ANDI

“I can’t believe people actually stored their horse and carriages in there,” I whispered in awe.

The carriage houses of New York were an awe-inspiring sight. Filled with history and charm, I was drawn to their old-world beauty. I loved all things historical and aged. Decker obviously realized that when he decided to bring me here. That thought alone made my heart swoon for him a little more. I sighed, as if I needed to be anymore Team Decker. The man had me wrapped around his damn pinky. His confession the night before that he was thinking about taking on more work in his and his father’s business had completely thawed any reluctance I had for him and us. The thought of Decker studying architecture made me grin with delight. I could just imagine a disheveled Decker Steele in nothing but a pair of tattered low slung jeans as he pondered over an architect’s display easel. He was already so sexy, but to see him deep in thought in something he loved—outside of porn—made my nether region clench with appreciation.

“Not everyone could afford horses and carriages, for those it was merely a storage facility like a garage or shed is for us today. The more wealth, the larger the space beneath the home, the more space the more horses and the more carriages,” Decker explained, his voice lost in his own obvious love for the historical buildings.

“What do people store in them now?” I wondered, noticing some of the carriage houses had only a small door and windows on what was once a storage space for transportation.

“Some people just use it for general storage, some might have a car down there. A few have been converted into an extension of the house, extra rooms and quest quarters.” Decker stopped out front a beautiful home with potted lavender flowers hanging under third story eaves. “A lot of these homes have been influenced by Victorian design, the stained glass bay windows, decorative molding and trimming.” He pointed to the next home along. “Or that cobblestone effect, that’s classically Victorian.”

“I like this one.” I nodded towards the home directly in front of us, with its floral arrangements and old-fashioned appeal, it was peaceful and charismatic.

“You hungry?” Decker said out of the blue. “I’m starving.” He rubbed his stomach and glanced down at me.

I raised a brow. “In the time you’ve known me, do you recall a moment where I turned down food?” He grinned that sexy wolfish grin that made my skin tingle and heart thump loudly. He leaned down, his lips brushing my ear, the thick stubble on his jaw tickling my cheek. The backs of his fingers ran down my arm until his fingers tangled with mine.

“Then let’s go eat before I find a dark corner to push you into so I can devour you right here, right now.” Decker pressed a firm but gentle kiss to my lips. It was almost chaste, almost. That last caress of his tongue made it something more. I’m sure I could have found something sarcastic or witty to say in response to his declaration of public eroticism, but that kiss scrambled my brain faster than you could say, ‘horny much’.

Decker continued to hold my hand as we walked away from the historical village hidden amongst the modern concrete structures. Public displays of affection were a foreign concept to me. I had never experienced something as simple as holding hands. I relished the feeling of safety and possession his sure grip gave me. Such willingness to announce to the world that I was his and he was mine gave me a girlish thrill. I wanted to find a tree and draw a heart with our initials inside its curved walls into the bark. I wanted to share a meal of spaghetti just like in Lady and the Tramp. I wanted to lean into his strong embrace on a slow horse drawn carriage ride through Central Park just like a princess from a fairytale. Fuck, I wanted to make him a mixed tape. I almost laughed out loud at that thought.

Otto was a warmly lit, hard wood floored Italian restaurant that, according to Decker, boasted the largest Italian wine list, ever! As much as I wanted to fulfil one of my girlish desires and share a pasta dish, Decker ordered us pizza. Screw the wine list, this was officially the best pizza I had ever encountered. I was up three slices to Decker’s two when he cast me a disgruntled look.

“What?” I said through a mouthful of food.

“You’re going to choke on that if you keep eating so fast.” The teasing play in his eyes made me giggle. Yes, giggle, like a freakin’ school girl.

“Tell me about your brothers,” I asked him. Decker stretched his legs out under the table, each one resting on either side of mine. I smiled at the thought that he still reached to touch me even as we ate.

