Decker

Andi didn’t throw up the next morning. She came dangerously close to it, but half a tub of ice cream later, she was looking a little less green as she diligently poured coffees and took customers on an informative literature journey of her store. I left her to struggle on through her hangover and went to visit Karl. He was recovering well and Mom had him booked into a great rehabilitation facility.

The next night was supposed to be a boy’s night out, but I found myself still a little whipped from Tinsel Town. Instead, the guys came to my place for a game of poker and a few drinks.

“Did you hear that Will accidentally slipped his whistle in Jamie’s backdoor?” asked Robbie, sitting opposite me. I shook my head. No, I hadn’t heard nor could I believe it. Nobody ‘accidentally’ sinks their cock in the wrong hole. “True story. It was a group scene, lots of lube. He was lining up, then whoops, he’s up the stinker instead of the pinker.” Robbie was brutally crude, but we were used to it now.

“Bullshit, he knew what he was doing,” argued Ryder.

“What? It can happen, I’ve heard of it happening many times,” Robbie protested.

“That kind of bullshit happens all the time with spank.com. It’s not accidental, and it’s not cool,” I said easily.

“How did you know it was spank.com?” Robbie asked, a little surprised.

“Will is always doing scenes for them, and they let all sorts of crazy shit go down. Ben Lowski should be fucking locked away for the fuckery he lets go down, on and off set.” Ben Lowski was one of the many low lifes that had corrupted the adult film industry over the years. Turned what should be a tight ship of high quality film into a basic fuck fest full of abuse and drug addiction. I stood up and went to the kitchen to get myself another beer, feeling agitated over yet another of the dubious and disgusting stories that came from the adult film industry. The industry Ryder and I had tried hard to curb into something more professional. The need to see Andi was riding me hard, too. I had only been away from her for twenty-four hours, but I wanted to see her again. Being apart from her was frustrating and crazy. Was this normal?

“So, Andi’s hot.” Ryder said, strolling into the kitchen behind me. The man was worse than an old woman.

“That she is,” I admitted.

“Worth giving it all up for?” I nodded. “And have you?”

“I’ve told Michael. He bitched for a good hour that I will never get back. I was going to email The Bishop a few days ago, but I decided a personal phone call was more professional. I’ll call him tomorrow.”

“Does Bradley know yet?” he asked, a smirk on his face.

“He does.”

“And?” he urged when I offered nothing more.

“He’s going to unman me the next time he’s in the states.”

Ryder laughed long and loud. “After witnessing Andi tug your chain at Tinsel Town, maybe you should tell him you’ve already been unmanned.”

“Fuck you,” I said, punching him, perhaps a little too hard, in the arm. “Anyway, if she leads, I’m more than happy to follow. The reward is worth it.”

Ryder’s teasing laughter died down. “Good for you, man. She seems like a real treasure.”

“Trust me, Ryder, she’s better than any fucking treasure. She’s a damn miracle.” I had never given any thought to where my life would ultimately lead me to. I had never wondered if I would marry, or if I’d  ever have children. My life had revolved around a career that didn’t allow those thoughts. Now though, when I thought of Andi and how she watched me, as if the sun rose and set with me, I was humbled. I was a fucking porn star for god’s sake. What I once thought of as an illustrious career, I now realize it was nothing more than me whoring myself. I was tainted, yet Andi didn’t care. She knew who and what I was and she still wanted me. My past held no influence over us and that amazed the shit out of me. Now when I thought about my future, it was with Andi. Living with her, watching her walk down an aisle, her green eyes set upon mine, that innocent yet sassy smile on me. Imaging her body swelled with life inside it, life I helped create, fuck. I was a goner. I may have spent the last ten years belonging to many others, but Andi owned me now and forever.

“Hey, Decker!” Tait yelled from the dining room table, pulling me from my thoughts of Andi. “Fabian said he’s gonna ask your hot red head out.”

All fanciful ideas and dreams plummeted from my mind faster than the sinking of the fucking Titanic. I was consumed with the sudden impulse to kill someone. Someone named Fabian to be precise.

“Not if he enjoys breathing he won’t,” I growled.

“You know, that would be something worth seeing.” Ryder chuckled from beside me. I gave him an astounded glare. “Come on, man, watching Fabian get shot down by that feisty little Texan would be pure gold. I would pay to see that.”

I actually found myself liking the idea of Andi rejecting Fabian. The smooth talking accountant wasn’t used to being told no, and Andi would shoot him down in a heartbeat. She would be polite and careful with letting him down, and when Fabian reduced to pleading and pouting, Andi would let him have it, all compassion would disappear under the quick temper of a fiery red head.

“You want me to tell him she’s not available?” Tait asked. Out of all of us, he was the only one who actually gave Fabian the time of day, and that was only because they were distant cousins.

