Chapter nine
For some reason, Friday was always the busiest day. Especially in the late afternoon. People seemed to stock up on treats for the weekend. Chris and I both stayed late on Fridays and always sold out of nearly everything.
I was loading the last dishwasher for the day when Chris greeted someone at the counter out front with a lot more enthusiasm than usual after such a long day. Guilt washed over me at Chris’ tired eyes when she turned around to call me over. I really needed to get round to hiring someone to help during the busiest times.
Mentally prioritising the task for next week, I walked to the counter and saw Peter standing in front of it, his kids and my dog flanking him on either side. Flo barked happily when she saw me, tail wagging frantically side to side.
“Hi, Uncle Amir,” Ryan and Jack said in unison before bursting into giggles and kneeling down beside Flo to pet her. She sat down obediently, tongue hanging out of her mouth as she revelled in the kids’ affection.
“Hey,” I greeted Peter who gave me a two finger salute with a smile. “Thanks for bringing her over, man. I was just about to close down and head over to the centre to pick her up.”
“Yeah, about that...” Peter said, his smile growing wider. “These guys have a request for you.” He pointed at his children who stood up as if on command, stared at me with wide puppy-dog eyes and Ryan, the eldest, said,
“Can we keep her for the weekend, Uncle Amir? Please?”
“Pretty please?” Jack added.
I gaped at them, my gaze shifting to Peter who was grinning at me knowingly.
“How do you ever say no to them?”
He laughed out loud, the bastard.
“Can we, Uncle Amir?” Ryan insisted.
I should know better. I’d been subjected to this particular method of extortion one too many times by these two. And yet, they were too cute to say no to. Besides, it wouldn't be the first time they took care of Flo for a few days, and she loved it as much as them.
“You can,” I said with an exaggerated sigh and stern expression. “But...” The dreaded word cut off their cheers midstride. “I want you on your best behaviour all weekend, not giving Mum and Dad any trouble. Right?”
There must have been a yes thrown in there somewhere among their squeals. They went back to playing with Flo when Peter turned to me, his expression growing serious.
“You sure you don’t mind?” he asked.
“Yeah. You know Flo is as much mine as yours and the centre’s. God knows she’s helped more people than I can count.”
Peter nodded. “Thanks, mate.”
“You know you’ll have to get them a dog of their own soon, yeah?”
“I know,” he said with a sigh. “Trying to put it off as long as I can. Jane and I really don’t need someone else to take care of right now.”
We chatted a bit more, Chris joining us after she’d finished loading the dishwasher I’d started before Peter showed up. Soon, the kids grew restless and wanted to play with Flo in the park – even though it was almost dark, and pretty cold, as Peter pointed out – and they left.
I gave Chris a one armed hug and kissed her temple. “Any plans for tonight, gorgeous?”
She giggled. Actually giggled like a school girl, the sounds so foreign coming from her that it made me stop in my tracks.
“Did you just giggle?”
“I think I did,” she said with a shameless smile.
“So things with the cute guy from the other day are going well?” I released her from my hug and leaned against the counter.
“I think so. He’s really great and I really like him, but it’s early days.”
We finished tidying up around the shop, drew the counter shutter down, and got ready to leave. I packed the few sweets that remained – a salted caramel brownie, a blueberry muffin, and a couple of apricot oatmeal cookies – and put them in my bag. Chris, of course, saw that and raised an eyebrow. I never took any sweets home. If any remained I took them to the centre or offered them to Chris, who never refused.
“I have a date with Jay,” I said when she crossed her arms and got ready to ask me a million questions. “He’s not telling me where he’s taking me, but told me to dress warm so I think having a snack in my bag won’t hurt.” It all came out in one rushed breath, making Chris smile widely.
“I see,” she said, drawing out the words.
“You don't see shit,” I said interrupting any future interrogation and pushing her out the door. She laughed and shook her head at me, but didn't press me for more details. I guess she was too enthralled in her own crush right now.
“Take the morning off,” I called after her when she turned to leave.
“You sure?”
“Yeah. You can make it up to me on Sunday.” I winked at her, knowing full well she wouldn’t mind. We opened late on Sundays anyway, and it was usually a slow day.
She nodded in agreement and waved as she walked away.
