DECKER

Melody Mona was just as I remembered: tall, stunning with blue eyes and dark hair, her breasts a nice firm D cup and her skin brushed golden with fake tan. Nothing at all like Andi, and she came with less complications. Melody wanted me and she was happy to share me with my career. It would be so easy to fall into a convenient relationship with her. Only problem was, I didn’t want her. I wanted someone and something that came with complications—Andi—the woman I had been trying, albeit unsuccessfully, to put out of my mind for the last three days.

Following the heated moment in her apartment, I hadn’t attempted to contact her, hoping a few days away from the spirited strawberry blonde would help my head regain equilibrium. Just the thought of her splayed on her bed in that sinfully wicked red lingerie sent my dick to instant attention, my heart would pound almost painfully inside my chest, and my head would demand I pick up the phone and call her. I had never been so thrown off kilter by a woman in my life. Now, as I sit in the first set meeting for the film I had signed on for with The Bishop, I felt fucking sick. When I had told Andi about my job as an adult film star, I had conveniently failed to mention this upcoming job. I’m not sure if it was because somewhere in the deep recesses of my warped brain I thought she might fuck me if she didn’t know. And there it was, the truth that burned into my guilty conscience like a red hot poker, I wanted to fuck her. I wanted her, and that fact alone pissed me off because I couldn’t have her. But when she found out what I did for a living, well, that officially put an end to any such wants or desires. In a moment that surprised the hell out of me, she had said it didn’t bother her what I did for a living, but with the rising of a new day came a new attitude. She did little to hide her revulsion. We’d yelled at each other like out of control children, honest and hurtful words were exchanged that could no more be taken back than a leopard can change its spots. And after all was said and done, I still wanted her. I wanted to take her face in my hands and kiss away the hurt I had put on her face. I wanted to taste every inch of her body and sink myself into her wet heat. The worst part was I wanted to be something more for her. I wanted her to look at me with respect and pride, not disgust, and that was something I couldn’t control or change. I was going to kick Bradley’s ass from here to damn hell and back for throwing Andi into my life like this.

“Decker with the big pecker, how are you, baby?” Melody whispered in my ear. The saying was so old I didn’t even bother to reign in the indignant eye roll.

“Melody, how’s things?” I asked casually. I needed to keep things cordial; I was supposed to be fucking her in four weeks’ time. Sooner if Melody had any say in the matter.

“I saw your last directorial piece. It wasn’t half bad.”

I smiled, but it was forced. I really didn’t care what she thought about my work. It’s not that I didn’t respect the girls I worked with, but Melody fell into a special little category of female that I liked to call soul eating succubus. She was hard and indifferent, going far and above to get what she wanted, and she always got what she wanted, until me. I didn’t do relationships, and if I did, it would not be with a woman like Melody. As she slid into the chair at my side, I wondered what kind of a girl she had been growing up. I picked her as the token stuck up cheerleader, going out of her way to intimidate and hurt the smaller kids at school, probably the type of girl who enjoyed belittling sweet little awkward girls like Andi.

“Melody, did you ever have a pet growing up?” I found myself asking her. She seemed taken aback by my question, and it took her a moment to find her voice.

“No, I’d never pick up dog poop and cats are nasty little fuckers,” she said with a smile.

Strike one for Melody.

“Ice cream, chocolate, or candy?” Suddenly, Melody seemed interested in my interrogation, perhaps even hopeful.

“Occasionally gelato, I watch my calories closely. It takes a lot of hard work to maintain this,” she whispered, running a hand down her arm. I managed to reign in another eye roll.

Strike two.

“What about books? Do you like to read?”

She nodded her head enthusiastically and pulled a rolled up gossip magazine out of her bag.

Strike three, you’re out.

“Yo, Decker, long time no see,” exclaimed Jimmy Knox, giving me a manly slap on the back. Jimmy was a good guy and obviously good looking as all the females in the room followed his casual gait with hungry eyes. Even Melody subconsciously licked her lips at the sight of him. They were like fucking sharks circling, nothing like Andi. There I went again with the Andi comparisons.

