AT THE FIRST OPPORTUNITY, I called Luna and set up a time to meet after class. Lucian told me he’d be working late all week, and I didn’t feel like sitting around the house by myself.
Luna was excited that I’d followed through, and before I knew it, we’d set up a lunch date on the Strip. We met at the Shake Shack across from the MGM, and she was ten minutes late. When she showed up with her wild red hair in a mess, she explained her blunder by pointing at the broken flip-flop that hung loose from her foot.
“I swear I go through a pair of these a week in this heat.” She blew the hair from her face, exposing eyes that were lighter than what I expected of the typical Roma. But her skin was coppery like mine, and something was hypnotic about her features.
She was a living, breathing piece of art that left you emptier if you dared to look away. In another lifetime, she would have made a great con artist because I doubted many men could resist the mysterious bombshell. But the longer I took in her features, the more I realized she was better suited to a different life altogether. With the symbolic tattoos on her fingers and the bangles dangling off her delicate wrist, I could just as easily imagine her in a field picking flowers or casting spells in the dark of night.
In a way, her free spirit reminded me of Birdie, and it made me miss my sister. But I tried not to dwell on it when Luna sat down across from me and let me indulge my craving for a bacon cheeseburger while she nibbled on some fries.
“God, this is delicious,” I moaned. “Lucian never eats stuff like this.”
Luna dunked a fry in some ketchup and popped it in her mouth. “He’s missing out. How long have you two been together?”
It took me a while to formulate the correct answer to that question. This friendship thing was a foreign concept for me, and I didn’t know how much to tell her. I could give her a million different scenarios at the drop of a hat, and I’d done it plenty of times. But I didn’t really want to.
I also didn’t want to betray Lucian by revealing too much about our relationship when I wasn’t even sure what was happening myself. So, I settled somewhere on a happy middle ground. “It hasn’t been long. It was somewhat of a shotgun wedding type scenario.”
“The gypsy blood runs strong in you then.” Luna laughed.
“Not really.” I smirked. “I don’t know much about the culture. My mom spoke very little of it because I think it hurt her to remember. She was shunned, so she had to leave it behind.”
“Ugh, that sucks.” Luna pushed away her empty fry boat and wiped her hands. “Some of the communities can be very hardcore traditional, and if you don’t conform, they’ll give you the boot really quick.”
“Sounds like you know from experience,” I said carefully.
Her pretty features shadowed with sorrow as she gave a tiny nod. “Unfortunately, I do. But this community here is different. They are very open. It didn’t take long for them to embrace me.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” I said.
“You should come over with me,” she chirped. “It would be cool to show you around.”
I wiped my hand with a napkin, Lucian’s words still ringing in my head. He didn’t want me to go there. He specifically told me not to. But had I really just started obeying his every command as though I didn’t have my own mind?
No. That was definitely not the case. It wouldn’t ever be the case. And just because things were evolving between us didn’t mean I was going to be his stay-at-home pet who waited at the door for him to come home every night.
“I think that would be fun,” I told Luna. “I’d like to come check it out.”
She picked up the tray and headed for the trash. “Awesome! You’re going to love it.”
When Luna said she was taking me to the community, I assumed it was somewhere in the city. But she started driving and didn’t slow down until we reached the desert, and even then, she kept going for miles before the commune appeared.
Her eyes lit up as she gestured to the flock of camp trailers parked in the middle of the desert. “Voila!”
“This is it?”
Luna parked the car in front of a small blue camper, and we both got out. “Yep. It’s quiet here now, but give it another hour or so, and it’ll get wild.”
I offered her a weak smile as my fingers grazed the links of the watch Lucian gave me. Stupidly, I thought I’d be back before he even noticed I was gone. But at this rate, it didn’t seem like that would be the case.
I followed Luna through the maze of trailers into the heart of the camp where a bunch of chairs and a fire pit were set up. Along the way, she introduced me to a few of the community members who had taken notice of me. There were a variety of people, young and old, and I could see what Luna meant when she said they weren’t all gypsies. She’d called them societies outcasts, and that net spanned far and wide. I didn’t know what I was expecting when I came out here, but the reality was completely different.
Everyone was clean and well fed and happy… and most notably, social. It seemed as if every person we passed stopped to say hello along the way, and they all knew Luna by name.
“People just live out here in the middle of the desert all year?” I asked.
“Pretty much.” She pulled out a couple of empty chairs, and we sat down. “It depends, though. I mean, people move around a lot, but then you have the regulars who are content to stay. Some are only here seasonally and then pack up and head off to other pastures for a while.”