******
It wasn’t as cold as I expected for a late October night. Or maybe I was dressed in too many layers. In any case, I could see my breath as I waited for Jay in our designated meeting point at Quayside, but the chill couldn’t get to me through the warm clothes. It was 9 PM and this wasn’t a popular hang out spot for a cold Friday night, so there weren’t many people around. If someone passed by me as I waited, they were all hurrying towards some pub or restaurant where they could get warm.
I stood underneath one of the many street lamps, making sure I was in full view when Jay arrived, already five minutes late. Just as I took out my phone to call him, I heard footsteps coming closer, and sure enough, Jay was hurrying towards me. I could see his bright smile from all the way across the street. He was carrying what looked like a picnic basket in one hand, with a backpack hanging off his shoulder.
“Hey,” he said when he reached me, leaving the basket on the ground and leaning in to kiss me. His lips were cold and he could barely keep the smile at bay while we kissed.
“Hi,” I said when he pulled away. “What’s all this?”
“You’ll see.”
He gave me the picnic basket to carry and grabbed my hand, tugging me towards the dock. We walked by all the boats before we reached the renting hut, and Jay pulled me towards it. I followed, not asking any questions, but curious as hell.
Standing in front of the hut, Jay turned towards the canal and counted the boats, settling on one in particular, before he grabbed my hand again and pulled me behind him. Reaching the boat, Jay knelt down, removed the cover, and produced a key from his pocket with which he proceeded to unlock the chain keeping the boat tied to the dock.
“Jay,” I hissed, looking around. “What the hell are you doing?”
“I’m releasing our boat,” he said, casually, not stopping his work. The chain opened with a clank and Jay pulled it on the dock, holding the boat with one hand. He pulled the cover off the boat entirely and managed to tuck it under the chain on the dock without losing his grip on the boat.
“Hop in,” he said, jerking his head towards the boat.
I was too stunned to react. Were we stealing a punting boat right now?
“Amir, get in the boat. It’s fine.” His voice was soothing, but I could see his barely concealed smile.
With a doubtful glance at Jay, then at the small wooden boat rocking leisurely in the water, I dumped the picnic basket in it, then Jay’s backpack, and then, slowly, climbed in. I lost my balance for a second, but managed to find it quickly, making my way across the boat and sitting on one of the small benches that ran across it.
Jay followed me, managing to climb in the boat with much more grace than me, and settled into the opposite bench. The boat kept rocking, but not going anywhere as neither of us were rowing.
“So...” I said, spreading my arms. “Did we just steal a punting boat?”
“No,” Jay said, shaking his head with a smile. He bent down, scanning the boat floor until he found a paddle and pushed us off the edge of the dock.
For the first time since I got in the boat I looked around and saw another paddle under Jay’s seat, plus a punting pole lying across the whole length of the floor.
“My friend Howard’s dad owns the renting hut on this dock,” Jay said as he rowed slowly with the paddle, aiming the boat away from the dock. “He mentioned the other day that in summer people can rent boats for night punting. It gave me an idea, so I asked him if I could rent one now, even though it’s October.”
The boat travelled slowly down the canal, getting further away from the dock as Jay spoke. Once we were safely away from the other boats, Jay left the paddle back on the floor and let it float on its own.
“So, he just let you rent it? Without anyone around? I can’t imagine that’s allowed,” I said, hating to sound like I wasn’t enjoying this, but the thought of doing something illegal made me wary.
“Apparently, it is. They let people punt here on their own all the time. It’s not such a big deal.” Jay grinned, sliding from his seat and moving over to mine. He sat next to me, put his arms around me and rested his chin on my shoulder, looking at my profile.
I still wasn’t entirely comfortable with the whole situation, but at least we didn’t steal the boat.
“Relax, Amir,” Jay murmured, his warm breath tickling my ear. “It’s a tiny canal, the water is barely deep enough to reach our waist. People aren’t even required to wear safety jackets when punting. Nobody will care, even if someone saw us here, which I doubt. We’ll be pretty much alone in the darkness once we round that corner.” He pointed at a curve in the canal a few metres away. There were no street lights after that – in that direction, the canal flowed through a field at the edge of town, which wasn’t too popular with tourists since it didn't lead anywhere spectacular. Mostly, people went the other way where the water flowed between the college buildings and all the rest of the popular sightseeing sites in Cambridge. We would have definitely been more exposed there, especially on a Friday night.