The Bishop arrived and the meeting began right away, ending an hour later. It was all pretty standard stuff, going over the script, the characters, the setting, blah, blah, blah. Everyone was ordered to present their medicals as there was a no condom clause on this film. I was clean as whistle, always had been, and prided myself on my sparkling record. The script wasn’t challenging, and the opportunity to ad-lib and improvise was encouraged. Regardless of The Bishops high quality, feature film finish, at the end of the day, it was still porn. The storyline was simplistic and the emphasis was, of course, on the sex. Regardless of how overly simplified the structure of the film was, the finished product would be sensational. While The Bishop discussed the schedule, my heart hammered like a spooked rabbit. We would begin filming in just four short weeks and now I was panicking. Would my equipment work or would I be popping pills like the Viagra junkie I had become? Were my acting skills on a level that I could actually fake the enjoyment I wouldn’t be feeling while screwing Melody? Could I shake off my Andi addiction so I could get back to doing what I did best? As soon as the meeting finished, I jumped to my feet and exited the building, desperate to get out of there. Of late, I had managed to perfect the art of asshole so nobody would have found my quick departure anything out of the ordinary.

“Decker, wait up,” Melody called from somewhere behind me.

I didn’t wait, if anything I lengthened my stride and made a beeline for my car. Her cold hand wrapped around my bicep just as I reached for the door.

“Hey, where’s the fire?” she asked, panting.

“I’ve got somewhere I have to be.” I tried for the nonchalance I used to be able to capture with ease, regardless of who I was talking to or screwing. It seemed to elude me now as Melody’s mere presence grated on my nerves. I turned my body, pulling my arm away from the contact she had initiated. How on earth was I going to fuck her if I couldn’t even stand her touching me?

“Well, once you’re finished being wherever it is you need to be, let’s go get a drink.”

“No can do, I’m busy all day.”

“What about tonight?” She was persistent, I’d give her that. Not even my bluntness or obvious revulsion to her touch deterred her.

“I’m definitely busy tonight.”

“Then tomorrow night,” she purred. The woman was indomitable!

“Babe, I’m busy all week. I’ve got a deadline to meet and I’ve got some family stuff to take care of. I’ll call you when I’m free.” I slid into my car and spared her a final glance. She looked like a spoiled child denied a toy. “Another time,” I assured her, feeling a slight tinge of regret for acting like a boorish asshole. What can I say? Melody captured the heart and soul of the asshole in me.

Back in the safety of my apartment, I wandered aimlessly around the living room, my thoughts tangled with my past, present, and future. Andi was no doubt featured in at least two of those categories, but how would she feature in the third? Was she worth giving up the comfort of what I knew? Was she worth turning my back on the reputation and status I had spent years building? My name was synonymous with adult film; I was a fucking star in my own right. Was a slip of country ass worth giving it all up for?

Any traces of the easy going laughter I had recaptured upon Andi’s return into my life was gone once more. My mood was dark, just as it had been for all those months leading up to Andi’s New York arrival. Twenty minutes ago, I had stepped from the shower and couldn’t even bother to get dressed. I stood butt naked in my living room, vehemently denying my attraction for Andi. Just the thought of her was turning my inactive cock into a state of painful arousal. Uh huh, my head was shoved so far up my ass, I no longer knew one hole from the other. When my cell rang, I gave it a quick glance. My heart began to race like an adolescent fucking school girl when I saw Andi’s name flashing across the screen. I wasn’t going to answer it though, I didn’t do relationships, I didn’t do commitment, and I sure as hell didn’t do girly crushes. I stared at my phone defiantly until it stopped ringing. I snickered with satisfaction. Decker one, girl zero! I stood and turned to face the kitchen and then, like the pathetic bitch I am, I turned back and frowned at my buzzing phone. It went silent, then buzzed to advise me a message had been left. I ignored it and resumed my course to the kitchen, grabbing the milk from the fridge, drinking it directly from the carton. I glanced back across the room at my phone. What if she was in some sort of trouble? She didn’t know anyone else in town, apart from her neighbors of course. Yeah, Lionel and Casey could help her out with any trouble. I shoved the milk carton back in the fridge and stared at my phone again. Ignore her. Call Cindy and Lexie over for a little horizontal action, or better yet, get dressed and go out tonight. Move on, live the rock star life I had worked hard to achieve. The message taunted me like an itch I couldn’t scratch. When the hell did I become so big a pussy I might let the opportunity of a lifetime pass me by? Girls like Andi were rare, and because I wasn’t man enough to pick up the phone, some other lucky bastard would claim that sweet country perfection. You’re going to be fucking Melody Mona with mock enthusiasm—with a dick full of Viagra no doubt—while someone else buries himself in the sweetness that is Andi. She might be all, she might be nothing, but at the end of the day, I needed to fucking know. I grabbed for the phone and hit her number.