“What does everyone do out here? How do they make money?”
Luna smirked. “Haven’t you heard that all gypsies are con artists?”
I knew she was joking, but it hit home for me, considering that I was. “I thought you said they weren’t all gypsies,” I replied.
“They aren’t.” She shrugged. “But we’re all tarred with the same brush because we live together. We get a bad rap, especially in Vegas because of a few bad apples. Some do run cons, but these people here are solid. They do good, honest work. Some have local jobs, or some just do seasonal work. A lot of the gypsies will leave the women home to tend to the children while the men work. It just depends on the family, really.”
I sat back and took in the buzzing excitement of a community free from the rules of society. “So where exactly does that leave you in all of this?”
“You mean because I’m single?” Luna teased. “I get by. I actually have a job in the city if you can believe that. I wait tables at a diner a few nights a week.”
“You forgot to mention your real talent,” another woman chimed in as she sat down beside us. “I bet you didn’t even know who you were sitting next to here, did you?”
Luna rolled her eyes. “She isn’t here for any of that, Tillie.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
Tillie leaned forward, her face dead serious as she spoke in a whisper. “She’s a fortune teller. But not one of those scammer ones. She’s the real deal. I get chills just thinking about it.”
She rubbed her arms, and Luna bobbed her foot up and down in annoyance. “You’re going to scare the poor girl off before she even gets to know us.”
“Says the girl who brought her here for the circle.” Tillie laughs.
I looked at Luna in question. “Circle?”
“It’s a fire circle,” she explained. “I thought maybe you’d like to see it. Every month or so, we come together for this.”
“Speaking of,” Tillie cut in. “We should go get ready. Are you going to have her dance too?”
Luna offered me a mischievous look. “You can’t call yourself a gypsy if you don’t learn how to dance.”
The idea of dancing for anyone was the last thing I’d ever entertain, but as I watched the people come together around the fire and prepare for whatever was about to take place, I couldn’t say I wasn’t tempted. For as long as I could remember, I’d wanted to know my culture, and this was my chance. I just didn’t know if I had it in me to be a real gypsy.
“Just come and get ready with us,” Luna said. “Then you can decide.”
I followed her to her trailer, and she gave me the grand tour in about two minutes flat. “That’s the bedroom.” She pointed at a small space where her mattress was crammed. “Kitchen. Bathroom. And that’s it really.”
“It’s cute,” I said, and I meant it.
She had done a lot with only a little space. There were vibrant colors everywhere, and it was clean and homey. I wasn’t one to deny my affinity for creature comforts, but there was something to be said for a space that was as warm and comfortable as this one.
“It’s mine.” Luna smiled proudly. “Bought it with my own money, and there’s no greater feeling than that.”
I smiled back, but it was tinged with guilt.
“Here.” She opened a chest and pulled out a gold outfit that looked like it was straight out of a Vegas showgirl’s wardrobe. “This would look amazing on you.”
I eyed the three-piece costume that consisted of a bedazzled skirt, coin belt, and bra. Heat crawled up my neck when I thought about exposing that much skin. It was an instinctual reaction, a product of a childhood where I was the star of every man’s sick fantasy.
Before I could say no, Luna was in front of me, her brows pinched together in concern. Without a word, she took my hands in hers, as if she were trying to read me. “You don’t have to be nervous. This isn’t for anyone else but you.”
“I don’t think I should,” I said politely as I pulled away.
“You have no reason to be ashamed of anything,” she said. “This isn’t about displaying your body. It’s about your femininity. Your beauty. Your mystery. All the things that make you who you are.”
I looked at the costume again, heat flaming my cheeks. When she put it that way, it seemed silly that I would make it out to be anything else. I knew my mother loved to dance. I remembered watching her, mesmerized by the way she was able to maneuver her hips. It seemed magical to me, and I tried it many times on my own after she died, desperately longing to feel a connection with her.
“I never learned the dances,” I admitted.
“You don’t need to know anything,” Luna said. “Just let yourself feel. You are a gypsy. Trust me, you can dance.”
Tillie entered from the kitchen, carrying three shots on a tray. “And failing all of that, you can do what the rest of us do. It’s called liquid courage.”
I took the shot glass, not for the courage to dance, but for the courage to believe that I could have any other life than the one I had known. Since I’d been free from Ricky, I thought I’d only ever done things because I wanted to. But the truth was that I didn’t know any other way. I never learned my culture because at the end of the day, it wouldn’t get me what I wanted or needed. I knew how to survive, but I didn’t know how to enjoy the simple things in life like Luna.
