IT WAS PAST TEN WHEN I wandered toward the kitchen in search of my morning coffee. I’d slept in, figuring it wouldn’t make a difference, considering that Lucian was already at work and I no longer had class. But I found that wasn’t the case at all when I rounded the corner and saw him sitting at the breakfast bar, paper in hand. He was dressed in his casual clothes, shirt and jeans, and he had an empty cup beside him waiting for me.
I sat down next to him, and he looked at me with a wry grin.
“You’re not at work today?” I asked.
I expected him to question what I was doing. Staying home and sleeping in would most definitely be against Lucian’s rules, and considering I hadn’t told him about the test yet, I was certain he would be angry and assume the worst. But he didn’t. Lucian never did, and I wasn’t sure when I would finally learn that.
“I took the day off,” he said. “Like you.”
“I passed my test last week,” I blurted. “That’s why I’m home.”
“I know.” His eyes collided with mine, warm and proud.
My heart skipped a beat, and heat gathered in my cheeks. I didn’t think I would ever get tired of hearing him say he was proud of me.
“I was wondering when you were going to tell me,” Lucian said.
“You were working so much, and I didn’t want to burden you.”
He turned into me, his knee bumping against mine as the warmth of his hand found my shoulder. “You are never a burden to me. What you’ve done is nothing short of amazing, Gypsy, and I want you to feel comfortable enough to share those things with me.”
“It’s just a GED,” I murmured. “It’s nothing compared to what you do.”
“It’s not just a GED,” he argued. “It’s the first step to whatever you want to do with your life. You’ve proven to yourself that you can conquer your fears, and I hope now you understand there isn’t anything that can hold you back from your goals.”
I gave him a weak smile. The problem was that I didn’t know what my goals were. Lucian wanted me to be something great, but I still wasn’t certain I was capable of that.
“Here.” He reached beneath the bar and picked up a paper bag, sliding it over to me. “I got you something.”
“For passing my test?”
“For the other thing you forgot to mention.” He leaned over and kissed me. “Happy Birthday, pet.”
My chest cavity flooded with warmth, and I felt like I was going to cry as I examined the present on the counter. The last time anyone had given me a real present was before my mom left. When we got older, Birdie would steal me a Twinkie or something, and that was always sacred to me, but this was something else. This was a gift from Lucian, who had remembered my birthday even when he was working himself to death.
“Is that why you took the day off?” I asked.
“Yes,” he answered. “You’re stuck with me for the entire day.”
“That’s why you let me sleep in,” I smirked.
He gestured to the present. “Are you going to open it?”
I brought my trembling fingers to the bag and delved inside, retrieving two separate, small boxes.
The first one that I opened was a simple bar necklace with an engraving of a scripture, Isaiah 43:2. I looked at Lucian in question, and his voice was thick when he spoke.
“There will come a day when you will want to leave me,” he said solemnly. “I’m prepared for it, and I won’t blame you for it. It’s important to me that you know you have nothing to regret. When you do walk away, I want you to carry no shame or guilt.”
Tears burned my eyes as I shook my head, unable to give voice to the words I wanted to say. That was never going to happen. I was so certain of it at that moment, and I wanted to hate him for bringing it up. This wasn’t a birthday gift. It was a goodbye gift.
“Gypsy.” He stood and wrapped his arms around me, cocooning me against his chest as he buried his face in my hair. “I want you to know that no matter what happens, I love you.”
My heart slammed against my rib cage, and the tears I’d tried to hold back fell freely. I didn’t understand him. It always felt like he was preparing to send me away yet desperately trying to hold on at the same time. I couldn’t return his words. I was terrified and hurt and warm and vulnerable. He’d said the words I never knew I wanted to hear from him more than anything, but they came with a price much steeper than I wanted to pay. Those words were conditional. They weren’t timeless. There was a limit to how much he could love me, and for how long, but I just didn’t know what those limits were.
“Please open the other box,” he said.
I turned away from him and wiped my tears privately, gathering myself together for the next uncertainty he might spring on me. But when I opened the box, there was nothing more than a piece of paper folded together with a scribble inside.
Thank you.
Lucian didn’t explain what it meant. Instead, he showed me, lifting his shirt to reveal the fresh tattoo on his chest. It was my name, concealed in the outline of a sparrow, perched upon a morning glory. The entire image was inked in blue, and it had stolen my breath.
“I know you’re thinking the worst,” Lucian murmured as he brought my fingers to his skin. “You always do. But this is my promise that for as long as I live, and even in death, you will be a part of me.”