“Howdy.”

That husky Texan drawl went straight to my dick. I cleared my throat before I spoke, because I knew my voice would sound like a crackling, hormonal teenager if I didn’t. “Hey, Andi, sorry I miss your call, I was in the shower.” Still naked as the day I was born, with a raging hard-on, I glanced around the room as if expecting to see someone mocking my pathetic situation.

“Oh, hey, Decker, I hope I didn’t interrupt you.”

I looked down at the monster at my groin. I was tempted to start stroking myself and just get off on the sound of her voice. Ahhhh, loser at life present and accounted for.

“Not interrupting. What’s up?” I said, managing to keep my hand off my cock.

“I picked up a bottle of Wild Turkey and want to give it to your dad to thank him for the paint and stuff. I’ve spent the better part of the morning calling every Steele in the phone book trying to locate him. Do you have any idea how many Steeles there are in New York? Anyway, on the last call, I got some dirty ol’ man who wanted to know if I was a phone sex operator. When I said I most definitely was not, he asked me if I was wearing polish on my toenails, and when I said I had bubblegum pink on today, he wanted me to do something anatomically impossible with them, so…I give up. What’s your dad’s address?”

While I understood the phone guy’s attraction to the sound of Andi’s voice and foot fetishes were the least crazy fetish going around, I found myself wanting to find the guy and introduce him to a little Steele aggression. I was also annoyed that Andi didn’t just call me in the first place, but I guess the way we last parted did leave things in an awkward limbo.

“Don’t talk crazy, Country. I’ll be there in half an hour, and I’ll drive you to his office.” I hung up before she had time to argue. I was dressed and out the door in five minutes flat. When I pulled up out front Andi’s store, she was already waiting on the curb. She was wearing a simple blue sundress that sat right under that cute little ass that I now knew was the canvas for a hot little Tinkerbell tattoo. Her customary boots were on, hair tossed into a ponytail. I noticed her toss a wave somewhere behind her as she made her way to the car. Casey and Lionel were standing at their window, resounding smiles on their faces. Glancing across the street, I noticed Imogen and Vanessa also standing at their window, watching. When Vanessa noticed my gaze, she gave me a fervent wave. I offered nothing more than a nod. I knew she was attracted to me, and I didn’t want to offer her anything she might mistake as a return of her affection. Andi climbed into the car, and with her presence came the familiar light scent of cinnamon. Her nosy neighbors became obsolete as I admired her girl next door beauty. She carried an easy going nature that both soothed and turned me on.

“At least you should feel safe with the local neighborhood watch and all,” I drawled, nodding to the street patrol. Andi smiled, and it was like radiant sunshine and sparkling rainbows had filled the car. Damn, I really should whip home and put on my man pants. Andi nervously fidgeted with the seatbelt. I didn’t like that anxiety. From the first moment we had been thrust together, the tension had been nothing but a lightning bolt of sexual awareness, but our argument three days ago had introduced a floundering awkwardness. I held out my hand, and Andi stared at it hesitantly.

“Hi, I’m Decker Steele, remember me? I was the smug asshole who was too damn pig headed to pay you any attention as a teenager. I just want you to know this asshole grew up, and even though I am, for the most part, cured of assholism, I am still prone to unexpected bouts of asshole-ish behavior. Like three days ago when I lost my temper and upset a really good friend of mine.” A smile crept onto Andi’s face and she took my hand.

“Assholism, I’ve heard of that, it can be very debilitating.” Even though her hand was so much smaller than mine, it fit. “Hi, I’m Andi Jennings, the girl who was too shy to give you the attention you so obviously craved as a teenager. I grew up though, I’m not so shy anymore, and I attend Geeks Anonymous in an attempt to haul my head out of books long enough to develop real relationships rather than fictional ones. It appears I also have a small problem with being a self-righteous bitch, so I’m going to work hard on fixing that.” She let my hand go and it took everything I had not to reach for her again.

