{Keira}

 

Wow. I cannot believe it. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any worse, the strangest thing happened. I’m standing outside my professor’s office door and I’m not able to process what he just said to me.

I worked damn hard on that stupid assignment and he’s decided to fail me. How else am I going to be a successful licensed interior designer if I ruined the last chance I was given at making my dreams come true?

This is just so unbelievable. My stupid professor told me my work wasn’t up to the standard that he’s used to. My hands are shaking and I feel like my life has crumbled down. I never believed I would see myself in this position. And here I am.

But then, a thought hits me. My life was just decent before he chimed in and ruined everything. I was doing fine handling things my own way. Why did I have to go to that nightspot? Why did I have to screw him?

God, I wish I never knew him. If he hadn’t showed up to the picture, I wouldn’t be jobless right now. This is just his fault.

There’s been a couple of minutes, before I realize I’m standing foolishly in front of that stupid door, so I probably need to move on.

I head downstairs and wander through the crowd. I don’t know how I’ll be able to pick up the pieces. How I’ll be able to get my life back on track. Because at this point, I feel like this is unrecoverable.

My phone rings, interrupting me from my grief. I look at the screen and frown. I don’t recognize the number ringing me.

“Hello?” I try to not sound as desperate as I am.

“Um, hello, is this Ms. Akerson?”

“Um, yes, it’s me.” I realize that this must be from one of the many job applications I’ve made over the last few days. Many of them rejected me through email. This one has decided to give me the news over a phone call. I hope it’s a good one.

“I’m calling from Crossover Designs regarding an application you’ve submitted on Friday.”

“Mm-hmm.” My heart is raising. Please, let this be a good one!

“Though your presentation was impressive, I’m afraid to tell you that you’re not one of the selectees.”

I should just get immune to this now. It’s happening so frequently, I think I’m not gonna get startled anymore by anything.

“May I ask why?” I mean, she told me she liked what I submitted. It’s only fair for me to know what made them step back.

“It’s because of some forwarded referral Ms. Akerson. It basically made our personnel not convinced of your punctuality. I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but it was sent from your former employer. And it was not good.”

“Was it Mrs. Kensington?”

“I don’t think this really was his name. I think it sounded more like Cardens…”

“Mr. Cardenas?” I realize I’m howling through the phone.

“Yeah, that was his name. Anyway. I’m really sorry. Good luck on you other applications.”

After she hangs up, I’m fueled with rage and anger. I just need to find a pinnacle and scream as loud as I can just to get the infuriation inside of me out. How could he do this to me? This is beyond every limit. And he has some explaining to do.

 

 

I find myself to that building and insecurity takes over. All of the memories come along and I’m starting to feel all the things that I felt every second I was here.

The girl at the reception stops me, and to think that we used to greet each other when I worked here. I tell her that this is important, and that Mr. Cardenas would not contest. But she’s scared of him. Who could blame her? After everything he did to me, I am scared of him. But I need to face my fears. It’s about time.

When I realize that talking it over with this girl is just worthless, I go out of my own ways and do something that I’ve never done before. I ignore her and head straight to his office. I don’t care if the security comes for me or whatever. I need him to explain. Explain why he did what he did.

I open the door and as soon as I glanced at him the vortex of mixed feelings captures me. I try to ditch it. I don’t need to feel insecure anymore. I don’t need to feel becharmed.

“Keira, what the fuck are you doing here?” he asks when he sees me.

“Let’s just pass on the courtesies,” I mock, “and head straight to the point, Cason. Why did you do it?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I’m sure he’s just pretending not to know. He knows exactly what I’m talking about. Even though he’s a successful businessman, I’m so sure that he wouldn’t forget so fast the fact that he ruined a girl’s life. It feels like he’s been planning this all along.

“You know exactly what this is about, Cason. So tell me, why did you send that stupid referral?”

“Oh, now I see. I take my business deals very seriously, Keira. And I don’t like people screwing over it. I gave you a chance and you threw it away in the most obnoxious way. What else would you have me do?”

“Wow,” I shake my head, distastefully. “You’re just unbelievable. So tell me, Cason. Did you have it all set up? I mean, having me come here and work for you just so you could ruin me?”

“You’d still be here working for me, Keira. Probably even succeeding on this chance that was given to you. It’s just, you were so meticulous to accept it.”

“You’re just so unbelievable.” I don’t even know what I expected coming here. He’s just his arrogant, unbearable self that he’s always been.

We hear knocking through the door and someone heads in. It’s the girl who I ditched on the reception area.

“Sir, I’m sorry for this interruption. She just barged in, impermissibly. Would you like me to call security?”

“No, it’s okay.” He tells her, while she heads out.

I don’t think I have anything to say to him anymore. So I’m just gonna show myself out. But before I leave, I turn around for the last time and ask. “One more thing. Did you get all of the satisfaction you were after now that you ruined me? What did I ever do to you, Cason?”

My voice was shaking with hurtfulness. I was hardly holding myself from tearing up. But, as expected, he did not say a word.

I gather my shattering world on my shoulders and go out. I’ve never felt so betrayed in my entire life.

 

 

I’ve spent the last few days on bed, on my pajamas, eating cereal and drinking tea. On a second thought, I might settle for this kind of lifestyle. It’s just so comfy and untroubled. But I know I have to get back to the real world.

Though I’ve got no plan for how to get my life back on track, I know that I should come up with something. This can’t go on like this for much longer.

I’m watching silly TV shows I’ve never watched before, and taking a spoonful of cereal on my mouth. I glance around the room sorrowfully, and I spot something that for a second makes me forget about the grief that I’m dealing with.

It’s Kyle’s pamphlet. I leave the bowl of cereal aside and stretch out to reach the pamphlet on top of the desk, beside the couch.

A new start at life. This could be what I’m probably needing right now. My world is shattered. I don’t have anything to fight for anymore. And this is my golden ticket. After all, besides the annoying weather, New York is a place where you could start over. But that would mean that I’ll have to be around Kyle, and at some point I know that he’s gonna make a move on me, he still admits that he’s not over me.

But maybe I should give him another chance. I mean, what better thing do I have to do anyway?

The door to my house opens and someone barges in. It’s Maelis. She’s convinced herself she can come in and out of my home as she pleases. I mean, it was me who gave her the impression she could do that, but I’m starting to regret that decision since I don’t want to be around anyone right now.

“Oh, baby. I knew you’d hole your entire life up in pajamas.” She looks critically at me.

That’s exactly why I don’t want to get bothered by anyone in my current condition. They would criticize me, tell me what to do, and that I’m taking this the wrong way.

But I know all of this. It’s just I’m so desperate to leave the room and my pajamas at the moment.

“We have to get you out of the house.” She offers.

But I don’t want to get out of the house. I want to stay in. I don’t want to see anyone who’d remind me that I’m just so desperate and helpless while everyone is enjoying life.

“Oh, you have to. Look at you. You’re desperate. Rolled up in a blanked with a box of cereal nearby you? This constitutes an instant makeover. And I know just the person to help you with that.”

She’s right. And I know it. But I’m not in the mood to do anything she’d say. Like, she’d probably offer me to get out of the house and have a girl’s night out, and I’m not feeling like it.

“What is that?” she sits near me and grabs the pamphlet off of my hands. “Oh, no. You’re not seriously considering this, are you?”

“Would it be so bad if I were?”

“Of course. We talked about this. You cannot just take off to some other state. You have to stay here and figure it out.”

“I don’t think there’s anything left for me to figure out. And at this point I feel like this is the best chance for me.”