Gabriel
I walk back into the athletic complex and immediately hear the loud rock music, coming from the weight room. I look through the glass and see Devin doing deadlifts, with more weight than an eighteen year should be allowed to hold. He squats down, holding the bar in his hands and with the last rep, he slams the weight down on the mat with gusto. He stomps over to the heavy bag and starts pounding on it, I’m sure picturing my face in the center.
I open the door and walk to the stereo to turn down the music. He looks up mid punch and his eyes darken.
“What do you want?” he spits out.
“Your mama is worried about you. Not answerin’ her calls?” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Since when do you give a shit about her?” he says, striding towards me.
He may have inherited my height, but I tower over him in the muscle department. He seems to realize this and stops walking, eyeing me up and down.
“I’ve known your mama all my life DJ. I will always care about her, ” I say, my voice even.
“Oh yeah? You cared about her so much, that you got her pregnant and skipped out, without doin’ what a man should do and take care of her? Take care of your kids? Oh no, wait, you didn’t even want her to keep us!” he yells, throwing his water bottle against the nearest wall.
It shatters and water splashes all over the equipment. He tries to walk past me and slams his shoulder into mine.
“DJ, calm down,” I say, reaching for his arm.
Wrong thing to say Gabriel, you should know that. He turns on me and his fist lands square on my nose. I stumble back, grabbing the squat rack to keep myself upright. I reach for my nose and see the blood, then look over at Devin. He’s cradling his right hand.
“You feel better?” I ask hoarsely.
“Not even a little,” he growls out.
“That could have been your pitchin’ hand, don’t be a fuckin’ idiot” I say angrily.
“I’m not. Luckily, I got my brains from my mother. Only an idiot would punch someone with their pitching hand,” he retorts.
He shakes out his right hand and turns towards the door.
“I’m still your coach DJ. You can’t go around punchin’ your coach without consequences,” I say after him.
“I wouldn’t play for you if you were the last damn coach on this earth. I’m done.”
He pushes open the gym door, slamming it against the nearest wall and leaves. I wipe my nose with the hem of my t shirt and reach in my pocket for my phone. I dial Charlotte and she picks up on the first ring.
“What happened, is he okay?” she asks quickly.
“I made it worse,” I say, my voice cracking.
“Bella ain't comin’ out of the bathroom. Do you wantlna switch?” she asks softly.
“I’ll be there soon.”
I click off my phone and walk out of the weight room.
“Damn, was that mama bear or baby bear?” Tony asks, motioning to my nose.
“Call me if he turns up again.”
Gabriel
“Gabriel, what the hell happened to you?” Charlotte asks, putting her hand on my cheek.
I close my eyes and inhale her scent and she takes her hand back too quickly.
“Our son has a mean hook,” I say smiling. “I deserved it. I deserve a lot worse than that.”
“That boy,” she says shaking her head. “Was it his pitchin’ hand?” she asks concerned.
“Nah, right hand. He said he’s not an idiot like his daddy, which is true,” I say, shaking my head.
“She’s in there,” she says, motioning towards the bathroom door.
I nod and walk towards the door as Charlotte leaves. I knock on the door and slump down, with my back against it.
“Hey Bella, it’s me, your douchebag dad,” I say, chuckling.
Shit! That was stupid, why did I say that?
I clear my throat and start again.
“Sorry I...I’m not sure how to do this. I’ve never really...I never really thought of havin’ kids. I mean I thought about marryin’ your mama of course and I guess kids would have followed down the line but...well all I knew was baseball. I wasn’t good at much else except throwin’ a ball. I just felt like...when I was on the field everything was right. I was someone, I did something important. Off the field, I didn’t feel that way. Your mama made me feel that way but...well I was kind of suffocatin’ her.”
I shook my head remembering what the people in town would say. Good Christian girl Charlotte Daniels, why is she with him? Hot head Gabriel, he’ll destroy her one day. He corrupted her. They were right.
“Your mama was everyone’s friend, the teachers loved her, no one knew why she was with me. The rebel, bad boy, that sucked in school and was only good at one thing. I felt like...I needed something that was mine, away from her. She needed me to do something away from her too.”