“Nah,” I said, grinning at Ryder. “Andi will sort him out.” Ryder raised his fist and I gave it a tap.

“Raise your glass if you love Texas women!” Ryder raised his beer as I did mine, and we clinked our bottles together. “And if you don’t, raise your fucking standards!”

ANDI

My brain was tangled in a web of numbers. I was a words girl, numbers just turned me into a fumbling idiot. I knew numbers would be a major part of owning my own business, I just never thought they would give me such a headache so early on. Calling Leah and asking for Fabian’s number was wrong. I knew it was wrong. But I needed his expertise, and he was the only accountant I knew  here. Leah promised me he was honest and reliable when it came to this stuff; she also told me that Decker was going to flip the heck out. Didn’t I know it.

The bell above the door tingled, and my head swung up to see Fabian strolling through, looking confident and handsome in a grey suit that clung to his powerful body. His hair was perfect, and his was face smooth, not even a sign of a five o’clock shadow, and it was nearing on half past five. I could see that some women would obviously swoon for the clean cut businessman. Me though, I preferred the brutish, unpolished finish of a scruffy ex-porn star.

“Wow, this is cool,” he remarked as he took in my store.

I smiled, pride filling my veins. It was pretty damn cool. “Thank you, and thank you for seeing me. I hope you didn’t mind me asking Leah for your number.”

Fabian waved me off. “You would have had it by now if Decker wasn’t such a possessive bastard.”

I chose to ignore that and pointed to the stack of paperwork before me. “Numbers are not my deal, and I know I’ve been open for only a month, but I’m kinda freakin’ out that this is gonna to turn into one big mess.”

Fabian smiled as he approached the desk. “Not a problem. How about we go discuss it over dinner?” he said easily.

“Oh, ummm,” I scratched my head quite unprepared for his candor, “I’m actually dating Decker right now, and I think he would get upset if we had dinner together.” Upset was an understatement.

Fabian seemed positively puzzled by my admission. “You’re dating Decker?”

“I am. What about lunch? That’s less intimate.” I thought of Decker doing lunch with one of the bevvy of women who were interested in him. Even if he did not return the interest, I knew I would still be a green eyed monster. “Maybe I can come to your office, unless you’d prefer to just take a quick look now.”

Fabian was still looking a little bewildered. “So, you’re okay with him working? Sleeping with other women?”

I cringed, internally and externally. I was so not okay with that. “He’s retired. I’m his present and future, his past has no bearing on me now. Well, except when you run into pathetically desperate wannabes like Melody Mona.” I snickered at her name, I couldn’t help myself.

“But Decker is scheduled to start filming in less than two weeks, alongside Melody.”

My smile dropped slightly and my heart lurched. “No, he’s retired,” I reinforced.

“No, he’s not. I’m The Bishop’s, the owner of Triple X films, accountant. I know for a fact that Decker is on the payroll. I did the paperwork myself two days ago.” The honesty in Fabian’s eyes had me feeling sick. My smile was gone, my hands were shaking, and I felt faint.

“I’m sorry, Andi, I assumed you knew. You still want me to take a look at this for you?” He signaled to the paperwork before me.

I went to speak, but knew my voice would crack with uncertainty. I gave myself a moment to try and find some level of composure. “Maybe another time might be best.”

Fabian nodded, sympathy pouring from him in waves. “The night after tomorrow there is a pre-filming party taking place at a bar downtown and Decker is going; I had to confirm numbers today to make sure payment was made before the event. Perhaps you should ask him about it.” I nodded, woodenly. “You have my number. I’d love nothing more than to help you out with this. Dinner, lunch, office, whatever you would prefer, just call me.”

I tried for a smile, the weak twitch that came out was cringe worthy.

Fabian quietly left and I stared at the paperwork in front of me, seeing nothing. My head was spinning. It simply couldn’t be possible. Decker wouldn’t betray me like that, he wouldn’t lie to me like that. A few moments later, the bell above the door rang and I berated myself for not locking it. It was close to six o’clock now, and I was in no shape for customer service.

“Hey, beautiful,” Decker murmured as he strolled in. My eyes snapped up to his and he stopped in his tracks, his smile instantly gone.

“What’s wrong?”

I shook my head and pushed my shoulders back. “Nothing, stupid damn numbers. I hate them.” Decker smiled, obviously mollified with my answer. “Hey, how about you take me to a movie Friday night?” I asked.

Decker’s smile faltered, but only for a moment. “Oh, I’m busy Friday night. Got a meeting with my dad. How about we go tonight?” He said it so easily, a lie, straight off his lips, to me.

