His heart pounding so hard his gut ached, Brody ran across the yard with his nephew Martin. Jamie’s scream was ringing in his ears as he spotted Des dashing out of the house. Teenagers emerged from the stables to see what was wrong. Then it was as if everything happened in slow motion, Aden and Jamie were sliding off the roof and there was a stomach churning crunch as they hit the ground.

“Martin, get your mum,” Brody shouted as he sprinted to where they’d landed.

Not that he wanted Karen to see this, but he definitely didn’t want Martin there until he knew… Oh fuck. He slid to a halt when he saw Aden lying on his back, Jamie sprawled on top of him, neither of them moving.

Des reached them and dropped to his knees. “Oh God. No, no, no.”

Jamie opened his eyes. “Dad.”

Des let out a strangled gasp. Jamie wriggled out of Aden’s arms and flung himself at his father.

“Are you okay? Where are you hurt?” Des ran his hands down Jamie’s body, then clutched his son’s head and stared into his eyes. “What hurts?”

“Nothing. I’m okay.”

When Aden pushed himself into a sitting position with a long groan, Brody let out the breath he’d been holding.

“Don’t move,” Brody blurted. Haven’t we been here before?

“I’m winded, that’s all.” Aden’s chest heaved.

“I saw what you did.” Des stared at Aden as he hugged Jamie. “I don’t… How did…? Are you sure you’re okay?”

Aden nodded and stood, but didn’t make eye contact. Was he hurt and pretending he wasn’t? Brody wanted to hug him and tell him he was glad he was all right, but something in Aden’s expression stopped him.

When Karen and Martin reached them, Jamie clung to his frantic mother. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he kept saying.

“You know better than to climb up there. What were you thinking?” Karen held him out in front of her, scanning for injuries. She turned to her husband. “I told you to move that ladder. I asked you and asked you.”

“I’m sorry,” Des muttered.

“Oh Jamie. If I’d lost you. Oh God.” She burst into tears.

How could they have fallen from so high and not been injured? How could Aden be hit by a car and walk away without a scratch?

“Saved by the mud,” Aden said, as if he’d been reading Brody’s mind.

Brody stared at him but Aden still didn’t meet his gaze. The soft ground would have cushioned their fall, but to have no injuries?

“Are you all right?” Karen asked Aden.

“I’m wearing my lucky coat,” Aden said.

“Isn’t that Brody’s?” Des said.

Aden did shoot Brody a glance then and a quick smile. Brody held his breath. I want him. So why was he letting him walk away? Then again, Brody wasn’t sure he was ready for more than a quick fuck with anyone until he’d dragged himself back from the abyss. Though Aden might be the one who’d do the dragging. A month. Could he behave for a month? Not go looking for trouble? If he had Aden here waiting for him every night? Yeah, I think I can.

“Thank you for saving him,” Karen said. “Thank you so much. There are no words to tell you how grateful we are.”

“It’s my fault,” Martin whispered at Brody’s side. “I dared him.”

Brody pulled a tearful Martin into his arms. “But he didn’t need to do it.”

“Show’s over,” Des said to the teenagers watching. “Back to the horses.” He scooped Jamie into his arms. “Let’s get inside.”

It was only when Brody reached the door of the farm with Martin, who wouldn’t let him go, that he realized Aden wasn’t with them. He turned, but there was no sign of him. Another disappearing act? Martin tugged Brody into the house.

“That guy snatched Jamie out of mid-air,” Des said to Karen. “I saw them falling. I can’t believe he caught him. Not just that. He managed to swivel and pull Jamie on top of him before they hit the ground. A split second reaction and he saved Jamie’s life.”

Martin buried his face in Brody’s chest.

“Don’t the pair of you ever do that again,” Karen said. “No climbing ladders. No dares. No doing anything stupid. Don’t step outside without asking. Until I can trust you, no doing anything without talking to me first. I’m as mad at you, Jamie, as I am with your brother. If you can’t be trusted around the farm, you won’t be allowed out.”

Des looked straight at him. Yep, that had reminded Brody as well of times when the pair of them had gotten into trouble as kids. Usually Brody had been the instigator with Des having to bail him out.

“Where’s the guy?” Des asked.

Brody shrugged. “Gone.”

“Gone where?”

“I don’t know.”

“I thought you were going to give him a lift?”

“Yeah, I…”

Des scowled and went back outside.

“What’s all that about?” Karen asked.

Brody glanced at the twins.

