I watch as Archie dances in the living room, throwing plastic balls into the air and almost tripping over the ones below his little feet.
Felix left earlier this morning to head to work after kissing me on the forehead and saying he’d be back as soon as he could. Not long after, Officer Marks called me to let me know that Hellsy and Smith had already been arrested and were awaiting their bail hearing.
With the number of outstanding warrants and the horrible things they’ve done over the years, I don’t predict them getting out of jail for quite some time.
I expected to feel relieved, and I am. But talking to Officer Marks about what happened is what’s changed something. It’s as if I’ve finally allowed myself to let it go. I’ve released it, put it out there for the universe to know, and doing so has settled something deep inside me that I can’t quite pinpoint, but it’s there, and it’s no longer stirring or bubbling. It feels quiet. Peaceful, almost.
The door slides open. “Bunches, everything okay?” Warren asks, walking inside.
“Yeah.” I blow out a breath. “Felix got into some trouble.”
Warren tilts my chin to look at him, his eyes searching my face. “What happened?”
Putting my coffee mug down, I relay the events of last night to him. Every ugly detail.
“Well, damn.” He runs his hand over his jaw. “Good on you. And good on him.”
With my nose wrinkling, I almost shout, “What?”
He shrugs. “I’d have done the same thing if I ever saw those scumbags. I don’t have a record, though, so I can see why you’d be upset.”
“He could’ve gone back to jail, Warren. This is exactly what I was trying to prevent.” I grumble, “And it happened anyway, didn’t it?”
He chucks a few balls back into the living room. “You tried, bunches. Can’t fault you for that. Just don’t be too hard on him.” He reaches up to tuck some hair back from my face. “You bring out the protective instinct in us men.”
Snorting, I turn away. “He didn’t need to do it.”
“You might think so, and hell, maybe you’re right. But look at what’s happened because of it, hmm?” He picks up Archie when he comes toddling over, asking for milk. “That man loves you. We all do, but Felix feels like he’s let you down enough times already. To him, he was doing what his guilt and his feelings for you demanded of him at that moment. Even if that meant he’d let you down again as a result.”
“And men say women are confusing.”
He scoffs. “You totally are. Why do you think I married a guy?”
Laughing, I mutter, “Shut up. You’d have married a guy anyway.”
“True. Anyway, work to do and all that lovely stuff.”
Kissing Archie, he passes him to me. His chubby hand makes a grab for my lips, and I kiss it, causing him to smile. “Okay, I’ll just be here.” I look around. “Wondering what to do with this stubborn-ass man of mine.”
Warren pauses at the door. “I think you’ve already figured it out, bunches.”
“What?” I frown.
“Your man.” He winks. “Think about what that means for a minute.”
He leaves, and I raise a brow at Archie. “Your daddy is silly, isn’t he?”
Archie babbles, “Da, da, dad.” He pauses then asks, “Mik?”
Smiling, I kiss his nose and get him some milk.
The day drags as I stay in a silent battle with my own thoughts. But maybe it’s a good thing. As the longing and the hope that seem to be smothering my dark worries have me realizing that maybe our fear doesn’t always hold us back.
Sometimes, it’s simply us. And in holding myself back, I could miss out on some of the best things this life of mine is offering.
Regardless of his mistakes and my own, we’ve already missed out on so much.
Time doesn’t wait for anyone.
It’s a wasted effort and often pointless trying to make it do so.
Felix shows up at around six thirty and takes over dinner and bath time for me, leaving me bereft of anything to do other than fidget and fuss while I wait for him to put Archie to bed.
While I’m wiping down the already clean counter, Warren and Jake knock on the door and walk inside.
“Hey.” I toss the cloth to the side of the sink and dry my hands. “What’s up?”
Jake looks around while Warren shrugs. “Just doing what’s been requested of us.”
Brows knitting, I mutter, “What’s been requested of—”
“Hey.” Felix walks out, rinses the sippy cup beside me at the sink, and then grabs his keys. I’m still trying to figure out what’s going on when he says to Jake and Warren, “He’s just passed out. We’ll be back later.”
Jake nods, and Warren bites his lip to hide his obvious grin.
I put my shoes on but don’t have time to ask any more questions, thanks to Felix grabbing my hand and leading me out the door and to the front of the house.
His bike is here, two helmets sitting on the seat. When I just stand there, about to ask what’s going on, he picks one up and puts it on my head. A squeak of excitement escapes me when he gets the bike started, and I right my pink dress as I climb on behind him, tucking it under my butt.
