of the female population.
He chuckled sheepishly. “Maybe a little.”
I snorted. “Maybe a little,” I mocked back. “Did she know about me?”
“I may have mentioned you in hopes of redirecting her attention toward someone more appropriate.”
“Well no wonder she called all the time and went off the deep end when you said you were on a date.”
“In hindsight, you might be right.” He shrugged.
“Ya think?” Snort number two. “Are you going to get in trouble now that you’ve told me what’s happening?”
“It’s always a possibility I could still get in trouble. But I’m no longer her mentor, I haven’t told you her last name, and there’s no reason you two would ever meet.” He squeezed my hand one more time. “I trust you, and I don’t want to lose you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and I’m not about to make the biggest mistake of my life by letting you go.”
My heart stopped. “But all those girls you’ve had—”
“A lot of one-night stands. Doesn’t create a strong foundation for a long-lasting relationship. You’re the first person I’ve contemplated what it would be like to have a life together, beyond sex.”
“Oh.” Because what else could I say? And could I trust he’d stay, and not put some other crusade before us? I wanted to believe him, and I think he told the truth. He did change mentees after all. But we had only known each other for a few months now.
Dr. Liz’s voice nudged my conscience, reminding me everyone deserved a second chance.
He didn’t push me for a response, and I breathed a sigh of relief because it was a butt-load to process.
“You know what I think?” he said. “I think we should go inside. Make some popcorn, put in a movie and let me make it up to you on the couch, or whatever surface of your choosing.”
“Aren’t we getting a little ahead of ourselves?”
“I think you’re forgetting how persuasive I can be.”
I whacked his shoulder. Though cocky, he was accurate. And how could I be mad at him anymore? How can you tell someone what is going on when you’re bound by confidentiality agreements? He probably could have handled it a little differently. Maybe clued me in? Especially after Sierra, Emmy, and I saw them together at Greens.
I get he couldn’t say anything with minors involved. And maybe I should have pressed him more whenever she called.
He marched around the side of the car and opened the door for me, grasping me like I might try and escape. He steered me past the living room, past the kitchen and the popcorn maker, and directly into his bedroom. Apparently, popcorn and a movie were not on the menu tonight.
Gavin sat down on the edge of the bed, and pulled me toward him, rolling me onto my back.
“I’ve missed you.” Hair fell out of my bun, and he swept it behind my ear. He skimmed his lips against the edge of my cheekbone, making a trail toward my right ear and down my neckline. I shuddered, the adrenaline sending a shockwave through my system. Yes, my pulse articulated erratically.
He ventured his lips back up my chin until his mouth pressed on the corner of mine. He prodded his tongue at the crease, teasing my mouth open for access. I melted into his touch, as he pinched and lightly brushed my nipple with his fingertips. I flung my arms around the back of his neck and snaked my fingers through his wavy hair as he executed his assault.
This man reduced me to a quaking mess with a kiss. I arched my hips toward his, feeling his hard length press into my upper thigh, as my body quivered.
After our kiss, I whimpered from the loss of his lips on mine. He chuckled and lifted my shirt over my head.
His green eyes never left mine, always asking silent permission. He replaced his mouth for his fingers on my breast. With his teeth, he grazed the tip of my nipple, and circled the bud with his tongue, making sure to pay the other breast a little attention before heading south.
Shivers radiated through my body as he unbuttoned the top of my capris. My head sunk into the pillow and my eyes closed, heightening the sensation of his touch.
“You with me?” His voice rasped with hunger. He played with the edge of my undies, waiting for my consent.
“I swear, if you don’t hurry up, I’m . . .”
“You’ll what?” Resting his hand on my waistband, he lifted his brows while half his mouth curved up.
“Please.” And forming complete sentences? Not happening. All I knew was I wanted his mouth on me and his fingers inside.
“Hm? Tell me what you want me to do, Lou. You know I like it when a woman tells me what she wants.”
“You know more than I do what I want you to do.” I did know when he put his mouth on me and did his come-hither movement with his fingers inside me, my body went into seizures of ecstasy.
Gavin licked the crease where my thigh and pelvis met. “Is this where you want me?” He tested my patience, kissing everywhere but where I wanted him.
“God, please,” I pleaded.
“Please what?”
“Please will you kiss me?” My body threatened implosion if he didn’t do something stat.
“I like this term of endearment you keep giving me,” he teased.
“Gavin.”
“What, I’m no longer God?” I groaned at him and thrust my hips toward him. This landed me a wry smile, the left side curling up slightly higher than the right.
He prolonged the torture. “Kiss you where?”
“Are you going to make me say it?”
He tsked. “I’ll have to keep guessing.” And he moved to my leg, kissing down my thigh, the scruff of his five o’clock shadow adding to the sensation. “Is this where you want me?”
I groaned.
“Oh, maybe the other leg craves my attention?” He kissed his way up my other leg, closing in on my coveted spot. He flicked his tongue around my folds, still teasing.
“Please.” I begged, once more.
“Tell me where you want me to kiss you.”
Shit, he was going to make me say it. Sex talk made me more than uncomfortable. Too embarrassed. Too insecure. One eyebrow lifted, waiting for my response.
“I want you here.” I pointed down, heat rushing my cheeks, no doubt turning them a shade to match my lipstick.
“That’s my girl.” He rewarded my request. At first his tongue brushed, teasing and testing my patience. And then he covered me, his mouth working magic.
Having mercy on me, he found my entrance and penetrated a finger with ease, quickly making my newly discovered G spot a favorite. A second finger joined in, bringing me closer as the tension amplified.
“Please don’t stop.” My eyes rolled to the back of my head, while he continued his onslaught.
