{Keira}

 

I try to arrange what’s left undestroyed in my dignity, and buy the usual skinny latte for my boss. I’ve been going through latent conversations over and over in my head and none of them seemed to result in a happy ending for me. I don’t know what’s gonna happen to me or to my career after this, but one thing I know for sure: I have to do this. I have to do this for me. I have to do this for my psychological wellbeing. I have to do this for my dignity. Or what’s left of it, anyway.

“Why so sad?” Harley asks me while preparing my latte.

“That obvious?” I ask.

“The stars in the sky on a summer night would be more obscure.” He mocks, trying to enlighten me a little, which I think would be impossible at least for the next couple of days.

I just threw my entire future away by doing what I did, and even though I’m having doubts whether it was the right decision to make, I still believe that what I did was justifiable. It really was too much to take. The hurt, the abjection, the denigration. Not to mention the objectification. He treated me as if I was just an object to please his ego, and after getting what he wanted from me, it was as if I didn’t exist anymore. Nobody deserves to go through this experience.

“What can I do to cheer you up?” he offers. Aww, he’s so nice. I wish Cason would’ve been just a little like him. Things would’ve been different now.

I wouldn’t be here trying to keep my life from crumbling.

“Just the offer does it.” I try to force a smile for him. He deserves it.

“Here,” he comes with two paper cups, one of which is his way to cheer me up. There’s a sprinkled smiley face ingrained on the foam.

“Thanks,” I tell him. “You’re so nice.”

“It’s so easy when you make it co convenient for me to be.”

I greet Harley and head out, praying that things will not go as horrifying as I’ve designated. It’s summer, but the air outside is crispy. I let my disorderliness melt away and try to enjoy the moment. My expectations are so low so that at this point, I’ve decided not to rack myself up.

It seems as if everybody’s happy but me. Like all their lives are well sorted, while mine is a wreck.

That’s the side effect of desperation. Because at this point I’m feeling pretty desperate. I never thought I’d go from warm and fuzzy to a total disaster.

And yet here I am. I’m trying to convince myself I’m a confident, intelligent woman while I’m headed toward her office.

That woman is a monster. But as for now, I think that the only thing that would help is if I convince myself that she isn’t a first class sadist bitch of the best kind.

I step into the office silently, holding my tablet on both hands and waiting expectantly.

“Keira, I’ve been meaning to talk to you.” She doesn’t even deign to look into my eyes. She keeps being involved into work.

“Yeah, I sort of expected that.”

“Well, you should. You wrecked just about everything that I was trying to build. I’d be surprised if you weren’t aware of the disaster you caused.”

“Mrs. Kensington, I’m sorry, I tried my best, but—”

“Well, obviously not your best. You should’ve tried harder. It just goes to show that I was right about everything. You are not ready to take such kind of responsibilities, Keira. So unfortunate.”

“But it’s not me. Cason, er, Mr. Cardenas was turning this into a personal thing.”

“Well, it is personal, Keira. Sometimes everything about business is personal. And you had to do whatever it took. But basically you didn’t have it in you. You’re such a disappointment.”

“I’m so sorry ma’am. I really am. But it was not up to me. Things took a little bit of a detour. And it all got messed up.”

“You should’ve proved your efficiency by going along with it. Fixing it. But all you care about is yourself. I just got an email from his company. Obviously, Mr. Cardenas does not wish to proceed with our agreement. It was terminated in spur of moment. He said he was really disappointed. And that you were one of the most messed up walking failures he’s ever seen.”

It sort of hurts me hearing his words from her mouth. Wow. This really is surprising. At some point I thought that his cruelty didn’t transpass his office. But I was wrong. He’s being cruel even when he’s conspicuous by his absence. And at some point I just don’t get it.

What did this man want from me? Because last time I checked, it wasn’t me who told him to get me hired. He asked for me specifically. And I don’t even know how he was even able to track me down just by my name. And all he did, ever since I stepped foot into his office, was being rude and treating me like trash. And if all that wasn’t enough, he wants to see me destroyed. And I don’t even know; what did I ever do to him?