“Well, you already know Daniel, he’s the eldest. Then there’s Drew, he’s two years younger than Daniel, two years older than me. You would assume Daniel, being the oldest, would therefore be the most responsible.” Decker’s eyes lit up as he began to talk about his family. “Daniel is the most irresponsible person I know, yet he still managed to meet a beautiful woman he’s been happily married to for eleven years. They have two kids and they live in her hometown of San Jose, California, where he works a marine engineer.” Decker shook his head in amazement. “To this day I have no idea how he managed all that, and yet he was the only one of us to get his tongue stuck to a frosted post in the middle of a New York winter. He also managed to saw half way through the pergola porch post when he was just nine, and he put dirt in the lawn mower’s fuel tank. The boy had more than a few loose screws, he kept Mom and Dad on their toes.”

“I hope his own kids are paying him back tenfold.”

“His son, Aiden, is a handful.” Decker grinned. “Drew is the one who seemed to get all the common sense and responsibility. Daniel and I are what you might call playful. Drew is way more serious. Don’t get me wrong, he knows how to have a good time, but he was always chastising me and Daniel for our pranks, and he hated covering for us when we snuck out.”

“Is he married?” I asked.

“Was. They got a divorce about three years back. He’s been seeing someone for a little over a year now, but he’s still spooked by the disaster that was his first marriage to consider trying for a second time.”

“And they all know?”

Decker winked. “Know what, Country?”

I rolled my eyes. “They all know you swing your shlong on camera?”

Decker laughed loudly and it was contagious. When we finally settled down, he nodded.

“Yeah, as you may have gathered, Daniel found out in somewhat of an embarrassing way. I never thought about my brothers watching porn and I sure as hell didn’t expect my parents to...” his voice trailed off, and my eyes widened.

“Shut the fuck up!” I exclaimed, wincing when an older couple sitting nearby cast me an irritated glance.

Decker chuckled. “They sure as hell weren’t expecting to see my shlong swinging while they got their busy on.”

My hand clamped over my mouth trying to hold back the laughter. It was hopeless. I was laughing so hard my eyes filled with tears, my stomach clenched, and I found myself scrambling for the bathroom, much to Decker’s hysterical delight. I washed my hands and used a paper towel from the dispenser to mop the excess water from my eyes. I loved spending time with Decker; he made me feel lighter than I had felt in a long time. The laughter that came so easily, the conversation, the playfulness that he brought to my world was a reminder of my reason for stepping out of the world of a socially inept newt and into the world of the living. It was like jumping from a plane in a rush of what-ifs and who-cares. My cheeks were flushed, my eyes twinkled, and my mirrored smile was easy and carefree. I felt different since meeting Decker. Hell, I even looked different. More confident, more open, more…everything. As I pushed open the bathroom door and meandered back into the restaurant, I felt like I was floating on a cloud of euphoria. It reminded me of that one time I smoked pot and spent the entire night giggling over nothing. When my head rose to find our table, I bumped smack bang into a solid chest.

“Oh damn, I’m sorry,” I said as I took step away from the human wall in front of me. When my eyes moved to settle on a familiar, shocked face, my stomach sank and that euphoric cloud of happiness was sucked into oblivion.

“Andrea?” he exclaimed, his voice rising with shock.

“Miles,” I pushed out his name between my clenched teeth. Just being this close to him had me feeling ill.

“Wow, you look…”

I steeled my shoulders and looked him right in the eye. My ex, Miles Harrison, the man who liked to play with handcuffs, was the last person on earth I ever wanted to see again. Stepping around him, I set my gaze on the front door and walked straight through the restaurant and out onto the street. Then I kept walking. My brain was a scrambled mess, and my fists had instinctively clenched into fists of rage and hate. My heart was beating so furiously it thundered through my ears, blocking out the world around me.

“Andi?” Decker’s raised voice stopped me in my tracks. I spun around to see him rushing towards me with a confused expression on his face. Behind him came Miles. I took a small step back which caused Decker to slow down and look over his shoulder. With nothing but concern in his eyes, he reached for my hand. I felt immediately safer, stronger.

