Chapter fifteen
November passed in a blur. The days flew by in a whirlwind of work and planning the Christmas fundraiser for the centre. I managed to find a guy to help around the bakery for a couple of months, but that didn’t particularly ease my own work load. Rick, the new guy, had some experience working in a coffee shop so he mainly served customers out front – I couldn't trust him to bake cookies or close the bakery in the evening like I could with Chris. Still, he was polite, the customers loved him, and he helped a lot, especially during the busy hours.
Even though we spent a lot of time together, Jay and I hadn’t had a moment to ourselves in a long time. We were constantly busy with the Christmas fundraiser or some sort of a campaign Jay’d come up with, or visiting the centre to spend more time with everyone. As the holidays approached, Shane’s mood seemed to improve. I could see him smiling more often, especially when he read texts on his phone. He wasn’t holed up in his office all the time anymore, but sat with us to talk most evenings. I wondered if his better mood had anything to do with Greg coming home for Christmas, or with the fact that the centre was getting financial support from new places. Probably both.
Jay carried a book bag around with him everywhere, using every opportunity to get some studying done while he helped me out and planned events for the centre. I felt guilty for adding so much stress on him, so much more work to do on top of his gruelling schedule. The library had become his second home – if he wasn’t with me, he was in there, studying. He crawled into my bed every night, rarely going home to his own, and I loved that.
By mid-December, I was going crazy. I needed some quality time alone with Jay without any work, without any computers or people or plans. I needed us to be just us.
We were together all the time and yet I missed him.
The email from my army pal Darren couldn't have come at a better time. He sent me information on a retail space opening at Greenwich Market in London and asked if I wanted to go down there and check it out. The market wasn’t the perfect location I’d imagined – ideally, I wanted a small retail space at one of the big train stations like Paddington or King’s Cross. But an opening there rarely materialised, and rent was through the roof. Even with Cookie’s doing so well I wasn’t sure I’d be able to afford it.
It wouldn't hurt to take a look, right? Besides, it was the perfect opportunity for Jay and me to go away for a long weekend.
I replied to Darren that I’d be coming down to London next weekend to check it out. Then, I texted Jay to leave next weekend wide open because we had plans. And then, I promised Chris a whole week off in January, paid, if she could handle the bakery on her own – with Rick’s help – next weekend.
All that was left to do was ask Peter to look after Flo for a few days and book a swanky hotel. I fully intended to spoil Jay all weekend.
******
We arrived in London late Friday afternoon and headed straight for the hotel. I’d booked us in a small, boutique hotel in the heart of London’s West End, a walking distance from Charing Cross station. Jay pulled his small suitcase behind him, trying to keep up next to me. I only had a backpack, so navigating the busy London streets on a Friday evening was easier for me.
“Are you really not going to tell me anything?” Jay asked as we stopped at a traffic light.
“No.”
My cheeky smile annoyed him more than my answer. His nose scrunching in disapproval, Jay huffed, his warm breath visible in the cold December night.
I wanted to lean in and kiss him, feel his cold lips against mine, trace his flushed cheekbones with my fingers, but I didn’t have time. The light turned green and everyone rushed to cross the road, dragging us with them. I’d been to London many times, and yet I was still baffled how people could live like this. Everyone was rushing, eyes focused unseeing in the distance, or – even worse – noses stuck in their phones.
“Look!” Jay exclaimed, pointing at something and slowing his pace. I followed the direction of his extended arm and saw a huge moving lights display of Santa in his workshop. The elves were making toys and Santa seemed to be directing them. The display was hanging between buildings, in the dark of the evening giving the impression it was suspended in the air.
Christmas lights and decorations hung from every rooftop, lamp post and shop window. It was blinding. I watched Jay’s face as he marvelled at them, his eyes reflecting the bright lights. He looked young and innocent, a certain vulnerability shining in his gaze.
I felt a pang in my chest, a painful twist that made me wince. I found it hard to speak, and even harder to say the words clawing at my heart.
At the hotel, the receptionist took one look at us and upgraded us to the suite. The hotel was small, ten rooms as far as I could remember from the website, all individually designed and decorated.
The suite was bigger than the room I’d originally booked, with a bedroom area separated from a lounge area by a frosted glass partition. The king-sized bed looked divine, the fluffy covers and pillows calling to me like a beacon in the night.
I was exhausted. The mere thought of Jay and I here in this beautiful room, in a city where nobody knew us and nobody expected anything of us, where we could lie in bed all day if we wanted to, was incredibly tempting.