“I don’t get it,” I whispered, watching his face as it twisted from joy to mirror my obvious confusion. I so did not get it. Did he have me so wrapped up in the idea of love and romance that I didn’t see his betrayal? He was obviously a great actor. Heck, I guess if I would’ve just Googled his name, I would have known that by now.

“Country, what’s going on?”

“When were you going to tell me about The Bishop’s film?” Oh god, the blood that drained from his face was all the proof I needed. “When did I give you the impression I was okay with you fucking other women, even for a job?”

He shook his head. “Who told you about The Bishop?” he practically hissed.

I snorted indignantly. “Seriously Decker? I just found out you are planning on cheating on me and all you can think about is who told me? What, am I not even worthy of you trying to deny it, trying to explain this in a way that doesn’t make you look like a repulsive, cheating scumbag?”

“Who told you, Andi?”

“Fuck you, Decker!” I screamed.

“I’m retired!” he yelled back.

“Then why am I being told you have a film in less than two weeks?”

He ran a hand through his hair, clearly agitated. “Because I haven’t officially quit yet.”

I stepped away from him, my back pressing against the counter behind me. I wanted to run, but I had nowhere to go, I was trapped. I shook my head, unable to find the words.

“I quit though. I promise, Andi. I don’t want that anymore, I want you.”

“What, were you just leaving this little side job there as a safety net in case things didn’t work out? Was I that big of a chance that you thought you needed that?” Decker shook his head. “Maybe you just wanted a last hoorah. Go out with a bang. Hell, I would’ve never known, I can’t even bring myself to Google your name and look at the whole dirty sordid world that exists under Decker Steele.” I was pissed now. Furious! Decker ground his teeth together as he watched me crumble. “Once a naïve little country girl, always a naïve little country girl, right?”

“Andi, stop it,” he growled.

“Ya know, forget about it. You do your little film, you go fuck Melody Mona and whoever else is on your daily to-do list, and I’ll just take Fabian up on his offer.”

Decker’s face grew cold and angry. “What offer?”

“Just as your business is obviously none of mine, go fuck yourself!” I snapped.

“It was him that told you, right?” My silence was admission enough. “That jealous prick.” Decker laughed, but it was entirely without humor. “I didn’t think he had it in him.” He shook his head as he looked me in the eye. “Go ahead, go out with Fabian.”

I wasn’t sure if he was daring me, assuming I would crumple like the wilted flower he seemed to take me for. I snatched my phone up without even looking at it. I easily found Fabian’s number—it was the last one I had dialed—then held the phone to my ear.

“Fabian, it’s Andi. How’s Friday night for dinner?” I had to admit, Decker’s furious expression was a little intimidating. “No, we have an understanding. If he’s allowed to fuck other women while we are dating, then I am too. Men though, I don’t do the whole girl on girl thing,” I added quickly. Fabian didn’t hesitate to take me up on my offer, which surprised me. His genuine concern when he had told me about Decker’s upcoming film made me wonder why Decker disliked him so much. Fabian had been nothing but cordial to me since the first time we met. I half expected him to decline my dinner suggestion merely out of respect for the situation at hand. Instead, he seemed open and receptive to the idea, which had me seriously doubting my current bravado in front of Decker. After Fabian arranged to pick me up at seven,  I hung up the phone.

“Done,” I said, trying to muster the anger and hurt I had embraced only moments before. Now I felt sick, hurt, and a little nervous about whatever I had just initiated with Fabian.

“Beautiful. Nothing like a girl who can so easily lower herself to whore status.” He couldn’t have hurt me more if he had slapped me.

“Get out.” My voice was low and commanding. It brokered no argument. I wanted him gone, like yesterday. Decker didn’t disappoint. He stormed out of the store. In a huff of wounded fury, I grabbed the books sitting on the end of the counter yet to be shelved and stalked to the bookshelf at the back of the store. I stopped in my tracks when I realized where the books belonged—right in front of our spot, the place he had marked as our naughty corner. The one place in the store where I would fondly remember that erotic and impulsive moment we had shared. I crumpled under the weight of that moment. I leaned against the wall behind me and allowed it to cushion my descent as I slid down into a dark well of pain. My heart broke, it split clear in two, and hurt spilled through my body. God it was painful. Big, ugly sobs wracked my body and I prayed to feel numb from the agony that coursed through me. I had never assumed that mine and Decker’s relationship would be perfect, but I believed it would always be true, and that’s all I needed. That truth was gone, snatched from me with lies and ugly words. I longed for Casey and Lionel to find me, pouring my heart and soul out in the form of tears. They didn’t come though, and when I found a small pause in the feverish crying that had claimed my body, I locked the front door, set the alarm, and climbed the stairs to my apartment. New York had officially sucked me in, chewed me up, and spat me back out again. This little duck was drowning.