“What are you doing here?” I demanded of Miles as he cautiously approached us. I thought Bradley had been keeping tabs on Miles since he was more than aware I never wanted to see Mr. Creeper again. Then, of course, there was the small matter of a restraining order.

“I live here. What are you doing here?” he demanded with equal outrage.

“Who the fuck is this?” Decker growled. Miles blanched as he took in Decker, only noticing him for the first time now. Unlike Decker who rocked the grizzly, wild, earthly look, Miles was clean shaven, his blonde hair cropped short around the back and sides, slightly longer on top. He wasn’t as tall as Decker, nor was he as wide, but he still had a strong, fit physique. Miles might have presented a clean, professional package, but he had a darkness within him that created a sludge like aura that physically repulsed me. I was delusional to have ever dated Miles Harrison. He had been a friend of Bradley’s, so I had taken a chance and gone out to dinner with him. He had been charming, sweet, a true gentleman. But, as we spent more time together, his true color of dark and dank began to ooze through all that false charisma. He became jealous and possessive and his bedroom kinks began to disturb me. I wasted six months on this demon in disguise before I realized what a mistake I was making. Miles didn’t take no for an answer; instead, he handcuffed me to his kitchen table for four hours while he went to work.

“This is an old acquaintance of Bradley’s,” I spat. Miles raised a brow, his too thin lips stretching into a nasty smirk.

“What, you don’t want your current boyfriend to know about a past one?”

“No, not you. You were nothing but a big, nasty, vile mistake that I sure as hell won’t make again and I sure as hell wouldn’t waste a minute of my day discussing you with anyone.” He seemed genuinely taken aback by the venom in my voice. I couldn’t believe he couldn’t understand how much I detested him. He had handcuffed me, to a freakin’ table!

“This is him, isn’t it?” Decker said in a low, deadly voice that had my attention swinging back to him. His eyes were on Miles, but the hand gently wrapped around my wrist squeezed, letting me know the he knew who Miles was.

“I’m not sure what she told you, but she has a reputation for being a pathological liar,” Miles said with a snarl.

I gasped in outrage, but before I could utter a single word in my defense, Decker had dropped my wrist, turned, and punched Miles square in the face. Miles stumbled backwards, squealing as loud as a frenzied pig that caused a spluttered laugh escape my lips. Blood seeped from Miles fingers as he attempted to staunch the flow pouring from his nose.

“I hear you like bondage,” Decker snarled. Miles cast him a wary glance. “If you even breathe in Andi’s direction ever again, I will have you bound, gagged, and handcuffed naked in the middle of Times Square. Then I will broadcast that shit over every TV station on the face on the earth. Your name and face aren’t worth shit now, but after that, you won’t be able to take a step without someone gawking at you.” Miles eyes widened. “And if you had half a fucking clue as to who I am, you would know that’s a promise, not a threat.” Decker turned around and took my hand, leading me away from a bewildered Miles. It was at least two blocks before I could talk and before Decker had settled down enough to resume walking at a normal pace that I didn’t have to jog to keep up with.

“You hit him?” I said, a little in awe.

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. I could see how upset he was making you, and as soon as I realized he was the creeper who hurt you, I saw red.”

“Nobody’s ever hit someone for me. I mean Bradley had someone rough him up, but that’s nothing like what you just did.”

“Bradley should have come home and taken care of it himself,” Decker snapped.

“Hey, chill out, Rocky. Bradley isn’t the type of guy to get his hands dirty. Not like you anyway. Strangely enough I think I like a man who doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty.” I grinned as I recalled the moment Decker’s fist had plowed into Miles’ face.

Decker’s surprised eyes caught mine. “You liked that?” he purred.