She turned to the boys. “Go play with your Lego. No battles. No weapons of mass destruction. Build houses.” After they’d disappeared into the lounge, she turned to Brody. “Well?”

“I knocked Aden over with my car yesterday evening. He spent the night in Captain’s stall. Des and I found him in there this morning.”

She gaped at him. “You knocked him over? Is the guy indestructible? Captain didn’t kick him in the head?”

“Amazingly enough, no.”

“Why did he sleep in the stable?”

“After I’d hit him with my car, he disappeared. He was looking for shelter and found the barn. He told me he’s involved in a recruitment challenge to get a job. He has to survive a month with no home, no phone, no money of his own.”

She frowned. “That sounds extreme.”

“I wondered if it was a government thing. Military or espionage. He says he can’t talk about it.”

“Or he’s a con artist, on the run from his wife, the police or fellow criminals.” She huffed. “Sorry, I watch too much TV.”

“Not a wife.”

Karen tipped her head on one side. “He’s gay? You sure?”

Brody managed a laugh. “Pretty sure.”

“And you don’t fancy him? Are you crazy? He’s gorgeous.”

Brody hesitated.

“You have to like him a bit,” she said. “Apart from the fact that’s he’s really good-looking—and don’t tell Des I said that—he’s a hero. He risked his life to save Jamie. He’s perfect for you.”

No he wasn’t. Brody didn’t deserve a hero.

 

 

Aden stopped when he reached the end of the lane. His back ached even more now. He’d landed on something hard and when he got up, he’d spotted a lump of metal in the mud. When the others had gone into the house, he’d picked it up and tossed it onto a barrel. He was lucky it hadn’t made a hole in his jacket. He was trying to ignore the fact that he was pretty sure it had broken his spine. He’d heard the crack in his head and felt a sharp pain shoot down his legs before he felt nothing. When he was able to move, he was surprised.

He looked left, the way back to Caterham. He had no idea where right led. Deeper into inhospitable countryside? He needed to get London so left it was. He should have taken the money Brody offered. Stupid pride. It surprised him how much he’d wanted to be invited to stay.

He heard someone call his name and swivelled round, but to his disappointment, it was Des not Brody.

“I didn’t say thank you.” Des held out his hand and Aden shook it. “You saved my son’s life. I don’t know how you did it, snatching him out of mid-air, but you risked your life and I’ll be grateful to you for the rest of mine. Thank you.”

Aden shuffled his feet in the mud. “Anyone would—”

“No, anyone wouldn’t, but you did.” Des dragged his fingers through his hair. “Where are you going? You need a lift?”

Aden shook his head. “I’m fine. I’m sure Brody told you about the challenge I’m in for a job.” Christ. Or rather a challenge to avoid hell. “I’d been coming to see you when I heard Jamie scream.” Oh God, lying again. “I wondered if I could do work around the farm in return for food and somewhere to sleep.”

“So why are you walking away?”

“I didn’t want you to feel any obligation.” Not so long ago that would have been exactly what Aden would have thought. He’d have exploited the fact that Des owed him, maybe pretended to walk away, but this time he’d been doing it for real. Brody was too tempting. Aden was desperate to fuck him and if he did, he’d wreck everything because listening to his cock wasn’t going to keep him out of hell.

“You can stay in the other cottage. I have guests coming at the end of the week, but you can use it until they arrive. We can give you food and you can help me on the farm. One of the girls will show you how to do basic stuff with the horses. Feed and water them, replace bedding, groom them, clean bridles and saddles. Since no one else can get near Captain apart from me and Brody, and he still bites us, after you’ve been shown what to do with another horse, you can deal with our resident trouble-maker. Save me the teeth marks.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

Des led him to the cottage next to Brody’s, pulled out a set of keys, unlocked it, then peeled a key off the ring. “Dump your stuff inside and I’ll find someone to show you what to do in the stables. You can clean the mud off your jacket in there.”

Aden slid his bag into the hall and closed the door.

 

Shawnee was the teen Des picked to show Aden the ropes. She was like a little pixie, short dark hair and sticky out ears, chattered ten to the dozen and blushed whenever she looked at him. She helped him hose off his jacket and gave him a running commentary on how amazing he’d been to rescue Martin, how fantastic that neither of them had been injured, how incredibly lucky they were.