“I’m so sorry that I’ve left him with this impression.”

“Well, stop being sorry, Keira, for once in your life. It was up to you what kind of image you wanted to leave him with. And you left him with the worst of kinds. So, congratulations.”

“I was hoping that as a woman you’d understand.” Like, what is wrong with this woman? I couldn’t be this man’s personal assistant, employee, interior designer and his fuckbuddy.

“You think, in my entire career, I’ve never been asked for nasty favors from nasty men, who think that doing nasty things is the only way to negotiate? But you know what I say to that, Keira? Whatever it takes for success. You can’t really get on the top if you don’t unlace yourself from principles and if you overthink things.”

“Then, I’m sorry. But I wouldn’t even bother asking to get on the top, if that’s what it takes.”

“That is obvious.” She mocks me. “That’s why I’ve come to a decision. I can’t really have you here anymore, Keira.”

“What? You cannot do this to me. What did I ever do wrong, I mean, beside this?”

“Truth be told, Keira, I like you.”

Wow, then she’s got a very weird way to show it.

“But my hands are tight. This is a harsh business. And if I still take you, people are going to get suspicious of me and my business skills.”

I cannot believe it. This bitch is so ungrateful. I’ve done everything for her. Brought her coffee every morning, consoled her every time she needed a shoulder to cry on, never argueed with her rude ways. And what do I get for it?

Ingratitude.

“I’d suggest you started packing right away, Keira. Your substitute is gonna be here any minute.”

“But—” I know it’s futile, but I’m trying to touch any strings of heartfulness on her (if she had any!) by reminding her how handy I could come in. But she doesn’t listen. As always.

“I wish you a lot of luck, Keira. You’re gonna need that,” she mumbles, “after what Mr. Cardenas did.”

“What did he do?” I’m shocked. And this was about the moment that I thought I’ve seen all there is to it. Clearly I have not.

“You’re gonna find out. Now get out of here.” She howls as the craziest lunatic that she is.

I don’t think there’s much left for me to do here, other than gathering my stuff and kissing this place goodbye.

 

 

“I’m so sorry, sweetie,” my mother’s mellow voice touches the strings of my heart, as I feel helpless. “After all your dedication and hard work. You didn’t deserve it.”

“Thanks, mom. What is going on there, by the way?”

“Oh, nothing special. Just the usual suburban life. So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. Right now, I have to work on my course assignment and then I’ll start figuring what I need to do with my life.”

“Oh, baby. You’ll do fine. You always do. Things will get better.”

“I wish.” I mumble wistfully.

“They will. You have a talent and passion that is undeniable. Any kind of company would be delighted to have you.”

I sort of needed that. After everything I’ve been told lately. I needed the validation. I needed to hear I was worthy. I mean, it’s not like I don’t know it. I love design to bits and not to brag or anything, but I’m really good at it. But getting fired form a job you’ve been working on for so long, and having a sexy boss tell you that you’re not good enough for his needs—well, it sort of ruins the validation.

But I’m gonna get some time off. I’m gonna gather my energies, start believing in myself again, and then I’ll see what life has prepared for me.

“Anyway, mom, gotta hang up now. I’ll catch up with you as soon as I can. Good bye.”

“Bye, sweetie.”

As I put my phone to the table, I seat on a chair near the counter to my kitchen and look at my laptop. Oh, the blank page. It’s just so confusing and dreadful for anyone who has to write something. Knowing you can create something out of nothing is just so horrifying and magical at the same time.

And I’m just so confused, sate nearby the laptop, trying to work on something that would impress my professor. I need to do this. I have to do this. I’m just an assignment away from being a licensed designer. And that’s what I’ve been wanting for my entire life.

So I prepare a large mug of coffee, knowing that I have a very long, sleepless night ahead of me, where I’ll be swapped with work. At least, like that, I don’t have to think about everything that’s happened to me lately.