“It was hot. Does your hand hurt?” I took his hand in mine. It was a little red, but other than that it seemed fine. Decker opened and closed his fist as if to prove to me he was okay. I kissed the back of his hand, a gesture that said thank you, to show him how grateful I was for him, for his slightly barbaric yet sweet honor of my virtue. The need and want that flashed through Decker’s eyes had me blushing like a virginal nun. He flipped his hand over and linked our fingers together.

“I need to get you somewhere private, now.” He practically dragged me through the streets back to his car and drove like the devil himself back to the book store. Unable to wait for me to unlock the door, Decker grabbed the keys from my fingers and flipped the lock, hauling me inside in five seconds flat. As soon as the alarm was disabled, he pulled me behind a book shelf and glanced around. “This will do,” he whispered.

“There’s a perfectly good bed upstairs,” I breathed as his lips went straight to the soft curve of my neck, right below my ear. Goosebumps spread across my skin at his touch, and my nipples tightened with sexual awareness.

“Yeah, but I can’t wait to get you up there. Besides, unplanned, spontaneous moments are more fun.” He kissed me, nothing more than a whisper of a caress before his erotic exploration continued on as he kissed the corner of my mouth, my cheek, my nose. “And now every time you walk down this aisle you’ll remember this and think of me.” Decker’s hand slipped under my top, and his fingers slid reverently over my skin until they rested right under the swell of my breast. While I wanted him to create this memory here, for me, for us, I wanted something else more. I pushed at his chest, hating the distance it created between us. The confusion on his face bothered me, so needing to explain, I decided it was better if I just showed him. I sank to my knees, my eyes on his the entire time. My hands lifted tentatively to the button on his jeans.

“Andi.” My name was nothing more than a sigh from his lips.

“I want to remember you, here, like this.” I explained as I ever so carefully lowered his fly, terrified I would catch something of importance behind it. Wouldn’t that be a mood killer? I freed his hard, silky lengthy and allowed my hand to travel up and down in wonder. I loved the feel of him, so perfectly smooth and hard. Decker’s groan of approval filled me with a wanton power that I had never felt before. To have such a beautiful man so consumed by my touch made my mouth water. I needed to have him on my lips, in my mouth, so I leaned forward and licked him from base to tip.

“Jesus,” he murmured. As my tongue flicked over the velvety tip, Decker’s hips moved forward, and I took him into my mouth. “Fu...” He couldn’t get the full word out, only managing a guttural moan. I wanted to smile at the knowledge I could bring this man to incoherency. Instead, I took him deeper into my mouth and sucked. I kept my eyes on Decker, watching as his head fell back and his hands braced on the bookshelf behind me. He was too big for me to take all of him into my mouth, so I used one hand to grip the base of him and as my mouth drew away, I slid my hand up his length. It was a well-coordinated dance between hand, mouth, and cock, and I was a little proud at myself for the hungry look in his eyes as they returned to mine. After all, this was something I had only done a few times in my life, and I had no idea if I was any good at it. It’s not like I gave out a survey at the end of my sexual encounters to ask for feedback. Feeling bold and daring, my other hand cupped the heavy, smooth sack that hung in perfect, tight symmetry behind his throbbing member. I rolled him gently in my hand, while sucking, pumping, and licking. “I’m not gonna last,” he managed to pant out. I hoped the aggressive look in my eyes and renewed vigor with which I pulled him into my mouth explained how much I wanted him to come for me. I had never tasted a man before; this would be new and I was more than a little curious. I wanted to taste him, I wanted all of him. Decker’s hand reached for my head and just when I thought he might pull me away, he clenched my hair in a fist and began to pump fast, but gently into my mouth. “Fuck your mouth is hot, perfect,” he whispered as his thrusts became more demanding.