She showed him how to put a halter on a horse which was not easy, and how to lead the horse to the walker, a sort of a carousel without poles. It gave them a chance to clean the stall, shovelling out the soiled straw with pitchforks, sweeping the floor and scattering fresh bedding. It had been a long time since Aden had done such physically hard work and some of these teenagers had been there since early that morning. His back was killing him. Ha.

“We have to spray this on the straw so they don’t eat it.” Shawnee held up a bottle of liquid.

“I thought they ate straw.”

“No, hay.”

“There’s a difference?”

Her eyes widened in horror. “Straw’s the stalks from crops after the heads are taken off. The stalks are hollow so it’s good for insulation, but has a much lower nutritional value than hay which is grass that’s been cut and left to dry.”

“Right.”

She explained everything she was doing and the horse’s routine in minute detail. Too much detail. Horses couldn’t be fed too soon, if they’d left more than a couple of handfuls of breakfast in the trough, they didn’t get lunch and he must never put new food over old.

It reminded Aden of how he’d been ordered to eat everything that was put in front of him and if he didn’t, it reappeared the next day mixed in with food they knew he liked. Brussel sprouts with pasta. Liver in a bowl of custard. He’d learned to line his pocket with a plastic bag for stuff he couldn’t face and filled it when neither his mother nor father were watching. When he was in care, no one much bothered if he turned meals down. Stupidly, he wished they had.

“I love grooming the horses,” Shawnee said. “But I know which ones will keep still for me. Until you do, you need to tie them up or you could get injured. Some will stand on your foot deliberately and make it look as though it was an accident.”

How and why would they do that?

“I can tell you think I’m making it up but I’m not. They’re really crafty. Use a slip knot like this to fasten them. Okay?”

Aden copied the knot and won a smile.

“Wow, you got that fast.”

She showed him the way to pick up a horse’s hoof and remove the debris with a couple of different tools, how to use the curry comb in small circular motions and what problems to look out for. The horse they were working on nibbled her ear and she laughed.

“They love being groomed. You still need to be careful though. When you go to the rear keep a hand on the back so the horse knows you’re there and doesn’t panic. And don’t get trapped at the front. They don’t know their own strength. Okay? This is a dandy brush, that’s a hard one, and gets rid of the stuff the curry comb brings up, then you use a soft brush. It’s hard work but fun.”

By the time she’d cleaned the eyes and nose, mane and tail, Aden understood the effort it took to look after a horse. They got better treatment than he gave himself.

“Oh no,” Shawnee muttered.

“What?”

She turned to glance at the couple walking toward them. “The owner and her husband. Don’t tell them you’ve done anything with Jester. She’s picky about who handles him.”

“Hi, Shawnee,” said the woman, a tall, thin blonde in her thirties or maybe forties decked out in enough protective gear to defend a bullion truck.

The older man with her wasn’t dressed to ride but wore expensive wellingtons with side fastenings, a new Barbour jacket and a flat cap.

“Hi Mrs. Connaught. Mr. Connaught,” Shawnee said.

“How’s Jester today?” the woman asked. “I hope you took extra care with his hooves. You know how sensitive he is. You do tend to miss those little stones. Have you done his coat? It doesn’t look like it.” She stared at Aden. “And you are?”

Aden took an instant dislike to her and her husband who was leering at Shawnee behind his wife’s back.

“British Horse Society Inspectorate.” Aden had no idea whether such an organization existed. “I was complimenting Shawnee on her excellent horse care skills. It’s rare to see such devotion. You’re extremely lucky to have her. I understand one of the other owners has been trying to poach her.”

Aden put his hand in the middle of Shawnee’s back and gave her a gentle nudge hoping she’d go along with him.

“Oh no, you must stay with Jester.” The woman widened her eyes. “He’s used to you now.”

“Do you tip her?” Aden asked.

“Well…er.” She gave her husband a desperate look. “Should we?”

Shawnee started to speak and Aden interrupted. “I’m always impressed with those owners who recognize the effort put in by kids who work for so little reward.”

“Derek!” the woman snapped.

He pulled out his wallet and handed Shawnee a twenty pound note. Then another twenty when he caught Aden’s glare.

“Will you put Jester in his protective gear…please?” His wife smiled sweetly at Shawnee.

Aden wondered if that was the first time she’d said please. He had to refrain from rolling his eyes as he watched Shawnee tack up the horse while the owner gave a running commentary and instruction on each item. Hoof boots, anti-slip saddle pad, rubber bit, breakaway stirrups, breakaway reins, florescent leg wraps. Maybe the woman ought to give Jester a phone and teach him to dial 9-9-9.

