We graduated two months later on a sweltering day at the end of May. Well, I did. I think Felix did too. Except he wasn’t there for his graduation.
Because he was at mine.
I bit my lip as I walked off the stage, spying Felix in the back of the crowd. Sitting in the front row, my mom was smiling and dabbing at her eyes while my father sat stoically and looked off at the sky beyond the stage. My parents didn’t notice Felix, but a few of the other students did, judging by the murmurs and whispers that reached my ears when I sat back down. I impatiently counted down the minutes until this was over and I could see him.
As soon as the clapping and cheering ensued, I stood and made a beeline for my parents, hoping to wave them off somehow so I could get to Felix. They still had no idea he was my boyfriend.
Boyfriend. The word made me feel stupid amounts of giddy.
I’d had boyfriends before, but none that lasted more than a few weeks. Once they realized I wasn’t so easy to date, or maybe sleep with, they lost interest. Felix didn’t even ask me; it was never a question of whether I was his anyway. The first time I went to his house and met Darren and his brother, he introduced me as his girl, and that was that.
Girlfriend seemed too insignificant a word for how I felt about him. Hell, the word love felt insignificant. I never thought I’d be that girl. The one who falls before realizing it was happening. But I started falling the night I met him and never stopped. He’d stolen pieces of my heart since that night, unrelenting until he had them all. And I’d be a liar if I said I knew when that happened. I just knew that it had. I think he knew it, too, despite never having told him.
My parents stood when I reached them. “I’m so proud, baby girl.” My mom hugged me tightly and started murmuring to me in French, as she usually did when she got all emotional. My father simply patted my shoulder. “Let’s get out of here, Elodie.”
“I’m, um, I’m going to hang out with Lucy for a while, if that’s okay?”
My dad frowned. Lucy chose then to thankfully appear at my side, swinging an arm around my shoulder. “Please, Mr. Ross.”
My dad grunted. “Fine; be home by six for dinner.”
“Martin.” My mother touched his arm. “She’s just graduated high school; let the poor girl go have some fun.”
He sniffed, clearly annoyed, and kept us waiting for a full thirty seconds before speaking. “She’ll stay at your place then?” he asked Lucy.
Lucy’s eyes widened a fraction. “Uh, sure. If that’s okay with you, of course.”
He gave a firm nod. “Your mother will call you before bed; make sure you answer.”
Taking my mother’s hand, he led her off the football field and toward the parking lot.
“Holy shit, thank you,” I breathed, hugging Lucy tightly.
She squeezed me back. “Lose that v-card and tell me all about it tomorrow, or I’m never covering for you again.” Her brow quirked when she pulled back, giving me a stern look. “And though it’s totally sweet of him to be here and all, you need to get him out of here before someone gives him away.”
I laughed, nodding and saying goodbye so I could go do just that.
Felix was leaning against the bleachers near the back where he was more out of sight.
He stepped forward, and I ran the distance between us, jumping into his outstretched arms. He swung me around, then placed me on my feet, flicking the tassel on top of my graduation cap. “How’s it feel, Little Doe?”
His arms constricted around me as I stared up into his face. “Like I’m free for the night to do whatever I please.”
His brown eyes widened, the gold specks glinting under the sunlight. “Seriously?” I nodded, biting my lip. “Fuck me; let’s get out of here then.”
He grabbed my hand, and we got my stuff before hurrying out of the school to where he’d parked on the street. I climbed into the white truck he shared with his brother and closed the door with a sigh.
I should’ve felt nervous. We could finally do more, go all the way, instead of fleeting touches and rushed orgasms gifted by our hands. But I wasn’t.
I was so ready and at peace with the knowledge that he’d be taking something no one else had. He was the guy who drove to my school almost every day, leaving his own early to see me for a brief ten minutes before going back to the city and working all afternoon. The guy who sent me good night text messages even after we’d been on the phone for hours. The guy who snuck me into the movies on the weekend, where we’d make out and feed each other popcorn in the dark, dusty corner. The guy who waited and never complained about the constraints my parents put on our relationship.
The guy who owned more and more of my heart with every small thing he did for me.
Because they weren’t small at all. Not to me. They all added up, becoming too much in their entirety, until they became something no one else could ever measure up to.
Felix brought my hand to his lips to place a kiss on top of my palm, then rested it on his thigh to change gears. We sat in silence for most of the drive back to the city.
I’d come to learn that, except for with me—even though he never filled the silence with unnecessary talk even with me—he wasn’t much of a conversationalist. Not unless he knew you or felt comfortable.
“You didn’t even go to your graduation?”
I knew his was today, too. We’d spoken about it all week on the phone.
He shrugged. “Got Jared to get my diploma for me.”
“Darren isn’t going to be happy about that.”
Felix just laughed. “Fuck no, he’s not. But he’ll get over it.”
We were quiet for another few moments. Then I grabbed his hand and brought it to my lips, brushing them softly over his warm, rough skin. “Thank you.”
He gave me a tiny smile as he pulled into his driveway.
Darren was waiting in the kitchen, leaning against the sink with his arms crossed over his meaty chest and wearing a scowl on his face. I smiled meekly at him, and his face softened marginally.