“Come for me, babe.” And I couldn’t stop it even if I tried. He swept his tongue over my tiny bundle of nerves, sending me over the edge.
“Holy shit,” I gasped, as he lifted his head to watch me. My body floated in a state of complete bliss while he wrought the last of my orgasm with his fingers.
“Fuck, I love watching you come.”
And I smiled, feeling a bit self-conscious. I had no clue what I looked like, and I wasn’t about to do any kinky mirror shit. Gavin pulled his fingers out of me, and curled up, facing me on the bed.
“Thank you.” I was clueless what else to say to the man who gave me the biggest climax of my life. Having a partner was a google times more fulfilling than my vibrator. I still loved my little bullet, but my body never hummed like this before, and I ached for more.
“My pleasure.” He leaned down to plant a chaste kiss on the tip of my nose.
“I want to do something for you, now.” Not sure if I successfully hid my insecurity.
“We don’t have to do that yet.”
“But I want to. You’ll have to tell me what to do. It’s not fair I get to come, and you get blue balls. Er, do you get blue balls?” Served me right for hiding out in the girl’s bathroom in high school, and overhearing other girls talk about sex.
His head shook. “It can be uncomfortable but nothing I can’t handle. And nothing a man should ever say to guilt you into getting him off. That’s total bullshit.”
“Oh. Okay.” I pondered his response for a moment. Glad Gavin didn’t pressure women. At least not this post-gigolo version of Gavin. “I still want to.”
He lifted my chin. “You sure?”
I nodded. “I’m sure.” To show him how sure I was, I unbuttoned his jeans, undoing the zipper and peeling the material, including his underwear, down by his feet.
I gasped because size this big mattered. His was huge. Intimidating. Weird looking and arousing all at the same time. My body didn’t know if it should dry up, shrivel, and run away, or try and jump him.
“Don’t laugh at me. Promise you’ll tell me if I’m doing anything wrong.”
“I promise.” His eyes danced, watching as I sized him up.
I released a deep sigh. “Some guidance would be awesome, right about now. Anything I should or shouldn’t do?”
“For me? Not a fan of teeth. Other than that, there’s not much you can do wrong.”
“Right, no biting.
“You don’t have to do this. If you’re uncomfortable, we can wait.”
I hesitated, because his size did freak me out a little. I had an idea of his size based on when he brushed up against me. But to see it? It made my breath catch. I swallowed hard.
“Are they all this big? Or did you win the genitalia lotto?”
“I don’t know. It’s not like I measure it or anything.”
“And none of the other girls you’ve serviced have ever said anything?” Maybe I shouldn’t have asked. Did I want to know about his past lovers?
He tilted his head to the side. “No one’s ever complained.”
“I think my vagina’s complaining.” My eyes still glued to his member.
Gavin brushed a finger along the frame of my face, starting at the edge of my eyebrow and finishing at my chin. He grinned in an attempt to comfort me. “Trust me. It’ll fit. And I’ll make sure you’re ready. I promise, it’ll feel good.”
“Okay, David Copperfield.”
I took a deep breath and wrapped my hand around it, not squeezing too firmly for fear of hurting him.
“Now what?” Still thinking I would screw up, I froze, unable to move closer.
He sensed my hesitancy. “Babe, I’m telling you. Whatever you want to do, I’ll love.”
“Yes, but. What do I do?”
He covered my hand with his and stroked them up and down his length. His strong grip and the softness of his skin surprised me.
“It feels even better when the skin rubs over the ridge of the head like this,” he explained. He released his grip and I took over.
I don’t know why it surprised me, but I felt myself getting even more turned on. Maybe because I finally pleasured Gavin. And by the look on his face, he liked it.
Thinking about how much my body craved his tongue, I leaned down to lick the tip, still watching his reaction, making sure I didn’t mess this up. “Was that, I mean...?” I still had no clue what I was doing, but I wanted to try this.
I should’ve watched porn before today. Emmy had a colorful stash I could have borrowed.
His lips turned up. He groaned. “Fucking feels amazing.”
So, I got a little more adventurous and put my mouth around him, careful not to rub my teeth. Maybe I wasn’t bad at this after all? I loved being able to give back to him. To know I determined his carnal bliss. And I liked the feel of him in my mouth, my tongue now getting in on the play, giving a little sweep across the head.
Gavin leaned back and hissed before stopping me and steadying my head.
“Shit, I totally suck at this.” I moved away from him. Insecurity enveloped me with the realization I could be doing this all wrong. I averted my eyes, staring at his bedpost.
He tipped my chin again, forcing me to meet him. “Babe. It was too good.”
My brows wrinkled, not understanding what happened. “Why did you stop me, then?”
“I didn’t think you wanted me coming in your mouth,” he explained.
“Oh.” Yikes, I hadn’t thought through this whole BJ experience. Maybe I should’ve had girl talk with Emmy and Sierra about all the things I would and wouldn’t do. Instead I sat there like an idiot, yet again.
“Hey, don’t over think it.”
I didn’t want to overthink it, but sometimes I didn’t know how to prevent the synapses firing in my brain.
“Come here.” He pulled my face toward his, seizing my mouth. His kiss effectively ended my over-analysis of future blowjobs and sent me back to my happy make-out place. Being here with him felt right, felt safe.
I snuggled up closer to him. “Gavin?”
“Hm?” Still kissing me.
“I’m ready. I want this.”
Gavin pulled away from me. “Ready for?”
“I’m ready. I want you.”
“You have me,” he reassured me.
“No, I mean, I’m ready. And I’m falling in love—”
Before I could finish, he kissed me again.