Once the Connaughts had left the stable with the horse and a beaming Shawnee, Aden snaffled a couple of carrots from a bag left by the door and made for Captain’s stall.

“Remember me from last night?” He unfastened the latch and went inside.

Captain stamped his hoof.

“Oh pack it in. You’re not scary. And if you tread on my foot, I’ll know you did it on purpose.” Aden handed over one of the carrots.

By the time Shawnee reappeared, he’d managed to put a halter on Captain and attach him to the walker. When he lunged for the backside of the horse in front, Aden laughed. “That’s what we have in common. Leave the poor guy alone.”

“Oh no,” she gasped. “You… How…? We don’t put Captain on there. He kicks off.”

The horse gave a loud neigh.

“Behave.” Aden scowled at Captain who snorted once, stopped lunging and settled into a steady pace.

Shawnee stared at Aden with what looked embarrassingly like awe on her face. “Only Des and Brody can handle him usually. He’s got the most horrible temper.”

“You know he had a bit of plastic in his teeth?”

“Des yelled at Leo. He must have left one of his bottles where Captain could get it.”

She and Aden began to clean out Captain’s stall, forking the dirty straw into wheelbarrows.

“Where did the horse come from?” Aden asked.

“Des told us Brody’s boyfriend was out riding him and Captain came back on his own. They found the rider dead in a field. It looked like he’d fallen, gotten the reins tangled around his neck and been strangled.”

Christ. Aden stopped shovelling.  “Bloody hell. Is that something that happens often?”

“I’ve never heard of it happening before. But I can see how it could. Brody turned up one day with Captain in a horse box and left him. Then he got a job as a vet down here and moved. Doesn’t ride Captain though. No one does. Des walks him and when the weather’s okay, he lets him out into the paddock. I’ve seen Brody come and talk to Captain sometimes. He always looks sad when he does.”

At that moment, Aden fully understood the huge flaw in the idea of finding someone to love him, whether it was Brody or not. If Aden succeeded either in falling in love himself—unlikely as that was—or convinced a guy to love him, he was going to disappear in a month, and someone’s heart was going to get broken. Brody had already had his heart broken, it wasn’t fair to even think of doing it again. How was that being a good guy? What had he missed in what Raphael had said?

Still, it wasn’t as if Aden was a horrible person. He’d made a few bad choices in his life, but it wasn’t as if he was a serial killer or a torturer or a paedophile. Raphael hadn’t been specific on what he had to achieve. There were no challenges to meet, no golden coins to collect in dangerous situations. All he had to do was be good and learn what love was all about. Maybe he didn’t actually have to fall in love, or have someone love him. It was the capacity for that to happen that was all important.

Maybe. Shit. Aden wished he’d asked more questions. Was he supposed to wander around doing good deeds? Catching kids who fell off roofs?

He led Captain back to the stall. He didn’t want Shawnee to get hurt handling the horse. 

“Why don’t you watch from the other side of the door while I groom him?” Aden said. “Tell me if I do something wrong.”

Aden gave him another carrot and copied what Shawnee had done with Jester. When Captain tried to push him around, Aden shoved back.

“You’re really good with him,” Shawnee said. “Des wants Brody to sell him but he won’t. He needs riding. You could ask if you could.”

Aden smiled as he brushed Captain’s mane. Riding Brody was more appealing. Maybe Aden could un-break Brody’s heart, take his mind off what had happened, make his face light up by showing him he could have fun again. Love not needed.

 

Des had a few animals apart from the horses. Sheep, beef cattle, hens. Aden had seen the twins feeding the hens, and Martin had beckoned him over.

“You want to check for eggs?” he asked.

Aden nodded and the twins showed him what to do. Jamie told him all their names and when he put a warm egg in Aden’s hand, it was the strangest thing, as though some shard of ice in his heart melted.

“We have to make double sure they’re locked up at night because there are foxes,” Martin said.

Sly creatures that helped themselves to what they wanted. Was Brody’s door going to be locked tonight?

 

By the time Aden had finished working, he was shattered. As owners returned horses to the stables after riding them, a lot of the work needed doing all over again. Some of the riders took care of the horses themselves but others just handed over the reins and drove away in their mud-spattered top-of-the-range four wheel drives. Aden was surprised to not find himself resentful.