Darren was a big guy who had long gray hair, a matching beard and moustache, and was covered in old tattoos. He’d be extremely intimidating if it weren’t for his kind blue eyes.
“Boy,” he grunted. “Care to explain why I took half the day away from the garage to attend your graduation when you didn’t even plan on showing up to it your damn self?”
Felix pulled me to his side. “Because I wanted to see Mags graduate instead.” He then forced out a mumbled, “Sorry.”
Darren looked at us and huffed out a husky laugh. “God damned smitten fools, you two are.” He smiled then, waving his hand around. “Whatever. I’ll be at Kenny’s for beers tonight. So no funny shit; the last thing we need is Miss Magdaline’s parents abusing the shit out of me for letting you corrupt their daughter under my watch.”
Felix tightened his hand around my waist. I looked up to find a grin curling his lips to one side. “Corrupt?”
Darren straightened from the counter, stabbing a finger at him. “Don’t give me that shit. You know damn well what I’m talking about, boy.” He stepped closer to us, chucking me under the chin and causing a big smile to bloom on my face. “Congrats, you two. I’d say welcome to the real world, but it’s all downhill from here.” He chuckled, mussing Felix’s hair before walking off.
I dumped my bag in Felix’s room, shrugging my arms out of my robe and tossing it to the floor. He grabbed me from behind, picking me up and tossing me onto his bed. Laughing, I rolled over onto my back, looking up at him when he climbed on top of me. “No funny shit, big guy.”
He grinned, all wolfish and all consuming. “Nothing about what I’m going to do to you will be funny.”
My breathing sped up. “Is that right?”
His head lowered, his nose rubbing a path up the column of my throat and forcing my head to tilt back. His tongue then followed the same path his nose took, running over my racing pulse and licking a torturously slow trail to my mouth. “That’s definitely right.”
My hands grabbed his head, forcing his lips to mine. I licked the seam, parting them, then teased him by touching my tongue to his, only to retreat. He knew my game well and played along, his tongue creeping into my mouth, searching out mine. He bit my bottom lip, tugging it into his mouth and groaning when my hips started rocking into him.
He was hard, and I felt deliciously soft in comparison. Pliable and wanting him to meld me to his strong body until we couldn’t tell whether we were two people or one.
“What’s up, graduates!” Jared bounced on the bed behind us.
Felix tore his lips from mine, then grabbed his pillow, throwing it at his brother. “Fuck off.”
I was still trying to catch my breath and tilted my head back to find Jared smiling down at me. “Nah, I kinda like hanging out right here.” He winked at me, and I couldn’t help but giggle. The guy was a serial flirt who had no shame.
Felix growled, and I sat up, grabbing his arm and tugging him back to the bed before he could move to the other side and likely haul his brother out by the scruff of his shirt. As he’d done a few times before.
“Chill, it’s okay.”
“Yeah, listen to Mags here. Besides …” He pulled out a sheet of paper from behind his back. “Didn’t I get this for you?”
I grabbed it from Jared and traced my fingers over Felix’s name on his high school diploma. I looked up at Felix, beaming. “Congrats, big guy.”
His face softened, and he tilted my head back more to kiss my lips upside down.
Jared cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’ll be going now. Just wanted to say congrats.” He got up but paused at the door. “And hey, don’t go knocking her up with all that pent-up semen you’ve probably got, bro.”
Felix lunged off the bed, and Jared laughed his ass off, running down the hallway.
I knew Felix wasn’t a virgin, but that didn’t bother me. Much. I mean, one of us should probably know what we’re doing. Didn’t mean I liked getting any reminders, though.
“How long has it been?” I asked once Jared had slammed his bedroom door closed, and we could hear music blaring through the walls of the small house.
Felix sighed and sat back down on the bed. “You really wanna know the answer to that?”
A lump moved from my chest to my throat, making it hard to breathe. He wouldn’t have … “Mags, no.” He palmed the side of my face, staring at me intently while he smoothed his thumb in circles over my cheekbone. “You seriously think I could ever do that?”
I let out a huge breath, relief crawling over me in mini waves of warmth, and shook my head. “The last time was the day before the night I met you.”
Oh, well, shit. I guess I did ask.
“Hey, come here.” He sat back against the headboard, and I climbed on his lap, straddling him. “Don’t forget that I had no idea I’d be meeting the girl I’d want to spend the rest of my life with the next day.” A soft laugh escaped him, and he shook his head. “How could I have known? You were unexpected. This innocent looking girl in her Chucks, jeans, and pretty sweater who had no business hanging out with scum like me.” I frowned at that, but he continued before I could reprimand him for talking so badly about himself. “But unexpected or not, I knew you were meant to be mine the moment I saw those eyes of yours grow huge every time you looked at me.”
With my heart pounding throughout my body, I blurted out, “I’m in love with you.”
He smiled. “I know.”
My head reared back. “You do?”
Tucking some hair behind my ear, he nodded.
“Am I that obvious?” I laughed, feeling heat slide up my neck to settle into my cheeks.
“I’m glad you are ’cause I don’t exactly want to be alone in this.”
