Gabriel
I pull my car into the parking spot next to Charlotte's truck and smile. I only see one other car in the lot. I walk into the building and climb the stairs to the second floor. I see my sister's name on the door, underneath the sign that says Double Play Sports. A wave of pride flows through me as I open the door and glance around, walking inside.
The carpet is a deep green and the walls are a sandy beige. There is memorabilia hanging on the walls, signed by different athletes and there are two open doors towards the back of the waiting room. I walk down the hall, bypassing the empty reception desk and towards the door with my sister's name on it. I glance inside but it's empty.
I walk to the other door and peek inside. I see Charlotte at her desk, typing on her laptop and she has her glasses on. Her eyebrows are pinched together in concentration and she doesn't notice me. I clear my throat and she jumps.
“Gabriel,” she gasps, putting a hand to her chest. “You scared the crap out of me.”
“Sorry,” I chuckle, “Just wanted to come pay you a visit.”
She eyes me and nods to the chair across from her desk. I walk around to her side of the desk, ignoring her attempt at putting space between us.
“Why did ya turn cold when you got back from the supermarket this mornin’?” I ask.
She quickly looks down at her desk, like it is the most interesting thing in the room. I walk closer to the desk and push her chair away from it.
“Gabri--”
I cut her off with a kiss and my hands go around her waist, as I lift her from her chair. I plop her down on top her desk and move my body in between her legs. Her pencil skirt is tight, so I don't get as close as I want to. I start to inch the material up her legs and she breaks the kiss, putting a hand on my wrist to stop me.
“What the hell are you doin’ to me?” she whispers.
Her voice is tortured, being pulled between wanting to hate me or ripping off my clothes. I cup her cheek and rub my thumb down to her bottom lip.
“You tell me because you're doin’ the same.”
She shakes her head and pushes against my chest to hop off the desk. She walks to the side of her desk, her back is to me as she speaks, and I don't know what the hell I did wrong.
“I don't know Gabriel, I honestly don't. I mean, I'm happy you're steppin’ up for the kids but us...this...Bella asked me if were together and I...I started really thinkin’ about it and I don't know if I can do this again. I need you to be serious about this Gabriel, but I don't think you can be. You nearly destroyed me the first time,” she says, turning around meeting my gaze.
The sadness in her eyes is my undoing. I walk over to her, cup her cheek and brush my lips gently against hers. She closes her eyes and leans into my touch.
“That was the stupid, eighteen year old, selfish me. This guy, standin’ before you is that man, Charlotte. This man will cherish every damn day he has with you and his kids. I'm not goin’ anywhere this time, Charlotte. I'll get you to trust me again, in time.”
She's quiet for a moment and I can see the wheels turning in her head. She wants to say something but she's unsure.
“Why didn't you reach out Gabriel? Why? Eighteen years and not once did you pick up that phone,” she says.
Her voice breaks on the last word and she turns around, away from me again.
“You were better off without me. I know I broke you Charlotte, so the least I could do was to try and let you move on, forget me. I wasn't ready for a lifetime commitment and that's what you deserve. I thought you would be happily married by now. If I knew about all this, about the twins...”
“Exactly,” she says whirling around. “I'm so happy you're here for them and give them a little time and they will be too but if that's the only reason you're here, then let that be the reason. Stop kissin’ me if you’re here to be a dad and nothin’ more. I want the more, Gabriel.”
She brushes past me to sit back in her chair.
“I uh...I guess called my therapist last night, I don't remember. Since he's in Houston he said he'd be willin’ to do a video chat session, if that's somethin’ you'd be interested in doin’? I'm gonna set it up for around 8 tonight, either way, it's up to you.”
I take her silence for a dismissal and run my hand through my hair as I leave the office. I want the more with her too, dammit. I got a long line of people to win back. Shit.
I pull into the drive of my childhood home and cut the engine. I let my head drop back against the headrest and let out a frustrated breath. Hopefully, my sister and I can just pick up where we left off and I don't have to add her to the list of people I've fucked over.
I look at the house and so many memories come flooding back to me. After Charlotte and I broke up, her parents became distant with mine and I could never figure out why. I guess I kind of have an idea now.
My parents up and left, rented out our house and moved down to their vacation home in Florida for my dad's retirement. When Savannah came back to buy that sports management company, she took the house back over. I'm really happy they decided not to sell it. So many happy memories make up this house, it would have killed me to see it go.