Something about him had changed. Maybe Raphael was helping, but Aden felt stuff he didn’t think would usually have touched him. The twins had made him smile. He liked the hens. Shawnee was sweet and he felt sorry for Captain. Whatever had happened the day his rider died was hardly his fault. He hadn’t deliberately set out to kill. Aden wished he could take the horse out but he had no idea how to ride. Still, he did know how to put on a saddle. Maybe if he got the chance he could let Captain take him for a walk. What was the worst that could happen? The horse couldn’t kill him.

It was dark as he made his way back to the cottage. He unlocked the door, switched on the light and took off his muddy boots. The hall was empty, no sign of his stuff and his heart sank. But he found his coat hanging in a room on the left, his boots clean, stuffed with newspaper and sitting on a rack. He took off the jacket he was wearing and hung it up. It was warm in the cloakroom and a touch of his coat told him it was almost dry. He pulled the newspaper out of his spotless boots. No one had ever cleaned his footwear for him before. Aden didn’t usually do more than wipe shoes over with a damp kitchen towel.

There was a washing machine and tumble drier under the window. Aden had never had his own washing machine. He always used a launderette. He smiled because now he had no clothes to wash. There was a toilet in a room off to the side and next to that a large cupboard holding a water tank and heating system.

The cottage had two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and his bag had been put in the room with the double bed. It had freshly painted walls, shining hardwood floor, new furniture, plantation shutters at the window and there was even a TV on the wall.

Across the back of the cottage was a room that served as a kitchen, dining and living space. Identical to Brody’s. On the table was a note along with a basket of provisions.

Hung up your coat, it was so wet. Stuck your jeans and shorts in the drier. Food is in the fridge. A few toiletries in the bathroom. Anything else you need, let me know. Thank you again. Karen x

Aden opened the fridge to see milk, butter, eggs, cheese and pasta. There was a loaf of bread in the basket on the counter along with fruit, cereal, jam, biscuits, a couple of potatoes, and a small packet of cornflakes. By the kettle were sachets of tea, coffee and sugar, and salt and pepper. He was stunned by their generosity. He hadn’t thrown himself off the roof because he’d thought it would make Des and his family beholden to him. He’d done it without thinking, not even remembering he’d be okay because he was already dead. It showed there was good in him, didn’t it?

Or just that he was stupid.

He made himself a doorstop of a cheese sandwich, picked up his coffee and sat in front of the TV. Warm house. Comfortable couch. Fuck it. There was even Sky connected. Thousands of programmes to choose from and temptation living next door. How could he leave after a week of this?

 

 

Once he’d calmed Martin down, Brody had headed back to his cottage wondering whether Des had caught up with Aden. He saw no sign of either of them. He ought to have gone after Aden himself. He’d just opened the door to his place when his phone vibrated in his pocket. Minutes later he was driving to a farm seven miles away where a heifer was in labour and struggling. Milking breeds tended to have larger calves and apparently the one in trouble had been trying to give birth for almost four hours and was now in the danger zone.

It was impossible not to keep a look out for Aden as he drove along the road though Brody expected him to head toward Caterham, and the farm he was aiming for lay in the opposite direction. So that was that, and it was probably for the best though he was disappointed. But Aden had secrets and so did Brody. If anything had happened between them, it would have gone the way of all Brody’s encounters, no matter how good the sex. He was broken into too many pieces for anyone to put back together, too damaged to want anyone to even try.

He delivered a live calf, and to both his and the farmer’s relief, it was female. Male calves born to dairy cows would be unlikely to live more than a few hours or at most a couple of days. They were just not needed. Brody had no sooner cleaned up and got back in his car, than he had a call about another cow in labour. He liked that the practice did some large animal work but it was physically exhausting.

Brody finally crawled into bed at two in the morning on Sunday. The TV show featuring the practice was due to air that night. It was wishful thinking to hope he’d sleep through it, as was the hope that Matt might not see it. If he did, Brody suspected—no, he knew Matt would come and look for him. He ought to have told Henrik he wasn’t prepared to be filmed but he’d been trawled into it, caught up in the excitement of everyone who worked at the practice.

He was an idiot for thinking there could be anything between him and Aden while there was the risk of Matt interfering. Usually, a single thought about Matt sent Brody into a maelstrom of anxiety, though not this time. Aden filled his head. His eyes, his smile. How had he survived being hit by his car, falling off the roof? Not one miracle but two. Brody didn’t believe that story about the job. He was running from something. Just like me. Was his name really Aden? Where was he now? Had he found somewhere to sleep, someone’s bed to sleep in?

I wish he was in mine.