“What? You mean …?” My words trailed off into a tremor.
His lips brushed mine. Those brown eyes burned with intensity when he said, “I’m in love with you, too. Have been for two months now.”
A shaky breath left my mouth, and he inhaled it before sinking his hands into my hair and tilting my head to kiss me deeply. Nothing was playful about that kiss. It was both a promise and a changing of the tides.
He was mine already, but hearing those words only cemented it. Made me realize that although we were young, this kind of love, what we shared, was permanent. As if I’d just tattooed his name on my heart and sealed my fate.
The knowledge that came with giving all of yourself, a part of your soul, to someone else evoked a sting. A sense of danger that tried to be heard. But the sweet rapture that wrapped around that knowledge, that suffocated it with an inferno of promise and overwhelming happiness, eclipsed everything.
“Yo, Williams! Get over here and try this shit,” one of Felix’s friends, Holland I think his name was, yelled out across the crowded living room.
“Nah, I’m good,” Felix said, eyeing the white powder on the coffee table.
We spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out at his place and watched a movie before getting ready to come here. Rayleigh public school’s graduation party. Well, one of them. I think I’d call it more of a gathering, though, considering probably only twenty people were here. Not that I was an expert, of course, but they weren’t doing much partying. Just sitting around, getting high, and talking shit. With the occasional girl dancing on her way to the kitchen to fetch more booze.
But I wasn’t uncomfortable. Not with Felix holding me tight to his side on the couch. Plus, Jared was here too, though I didn’t know where he’d disappeared to. Last I saw, he was leaving the room with a giggling blonde attached to his hip.
Felix tipped his beer back, swallowing a mouthful and giving me a wink. “You okay?”
I nodded, giving him a smile in return. I kind of just wanted to go home, well, back to his place. Nerves started tap dancing in my stomach at the thought of what might happen once we finally got there. He’d said he felt bad for ditching his friends at graduation and wanted to at least come hang out with them for a little while, which was fine.
Until Sam arrived.
The door slammed closed, and she stumbled into the living room, wearing a huge smile on her face until her eyes fell on me. To say that we’d talked to each other or had even seen each other since Felix and I started going out would be a lie. This was the first time. And I didn’t like the way my chest grew tight when Felix’s arm gripped my side harder as he spotted her.
She removed her gaze and sat down with the other guys and a few of the girls, smiling, talking, and laughing.
After sitting rigidly for about ten minutes, I finally decided I needed a drink or something. I went to get up, but Felix tugged my hand until I was bending over him and he could study me intently. “Don’t go swimming inside your own head, Little Doe.” I nodded, wondering how he knew, but I shouldn’t have. He knew me in ways I didn’t know myself sometimes. He pressed his lips to mine, and my eyes fluttered closed. “We’ll go soon. ’Kay?”
Nodding again, I straightened when he released my hand, moving to the kitchen and grabbing a glass of water. I was leaning against the counter drinking it when Sam strolled into the kitchen. She paused as if unsure whether she should say whatever it was she obviously came in here to say to me.
“Hi, Maggie, right?” she finally settled on, adjusting the bottom of her hot pink tank so that it sat on the waistline of her tiny white boy shorts.
I felt a bit out of place in my yellow sundress that sat mid-thigh, but I offered a polite smile and put my glass down. “Yeah, hi.”
“I’m Sam,” she said. “Don’t know if you’ve heard of me, but I just wanted to introduce myself.”
“Well, ah, hi again, Sam.” I laughed nervously and tucked some hair behind my ear.
She laughed, too. “Shit, sorry. How awkward. I guess I should just come out and say it …”
I bit the inside of my cheek and waited as she heaved out a loud breath, her slim shoulders bobbing down. “Felix and I, we kind of had a thing for a long while.”
Blinking, I moved my head up and down, not sure if I should admit I already knew that.
She continued, “I just thought, you know, that I should say hi and let you know there are no hard feelings, I guess.”
“You guess?” I couldn’t help but ask, though I had no idea where the courage to do so came from.
She smiled thinly. “It’s no secret that I’ve been in deep with the guy for years now, so yeah, it hurts.” She stared at me for a drawn-out moment. “I want to hate you, but you seem really sweet, and I think that’s going to be hard to do.”
“Oh.” Another nervous laugh erupted from me. “Well, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. He said he wasn’t involved with—”
She held up a hand. “Yeah, we weren’t serious, no matter how much I tried to change that. So don’t sweat it. You have nothing to feel bad about. I just didn’t want things to be awkward.” She shrugged. “If we ever ran into each other, you know?”
My respect for the girl grew astronomically. I knew it must have been costing her to stand there and say all that to me. To choose to be nice instead of tearing me or Felix down.
I gave her a genuine smile. “Consider it officially non-awkward.”
She huffed out a laugh just as Felix walked into the kitchen. His eyes darted from her to me and back again, finally settling on me. He grunted a short hello to Sam before grabbing my hand. “Wanna get going?”
Nodding, I turned to Sam just before we left the kitchen. “It was nice to meet you, Sam. I guess I might see you around?”
Her smile was shaky as she looked from Felix to me. “You too. And I’m sure you will.”