I let out a big breath, get out of the car and walk to the front porch of the house. Before I can knock, my sister opens the door with the biggest smile on her face and pulls me into a hug before I can get a word in.
“Hello brother,” she says, kissing my cheek.
“Hi, Baby Sis,” I say, kissing her cheek back.
“Only by a minute and a half, will you ever let me forget that?” she laughs.
I shake my head.
“Never.”
She leads me into the house and the memories come flooding back. This town alone, holds too many memories of Charlotte and me, but this home, just breaks my heart as much as it pieces it together. I can see little Charlotte, playing with her dolls on the living room rug and me running my cars right on over them. Her crying to my mama, that I was hurting her babies.
We walk into the kitchen and my eyes land on the spot where I first kissed her. Right here in my kitchen, in the middle of a family cookout.
“I made up your old room if you need a place to stay. No sense stayin’ in a hotel, there's plenty of room in the house. Plus, it'll be nice to catch up. I've missed you brother,” she says, her eyes watering just a smidge.
I nod and walk over, giving her another hug. Savannah and I had such a strong relationship when we were younger. I'm slowly realizing how much I've hurt the people I love, with all my actions the past years and it's killing me, paralyzing me.
“I've missed you too Sav.”
“So, how'd dinner go with Charlie last night?”
“It uh...it's complicated.”
How do I even answer that question?
“Hmm...I bet. You look like shit, so I guess that sums it up,” she says smiling.
“I might have had a little too much to drink. Didn't go well and I numbed the pain a little afterward. Ended up back on her front porch, woke up in her bed and Devin contemplated fifty of the most painful ways to kill me.”
She laughs and slaps me on the shoulder.
“Why don't you sleep it off and give me the long version later?”
I nod and start up the stairs but turn back around.
“Stopped by your office today. It's amazin’. You changed the name too, hopin’ I'd be back on board with our crazy plans?”
“Hey, a girl can dream.”
“I'm proud of you Sav, pickin’ yourself up and all that. I wish I was more like you.”
She runs up the stairs and throws her arms around my neck.
“I’ve missed you so much. You have no idea how much I've needed you,” she whispers.
“I'm here now. I ain't goin’ nowhere.”
We break the hug after a couple of seconds and I walk up the rest of the stairs to my old bedroom.
The memories of this room throttle me, and I brace my hand against the door jam.
Charlotte and I fumbling around in the dark for the first time together. Trying to be quiet, while my parents slept in the next room, I snuck her in through the window and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.
“I thought you said your parents were gone?” Charlie says whispering, coming through my window.
“Shh...I knew if I told you they were here, you wouldn’t have come,” I laugh, pulling her in and pushing her against my wall.
We kiss with a fever that is too passionate for two teenager's . We are hungry for more than our usual fooling around and I can feel the change.
She reaches for my shirt, pulls it over my head and pulls my pants and boxers down quickly. As she drops to her knees, I pull her back up to me.
“You don’t want me to…”
“No. I don't want that tonight, Charlie. I want you and me to take the next step. Do you want that?” I ask her, looking in her eyes.
They hold a fire there that I love about her. She nods her head and smiles.
“I want that so much,” she whispers, taking her shirt and bra off, followed by her panties and pants.
We are both panting and naked, standing in the middle of my room.
“Get on the bed,” I instruct her.
I walk over to my bedroom door and lock it. Hopefully we don’t wake my parents, but if we do, at least they won’t be able to just barge in.
I walk back over to the bed and kiss Charlie, hard on her mouth. I trail kisses down her neck, down to her breast and lick and suck one nipple, then the other. I kiss down her belly and stop right above the little patch of hair that I love.
“Gabe,” she says breathlessly. “You didn’t let me...you shouldn’t have to…”
“I want to make sure you’re good and ready for me, Charlie. I don’t want this to hurt you,” I say, licking her clit.
She bucks against me and she pulls my pillow up over her face, to make sure she keeps quiet. I lick from her hole to her clit and back down again. I lick and suck, until I feel her hand running through my hair, to make sure I don’t move. I lap up all her juices, until I feel her fall limp on my bed and she pulls the pillow away from her face.
“Now Gabe. I want it right now. You, please,” she whimpers.