I would probably never be as free spirited as she was, but starting tonight, maybe I could learn. Maybe life could be something else for me. Something more than the next con, the thrill of chasing the dollar, or the past constantly nipping at my heels.
I set the shot glass down and gestured for the costume. “I’ll try it on. No promises.”
Luna handed it over with a squeak of excitement.
Five minutes later, I was dressed like a belly dancer, and Luna and Tillie were cheering me on as I tried to decide if I could really go through with this. We took two more shots of liquid courage, and in the back of my mind, I was aware that time was passing quickly. It was dark outside. Lucian would be home soon. He’d realize I wasn’t there, and it wouldn’t go over well. It was a recipe for trouble, but Luna was the first friend I could ever remember having besides Birdie.
“Okay,” Tillie said. “We need to go. We’ll be late.”
“There’s no such thing.” Luna giggled as she flew out the door.
We trailed behind her in the direction of the fire, which had grown exponentially in size. The empty chairs from a short time ago were now filled, and it looked like the whole community had come out to watch the event.
My belly was warm, and my nerves were on fire when I saw the other girls already dancing around the fire. The music was upbeat and exotic, and I was relieved to see there wasn’t really any coordinated effort. Like Luna said, everybody was moving to their own beat.
“Jump in,” Luna said. “Watch me, move like this.”
I tried to mirror her movements, but my body felt stiff and awkward. Luna giggled and put her hands on my hips, guiding the movements.
“Close your eyes,” she instructed. “Relax. Just feel.”
I did what she said with little faith that it would change anything, but miraculously, it did. Soon, the weight of her hands disappeared, and I was moving on my own.
“Yes, girl,” she shouted. “Now, you are a gypsy.”
I laughed, and we danced until I was high on adrenaline and drunk on the tequila we’d been drinking. We stumbled back to some empty chairs and sat down around the fire, listening intently as stories began to unfold.
I found myself enrapt as they spoke of their culture and history, losing track of the hours that passed. But I felt comfortable, and I was willing to face Lucian’s wrath if it meant indulging in something of importance.
When the fire had died down to nothing more than coals, three women emerged from the shadows with a kettle in hand, making their way around the circle with a ladle and cups, pouring the concoction for each member of the community. When they came to me, I looked at Luna for guidance.
“What is it?”
“Ayahuasca. It’s a medicinal tea from South America,” she explained. “Some believe that it has healing powers.”
I wasn’t the kind of person to buy into that mentality, but all eyes were on me, and I didn’t see the harm in at least taking the cup they offered. I didn’t have to drink it.
The brew was poured, and when I sniffed it, it smelled foul.
“It’s made from a vine,” Luna said. “There is a cleansing ritual involved in the preparation, but even still, it’s not the most appealing taste.”
I watched as she sipped from her cup and others around the fire did the same. In the span of just a few minutes, the conversation had died, and slowly, the crowd began to dissipate.
“Where is everyone going?” I asked.
Luna stood, and her whole body seemed to vibrate with a new energy. Something intense and focused that I couldn’t understand when she held her hand out to me.
“Come,” she said. “I want to read you.”
I hesitated, and Tillie leaned in close, brushing her fingers over my arm as she whispered in my ear. “She has secrets to tell. You want to hear them.”
I wasn’t sure that I did. Things were getting strange, and I was getting cold. Goose bumps had broken out along my skin, and I thought about telling them I needed to leave. But I didn’t, and I wasn’t sure why.
I felt compelled to know what happened next. Despite what my beliefs were, I still wanted to hear what Luna had to say. I stood and followed her through the darkness into her camp trailer, where she lit a solitary candle and placed it on the table between us. We sat down opposite of each other, and she took my hands in hers, her head falling back as she closed her eyes.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I’m just trying to get a feel for you,” she whispered. “I can’t understand your future until I understand your past.”
I didn’t believe she could know anything about my past, so even though it felt at odds with what I should do, I remained perfectly still.
Luna’s face was the only thing to change, and the reactions were sharp. Jerky. It was starting to creep me out, but then a solitary tear rolled down her face as she opened her eyes and looked straight at me.
“What?” I croaked. “What is it?”
“Pain. I felt your pain. You were hurt, but you stopped me from reading.”
I pulled my hands away, and Luna looked unsettled as she pushed the cup of tea toward me, encouraging me to drink. “Just a couple of sips. It will help calm your nerves.”
I looked at the tea. It was late. I should have left by now. But I thought about returning to Lucian and how angry he would be. I needed something to calm my nerves.
