I’m never going to sleep. I’m never going to feel happy again. Even though I’ve known Kade for only a few weeks, it feels as though his departure has ripped a piece out of me. I knew the time for saying goodbye would come. That eventually we’d separate and move on with our lives. The knowledge that it would end was always there.

But I never expected our ending to take such a tragic turn.

After hearing about the accident, I was in shock, my heart inconsolable, parts of it broken—sharp like shards of crystal glass.

I couldn’t utter a word, afraid that even speaking his name would make it worse.

I haven’t spoken a word since.

Not to my mom or to my sister whose questions about my treatment have been bordering on obnoxious, so much so that I’ve decided to ignore their text messages.

It’s only after I’ve arrived back home and seen all the pictures of Bruce in my apartment that I realize I have to find a way to see Kade again.

I have to know more.

He’s done so much for me by just being there when I needed someone. He never judged me when everyone else did; he also never sugar coated the truth.

I pack another suitcase and call a taxi, clenching the little note Sylvie handed me before we parted.

“Call me,” she said, her tone imploring me to do so.

Kade had uttered the same words the night before stepping into the car that was supposed to drive him to the airport.

If only I had stopped him.

Spent a little more time together. Made plans. Discover the world together. Do as much as possible before what we had eventually turned sour.

If only.

I never got a chance to contact Kade, but I did ask Sylvie for help to find where Kade is. I skim her latest text message one last time before I toss my cell phone into my handbag.

The hospital where he was moved to is in Greensboro, almost three hundred miles from Roanoke Island. Getting there is the easy part. But how will I persuade the hospital personnel to let me see him if someone stops me?

I arrive before midday.

Stepping through the broad doors of Moses Cone Hospital, I breathe in the familiar scent of disinfectant. After years of working as a nurse, it’s become a part of me, just like the steady buzz of people living, surviving, healing, and sometimes even dying. This time, the rush of familiarity doesn’t instill confidence in me, which doesn’t make any sense.

To my relief, the hospital is unusually busy and no one stops me. No one wants to know where I’m headed.

As I pass floor after floor, the waiting rooms, the maternity ward, I realize being here as a visitor isn’t the same as doing my job.

All my life, I’ve known that death is a natural process. I’ve always believed in the advice of doctors and the progress in science. I’ve always shown compassion to patients and visitors. Now I realize I never truly felt the magnitude of it all.

I never understood the powerlessness people go through at the prospect of losing a loved one. And there’s also the guilt that I’m to blame for what happened to him. If we hadn’t gotten involved, he would never have left. He would never have stepped into that car and crashed on the way to the airport.

I reach the right floor and stop for a moment to orientate myself. His room number is on the left. As I head toward it, I can’t shake off the feeling that Kade needs me.

Maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but I need to tell him that I’m sorry one last time, even if he can’t hear me.

I reach his door and my chest tightens, as if a string is wrapped around it and someone’s tugging at it. My stomach recoils at the thought that I might be too late.

I push the door open and stop.

Kade’s lying on the bed, surrounded by whirring machines.

He’s not alone.

Sitting in a chair beside his bed is a woman, her brown hair falling into her face as she’s busying herself with her cell phone. She’s sitting so close she might be his girlfriend, or at least someone close.

I’m frozen to the spot, unsure whether to say something or head back out.

As if sensing my presence, she raises her head and frowns.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, taking a step back. “I shouldn’t be here.”

She’s beautiful, I can’t help but think. We’re about the same age, but she looks glowing and sophisticated. Her skin is tanned, as if she’s recently been on vacation to some tropical island. And she’s wearing nice clothes.

Definitely girlfriend.

“Stupid,” I mutter, realizing I’ve just spoken out loud.

“Who are you?” a male voice asks behind me.

My body freezes. Slowly I turn around and look up, tilting my head back to meet the guy’s gaze.

Definitely hot.

Definitely not a doctor.

Definitely not Kade.

Of course, it’s not him.

But there’s something about this guy that has me on edge. For some reason, I feel a need to make him like me.