Suddenly, his own hand clenched around mine and he forced my grip to tighten. Then he was filling my mouth. Filling it so fast I wasn’t sure I could swallow and keep up. The taste of him wasn’t vulgar, but it certainly wouldn’t go down as my favorite consumed meal. He was salty, warm, and a little bitter. The texture was thick and gooey. Don’t get me wrong, it was edible, just not something I would describe as delicious. I had read a book once that described the taste of semen as sweet, smooth, and earthy. Not…even…close. It kinda smelled like bleach. I let him slip from my mouth and glanced up into that handsome face that towered over me. The look of wonder and tenderness I saw was my undoing. Yeah, I’d swallow his slightly funky essence all freakin’ day long if that’s how he would look at me after.

“Country, that wasn’t at all how I intended for this to play out.” He reached down and gripped my arm, pulling me to my unsteady feet. “But that was by far the best blow job I’ve ever had.” Before I could respond, he kissed me. At first I was worried he might prefer not to taste himself in my mouth, but as his tongue pressed forward, I realized that he wasn’t bothered by it at all. As he shouldn’t be, I mean, it was his spunk. Knowing I had scored an A in oral sex had me secretly thrilled. I wanted to drop to my knees and do it again. Decker buried his head in my shoulder and I simply enjoyed the heat of his hard body pressed against mine. He was still breathing hard, trying to regain some equilibrium as I peered over his shoulder to the bookshelf opposite us. That’s when I noticed it, those books. My heart lurched, and my stomach rolled. I pushed Decker gently in a bid to get free. With some reluctance, he stepped aside. My body moved forward, numb and stupefied. My fingers rose to the flat edged binding of one of the books. The sight of it was like having a knife plunged in my heart, the feel of it under my hand was too much, and a garbled sob escaped my throat. I couldn’t deal with this, not now. It was too close to the day.

“I found them in a box out back. I thought you missed them by accident,” Decker whispered in an urgent voice.

I started pulling the books from the shelf. My father’s books, all twenty-eight of them, neatly displayed in alphabetical order. I pulled them from the shelf, trying to juggle them in my arms.

“Shit, Andi, I’m sorry. Let me help.”

Decker tried to reach for the books, and I pulled away, glaring at him.

“Go,” I managed to snap. A small part of me that was buried beneath the grief realized this wasn’t Decker’s fault; he didn’t realize how close it was to the anniversary, but I was too upset, too angry to embrace the truth.

“Let me help you,” he said, taking more of the books down from the shelf. I slapped them out of his hands and they tumbled to the ground. He was shocked, the stunned expression on his face hurt just as much as seeing these books.

“Please just go,” I begged him. With hesitancy and reluctance, he took a few steps away from me. “LEAVE ME ALONE!” I screamed. Decker winced, but compliantly turned and left.

I scrambled to pull the rest of the books from the shelf, and then knelt down, trying to stack them into my shaking arms, but they kept tumbling free, and just the sight of them was pushing me towards hysterics. It wasn’t just the sight of my deceased father’s books, but the timing. I hadn’t told Decker because I didn’t want him to act any differently towards me. His pity, that knowing look of sympathy that I wanted to avoid, would be written all over his face if he knew tomorrow was the one year anniversary of my dad’s death. The tears that fell from my eyes dropped in a steady cadence from my chin to the books beneath me. That pissed me off because I was worried about ruining them. A strong familiar hand gripped mine.

“Come on, Cinderella, let’s get you up stairs.” I looked up into Casey’s face. There was no pity there, only understanding and concern. Lionel stood behind me and gave me a gentle smile.

“Let Casey take you upstairs and I’ll tidy this up for you. I promise I’ll take good care of them.”

Casey pulled me to my feet and guided my listless body upstairs. It had been a long day. First Miles, now this. I felt drained to the point of disconnection. My shoulders were given a gentle push, and I slipped onto the couch. A blanket was thrown over my lap, and within minutes a fresh cup of coffee was placed in front of me. Casey sat at my side and enfolded me into his embrace, and a short time later, Lionel took up position on the other side of me. His arm draped over my shoulders, his hand resting affectionately on the back of Casey’s neck. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep, surrounded by their friendship and support.