I brought the cup to my lips and took a sip, and it was awful. I coughed and choked it down, and Luna watched intently. The second and third sips weren’t any better, but I managed to get it down.
My head started to buzz, and I felt slightly intoxicated.
“Let it take you,” Luna’s voice drifted into my thoughts.
My body caved in on itself, so heavy in the chair, I didn’t think I could move. I didn’t want to either. When Luna took my hands in hers again, there was no protest.
It felt like I was on the outside looking in. Like I was floating above and watching the entire event take place as she tried to read me. It looked as if she were torturing herself, but she was paralyzed at the same time. I tried to understand what was happening when Luna blinked and came out of the trance-like state, her face fractured and her body obviously still in distress.
“He can’t hurt you anymore.”
The tea and her words left a bitter taste in my mouth. “What do you mean?”
“You know.” She released my hands. “The one who is dead. He can’t hurt you anymore.”
I wrapped my arms around myself. “How did you know that?”
Her eyes fell to the table. “It’s a curse. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.”
I shook my head, unable to accept it. This didn’t make sense. Nothing about it made sense. “Fortune tellers aren’t real.”
“Some aren’t,” she agreed. “But I am.”
“Then tell me about my future,” I insisted. “Not the past.”
She closed her eyes again, and the name that she breathed was so intimate it made me burn with jealousy.
“Lucian.”
“What about him?” I demanded.
“He is your flame. He will win your heart, and then—”
She clutched at her chest, and her eyes snapped open, her features painted with horror.
“And then what?” I urged.
She stood and took a forcible step back, visibly shaken. “This was a stupid idea.”
“What did you see?” I pressed.
Her eyes met mine, and there was so much sadness there it terrified me. “Nothing that can do you any good to know. You are right to believe it isn’t real.”
Her body grew weak as she slumped back into her seat with heavy eyes. “I’m very tired now. We need to rest.”
But I couldn’t rest. What she said shook me. She knew something, and I needed to know what it was. Before I could press her any further, a sharp stabbing pain ripped through my gut as I doubled forward, and my mouth began to water.
I was going to puke. And Luna was out cold. I dragged myself outside of the camp trailer just in time before I spewed the contents of my stomach onto the ground. But it didn’t end there. I continued to heave until nothing came up, and all I could do was curl into a ball and lie in a puddle of my own sweat. I didn’t know what was happening, but the flashbacks that came were the most intense I’d ever had. Closing my eyes didn’t help. Nothing helped. There was no way to block them. I could only embrace them.
“Put on the dress,” Ricky said.
My stomach hurt as I looked at the pale blue dress with white lace. It was pretty and new, and so were the shoes and ruffled socks. I liked the dress, but I didn’t want to put it on.
“Put it on,” Ricky snarled.
I curled into myself and shook my head, and his hand exploded across my face, my skull vibrating from the force of it.
“Put on the goddamn dress, or I will put it on for you.”
There was no point in arguing. He wasn’t lying. He would put it on for me, and it would hurt. I picked up the material and pulled it over my head with shaking limbs. I felt like I was going to throw up, and I knew when the man got here I would. Ricky would really punish me for that, so I asked to go to the bathroom, but he said no.
He stayed until I put on the socks and shoes, and then he forced me to sit on the bed and wait. When he disappeared, I squeezed my eyes shut and wished I could be somewhere else. But Birdie was so small, and I didn’t know how I would take care of her. I promised her that someday we would leave. We would run away together, and I wanted that now more than anything.
The door opened, and Ricky let the man inside. He was old and gray, and I couldn’t meet his eyes even when he told me to.
“Gypsy,” Ricky warned.
“It’s okay,” the man told him. “We’ll be okay.”
The door shut, and Ricky disappeared, leaving me alone with the man. He looked over the dress he’d bought me, and his face looked happy.
“You look very pretty,” he murmured. “So very pretty.”
I watched him set up the video camera, and my stomach cramped up. I put my arm across it, so I could try to hold back the sick feeling, but it never went away. The man suggested that we play more dress up games, and I did. But I knew it wasn’t what he really wanted. The dress up always made me feel sick in the end.
When he took off my clothes and touched me, I squeezed my eyes shut again and tried to imagine a different place in my mind. But he made me touch him, and I couldn’t stop the sick feeling. My stomach cramped and cramped, and I threw up on him.
He got angry and shoved me to the floor, wiping himself off in disgust. “You’re going to pay for that, you little bitch.”
It wasn’t a lie.
They always made me pay.