“The word bitch does not exist beside your name, Country. Everything you said that morning was pretty much one hundred percent right. And for the record,” I pulled the car onto the street, leaving the peeping tom neighbors behind, “you didn’t say anything that I haven’t already heard from a therapist.”

“You see a therapist?” she balked.

“I did for a short time. So, what have you been up to for the last three days? Did you miss me?” I gave her a smile which I knew dropped panties faster than a cheetah on crack. She blushed and shook her head.

“Don’t think I didn’t miss the convenient change in subject.” She laughed. “And yes, I missed you. Last night I spent the entire evening locked in my bathroom because I thought I saw a rat, and I had no one to call to come rescue me.”

I arched a brow in disbelief. “You spent the whole night in there? Why didn’t you call Casey or Lionel?”

“Because they couldn’t get in even if I did call them, and there was no way I was stepping outside the door of my safe zone. Anyway, I had the essentials to keep me alive: toilet, water, curling iron.”

“Where did you sleep?”

“In the bathtub,” she answered. “It was a little chilly and I considered filling it with warm water, but then I was frightened I might drown or something.”

Way to make a guy feel like douche of the year. Andi had avoided me to the point of sleeping in a bathtub and having unrequited phone sex with some dude who had a foot fetish.

“You can call me anytime you need, Country. I don’t care if we’ve had an argument, you need help, even saving from a rat, you call me.” I gave her a pointed look to let her know I wasn’t saying this simply to humor her. If she needed rescuing from her table top, then I would be there, nothing could stop me.

“You might take that back when I’m calling you at three in the morning to come catch a spider,” she murmured.

I groaned. “You’re scared of spiders, too?”

“What’s not to be scared of? They have eight legs! Who the hell needs eight legs? That’s not right, it’s abnormal.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Hell, I had missed her. It had only been three days since I had last seen her, but that three days had felt like a lifetime. As unexperienced in relationships as I was, I had no idea if that was normal or not. The thought of being with Andi felt much easier than not being with her. I had no idea how I was going to get this girl out of my system.

*

My father loved Andi. He hadn’t said as much, but he didn’t need to; I could see it in the way he couldn’t stop smiling at her and the way he kept giving me a nod of approval. I could almost hear the cogs turning in his brain. I just knew that Mom would be calling tonight, inviting the two of us to dinner. We would be as good as married in a week.

“Wow, they’re beautiful,” Andi murmured as she took in the framed photos of some of the Manhattan buildings we had restored. A professional photographer had taken them, highlighting the delicate and subtle touches that made our restorations sit apart from the rest. When Steele Structures took on a building to restore it to its former glory, we tried to keep as true to the building’s original origins as possible, respecting the building’s history and unique appearance. We always added our own flare and finishing touches to incorporate the strength and brilliance that the New York skyline had to offer, but each and every project was treated as its own, separate from the rest, to give the building its own distinctive appearance.

“We missed your building though,” said Dad as he leaned against his desk. “I’m surprised Decker overlooked that opportunity. We’ll have to look into the street and see if there is anything else for sale.”

Andi’s gaze darted to mine. “You work with your dad?” she asked, shocked.

Before I could answer, Dad laughed loudly. “That’s Decker for you, far too humble. He owns half this business. We’re equal partners. If it wasn’t for him, Steele Structures wouldn’t have been born; he fronted the money to get it off the ground.”

Andi’s face was full of understandable confusion.

“Okay, well, thanks for the tour, Dad. We gotta get going.” I all but dragged Andi back to the car. With a final wave, we drove out of the parking lot and headed back to the city.

“I guess you must really enjoy it,” Andi said after a short silence. “I mean, you obviously have a good thing going with your dad, but you still do the adult film stuff, so, you must really have a passion for it. That’s really admirable, Decker. If everyone could have a job that they liked that much, I think people, in general, would be much happier.”

