Chapter Eight
AK
“And I was like, bitch! You realize how lucky you are to be fucking down there?” I laughed at Vike as he sat back in his seat. “Fucking took off nearly all of my pubes with her fucking teeth! Could have slapped the slut.”
“Maybe you need to fucking trim your bush so your pubes wouldn’t get caught in her teeth, you ever think about that?”
“Fuck off.” Vike shook his head. “I’m rocking the fucking eighties bush and I’m proud of it.”
“The only fucking one who is,” I said. “You know if you shave, your cock looks bigger, yeah? Pubes hide the true girth.”
Vike’s arm stopped, drink almost at his mouth, and he looked at me. “That true?”
“It’s science, brother.” I waggled my brows.
“Then shit! Goodbye, bush, is all I gotta say.” I laughed, fucking laughed at my brother as he downed his beer. I could tell by the serious look of concentration on his face that he was planning to weed-whack his fucking bush the minute he got into his cabin.
“How about you, Flame?” I looked at Flame over the fire pit. But he was already watching me. Fucking black eyes boring into me. “What?” I asked, my cocky smile still on my face. I saw his jaw clench, then he was up out of his seat. Without looking back, he stormed out of my backyard and toward his cabin.
“What the fuck is up with him?” Vike asked. I shook my head and stared in the direction he’d gone. “No fucking idea.” I drank the rest of my beer and cracked open another.
Vike reached into the pocket of his cut and pulled out something in a Ziploc bag. I squinted, trying to see what it was. Vike opened the bag, and I saw a slice of pineapple inside. He started chomping on the fruit. I couldn’t help it. I laughed so fucking hard my stomach ached.
“What?” he asked, shoving the last of the yellow fruit into his mouth.
“Is this about what Cowboy said in the truck?”
Vike swallowed then wiped his mouth with his forearm. “This makes my cum smell all tropical and shit, I’ll be ordering crates of the stuff.” He smiled. “In fact, I’ve been feeling the need to test it out. You wanna head to the clubhouse?”
I shook my head. “Gotta stay. Phebe leaves tomorrow. She’s going to Li and Ky’s. First time she’s seen her sister since Judah tried to crucify her in the cult.”
Vike got to his feet. “Good. Then we can all move on from this shit and get back to normal. Fucking hated this week. Flame ain’t left Maddie, and you ain’t left the ginger. I’m bored as fuck with y’all gone.” Vike threw his empty bottle into the trashcan. “At least the bitch will be gone from your hair. Don’t like how she’s been making you act. All moody and shit. At least you’re back to normal now.”
I winked, smiling, as Vike left my yard. I waited until I heard the sound of his bike then dropped my fucking smile. I slouched in my seat and ran my hand over my face. My stomach tightened when I thought of Phebe on that fucking bed. Thrashing as I pinned her down, eyes fucking livid one minute, then lost the next, as the smack left her veins.
I wondered if that’s how he’d been too. Wondered if he looked like that, fucking broken yet wild as he tore up the bedroom, demanding more drugs. Wondered if he’d needed cleaning afterward because he was too weak. Too fucking gone in the head to do anything, think about anything but his next fix.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to purge the thoughts from my head. The sound of the cabin door opening cut through the quiet of the night. Phebe stepped out onto the deck, dressed, but wrapped in a blanket.
I sat up, dropping my beer. “You okay?” I ran my eyes over her, making sure she wasn’t hurt.
“Yes,” she said quietly, then approached where I sat. I fucking held my breath at the sight of her coming my way. Even tired and too-thin, this bitch was stunning. Her eyes were lowered as she hovered by the seat beside me, the one Vike had been sitting on. “May I?” She nodded her head in the direction of the chair.
“Yeah,” I replied, and Phebe sat down. She tightened the blanket around her body. “You cold?” I asked. The night was pretty fucking warm.
Phebe looked up at me, fucking stealing my damn breath. “I fluctuate between being far too hot and freezing cold. Right now I am struggling to remain warm.” She pointed at the fire. “I saw you out here and wondered if the fire would be of help.”