“God,” Jay groaned, toeing off his shoes and shrugging off his jacket before falling face first onto the bed. “This is amazing,” he mumbled, the sound muffled by the covers.
I took my own shoes and coat off before lying next to him. My fingers curled in his hair and he moaned, turning to look at me with hooded eyes.
“Can we spend the whole weekend in bed?” Jay asked, his lips curving.
“We could. But then we’ll miss out on what I’ve got planned. Especially what I’ve got planned for tomorrow night.” I waggled my eyebrows, my fingers still massaging Jay’s scalp.
“I can’t imagine it’s any better than spending the night in bed.”
I shrugged casually. “It probably isn’t. I don’t know. I’m not a fan of musicals anyway, but they say Poison is one of the best.”
Jay’s eyes widened, lifting his head off the bed. “You got tickets for Poison?” I nodded. “How did you manage that?” I shrugged again as if it wasn’t a big deal. As if I hadn’t spent an hour browsing for websites that had tickets left. “I’m dying to see it!” Jay straightened, kneeling on the bed next to me.
Everyone knew Jay was dying to see Poison, he’d been going on about it for ages. He had a little crush on the lead – Fenix Bergman – but thought he was being really subtle about it. Then again, who didn't? The guy was gorgeous.
“You’ve mentioned it,” I said. “Once or twice.”
Jay laughed and fell on top of me, claiming my mouth in a sweet, lingering kiss.
“Thank you,” he whispered. “For all of this.”
He didn’t give me a chance to come up with a reply. He kept kissing me until the room around us melted away and all I could see, all I could feel, all I knew, was Jay.
******
We’d have stayed in the room all evening but both our stomachs protested, loudly. We hadn’t eaten since a late breakfast, and by 7 PM we were both starving. Jay suggested room service, too lazy to leave the bed and put any clothes on, but I had something else in mind.
“There’s a really nice restaurant, not far from here. Come on, babe, get your bubble butt out of the bed and let’s go have dinner.”
With a loud groan, he pushed the covers off himself and got up, flaunting said bubble butt as he passed by me.
“You sure you wanna go out?” He asked, bending to pick up his jeans off the floor.
“Yes,” I said through gritted teeth, my cock already interested in Jay’s manipulation.
“Just checking.” Jay slid into his jeans, not bothering with underwear, smirking at me when I raised an eyebrow.
I hoped the restaurant wasn’t too busy – I couldn't wait to get Jay out of those jeans. Again.
******
The restaurant was busy. We had to wait for half an hour at the bar before we were shown to our table. The whole time while we sat on the bar stools, drank our cocktails, and talked, I couldn’t stop thinking about Jay going commando.
“I really like this place,” Jay said, his delicious lips wrapping around the straw.
I’d been so absorbed in Jay that I hadn’t paid much attention to the restaurant. Capablanca was a Cuban restaurant serving traditional cuisine. I’d never had Cuban food before and was curious to try it. The atmosphere was very authentic – the décor carried the traditional Caribbean atmosphere without being too overwhelming, and the subtle Cuban music added to the charm of the place. The staff were all Cuban, too, joking and laughing with the customers, putting everyone at ease.
“Are you spending Christmas with your mum?” Jay asked, putting his fork on the plate and pushing it away. The food had been delicious, the mojitos flowing, and I’d enjoyed watching Jay’s cheeks turn pink as the evening progressed.
“No,” I said, sobering a little. Christmas was a couple of weeks away, but we’d been so caught up in work we’d never discussed it. I suspected Jay would go home to visit his family for the holidays. “She’s always wanted to go somewhere warm for Christmas, but could never afford it. So this year I bought her and her best friend Janice a Caribbean cruise for Christmas.”
Jay beamed. “Wow, that’s amazing!” He was looking at me unblinking, his smiling eyes reflecting the candlelight, making them somehow darker. I wondered what Jay saw when he looked at me like that. “She’s lucky to have you,” he added, raising his cocktail glass for a toast.
The silence grew between us. I had a feeling Jay wanted to say more, but for some reason he was fighting the urge to speak. I hated that he needed to censor himself because of me, but at the same time I wasn’t ready to hear what he had to say. I didn’t ask about his plans for the holidays, dreading that he’d invite me to meet his family. A small, ugly part of me whispered in my ear telling me he’d only do it because he was sorry for me.
But the bigger part of me, the part I was working on every day, the part I was desperately clinging to, knew Jay would invite me because he wanted to introduce me to his family. And I didn’t know how to do that; I didn't know how to be someone Jay’s parents would like.