I relaxed in Jay’s arms, glad he’d chosen to go the other way. The soft breeze was also in our favour this evening, stirring the boat in the right direction. Jay let go of me and went back to his seat just in time to stir the boat when we reached the turn. The moon was nearly full that night and the sky was cloudless, so it wasn’t entirely dark once we were out of the street lights’ scope.
When the boat settled on its path again, Jay reached in his backpack and took out a portable lamp. He switched it on with flourish, grinning at me from the other side of the boat. The small lamp was surprisingly powerful and we had enough light to see around the boat when he placed it on the floor.
“It should last a couple of hours,” Jay said, moving to sit next to me again. “You’re kinda quiet.” His brows furrowed and he looked at me uncertainly.
I was such an idiot.
“I’m still in shock with your boat stealing abilities,” I said with a smile, pulling him into my arms.
“I didn't steal it if I had a key and permission, did I?”
“No,” I said, kissing the tip of his cold nose. “Technically, you didn’t.”
Jay beamed at me, then leaned in to kiss me. I loved the way he kissed me. It was so open, so trusting. It had been like that from the very first time.
“It’s a bit chilly out here, isn’t it?” Jay said when we pulled apart. He shivered a little and I was suddenly afraid that we’d have to go back too soon. I was starting to really enjoy this – the quiet, the dim light, Jay pressed against me as the boat gently rocked along the canal.
Before I could suggest we go back, Jay bent to rummage through the contents of his backpack again. He pulled a fleece blanket and put it around both our shoulders, then a smaller one to put across our laps. When he was done, the expression on his face was so triumphant that I couldn't resist grabbing his face and kissing him again.
“You’re incredibly cute,” I murmured against his lips.
Jay smiled, then kissed me back, gliding his tongue against mine. It felt so surreal to have such a kind, beautiful guy in my arms, kissing me like nothing else mattered in this world but us, in this moment.
I guess it didn’t.
Our lips separated but Jay didn't pull back, resting his forehead against mine. Our breaths mingled as we both tried to catch our breath.
“I brought food,” Jay said, pulling away from me with a smile.
“And I brought you the last salted caramel brownie.”
Jay’s smile grew wider. “We make a good team,” he said, before opening the picnic basket and taking out a bunch of plastic boxes.
He’d brought sandwiches, carrot sticks and dips, fruit, and several bottles of water. We munched on the food, warm and cosy under the blankets while the boat rocked gently along the canal. Jay crunched a carrot stick before looking at me sheepishly.
“Today I kinda did something I’m not supposed to do.”
“I’m shocked.”
Jay punched my arm playfully. “We’re not supposed to take that George N Whalen book out of the library, right? And I don’t always have time to finish what I’m doing before the library closes.”
“Please, please, tell me you didn’t steal a one-of-a-kind book from Cambridge University Library.”
“No,” Jay snorted. “They won’t let me take two steps outside of the building with that thing. First of all, it’s huge! I’d have nowhere to hide it. Secondly, the whole library and all the books are fucking wired! The moment you try to sneak a book out the whole place lights up like a Christmas tree. And I still have nightmares about the shrieking sound of the alarm.” Jay shuddered theatrically.
“It seems like you’ve given the whole book kidnapping thing a lot of thought.”
“Some.” Jay took a sandwich out of the plastic box and took a huge bite. “Anyway,” he continued after he’d chewed the food. “I took pictures of nearly every page of the book,” Jay said, taking another bite as if he hadn’t just confessed to a crime.
“Jay!” I said incredulously. “You do realise that if they catch you you’ll probably be charged with several different offenses.”
“Like what?” Jay asked, entirely unperturbed as he ate his sandwich.
“I don’t know! Fraud, falsification, theft...”
“Oh, come on. This is not The Louvré and I didn't try to steal the Mona Lisa. It’s just an old book. And I’m not going to do anything with the photos, just use them to finish my paper in time and work when I have the time, not when the library is open.”
I didn’t say anything. We ate in silence for a while before Jay asked,
“Why does it bother you so much? And getting the boat before? You were nearly ready to spin on your heel and bolt.” He spoke casually, still eating his sandwich and not really looking at me. There was no accusation in his voice, only curiosity.
I didn't know why that still surprised me. Jay was genuinely good, and simply wanted to understand. He accepted people as they were, no judgement. I’d seen that in him so many times since we met, and I still found it hard to believe. Everyone nowadays seemed to have an agenda, a ton of conditions before they could accept you.