I went to say yes, I did enjoy it and it was a passion, but I hesitated. Saying such a thing felt automatic, like an ingrained response that came from my head and not my heart. At one time, I did love my work, but something had changed long before Andi came along. The doctors had assured me it was a psychological change that hampered my performance, and the therapists confirmed their prognosis, assuring me that so long spent in an industry that required such a massive ignorance of my emotions was damaging me from the inside out. The more I really thought about it, the clearer it became. I didn’t enjoy my work anymore. Yes, I found comfort in something that was familiar, and I enjoyed the physical connection with the women. It was safe. No heavy emotional attachments but I still received the sexual stimulation and friendship I needed. I liked the reputation I had earned in the industry. I liked the celebrity status. Until now, now it all seemed insignificant and I wanted something more. I wanted to feel my heart beat for a woman; I wanted the powerful draw to someone; I wanted to feel what my parents felt, that unconditional love and acceptance of one person. I had been living a dream, where I thought I was the man every man wanted to be, when in fact, I was alone and unfulfilled. I had some time up my sleeve to explore this…thing with Andi. Four weeks to open my heart and see where things led. Four weeks before filming on The Bishop’s set began. Four weeks to shove twelve years of avoidance and emotional detachment aside. Just thinking about it felt therapeutic.

“I want to experience the real New York.” Andi’s voice pulled me from my epiphany. “I haven’t seen the city yet. I want to get out and do something fun, see something only real New Yorkers know about.”

My eyes did an involuntary perusal of her dress and boots. Not too dressy, but good enough. I gave her a wink when she arched a brow my way.

“One true New York experience coming up.”

*

Gallow Green was usually booked weeks in advance, but a little sweet talking, and a lot of cash had Andi and I standing in the elevator that would take us to the rooftop bar. Andi shuffled nervously as the creepy elevator attendant stared down at her with a deadpan expression. He was a constant fixture in this elevator and did a great job at making everyone feel uncomfortable. Andi’s body instinctively leaned towards mine, and I threw my arm across her shoulders to pull her close, sending the attendant a discreet wink to thank him for his eerie persona that had sent the girl into my arms. His lip twitched as he repressed a smile and continued to stare at Andi. When we stepped onto the rooftop, I felt a satisfied sense of accomplishment at her not so subtle gasp. It was like walking into an overgrown, rustic garden, situated on the rooftop of an unassuming Manhattan building. Green leafy vines grew across archways, and plants and lanterns lined the pathways around tables and chairs. Tonight, a band played gentle swinging tunes from the fifties as the usual murmur of a busy New York evening filled the air. I pulled Andi along as she tried to take everything in, her mouth perpetually agape. I ordered us each a beer and found an empty bench that overlooked the Manhattan west side to sit. A tin bucket of daisies sat at Andi’s feet, and she delicately brushed her fingers over the flowers.

“I love it,” she murmured.

I knew she would. It was her thing, earthy and idyllic, perfect for a country girl in the city. She had pulled her hair loose from its ponytail, and I found myself wanting to play with the long strands that fell over her shoulders and back. Not so subtly, I stretched my arm behind her and took the liberty of twisting one gentle falling curl around my finger. Andi gave me a ‘what the’ look but didn’t say anything. And she didn’t pull away either. I could barely contain my satisfied smile. On the car ride here, I had explored the life changing realization that had hit me and then had made a decision. Get the girl. Once I was focused on a task, nothing would deter me. I felt strangely at peace with my decision to explore a relationship with Andi. I should have cared that this could mess up our friendship; I should have cared that she might not reciprocate my feelings; I should have cared that I could easily hurt her. My experience with relationships was non-existent; I could, and possibly would, screw this up. I should have cared that in a month I would be screwing another woman on film. I didn’t though. I just felt...tranquil…and horny.

Andi leaned back into my arm and let her gaze settle on the vines that grew over our heads. My eyes dropped to her leg where her dress had slipped up, giving me a tantalizing tease of her upper thigh. I could see my hands on her skin, a contrast of colors and textures. Where Andi was soft and milky white, I was hard and olive. She was so small, I was so big. Stark disparities that I knew would complement each other perfectly.

“I never thought being here in New York would feel right. I mean, I knew it’s what I wanted, it was my dream, but I honestly thought I wouldn’t fit in.”