The fire was burning pretty strong, and as I stared at her face, the orange flames reflecting on her face, I found it hard to fucking look away. Clearing my throat, I said, “I heard that’s a thing. Not being able to regulate your body temperature for a while. The effects of the detox.”
Phebe gave me a watery smile. “I suspect so.” She leaned back against the seat, and her gaze became lost in the fire. I lit up a smoke and stared at the flames myself. It wasn’t long before I felt Phebe’s eyes on me. When I turned and caught her, her blue eyes were fucking studying me, like they were dissecting every part of my face.
“What?” I asked.
“You act differently with them.”
I furrowed my brow. “Who?”
“Your two friends. The ones who were out here with you tonight.”
“You were watching us?” I asked. Her cheeks blazed with embarrassment.
“I needed a drink of water and some fresh air. But when I saw them out here with you, I waited until they left. I . . . I am not ready to see anyone . . . anyone but you.” Her lips curled up at the corners as she said that shit, and Christ if my chest didn’t tighten some. That is, until she leaned my way, her face so fucking close to mine. “You laughed and you joked. You were silly and playful.” I went to laugh, telling her that’s who I really was, but the bitch wasn’t laughing. She wasn’t even smiling anymore. “You wear a mask, AK.” Her head tipped to the side as my heart slammed against my ribcage and didn’t let up. “You laughed and you joked, but your eyes . . .” Phebe reached out and ran her fingers around my eyes. “Your eyes remained haunted. Seeing something in the world that your mirth can not dissolve.”
I froze, fucking stock-still. Phebe ducked her eyes, then sat back in her seat and stared at the fire. “I watched you, wondering why you portray yourself as two people. Then I believe I found the answer—because you wish to find happiness in the shoes you fill now.” She turned to me and fucking seared me with her blue eyes. “Not the shoes you once wore. The ones that caused you pain, blistering both your feet and heart . . . for good.”
“Yeah?” I answered, my traitorous voice fucking cut open by her accuracy. “How do you know?”
“Because only someone who has walked in similar shoes, who has walked that familiar path, can see it.” Phebe bent up her knees and ran her hands over her feet. They were still cut and marked from the ghost town. “These scars will fade, yet they will never leave. Just like you, AK. The playful attitude you find in the company of your friends will endure, but your eyes will forever bare your soul to one who truly recognizes it.”
“What do you recognize in my eyes?” I asked, my fucking blood draining from my face. My damn palms started sweating, and my fingers shook, the ash from my smoke falling onto my jeans.
“Someone searching for grace.” Phebe laughed a laugh that held not one bit of humor. “Strangers to our kind of pain, people who have yet to be thrown onto the same rocky road, will not recognize you as a fellow traveler, desperately seeking what lies at the end of the path.” She took a deep breath. “Forgiveness. But those of us who have already been walking the road for miles will see you. We will see within you a kindred spirit.”
She didn’t push me. She didn’t ask what I might be hiding. No, she just ripped open my fucking chest, bared my soul, then left it out on display for her ocean-blue eyes to see.
Phebe’s arms came out of the blanket and she held out her palms toward the fire. I saw her eyes go to her arms, then she huffed out a single laugh. “My freckles. My millions of freckles stand out against my pale skin like neon lights in this fire’s glow.” She shrugged. “I always disliked them.” She placed her hand on her face. “Especially the ones on my face. I felt they muddied my looks. Made me stand out from the crowd.”
They fucking did. She stood out a fucking mile. But not in a bad way. After having her in my cabin for a week, I was pretty sure she was the most stunning bitch I ever saw.
I looked up at the night sky, then back to Phebe. “Look up.” Phebe snapped her eyes to me. “Look up at the sky,” I said again. She did. I watched as a fucking huge smile came onto her lips.
“There are so many stars,” she whispered.
“Imagine the sky without them.”
Phebe looked at me in confusion. “Why would I do that? They make the sky so pretty. They are the reason people stargaze. To see their beauty.”
“Think of your face like the sky. The freckles, the stars, only make the sight more worth looking at.”
Phebe’s eyes widened, so much so that her lashes practically pressed against her eyebrows. She blinked, she fucking silently blinked, making me feel like a fucking moron. Then her eyes shimmered. “Thank you,” she whispered, like she’d never received a compliment in her life.