“Where are we going?” I yell.
He backs out of the driveway, yelling over the noise of the bike. “You’ll see in a minute.”
“A minute?” I want to pepper him with more questions, but he halts them by saying, “I love you, Magdaline.”
He’s good. Real good. My mouth shuts, my arms wrapping around him tighter as he takes off. Sure enough, not even a minute later, he’s pulling into the driveway of a small brown cottage a few streets away.
“Who lives here?”
He doesn’t answer me until he’s turned the bike off, grabbing my hand when I swing my leg over to stand. “We do.”
My jaw drops, my eyes bug out, and my stomach dips. “We?”
Chuckling, he takes off my helmet and hangs it on the bike, then slides his hands into my hair. “We do, Little Doe. It’s ours.”
My mouth opens and closes sporadically, and I spin around to get a better look at the small house.
It’s adorable. Kind of run down, but it looks like someone’s given it a bit of love recently as we walk up the steps and I eye the fresh paint of the porch and windows.
Felix opens the door, but me? I’m still gaping at it all. The cute, white trim on the windows, the old rocker sitting on the porch, and a small pot of orange and pink flowers by the door.
He lifts me up, and I’m too dazed to let that startle me. As he carries me inside, my eyes scan the old wood floor, and he nudges the door closed behind us.
“This … is ours?” I breathe, my eyes dancing over the open plan room, still trying to catch up.
There’s a three-seater couch, which looks new. A cute, rustic cabinet with a small flat-screen TV on it, and in the small kitchen, there are even a few appliances.
“All ours. Well, it’s a rental. But still …” He sounds nervous, and my head tilts up to look at him. “Do you like it?”
“Do I like it?” I repeat, and the crease between his brows becomes more prominent with his increasing worry. His arms tense around me. “I don’t. I love it.”
His sigh of relief is loud and makes me giggle. He pinches my ass, and I grab his face to smoosh my nose against his. “This is why you’ve stunk of paint? Why you didn’t show up some nights?”
My heart swells painfully when he nods. He’s been here. After working all day, he’s been coming here and working again. I trail my finger down the side of his cheek. “You’re a keeper, big guy.”
He grins. “You plan on keeping me?”
I nod, brushing my lips over his and whispering, “Forever.”
“Good, because you’re stuck with me anyway, Little Doe.”
He kisses me back, his teeth grazing my bottom lip and sucking it into his mouth, then he pulls away and walks down the hall. “Toilet’s there, Archie’s room there, there’s another tiny ass room there, oh, and a bathroom. Laundry’s near the kitchen.” He walks into the room at the end and stops in front of a familiar looking bed. “But this is the most important room right now.” He lowers my feet to the floor, ducking his head to my neck and inhaling before skimming his tongue over my collarbone.
Breath catching, I pull away, and he groans. “Is that my old CD collection?”
I walk over to the same bookshelf he had in his room at Darren’s, running my fingers over them and finding even more things. My old books, some hair ties in a jar, and some photos of us. He’s even taken the one I saw in a broken pile of glass in his room and put it into a new frame.
He jerks his head at the closet when I glance over my shoulder at him. “There’s more stuff in there.”
Rushing over to it, I slide the mirrored door open, swallowing when I find the rest of my clothes I’d left behind almost two years ago. Fingers brushing over the fabric, my eyes snag on a box below them on the floor, sitting next to some of my old shoes.
My letters.
Seeing that box knocks the air out of my lungs, and I sit on the floor, opening the lid to rummage through them.
Felix sits down beside me. “They’re all there.”
Tears fill my eyes when I catch a few of the words from those earlier days. The days before Archie arrived, and that fear, that turbulent force that controlled my every move, was both my sole companion and worst enemy.
“Mags.” Felix pulls me onto his lap, and I drop the box. “Give me those doe eyes.”
Lifting my gaze to him, I try to focus on him through the wall of tears. I blink, and they tumble down my cheeks. He catches them, thumbs stroking my cheeks, and his dark eyes, like melted chocolate, penetrate mine. “I know you don’t want my promises. But I’m here, we’re going to move on, and we’re going to be happy.”
I shake my head. “But …”
“What?” he asks softly.
“You weren’t a witness to that.” I glance at the letters. “To all my crazy. What if I have more setbacks? What if—”
He shushes me with a peck on my lips. “There are no setbacks, only stumbles. And I’m going to be here, ready and waiting to keep you steady, to keep you moving. Never doubt that, or yourself.”
“I don’t doubt you.”