“I’m Victoria.”

“Victoria? As in Victoria Sullivan?” The guy asks, brows raised. I regard his expensive, fitted suit and the briefcase in his hand which makes him seem out of place here.

“Yeah, that one. Kade…” My voice breaks. “We met at the LAA Center.”

I force myself not to peer at the woman, even though I wish I could catch her expression. Kade had me convinced that he wasn’t into relationships, and I was stupid enough to believe it.

“I know who you are,” the guy says, drawing my attention back to him. “I’m Chase. Kade’s brother. He told me everything about you. I’m not surprised to see you here. It just took you a while.”

I don’t know why his statement throws me off. I meet his piercing blue eyes and the reproach in them.

“Therapy finished yesterday. I came as fast as I could.”

Chase frowns, and I realize that I might not be welcome.

“I should go.” My grip tightens around my handbag as I consider whether to wait for him to move aside or squeeze past him.

“Please stay,” Chase says. “There’s a cafeteria downstairs. We’d like to discuss something with you.”

We?

And what could there possibly be to discuss? I want to ask when soft footsteps thud behind me. I don’t turn to regard the beautiful woman, but I can smell her expensive perfume.

“This is my wife, Laurie,” Chase says.

I stare at her as she shifts past me, right into his arms. He places a soft kiss onto her cheek and for a moment all they seem to see is each other. There’s so much love in their gaze, I feel like an intruder.

That’s when realization finally descends.

Wife.

Chase’s wife.

She’s Kade’s sister-in-law.

Suddenly everything he told me comes back.

I’m so happy I almost laugh as I remember everything Kade told me about his family. The adoption. Losing his parents. His brother marrying the one woman whose family ruined the Wrights. Kade’s struggle to accept her.

“We finally get to meet the woman who’s changed him,” Laurie says, offering me the kind of smile that makes me like her instantly.

“I’m not so sure about that.”

“Ready?” Chase asks.

I sense a certain impatience about him, so I nod and let him lead the way.

The hospital cafeteria is a busy place. Chase chooses a relatively private table near the back and disappears to get us drinks. Laurie and I have barely settled into our seats when the blaring sound of an EMS vehicle carries over from outside. I imagine one bringing Kade in, the people inside fighting for his life. The thought is too grim to pursue, not least because the fight isn’t over. I only glimpsed him for a second, but the bruises on his face were hard to miss. And there’s also the fact that he hasn’t woken up yet. That’s all Sylvie could tell me about his condition. This is my chance to find out more.

Chase returns with our drinks and places a cup of hot coffee in front of me. I whisper a ‘thank you’ and wrap my hands around the cup, letting the warmth seep into me as I consider how to start the conversation.

There are too many thoughts, too many emotions. Too much fear to put into words. I want to find out as much as I can and yet I can’t bring myself to ask.

Luckily, I don’t have to.

“The doctors tried everything,” Chase says slowly. “In the end we’ve decided that an artificial coma might be our best option to give his body time to heal.”

I bury my hands in my face. “How did this happen? I know it was an accident but—”

“The car was on the way to the airport when a van crashed into it,” Chase says. “The driver didn’t make it.”

In spite of the heat, my body begins to shake again as I prepare to ask the one question that’s been keeping me awake at night. “Has he opened his eyes yet?”

He must have.

Silence.

As I look up, I instantly know the answer and a dull ache forms in my chest. The prognosis is poor then. His chances are slim.

Chase shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Victoria.”

I take a deep breath to compose myself, but the glimmer of hope in me dies with every second that passes.

“What did the doctors say, exactly?” I whisper.

“That he needs a kidney transplant. And even then he might not make it,” Laurie says softly. “Time will tell but—”

She breaks off, leaving the rest unspoken. She doesn’t have to spell out the obvious. I’m a nurse. I’m familiar with the statistics.

Time?

There isn’t much of that.

Maybe three weeks. Maybe a little more. But the more time passes, the smaller the chance that Kade will make a full recovery.