I somehow dragged my eyes from her legs, leaned back, and took in the view of the Manhattan skyline. “People can fit in just about anywhere, depending on their attitude. You have a good attitude, you’re determined and passionate, and I guess it helps that you’re a little crazy and happy to talk to strangers.” She hit my chest and I laughed.

“Bradley made a bet that I won’t last more than three months,” she murmured unhappily.

I snorted. “Bradley’s an asshole. He should be supporting you, not placing bets on when you’ll fail. I’m going to kick his ass for you next time I see him.”

“I can kick his ass, and he is supporting me; he’s the one who convinced me move here. He said I needed to travel and explore the world to be sure I found my place in it. Then he said he thought I belonged in a pokey little town miles from everywhere, with a gentle husband and a hoard of children under my roof.” Andi shook her head. “I hate being miles from everywhere. I grew up miles from everywhere and I always felt alone and secluded. I have no intention of breeding a football team, and although I don’t like to be handcuffed, I’m not particularly interested in a gentle man.” It was a challenge not to cough up my mouthful of beer. “What about you?” she asked, and I gave her a sideways glance.

“I’m not into men, period.” She slapped me on the chest again and this time I caught her hand beneath mine and held it there. I could feel her confusion, and offering her a reprieve from the awkward moment, I let her go.

“Jackass. I mean, where is your place in this world? Is this it? Do you think you will get married one day? Do you want kids?”

Wow, talk about buzz kill, I’d only just realized I might want to embark on my first real relationship less than an hour ago, and now she wanted to talk marriage and kids?

“I’m not big on thinking about the future. I guess I’m one of those guys who’s happy to tackle life one day at a time.” Even though she didn’t say anything, I could see the disappointment in her eyes, and for some reason, I really didn’t want to disappoint her. I thought about it, my life, my future. I’m not sure I could see myself married with kids, but I knew I couldn’t see myself with the life I had thus far created. “I’m not sure if this is my place.” I shrugged. “I love New York, I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else, but I like the idea of traveling. I wouldn’t mind dropping by England to beat some sense into Bradley. I’ve always wanted to see Europe.”

She was grinning with approval now which helped re-stir the tightness in my groin. “I’d love to see Greece and Spain and Italy,” Andi exclaimed. A comfortable silence descended on us. “I’m sorry about the other day. I shouldn’t have suggested you don’t respect women and all that crap. I really overstepped my boundaries making those assumptions about you,” she whispered.

“You didn’t overstep any boundaries, Country. Let’s just put that morning behind us and move forward.”

“I’m all for leaving the past in the past.” She settled her empty drink down on the old wooden coffee table before us and leaned back into my arm. Her leg brushed mine, and I enjoyed the feeling of warmth that sparked between us. She lolled her head to one side and glanced up at me. “Maybe once I’ve finished kicking New York’s ass, we could travel together. I promise I wouldn’t cramp your style; I’ll be the perfect wing-woman and I’ll even help you beat the blazes out of Bradley.”

My fingers still played with one of her long curls as I glanced down at her. “Country, I would love nothing more than to travel with you, but I’m fairly sure I won’t be needing a wing-woman. And I’d love to watch you hand Bradley his ass on a platter; it would be hot as hell.”

She smiled and my eyes dropped to her mouth. Her tongue darted out to wet her lips, making me wonder if it was because they were dry or if she was anticipating a kiss. What would she do if I kissed her? What was the etiquette here? Did I just move in and kiss her? Did I ask for permission first? Was the licking of her lips some sort of unsaid kissing consent? This was so much fucking easier on a film set. I looked up into her eyes, which appeared to be full of longing and desire, but maybe I was looking too hard for something that wasn’t there. Fuck me, was a kiss supposed to be this difficult? I was just going to go for it. I’d know pretty quickly where her thoughts were: if she kissed me back we were good; however, if she kneed me in the balls, well, I would have fucked things up before they had even began.

“Decker?” Tension immediately thrummed through my body at the sound of the familiar female voice. Andi obviously noticed the change in my rigid composure as she stilled and turned to watch two women approach. Leah and Cindy were heading towards me with questioning gazes, then Leah’s gaze landed on Andi and she smiled with a sudden comprehension. This was what one might call an ‘oh shit’ moment.