THE SHOWER WAS ALREADY RUNNING in the bathroom when the alarm on the nightstand went off. I rolled onto my back with a groan, covering my face with my arm as the offending sunlight streamed through the curtain.
I was not a morning person. For so long, my days had been dictated by me. I could sleep in as long as I wanted, and I could work when I wanted. I decided everything because I was the captain of my own ship. I lived a hedonistic lifestyle, and I didn’t regret it. But my life had taken a complete one eighty since Lucian barged onto my ship and took the wheel.
A glance at the clock, confirmed it was seven a.m., and I knew that Lucian got up every day at six thirty. I was surprised he wasn’t already in here, freshly showered and dressed, prodding me to get up.
Curiosity drove me to my feet, and I caved in to my urge to see what he was doing. It was none of my business, and already, the lines between us were blurring. From cuddling me every night to kissing me, things were progressing at a snail’s pace, but they were still progressing. It needed to stop. What I couldn’t figure out was why I hadn’t.
When he kissed me, it felt like he’d tasered me too. Sparks shot through my body, and heat burned in the depths of my belly. I think I might have even kissed him back. It should have felt dirty; the way I always remembered feeling when a man touched me. I’d felt that way with every con, and all the others before them who lined up to take a piece of my soul. But with Lucian, it was different, and I was afraid to acknowledge that maybe it was because this time I wanted it.
As further evidence of my growing sickness, I found myself in front of the bathroom door. It was wide open. He hadn’t bothered to shut it because he knew he usually had to wake me. This morning, he hadn’t counted on me standing there. He hadn’t counted on my curiosity driving me to the edge of the bedroom where the carpet met the tile. And he certainly hadn’t counted on me finding him like this.
His back was turned away, his head tilted toward the floor as hot water beat down on his skin. One hand was pressed against the shower wall, and the other was fisted around his cock. He tugged on the angry, swollen member so hard it looked painful. But so were the sounds he tried to stifle in his throat. The grunts and groans of a man who seemed as though he hated what he was doing. Perhaps even hated himself.
It was a moment so intimate it felt wrong to bear witness, but I couldn’t find it in me to move. I watched him until he came all over the shower floor, releasing himself but not his demons. His shoulders sagged, and his head fell forward, but there was no satisfaction in the aftermath.
My lungs burned with the need for air, and my heart beat so viciously against my chest that I felt dizzy. There was something so kindred at this moment between us. A moment he didn’t even know we were sharing.
I could feel his emptiness. His self-hatred. And as heat flooded the space between my thighs, I wondered if he’d been thinking of me.
All I could think about was how this man had managed to get under my skin. The man who went to church on Sundays and blackmailed unsuspecting women like me in his free time. He looked dark as sin, but I couldn’t deny there was light inside him too.
I couldn’t deny that when my eyes moved over the lines of his body and the Revelation tattoo on his back, something awful had happened to him. I knew it in my soul. And if I was going to preserve my sanity, I would need to uncover it, and inevitably, use it against him.
“I’ll be here at four to pick you up.”
I glanced across the seat at Lucian and gave him a stiff nod. My nerves hadn’t let up the entire ride to the learning center, and I didn’t think I could really do this. Already, I was busy making plans to leave the moment he drove off, consequences be damned. But Lucian had other ideas. He turned off the ignition and unbuckled.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I’m walking you in.”
He got out of the car and came around to my side, but I still couldn’t move. I didn’t know why the idea seemed so daunting, but it had occurred to me that I was probably going to look like an idiot as soon as the class started. I could already feel the humiliation of being the last to complete every test and assignment. Or the horror when the teacher might call on me for an answer I didn’t know.
“I don’t want to do this,” I said. “Please don’t make me, Lucian. I’ll do something else. I can study online—”
He bent down until he was on my level and surprised me by taking my hands in his. “I know you’re nervous, pet, and it’s completely normal. But I promise you that your fears are bigger than any challenges you’ll face in that building.”
I turned away, frustrated that he knew so much about me when I hadn’t given the information freely. I hated him for making me do this.
He unbuckled me and helped me from the car, and I followed because it was pointless to argue. Today, I would have to go inside. But that didn’t mean I had to stay. I could slip out to go to the bathroom and then make a run for it. There were a million options that Lucian had no say in. That was the only comfort I had as he led me in to the slaughter.
The building was large and empty. The kind of empty that made our footsteps reverberate off the walls as we walked. It smelled like lemon-scented cleaner and freshly sharpened pencils, and probably the stuff of every failed dropout’s nightmares.
Lucian stopped in front of a door numbered 105, and I squeezed my fists together as he knocked. Someone called out from the other side for us to enter, and I froze to the spot. Lucian opened the door and then guided his hand to my lower back, bringing me forward with him.
I expected to see a bunch of pimply faced teenagers judging me from their seats, but instead, the classroom was empty apart from one woman. An older woman who looked like she was more suited to a Paris runway than this learning center.
She was beautiful and classy in a Helen Mirren type of way with silvery strands of hair pulled back to proudly display every crease she’d earned on her face. I was surprised by the warm energy surrounding her, and even more so when she reached out and hugged Lucian.
“My sweet Lucian,” she whispered. “How I have missed you.”
He remained stoic as ever when she pulled away and turned her gaze to me. “And you must be the beautiful Miss Gypsy I’ve heard so much about.”
I looked up at Lucian curiously, but he didn’t give anything away.
“Thank you for doing this, Kate,” he said. “Gypsy is going to be on her best behavior for you, aren’t you?”
When he looked at me, there was a spark of pride in his eyes, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. Nobody had ever been proud of me before.
“Here.” He produced a brown paper bag from his other hand. “I packed your lunch.”
I clutched the sack in my hand and stood wordlessly as he exchanged a quick goodbye with Kate. I was still anxious even without the prospect of a classroom full of people to bask in my ignorance. Lucian must have sensed it because he pulled me toward the door to give me one last parting gift.
“You can do this, pet.” His fingers skated down the length of my arm and caught my trembling fingers. “Just remember, you’re always the smartest woman in the room.”
I didn’t know if it was just to delay the inevitable, but I clung to his hand. And when he leaned down to kiss me for the second time, there was no disputing that this time I kissed him back.