A tear rolls down my cheek. I wipe at it angrily.

“There has to be something they can do,” I say even though I know better. “How can I help? What can I do? You said something about a transplant. I’d be happy to test whether I’m a match.”

Chase smiles kindly.

“I really want to,” I add, in case he thinks I’m not serious.

His gaze moves to his wife, lingering there, and then back to me. “That’s kind of you, Victoria. We appreciate the offer, but my wife’s a match. We’ve already prepared the papers.”

That’s a lucky coincidence. Finding a donor never happens so fast. A wave of relief pours through me, while at the same time I regard her intently. Even her eyes are the same color, which is probably nothing but a figment of my imagination. I seem to see parts of Kade everywhere, in everyone, in everything I pass and do.

“So you’re a registered nurse?” Laurie asks.

“I’ve been working in a nursing home for the past year.”

“Before that you worked in the ER?”

I nod, surprised that she’s familiar with my résumé.

“I’m sorry, I can’t do this.” I take a deep breath and shake my head, fighting the urge to get up and leave. “It was my fault that we were discovered and consequently transferred. I shouldn’t have let him go.”

“What happened wasn’t your fault, Victoria,” Chase says. “We know Kade better than you do. If he doesn’t get what he wants, he’ll chase it—come Heaven or Hell. He has the most stubborn mind.”

I soak up his words, but the consolation in them doesn’t quite reach my heart. “I want to help. I just don’t know how.”

“There is something you can do, which is the reason why we’ve been meaning to get in touch with you.” He leans back, hesitating.

“Yes?” I prompt.

“Laurie and I can’t be here all the time and we need someone we can trust. We’ve checked your credentials and feel that you’re the right person for the job, not least because I think you care about him as much as we do.”

“I don’t work here,” I mumble. “And even if I applied it would take forever to be transferred. And it might not even be to the intensive care unit.”

“Say that you want to and I’ll make it happen,” Chase says.

“You can make it happen?” I repeat, suddenly filled with excitement.

He nods gravely. “I’ll get it done by Monday. It goes without saying that you’ll get paid for your work and we’ll also take care of all living arrangements.”

“We trust you,” Laurie says. “We really do.”

“But you don’t know me.”

“Kade does,” Chase says. “We respect his choices.”

I regard him for a few moments. His expression is unreadable but there’s something in his eyes. Whatever differences the brothers had, I realize it never rattled their relationship. “How do you know that Kade trusted me?”

“He told me.” He leans back in his seat, and for the first time there’s the slightest hint of a smile. “Kade isn’t just my brother; we’ve been best friends forever. While we might not always see eye to eye, he still tells me everything, even when he knows I might not agree.” He cocks his head. “For a long time, we only had each other. Our past has made us stronger, has brought us closer together. So, what do you say?”

I don’t need any persuasion. Being near Kade is what I wanted. There’s no way I’d decline Chase’s offer. “Yes, on one condition though. I don’t want to get paid more than what I currently make.”

“Deal. Laurie will call you. If you need anything, here’s my personal number.” Chase pushes his card across the table and gets up. Laurie follows suit, shooting me a weak smile.

I take a deep breath and release it slowly as I get up. I reach out to shake their hands when Laurie wraps her arms around me, drawing me in the kind of hug that makes me like her even more.

“Thank you for doing this. It means a lot to all of us,” she whispers and pulls away.

I want to say that it means a lot to me, but my throat’s choked up and I can’t utter a word. So, I just not nod and watch them leave through the crowd.

It’s long after they’re gone and I’ve finished my second cup of coffee that I realize the magnitude of it all.

I’ll get to be near Kade without worrying about my job or any financial implications. I’ll get to take care of him. Talk to him.

I’ve read the reports of patients feeling and hearing but being trapped, incapable of communicating.

For the first time, a glimmer of hope flickers to life.

Maybe he’ll hear me.

Maybe he’ll know I’m there.

Even if Kade can’t hear me, I need to let him know how I feel about him.