Thankfully, the smiling young waitress stopped by our table to enquire about the food and take our plates away. We discussed dessert options and ordered another round of mojitos before she departed.
Jay licked his lips as he looked at me under his lashes. His knee purposefully brushed mine under the table, and I was reminded once again that Jay was naked under his jeans. The way he was staring at me, his eyes dark and hungry, I could bet he was also hard. An image of me on my knees, pulling Jay’s zipper down to reveal his hard cock flashed through my mind, and suddenly I regretted the decision to order dessert.
“I think I like you when you’re tipsy,” I said.
“You think? Or you do?” Jay raised an eyebrow, his knee sliding further between my legs. It was a breath away from my crotch, the anticipation of the touch making me tense.
“I do.”
“Can we just forget about dessert and go?”
I chuckled, thoroughly enjoying the fact that he couldn't wait to get me naked as much as I did.
******
The door slammed shut as I pressed Jay against it, kissing him senseless. He gasped in my mouth, his fingers curling around my upper arms, trying to keep his balance. I kept kissing him, nipping at his jaw, digging my nails into his skin with an urgency I couldn't contain. It felt like I hadn’t touched him in ages, the need to be inside him turning me inside out.
“I need to be inside you, Jay,” I gasped between kisses.
Jay groaned, hitching his leg up my thigh. “God, yes.”
I pulled us off the door, walking backwards towards the bed. Jay didn't pull his lips away from mine as we stumbled awkwardly, trying to reach the bed and shed some clothing along the way. My mind was empty of all thought but getting Jay naked underneath me, touching every inch of perfect skin, and sliding inside him.
I fell back when my knees hit the mattress with Jay landing on top of me. Straddling my thighs, he pushed my shirt up with eager impatience until I pulled it over my head. His fingers spanned over my chest, exploring my mangled skin as if it was the best thing he’d ever touched.
I watched him as he bent down to take a nipple into his mouth, biting it gently, making me squirm. He nipped at my skin until he reached my mouth again, claiming it with the same sense of urgency as before. Rutting against me, he moaned, the deep sound vibrating through our lips.
With a practised move, I dislodged Jay and pinned him under me. He groaned, his hips arching off the bed looking for more friction.
“Hurry the fuck up,” he said, pushing at my shoulders.
I laughed and arched an eyebrow at him, but obeyed, sliding off the bed and getting rid of the rest of my clothes. Jay did the same, stopping by his suitcase and taking out the lube and condoms.
I removed my prosthetic leg and climbed back on the bed, lying on my back as I waited for Jay. He crawled on top of me, his mouth finding mine eagerly.
“I want you,” he said between kisses.
Jay kissed down my neck, his hips thrusting against mine, our hard cocks sliding together. I rolled us over, trapping Jay with my weight on top of him. Opening his legs wider, he trembled underneath me, his need darkening his eyes and making his skin flush. He buried his hands in my hair, and pulled me closer, kissing me deeper, harder, writhing underneath me.
Jay wrapped his legs around my waist, locking his ankles together, his heels digging into my ass. I kept kissing him, slowly rolling my hips on top of him, revelling in his desire for me. Jay’s fingers dug into my ribs as he groaned with frustration. I swallowed the sound, my lips teasing his relentlessly, my tongue playing with his, tasting him, teasing him.
Jay caressed the skin on my back, his fingers tenderly mapping my scars, making my heart twist and my soul ache.
With a soft moan, Jay drew his arms above his head. I nipped at his lip, then pulled back a little to look at him. His hands rested on the pillow, crossed at the wrists. Jay was watching me, the need in his eyes taking my breath away. His dark gaze pleaded with me under heavy lids.
I didn't need him to say what he wanted. His eyes said it all.
Without breaking eye contact, I slid my hand to his wrists, wrapping my fingers around them both. Jay’s lips parted in a silent gasp, his eyes closing as a shiver ran through his body. I tightened my hold, studying Jay’s reaction. He bit his lip, then opened his eyes, the intense desire in them making my control snap.
I wanted to take this slow. But I didn’t stand a chance when Jay was looking at me like that.
I let go of his wrists, sitting back on my haunches to put the condom on. My dick was so hard that I nearly came when my fist slid up and down a few times to spread the lube.
“Fuck...” The word slid between Jay’s lips in a moan, making it sound sensual and needy, expressing everything he wanted in a single syllable. Keeping his wrists crossed above his head, Jay watched me through his lashes, his hair fanned over the pillow, his pale skin flushed with lust. Sprawled in front of me, his legs parted, his ass and cock shamelessly exposed for me to see, he looked debauched.