But it was true. I couldn’t imagine that fucking beautiful face without her freckles any more than I could imagine the night sky without the stars.
“AK?” she asked minutes later.
“Mm?”
“I am to leave you tomorrow?”
My stomach flipped. Fucking rolled at the thought of her gone and not in my bed. “Yeah. You need to see your sister again. Didn’t wanna bring her here when you were like you were. Now you’re better, it’s time she knew you were safe.”
Phebe swallowed, then forced a smile. “At least you will sleep once again. I have noticed that you have not gotten more than a couple of hours a night all week. Your bed, empty of me, will return peaceful slumber to you once again.”
“I don’t sleep much anyway, Red,” I said and felt the truth of that fact down to my bones.
“Another way you are like me,” she said. “Needing to sleep, but frightfully terrified at what awaits you in the darkness.”
“Something like that.”
“Yes,” was all she said, ending the conversation.
“It is beautiful here,” she said, gesturing around the yard. “So peaceful. Enclosed in a cluster of trees protecting you and keeping you safe.” She stilled then looked down at her hand. She held it out and looked at me. “I remember something,” she said, voice shaking. “You and me in a forest. You telling me to hold on.” Phebe moved her hand toward mine on the arm of my chair. “You covered my hand like this.” She laid her hand on mine. “Yes,” she said softly. “Just like this. You told me you had come for me. But I had to just hold on a while longer.” Her eyes flickered to meet mine. “I asked you stay with me, to hold my hand.” Phebe threaded her fingers through mine and my heart fucking stopped, as if I were a damn pussy kid. “You linked them so solidly, so firmly, that it got me through the pain.” A deep breath. “You got me through the pain as we sat on the soft, gentle grass.”
Phebe inhaled, eyes closed. Opening her eyes, she said, “Leather. As my head lay upon your shoulder I smelled the leather of your clothing. I felt your honor, your steadying presence.”
“None of that happened,” I said, not wanting her to break her fucking hands away. I stared at her hand in mine, and I swore I’d never felt anything like it in my sorry life.
“An angel in my dreams, perhaps,” I looked at her face. “Yes,” she said, her face elated, as if she’d just made sense of something. “An angel disguised as a devil. The devil’s man with angel eyes. Kind eyes . . .”
Kind eyes. Those fucking words again.
“This ain’t making sense, Red,” I rasped.
“To me it does,” she replied, still watching our hands.
“You remembering more?”
I wished I’d never asked it, because as I did, her hand slid from mine and she wrapped both arms around her bent legs. “No.” She took a deep breath. “Nothing is there. Just a black void. There are glimpses, but like you in the forest, I am unaware if these memories are fact or purely a figment of my imagination.” She wiped her eyes. “Time and memory has been stolen from me. Even though I know the memories will be hard to endure, I wish they were not hidden from sight. It is better to know, is it not? Even if the truth can cause more harm than good.” Phebe’s lips thinned. “Lies are the work of the devil. Lies. All I have ever known were lies.”
“You might get them back, in time,” I said, and Phebe yawned. She smiled in response, but I could see she was done with talking. Wrapping the blanket tighter around her, she got to her feet and turned toward the door. But before she left, she stopped in front of me. Taking my hand in hers, she said, “I am thankful for what you have done for me.” I nodded, not knowing how to take the damn compliment. Phebe leaned down and kissed the top of my head. “I shall forever look at both my freckles and the stars with a new appreciation. Thank you.” She went back into the cabin.
When the door shut, I let out a long breath. And as I sat there, thinking about everything she said, I felt ripped open. No one. Not a fucking single person had ever read me like that. Like a fucking book. Fucking Red with her big blue eyes and a million freckles. I tipped my head back and looked at the stars. I knew I’d never see them the same again either. And I was glad, because tomorrow she’d go, and all I’d have left of her would be the stars.
The stars and the scars on my feet. The scars that were hidden, gained on my journey to grace. But at least there was comfort in knowing she had them too.
For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel so fucking alone. All because of Red.
Red and her fucking face of freckles.