I walk over to my underwear drawer and pull out a condom. I went to the drugstore a couple of days ago hoping that we would need them soon. I take one out of the box and move back to the bed.
“Let me,” she says smiling, holding her hand out for the condom. “I’ve never done this before.”
“Me either,” I admit, laughing.
She looks in my eyes, as she rolls the condom down my hard-on and I almost come right there. Shit, I should have jerked off before she came over. I would probably barely last a minute, our first time would be less than memorable.
“I have to admit,” I start to say, “I don’t know how long I am going to last...I don’t know if I’ll be any good...” I say self consciously.
Thank God it’s her first time too. I don't want her to be disappointed with me. We were each other’s first with everything, even that kiss in my mama’s kitchen.
“I remember hearin’ that before,” she giggles.
I roll my eyes and her hand caresses my cheek.
“We have a lifetime to perfect it,” she says smiling, kissing my lips.
I lay her back down on the bed, positioning myself at her entrance.
“I’ll go slow, but tell me if it hurts, okay?” I say, making sure she knows I want her to feel good, too.
“I’ll be fine,” she says, smiling.
I start to push in and she winces. I stop until her face relaxes and then push in a little further. Oh shit, I am going to blow. She is so tight and warm, I have to do something to distract myself.
Baseball, think of baseball. A picture of my fantasy baseball team pops into my head. Yes, here we go. Okay, soon I'm going to trade one of my prospects for a good pitcher. I’m pretty sure my best guy is going on the DL, so I need to replace him with someone soon. Maybe I can trade with Mikey. He’s got a good starter, but I doubt he would do a one for one trade. I would have to throw in…
“Gabe?” Charlotte says, knocking me out of my baseball haze. “I know we’re not experts, but I think when you stick it in, you needa move,” she laughs.
“Sorry, I was thinking about baseball.”
“Baseball? Are you kiddin’? You have me naked and your penis is in me and you’re thinkin’ of baseball?” she says incredulity, throwing her hands up.
“I….I wanted to last more than a minute. I needed something to distract me,” I sigh. “I’m sorry. Let’s try that again.”
I pull out of her and then slowly back in and shit, that feels so good. She is so wet and I slide right in.
“God, Charlie, you feel so good. I can’t hold on much longer,” I say, through gritted teeth. “Are you okay?” I ask with concern.
“I’m...God, it feels good, yes, I’m fine, keep goin’,” she says breathlessly.
I move in and out of her at a snail's pace, petrified that I’m hurting her when her legs wrap around my waist. I feel her tightening around me and I can’t hold on much longer. My control snaps and I pound into her a couple of more times then collapse on top of her, both of us sweaty and breathless.
“Not bad for a first time,” she laughs. “Besides the baseball slip up.”
She shakes her head, slapping my chest.
“I love you, Charlotte,” I say, getting on my elbow and looking down into her flushed face.
Shit, I can’t believe I just said that. The smile drops from her face and her mouth opens.
“You...you do?” she stutters.
“I do,” I say, smiling.
Why hold it back, when I knew it was true? I loved this girl from the moment I saw her. All these years and she still means the world to me. Why hold it in any longer?
She smiles, grabs my cheeks and presses her lips to mine.
“I love you too,” she says, against my lips.
We kiss for what seems like hours before we both fall asleep, tangled in each other.
Sometime during the night, we wake and try the whole sex thing again. It was definitely better the second time, and in the morning, before she sneaks back home, it was even better the third.
“You look much better,” Savannah says, as I walk into the kitchen.
I sit down at the table and the doorbell rings.
“Perfect timing,” she says.
She walks to the front door and I see my parents. They make their way into the house and I feel sucker punched. I haven't seen either one of them in over ten years and they've aged.
The lines across my mother's face, her grey, thinning hair, makes me wish I could go back in time and do things differently.
I would go back and watch Charlotte's belly grow big with the twins, watch two little humans I help create, take their first breath, teach Devin to throw a ball for the first time, see Bella’s first hit, watch the joy on my parents faces, when they hold their grandchildren for the first time. So many things that I could see and experience, but my own dreams clouded my judgement with selfishness.
I see the tears in my mother's face and she runs to me, wrapping her arms around my neck.
“Gabriel, my boy,” she says, through the tears.
I grab onto my restraint with everything I have and hug her back, without my own tears.