In one swift movement I turned him on his stomach, making him gasp, then moan as he lifted his ass in the air seductively. I ran a hand down his back, his skin smooth and soft under my palm. When I reached the perfect globes of his ass I couldn't resist smacking it, leaving a red hand print on the white skin. Jay groaned, then brought his hands to his back, crossing them at the wrists.
I squirted some lube on my fingers before grabbing both Jay’s wrists in my hand, slick fingers finding Jay’s hole. He curved his spine, subtly rolling his hips around my fingers. I tried to be patient, to stretch him as best as I could, but Jay whimpered, his hands balling into fists, his whole body trembling in expectation.
A low growl formed in my throat surprising us both. I couldn’t wait any longer, nor could I be gentle right now. Bending over him, I slid my cock inside him in one long, slow move that made my toes curl. Jay hissed and I buried my face in his neck, trying to calm down enough to start moving. Jay wiggled underneath me, his ass clenching around me, urging me to move.
A primal need to control him, to give him what he needed overtook any rational thought. I propped my weight on my hand while still holding Jay’s wrists between my fingers, and started moving my hips, watching my cock disappear in Jay’s ass with fascination.
It was so sexy that I nearly came then and there. I had to look away and count to fifty, backwards, missing every third number, in order to stall my orgasm.
“Harder...” Jay moaned underneath me, pushing backwards on my cock.
He wasn’t making things easy for me, was he?
I started thrusting my hips faster. Jay let out a hoarse cry and the urge to move faster, deeper, overwhelmed me. Tightening my grip on his wrists, I found my purchase and started slamming my hips into him.
“Oh, god!” Jay cried out, trying to move underneath me, trying to pry his wrists free from my grip.
My instinct was to release him, but my primal desire was to keep him restrained, pinned underneath my weight while I fucked him with everything I had.
Jay squirmed, rolling his hips as much as he could, desperately looking for some friction for his cock. I relaxed my whole weight on top of him, trapping his hard, wet cock between his stomach and the sheets. Jay sighed with relief, the sound turning into an aching whimper when I snapped my hips, driving into him over and over.
“Harder, baby,” Jay whispered. “I’m nearly there...” His words turned into a loud moan when I changed my angle slightly, picking up the already gruelling pace of my thrusts, the feeling of being inside Jay so addicting that I never wanted it to end.
“Fuck... oh, fuck...” Jay chanted, his whole body trembling underneath me.
The moment he fell apart in my arms felt like it happened in slow motion. A shiver running through his body like a wave. His lips parted into a silent cry. His hole clenched around me.
The world slammed back into full speed around me when I felt my own orgasm rush through my body, leaving me breathless. Snapping my hips a few more times, I surrendered, letting the pleasure burn through my body until I felt it in every cell.
After, I let go of Jay’s wrists and turned him around, propping my weight on my elbow as I studied his face. Had I gone too far? His wrists would definitely be sore for a few days if the angry red marks my fingers had left were any indication.
The vulnerability in Jay’s gaze knocked the wind out of me.
“I’m in love with you, Amir,” Jay whispered.
The words penetrated the lust haze my brain was still wrapped in, making me jerk away from him. Jay kept me in place, though, only allowing me to lean away enough to get a better look at his face.
He watched me unflinchingly, the determination in his eyes as strong as the affection shining in them. With every fibre of my being I knew it was true, and yet I wasn’t ready to hear it.
“I’ve been in love with you for a long time,” he continued, his hand sliding to my neck, pulling me down. He kissed me gently, reassuringly, then let me pull away when I felt the breath leaving my lungs. “I’d admitted it to myself a long time ago, but I knew I should wait before I tell you in case you freak out. Which, it seems, was a wise choice.” He looked at me pointedly, but there was no disappointment in his voice. The corner of his mouth quirked up as he cupped my jaw and said, “Whether you like it or not, I love you, Amir. I don’t need you to say it back, but I know that you do, too.”
It was true. And yet, I still couldn't utter a word around the giant lump in my throat.
“Hey,” Jay said, drawing my attention back to him. “I’m not going anywhere.” His eyes searched mine, and whether he found what he was looking for or not, the kind expression on his face remained the same. “And neither are you.” He said those words with such certainty, such determination, that I felt my eyes prickle.
Jay pulled me down on top of him, letting me bury my face in his neck. He massaged my scalp with nimble fingers until I felt the tension leave my body.
“We’ll figure it out,” he whispered right before I drifted off to sleep.