February arrived, and I’d finally hit the three-month milestone.
Desperate to tell someone, I’d called my sister on my way out of work that night.
“What?” she practically screamed into my ear.
Genevieve was often dramatic, but I didn’t think she was being so this time.
“Uh.” I chewed my lip, suddenly feeling like calling her was a bad idea. “You heard me, Gen.”
She blew out a loud breath into my ear. “Fucking hell, Maggie. What are you going to do?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, opening my car door and folding myself into the seat.
“Okay, okay, look.” She sounded like she was walking fast somewhere for a few seconds. “I’ve got a number here for a place that can take care of …”
It was my turn to say, “What?”
“Oh, don’t even start. I’ve never personally had one; I’m smarter than that. But I know a few friends back home who have. You’ll be fine; I’ll text it through to you.”
“Gen, no, um, thanks. We’re keeping it. We’re happy, excited even.”
She breathed out a stunned laugh, and I pulled the phone away from my ear momentarily. “Are you fucking serious right now? You? Having a baby with some joker who rides a motorcycle and lives in the slums?” She laughed again. “God, Maggie. Wake up. You were never meant to have that kind of life. Don’t you want more?”
Anger sprouted in my heart, growing thorns and piercing the delicate flesh until all I could see, taste, and feel was red. “You know what? Fuck you, Gen. You’re being a total bitch, and I don’t need your crap. Bye.”
I hung up, chucking my phone on the passenger seat and sighing heavily as I tilted my head back against the headrest. I was a twenty-six-year-old woman. I’d be twenty-seven before the baby arrived. I had a partner who loved me and made me happy despite all the stress in our lives. We could do it, and I wouldn’t let anyone convince me otherwise.
Resolved to ignore Genevieve’s nasty words, I turned the car on and started the drive home. She was another reminder of why it had felt so good to walk away from my family all those years ago. Though, sometimes, I did miss my mom. She rarely called anymore, but then again, I didn’t make much effort either. But I didn’t miss my old life.
Did I sometimes wonder what my life would be like had I never met Felix? Sure. Only, if I’d never met Felix, I just knew I’d never have found someone capable of owning every inch of my heart. Not in the way he did. So there wasn’t much point in dwelling on what-ifs. Life could be hard and stressful. Whose life wasn’t at some point? But I’d pick happiness over an easy life without it.
And no kind of happiness was quite like the kind that love provided.
Parking in the driveway, I noticed the truck and none of the bikes were there.
I got out and went inside to a quiet house, kicking off my shoes and heading straight for the shower. I needed two after the day I’d had, but one would have to suffice. After scarfing down some macaroni, five pieces of milk chocolate, and an apple, I passed out on the couch.
Loud voices woke me up who knows how long later. I dragged my eyelids open, staring at the muted TV and wondering if I had the energy to move my growing butt to bed.
“No fucking way. You do something like this again and get caught, your stupid ass is going to jail, Felix,” Jared bellowed from where I guessed was the kitchen. “And you fucking know it.”
My eyes sprung wide, and I sat up.
“It’ll be fine. Fuck, just let it go. You weren’t supposed to know anyway.”
Jared laughed, short and gruff. “Well, too fucking bad, huh? You should know better than to trust that asshole with anything. Sam’s worried; can’t fucking blame her, can you?”
Felix cursed. “What the hell has she got to do with it anyway?”
“She told me because she gives a damn. Unlike you. What the fuck are you going to do when your ass is sitting pretty in jail and Maggie is left high and dry with your kid?”
“It’s not gonna happen. Besides, you got an extra twenty or thirty odd grand lying around to clear out some of this shit so I can actually have my girl at home to take care of my kid? Huh?”
Jared didn’t answer, and I got up off the couch, my head spinning for a moment.
“Didn’t think so,” Felix snapped then asked, “Where’s Mags?”
He came down the hall, then stopped when he saw me leaving the living room. “Shit, what are you doing up?”
I didn’t answer him, and when he tried to grab my waist, I glared at him “Don’t touch me.”
“Mags, what the fuck …?”
“What’s Jared talking about?”
He shook his head. “Nothing, nothing you need to worry about.”
I scoffed. “Nothing I need to worry about? So talk of you doing something dodgy again isn’t something for me to worry about?”
He looked at the ground, and I left the room, heading to our bedroom and barely looking at Jared who was frozen in the doorway to the kitchen.
“Mags! Maggie, stop.” Felix followed and closed the door behind him. “Just hear me out, yeah?”
“Why? It’s not going to be anything worth hearing, judging from what I’ve already heard.”
He raked a shaky hand through his hair, and I sat down on the bed. “It’s just one job. I just need to grab a couple of cars for Ryan … We could breathe a bit easier with the money I’d make from it.”
“We don’t need his dirty money, Felix. Forget it.” My eyes begged, but he ignored them.
“I can’t.” He tugged at his hair.
My gut rolled. “Why?”
“Because … I’ve gotta do it next week. Besides,” he hurried to add, “it’s just one time. His guys do it heaps and hardly ever get caught.”
Eyes widening, I whisper-hissed, “Do you realize what you’re saying?”
“I know.” He sat down beside me, taking my hand with his. “I know it sounds bad, but it’s easy. I swear it’ll just be the one time.” I blinked, stunned that he was seriously going to go through with this. “One time. You can’t keep working like this, especially not when you’re further along in the pregnancy, Mags. And I can’t leave the garage for another job, or it might go belly up.”
I knew that. I knew it all. Yet I wasn’t just going to let him do it. Not to me, not to himself, and definitely not to our baby.
Tears brimmed my eyes as I started to beg, “Please, no. We’ll figure it out on our own. Hell”—I sniffed—“I could even ask my mom if maybe—”
His eyes hardened. “No. Fuck that, Maggie. You’re mine, and it’s my job to take care of you.”
My head shook furiously, and he pulled me into his arms. “Stop, please. Let me go.” He didn’t, and I cried into his Henley. “It’s not going to work. What if things go wrong, and then I’m …”
He shushed me, grabbing both sides of my face firmly and looking me hard in the eyes. “You’ll never be alone. I’ll never let that happen. But Mags …” His eyes squeezed closed and when they reopened, they were glazed, full of his own tears. “I’ve gotta do something. Please, you’ll see. It’ll be okay.”
Except I knew it wouldn’t be, yet I let him lay me down, strip me of my clothes, and sink inside my body.
Unsure of when the next time might be.
My heart had my feet frozen in the doorway as I watched Felix’s chest rise and fall evenly, his face untroubled while he slept. But I knew when he woke up, that trouble would mar his features once again. Only this time, I wouldn’t see it.
Because I’d be gone.
I glanced at the small note I’d left him on the nightstand, grabbed my bag, then moved down the hall as quietly as I could. Tabitha said I could stay with her for a few days, and I had hope that it’d be all he’d need. A scare, something to shock him enough to stop this insanity causing him to make desperate decisions.
He would. I had hope that he’d see reason, and he’d find me when he did.
And that hope helped my feet carry me away from him.
But despite the missed calls he left me over the coming days and the promises in the form of voicemail messages that I didn’t respond to.
He never came for me.
If I had known that night would’ve been the last time I’d see him, I would’ve done so many things differently.
But that was the thing about perspective.
It was nothing but a cruel taunt.
One that had no qualms about reminding you it was too late.