We break the hug and my father comes over to wrap me in a hug and he slaps my back. He looks the same, but he too, has lines barring his chiseled face. His hair is clipped short, like it always was but he is graying down his sideburns and beard. The man still has an impressive head of hair for his age.
“It's been awhile son.”
“I uh...I’m sorry about that. Here, come sit, we got a lot to catch up on.”
My parents hug Savannah and we all make our way into the kitchen.
I need to break the news about Charlotte and the kids. I'm sure my mother knows something is going on, because when I called to tell her that we were having Thanksgiving with the Daniels’, she was genuinely surprised.
“So, what's goin’ on Gabriel? Why the sudden change all these years? What have you been up to? We have so much to talk about!” my mother says, bombarding with me with questions.
“Well I uh...I've been in Houston, coachin’ rookie ball and the funniest thing happened. We got this new pitcher and he introduces me to his mama, and surprisingly it was Charlotte.”
I scan their faces for a reaction. I really don't know how to drop this bomb on them, so I guess I'm just gonna go for it.
“What a coincidence! I didn't know she was married. How is she? I always liked her,” my mother says smiling.
“She's workin’ with me actually, but she's not married,” Savannah pipes in.
“Oh no?” my mother says, her face dropping.
“She uh..she has twins actually. Devin and Bella,” I say slowly, watching their expressions.
“What a small...wait a minute. If that boy plays for you, then he must be at least--”
“Eighteen,” my father says cutting her off.
They both look at me and the pieces are falling into place.
“Oh Gabriel,” my mother whispers covering her mouth.
“I'd rather just keep the details in the past, but yeah, y'all are grandparents. You'll meet them tomorrow.”
My parent's expressions don’t change and the weight I've been carrying, drops to my stomach.
“I just don't understand, Gabriel. You never knew? She never told you?” my mother asks.
“It was better that way, Mama. You know the kind of kid I was, she did the right thing, okay? We discussed and moved past a lot of the hurt, let's just, start fresh tomorrow, yeah?” I say, hopeful.
“I can try.”
She shakes her head. I've been hearing that a lot, lately.
“Well, tell us about them,” my father says, leaning closer.
“Where do I start...” I say proudly.
At around 8 o'clock I turn my laptop on and give up on Charlotte coming over for this session with me. It's a lot to process and between my behavior the other night and preparing for Thanksgiving tomorrow, I figured I'd be on my own.
Neils face pops on screen and he nods his head.
“How we doin’ Gabriel?”
“Could be better I guess, otherwise I wouldn't be talkin’ to ya.”
“Charlotte not joinin’ us then?”
“She uh...she's gettin’ ready for Thanksgiving and stuff tomorrow so she-”
A soft knock on my door interrupts me. Savannah told me she was goin’ into town tonight to meet up with some friends. I thought she left but I guess not.
“Hold on a sec, Neil. Come in Sav.”
The door opens slowly and Charlotte walks in. She has her hair piled on top of her head with her black rimmed glasses perched on her nose. She is in tight black leggings and an oversized sweatshirt and I feel like I'm a teenage boy all over again. My heart beats fast as I watch her cross the room and sit on the bed next to me.
“Sorry I'm late,” she whispers, “I just really needed to get some of the food done before tomorrow.”
She gives me a half smile and then looks at the computer screen and waves.
“Hi, I'm Charlotte.”
Neil waves and smiles.
“Nice to meet ya Charlotte, I'm Neil. I'm glad you could join us. It'll definitely help y'all, if that's what you're lookin’ for.”
“That's what we're lookin’ for,” she says looking over at me.
I smile at her and look back to Neil.
“How are ya doin’ today?” he asks.
“Great. Just gettin’ ready for the big day tomorrow,” she says smiling.
“Nervous?” Neil asks.
“A little yeah,” she admits.
“Why are you nervous?” I ask, running a hand down her back.
“I just want it to go okay. Everyone in the house together after everything that happened, could go great but could also be a disaster.”
“So I guess that's a good segway into this session. I have a premise of your relationship with Gabriel but of course there are two sides to every story. What are you lookin' to get from this session?”
“I uh..I guess I just still have a lot of um...fears with startin’ our relationship again.”
I squeeze her waist and she looks down at the bed, pink staining her cheeks.
“That's understandable considerin’ your past. What is your biggest fear with startin’ the relationship?”