“Amir?” Jay prompted, still waiting for an answer.
“Ever since I was a kid it’s been drummed into me that anything illegal was wrong. And then in the army I was supposed to follow orders without question. Follow the rules without a second thought.” I shrugged, realising how stupid – how naive – it all sounded.
Jay hummed next to me, and asked,
“Are your parents strict?”
“You can say that,” I said with finality. I really didn’t want to talk about my family right now. The night was too magical.
Jay caught the tone of my voice and didn't press me for more details. Instead he said,
“My dad is very strict. He’s not a bad guy, but he has no patience for people lacking discipline and determination. He’s a self-made businessman who owns a successful company, but it wasn’t always like that.” Jay finished his sandwich, put the wrapper away, and snuggled closer to me. I wanted to encourage him to keep talking. I wanted to know more about his family, his life, but I was afraid he’d want me to reciprocate.
So I said nothing. Just wrapped him in my arms and we kept floating down the canal.
“His family was very poor,” Jay continued, his soft voice carrying through the silent night. “His father died in Korea when Dad was sixteen. His mum could barely put food on the table for him and his younger brother most of the time.” Jay paused, lost in his own world for a while. When he spoke again, his voice was sombre. “He met my mum a few years later and it was love at first sight. At the time, Dad was doing any job he could find to help his mum with money. He was hired as a waiter at a posh wedding and when his eyes met Mum’s across the room, that was it. For both of them. Or at least that’s what they tell us.” Jay lifted his head off my shoulder and winked. “However, Mum’s family is posh as fuck and they refused to let them date.”
“Did they carry on seeing each other in secret?” I asked with a smile.
“They did,” Jay replied, turning his face into my neck and placing a warm kiss on my skin. “But her family found out and shit hit the fan. They threatened my mum that they’d disown her if she didn’t stop ‘consorting with such people’.” Jay chuckled, the sound vibrating through me as well. “You should see her face when she tells that story. She uses her posh accent and everything. Anyway,” Jay waved a hand. “Long story short, Mum and Dad ran away. They barely made ends meet for years, but they were determined to succeed in life without anyone’s help. They both worked tirelessly to build the company from nothing, and managed to raise three children in the meantime. So, yeah, Dad’s very strict, but only because he wants us to succeed. He’s never given us anything without making us work for it first.”
“So you’re not a spoiled, rich kid, then?” I said, giving him a playful squeeze.
“Definitely not.”
“What does your family’s company do?”
“Shop fittings,” Jay said with a sigh.
“Like clothes rails, storage, that kind of stuff?”
“Yeah, but not just that. Pretty much anything you see in a shop. The display cases, the mirrors, the cash desks, even the fitting rooms. Depending on the account, we produce them custom made or sell them straight from the catalogue.”
“You seem to know a lot about it. Were you involved in the company before college?”
“Yeah. I worked alongside Will and Sophie for two years after I graduated from school. Dad has this vision that we’re going to help him expand the business, but it’ll still stay in the family, you know? None of us were given any choice.”
I nodded, remembering Jay’s comment that night I took him to the bakery after we danced at the club.
“Do you like working in the company?” I asked.
“Not really. It’s boring. I know nothing about business, numbers confuse me. My brain just doesn’t work like that.” Jay slumped further into my arms, as if defeated.
“Why are you studying Economics if it’s not what you want to do, Jay?”
“It’s what Dad wanted. It’s what I need in order to take my place in the company.” Jay’s voice sounded small and sad. I pulled him up until he sat upright and I could look into his eyes.
“Are you seriously telling me you’ll spend three years in college studying something you hate so that you can do a job you hate for the rest of your life?”
Jay shrugged and tried to look away, but I didn't let him.
“I’m sure you can do a lot for the company if you did something you actually enjoyed. You said you like art, right? And you can draw? Play a couple of instruments? A company needs a creative mind behind it as well, especially when there’s already someone else to take care of the business side.”
“You don’t know my dad, Amir. He’ll never let me do anything like that. For him all that ‘artsy nonsense’ is a waste of time, a hobby. Not something to build a career on.”
I understood all too well the fear of disappointing your father. The need to make him proud. It had nearly killed me.
“Jay, I know you’re young...” I began, but Jay scrunched his nose and interrupted me.