I'm silent for a moment and I knock once on the door.
“You awake in there?” I ask.
“Yes,” says a soft voice.
“Should I stop talkin’?”
“No.”
“Okay,” I say softly.
I take a breath and keep going.
“When your mama told me that she was pregnant, I panicked. My dream, the one thing I was good at, was slippin’ away. How could I get drafted and play ball with a baby at home? I thought havin’ a baby would crush my dream but then again, it would crush hers. She had Louie State, softball, college, sports management dreams and I...I ruined that for her. I would do what everyone said I was gonna do to her.”
I stopped rambling and listened through the door.
“If this is hard for you to hear Bella, I can stop.”
There's silence for a long moment.
“I want to know,” she whispers.
I take another deep breath, prepared for her to hate me.
“We went to the doctor and they took a blood test. I guess they don’t do sonograms that early or somethin’ or maybe it was just because we went to some hole in the wall place. We were too scared your grandma and grandpa would find out. I don't know how your mama is raisin’ y’all but sex before marriage was a terrible sin. I know the uh...other thing is too, but I guess I thought havin’ a baby outta wedlock woulda been worse.”
“We talked a lot about it and I thought we came to the decision together but...lookin’ back on it now, I knew she didn't want to...I pushed her.”
I pause thinking about that day. Charlotte was off in the car and instead of asking her about it, I ignored it. I was too excited about the draft and my girlfriend was heartbroken right next to me. She's right, I was selfish, but not anymore.
“I’m not sure what happened inside that place or why your mama didn’t do it but...I am glad she didn’t, Bella. I know I’ve said some crappy stuff, but...I want to get to know you. I missed a lot from your life but...if you’ll have me and if you’re mama allows it, I would really like to get to know you and make this right. I've been thinkin’ a lot the past couple weeks, after figuring out y'all were mine. I wanna make it right, Bella,” I say, holding my breath.
The silence stretches on and on and I hear the door unlock. The knob turns slowly, and I get to my feet. The door opens and a mess of brown hair pokes through. The door opens more and I see her face.
She has big black rimmed glasses like Charlotte but also like...Savannah. She is the spitting image of my sister and my words get caught in my throat. I didn’t get a good look at her in the hallway and I’m amazed at the resemblance.
“What?” Bella asks, eyeing me curiously.
“You look...like my sister,” I say.
“I have an aunt?” she asks brightly.
I nod.
“She’s my twin.”
“That explains it. Mama doesn’t have any twins on her side of the family.”
“Yeah,” I say, still not believing the resemblance.
“Did ya...did ya mean what you said? You wanna get to know me?” she asks timidly.
She looks so much like a little girl in this moment and I have to close my eyes to hide my emotion.
My little girl. I missed it all.
“Yeah,” I croak out.
“Okay,” she says quietly.
She moves into the room, towards the bed and sits on the edge. I stand and lean against the wall, folding my arms across my chest.
“Um… well I play softball for Louie State, like Mama was supposed to. It’s cool, but it’s hard to adjust to livin’ away from home. I uhh..I like music. I’m actually in the orchestra too. I play the cello.”
“No way. Your mama played the cello. I swear, she had to pick the biggest instrument. It was funny watchin’ her maneuver that thing. She would scowl at me when I didn’t help her. She’d say ‘Damn you, Gabriel, you’re twice my size. Help me out or I’ll tell your mama!’” I say, imitating her voice and laughing to myself.
I remember Charlotte’s face reddening from anger at me or from struggling when she carried it back to her stand after each rehearsal. I look back at Bella and she is smiling.
“Did you love her?” she asks, catching me off guard.
I move to sit next to her on the bed.
“I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone, as much as I loved your mama,” I say, laying the truth out there.
Because as much as I hate to admit it, it was the truth. No one came close to Charlotte, except of course, my career.
“Mama always tells us, ball is just a game, it’s not your whole life. You’re the reason she tells us that, aren't you?” she asks, quietly looking at her hands.
“I...yeah I guess I am.”