He gives me a sad, knowing smile. “But you don’t believe me, either. Not entirely.” Standing, he takes me with him as he moves to the bed. “That’s okay because you will.”
I know I will. Regardless of what this life brings, I can’t walk away from my heart.
Sure, I might survive it again, but it wouldn’t be living.
“Undress me, big guy.” I tug his lip into my mouth then release it. “We have a home to christen.”
He doesn’t hesitate; our clothes and shoes land in a pile on the floor, right next to that little blue box. My back arches when he takes a nipple in his mouth and runs his hand over my stomach until it finds my entrance. He inserts a finger, and I roll into it, desperate to cling to the pleasure that surges within, but my need to do something else overrules it.
Panting, I squirm away, and he scowls, reaching for me. I smile and shove at his chest, which does nothing, but he tilts his head and humors me, lying down with his arms behind his head.
My fingers trail down over the hard ridges and tempting valleys of his torso before they drag gently along what they really want. I squeeze him, and he jerks, hissing and closing his eyes.
I watch them fly open as I take as much of him into my mouth as I can and suck, rubbing my hand up and down his shaft to make up for what can’t fit.
He curses, his hands grabbing my hair as he gently starts thrusting. The salty taste of pre-cum hits the back of my throat, and I moan, my eyes closing.
“Fuck.” He jerks hard and tugs my head off him. “Roll over, onto your knees.”
Licking my lips and watching his eyes blaze, I hop onto all fours. His rough hand runs over my back, and it arches in response. “Perfect,” he whispers, squeezing my ass.
Spreading my legs wider with his knee, his finger dips inside me, teasing at first, then he fucks me with it, knuckle deep until I’m trembling, thrusting, trying to get myself off.
He pulls out, and I swear I could almost cry until I feel his cock right there. He pushes in, groaning in the back of his throat and setting a punishing rhythm that has me so close to coming again.
He stops, and I almost growl. Chuckling in my ear, he murmurs, “Hold the headboard.”
I grab it, whimpering at the new angle that has us almost upright and his cock resting over that magical spot. “Felix …” He’s got me so worked up that I’m going to come, and he’s barely even moving right now.
With one hand sprawled over my stomach, the other one reaches around to move my hair aside then grab my chin. Tilting my head to look at him, his eyes flare and he rasps, “Open.”
I do, and he slips two fingers inside my mouth, watching as I wrap my lips around them. “That’s it. Suck. Get them all nice and slick.”
He pulls them out, and I shiver. “I’m going to come,” I warn.
Pushing in and out of me again, he moves those fingers to my clit and rubs so softly I think I cease breathing for a moment too long. “Yeah?” He starts to rub harder, his cock sinking inside me in quick thrusts but dragging back out torturously slow.
My legs start to shake, and his teeth sink into my shoulder. “Do it,” he hisses.
He moans roughly, holding me up and fucking me hard and fast as my orgasm rocks through me, rendering me a quivering, mewling mess.
He grunts, stilling and grinding his pelvis into my ass. “Fuck. Yes.”
Lifting a hand, I shove some hair off my face. He pulls out, and I turn around, letting out a breathy laugh when he flops back onto the bed, taking me with him.
“This old bed is still pretty sturdy.” I twist around to stare down at him, my breasts squishing into the side of his chest.
He huffs out a husky laugh. “It sure fucking is.”
We’re quiet for a minute, his fingers running through the tangled strands of my hair.
“I can’t believe we’ve got our own place.” My stomach curls with excitement. “It’s amazing, thank you.”
His hand freezes, brown eyes narrowing on mine. “Don’t thank me for something I should’ve done long ago. I’ve failed us too many times, now, Mags. There’s no room for any more what-ifs. Only doing … living.”
With my finger tracing the indent between his brows, I say, “You’re my best friend, my heart; there’s always room for error and forgiveness where the heart’s concerned.”
He kisses my finger when it reaches his lips, and smiles so wide that I feel a pang in my chest. “Marry me?”
My stomach drops, and I gasp, rearing back. “What did you just say?”
He laughs. “Those damn eyes. Come back here.” Snatching my wrist, he tugs me back to his chest. “I know it’s a bit unconventional, but I’m serious. I’m yours, always, and I know you’re mine. So do something I probably don’t deserve and become my wife?”
I’m still staring at him like he’s grown an extra head when all his words finally sink in and cause my heart to burst. “You’re serious?”
He smirks and tweaks my nose. “Is that a yes or a no?”
Dropping my forehead to his, I answer him. “It’s an, I thought you’d never ask.”