“I’m not that young. I’m nearly twenty three,” he said indignantly. I managed to keep my smile at bay.
“Well, I’m nearly twenty nine which makes me much older and much wiser, so you should listen to me.” Jay smiled, some of the tension leaving his body. “All due respect to your dad, but you can do whatever the fuck you want.”
Jay laughed then, a surprised, strangled laugh that tore from his body involuntarily. I drew him in for a kiss, and we laughed between kisses for a long time before the boat bumped into something and startled us. The wind must have changed direction and the boat had turned sideways, its nose bumping into the side wall of the canal.
“Whoops,” Jay said, reaching for the paddle and pushing the boat off the edge. It took him some time to steer it in the right direction again, but once he did he dumped the paddle onto the floor and we floated slowly down the canal.
“Do you have any siblings?” Jay asked, snuggling back into my arms.
I stiffened. I knew he only wanted to change the direction of the conversation but I wasn’t ready to go there yet.
“I have no idea,” I said.
Jay lifted his head off my shoulder to look at my face, probably to check if I was joking.
“What do you mean?”
“My dad left when I was sixteen and I haven’t heard from him since. For all I know he got married again and has a whole new family.”
“Aren’t you curious to find out what happened to him? Thirteen years is a long time.”
“No,” I said with finality.
Jay didn’t push it. I decided to change the topic entirely – the night was too perfect to spoil it with conversations about my family.
Wrapping an arm around Jay’s shoulders I pulled him closer, kissing the top of his head when he laid it on my shoulder.
“Fuck, marry, kill,” I said, making Jay laugh. “Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Kwanten.”
“Hm... Ryan Kwanten was Jason from True Blood, right?”
I hummed in agreement, waiting for Jay to make his choice. “Fuck Reynolds, marry Gosling, kill Kwanten.”
“I kinda agree with your choice. Your turn.”
“Let’s see,” Jay paused, thinking of his names. “Okay, I’ve got it. You went with Ryans, I’m going for Chris’s. Hemsworth, Evens, and Pratt.”
“Fuck Evens, marry Hemsworth, kill Pratt.”
“That was fast.”
“It was easy. If you’d given me the two Hemsworth brothers, however...”
Jay laughed and lifted his chin for a kiss. I loved kissing his smiling lips.
“I’d kill Chris and marry Liam,” Jay said, our lips still brushing.
“What? You monster!”
Jay giggled, claiming my lips again. We played a few more rounds and were so engrossed in the game – and making out – that we didn’t even notice when the boat reached the end of the canal. It’d gotten pretty cold, and Jay had started sniffling, so I suggested we go back. With the help of the two paddles on the floor we managed to get the boat back to the dock much faster than I expected. Jay tied it, locked the chain, and placed the cover on top.
My leg was starting to feel uncomfortable inside the prosthetic – it was late and it’d been a long day. Sitting down for a couple of hours without removing the artificial leg didn't help matters either. I carried the picnic basket while Jay shouldered the backpack after stuffing everything back inside, and I hoped he wouldn’t notice the slight limp in my gait. I did my best to conceal it, but the long day was getting to me, and I winced every time I tried to take a step without limping.
“Let me carry that,” Jay said, taking the basket from my hand.
I let him. I hated people helping me, but this was Jay.
Without asking me, he led me to the taxi stand and watched me as I climbed inside the car, but didn’t follow.
“Aren’t you coming?” I asked.
Jay shook his head. “No. Go home and get some rest, Amir.”
“But...” I tried to protest, but Jay smiled at me and shook his head again.
“I’ll be fine. My house is a ten minute walk from here.”
I wanted to tell him that I’d miss him, that I wanted him to spend the night with me, but instead just nodded.
“I have an assignment to finish and submit by Monday, so I wanted to get an early start tomorrow, and then maybe see you in the evening?”
“Okay. Text me when you’re done for the day and we’ll figure something out.”
I didn't mean to sound so indifferent, but Jay’s rejection to follow me to my place hurt. Was it because he saw me limping? Did he think any less of me now?
I knew the voices in my head that told me I was worthless, a cripple, someone nobody could ever want, were not real. And yet, self-doubt kept creeping up at me when I least expected it.
Jay closed the door and the car pulled away from the curb, leaving him behind. I didn't turn around. I was too busy fighting my demons.