“I’m the easy twin, ya know,” she says, leaning into my shoulder. “Devin’s gonna gobble you up and spit ya out a couple times before he lets you within a foot. He may even be that way with you, towards Mama and me. He’s had to be the man of the house and he don’t take that job lightly,” she says, her eyes searching mine for something.
“Seems like he’s got the Gavinwood genes and you seem more like a Daniels,” I say smiling.
“The pitcher I raked two homers off of last game wouldn’t say that,” she says laughing.
“I don’t know, your mama used to rake em’ back in the day. She was All-American senior year. She tell you that? She’s really modest, don’t let her fool you,” I say proudly.
“Ha no, she didn’t,” she says smiling.
She looks up at me and our eyes lock.
“I uh...I’m happy you’re you,” she says, breaking eye contact.
“What do ya mean?”
“I always pictured meetin’ you and what you would be like. You ain’t too bad,” she says winking.
She melts my heart right there and I know for sure she’s got more Daniels in her. She’s a charmer, like her mother and she’s got me wrapped around her finger, just as tight and just as quick as her mama did.
Charlotte
“Devin,” I say, knocking on his door. “Come on baby, open up, please,” I say, my voice shaking.
The door opens and it’s Maclin.
“Hi ma’am,” he says, bowing his head.
“I’m a mama Mac, not the queen. Devin in there?” I ask, looking into the apartment.
“He’s in his room,” he says, opening the door and scooting to the side to let me in.
I walk through the apartment, trying not to notice all the empty pizza boxes and beer cans strewn across the living room floor. I ignore the stench of moldy cheese and gym socks and continue to walk towards Devin’s bedroom door.
“Devin, baby, open up,” I say, quietly knocking on his door.
I hear silence on the other side of the door and let out a breath.
“Dev…” my voice cracks and a quiet sob escapes.
I clamp my hand over my mouth to suppress it, but it's too late. The door flings open and Devin is there and seeing him so angry hurts my heart.
“I'm sorry,” I whisper.
A lone tear trickles down my face and his anger softens.
“Mama…” he reaches for me and I squeeze him in a hug, quietly sobbing into his chest.
He walks us into his room, shuts the door and I wipe my tears.
“You shouldn't have to see me like this,” I say frustrated, wiping at the tears on my cheeks.
“Like what, human?” he says smiling. “I swear Mama, I would get into fights with kids at school because I told them you were a robot, but they told me I was lyin’. I said no, my mama is a robot, she don't ever cry.”
Hearing those words makes another sob escape.
“That's not...I just tried to be strong for you and your sister. I had to be the mother and the father and I…”
I, what? Showing emotion and crying made me weak? My son grew up thinking I was a damn robot because I couldn't let them see me break. Maybe showing weakness but persevering above it was strength, not just pretending it doesn't exist.
“I didn't keep you from your father to hurt you, Devin. He just…”
“Didn't want us, wanted you to get rid of us. I know,” he says, gritting his teeth.
“He...he told you that?” I ask shocked.
“I heard him,” he says, looking down.
I walk over to him and sit next to him on the bed.
“I love you, Devin. You are my baby and I have always and will always love you. You are a strong and amazin’ young man, so don't you ever, for a second, think that you weren't wanted. I wanted you!” I say, pushing his chin up to look at me.
“But he didn't,” he says shaking out of my grasp. “If you would have--”
“But I didn't,” I say, cutting him off. “We can't dwell on that Devin, it was 18 years ago. The only thing we can do now, is move forward,” I say, standing next to him.
He nods and turns towards me.
“I told him I wanted to quit. I punched him in the face I...I messed up Mama,” he says, regret seeping from his voice.
“I'll talk to him, okay? You just focus on ball and I got the rest. Think about what I said, baby. Anger will eat you up and you'll miss out on happiness. I’m gonna call you later. We gotta settle all this, okay?”
I rub his cheek and he nods. I walk out of his room but turn back.
“Devin!” I yell. He pokes his head out from his room. “Clean this damn apartment. Your mama didn't raise a damn pig!” I say, shaking my head.
I wave to Mac on my way out and shut the door. It's going to be an uphill battle, but we'll be okay, one step at a time.