“I guess…” she stops for a second, fiddling with her fingers. “That we start a relationship but it's...he’ll want the kids and not me. Which is fine, they need their father, I see that now but...I'm sorry I'm bein’ silly,” she says, nervously laughing and wiping her eyes.
“Charlotte, your fears are not silly. If they make you emotional like you are now, then it's not just fine. Know what you want and don't be afraid to ask for it,” Neil says motioning with his hand at the screen.
She nods and grabs a tissue from the nightstand, dabbing her eyes.
“Gabriel, what comes to your mind when you hear of Charlotte's abandonment fears.”
“I...I don't want her to feel like that. I didn't just leave Louisiana and forget everything. It haunted me, it still haunts me and I need to make it right.”
“Charlotte…” Neil says, motioning his hand for her to respond.
“I guess that's kind of my fear. If it's just that you want to make things right with the kids then when you do, what will happen to us?”
I grab her hands but she stiffens.
“It sounds like y'all need to figure out what you want separately, before you decide on a move together.”
“I know what I want,” I say, an edge to my voice.
“Gabriel what made you go back to drinking?”
“I...I was angry, at myself, at the situation. I guess I knew she would move on but havin’ it right in front of me, I didn't know how to handle it.”
“I didn't move on,” Charlotte says softly.
“So what are some fears you have Gabriel?”
“I don't have fears. I want her and the kids. I'm not scared of that commitment.”
“What about not getting them? Does that scare you.”
“I…”
His words barrel right into me, temporarily paralyzing me. I feel Charlotte's gaze snap to my face and I open my mouth to speak but then shut it.
“That won't happen,” she whispers, putting her soft hand on top of mine.
“How is your relationship physically? There's a lot of emotions between the two of you at the moment, I can sense it.”
Charlotte clears her throat, taking her hand off mine and peeling her gaze away.
“It's um...it's good,” she says quickly.
“Are you intimate?”
“I...is that necessary to know?” Charlotte asks, furrowing her brows.
“Sex is only a bandaid. Don't use it to fix problems.“
“Right, yeah. We're not doin’ that. Sex. We're not havin’ sex,” she stutters.
Neil smiles and I try and hide my own.
“How about y'all take the night to think, alone, and touch base tomorrow. Your communication is a lot better than I thought it would be. You'll be alright,” Neil says smiling.
We both nod and he waves to us as I shut the screen to the laptop.
“You do that a lot?” Charlotte asks, getting up from the bed.
“Not as much anymore. Started four years ago, after the fight incident.”
“Right yeah, the strip club. I read about that,” she says picking at the hem of her sweatshirt
“It wasn't what it-”
She puts up her hand to stop me.
“I don't needa know, Gabriel. It was a different life. I blocked all that out for a reason.”
We're silent for a couple of seconds, neither one of us knowing how to cross over this bridge, leaving the past behind.
“It had to be hard, my life splashed around like that. I mean I went nuts with you and Brantley and I didn't have to see pictures and it was only once,” I say, shaking my head.
She looks up at me wide eyed.
“It was just once, right?”
“Yeah,” she says exhaling. “And yes it was hard. I learned ways to shut it out though, I got good at it.”
I stalk towards her and gently push her against the door. I cup her cheeks in my hand and our noses touch.
“None of them meant anythin’ Charlotte. I thought I'd never see you again, I thought you'd gotten married and got the happily ever after. I had to numb the pain I-”
I kiss her hard, smashing our lips together and pour all of my heartache into this kiss. All of those years, the regret I felt everyday ate me alive. Nothing I did could make it go away, I never thought I would see the light. I see the light now, it's right in front of me, wearing sexy as sin glasses and I hold onto it, onto her, so she can guide me out of the darkness.
I move my hand up the front of her sweatshirt, her soft skin like silk under the pads of my fingertips.
She moans instinctively and then flinches, as if she just now realized we were making out against the bedroom door.
“Gabriel…”
She gently pushes on my chest and I take a step back, putting my hands up in defense.
“I'm sorry...sorry. Let me walk you out,” I say grabbing for the doorknob of my bedroom.
We walk quietly down the stairs to the foyer and she turns around.
“I...that was good. Thank you for including me in that.”
She smiles and puts a hand on my shoulder, leaning forward to kiss me on the cheek.
“Thank you for comin’. It meant a lot.”
“Goodnight Gabriel.”
“Goodnight Charlie.”