Chapter Four
Olivia
I lugged the full duffel bag out of the apartment and loaded it into my car that morning. I sat there for the longest time, trying to figure out where I was going to go and what I was going to do. Finally, I drove over to my Uncle’s shop. After Dax was arrested and I quit school, he’d given me a full-time job. I was making enough that I could afford rent and utilities and food. It wasn’t a great living, but it was a living. I didn’t have that any longer and I had a few hundred dollars in the bank that I had saved just in case something happened. It didn’t matter though. I was glad I’d broken up with Terrance. I didn’t want to be taken care of with drug money. I didn’t want to be with a guy who would betray his best friend at the drop of a hat and lie to his girlfriend about it.
I hung out with my uncle for a while. I didn’t tell him what was going on. He’d done so much for me over the past two years. I wasn’t going to ask him for anything else. I made lunch for him and two of the guys who worked at the shop.
After they ate and the employees went back to work, my uncle asked, “Are you doing okay, Olivia?”
“I’m good,” I lied.
“Okay, I know Dax is out. He’s not bothering you, is he?”
Not like you think. “No, he’s not bothering me. Terrance and I are having some troubles though so don’t worry if he comes around looking for me. I won’t be staying with him at the apartment any longer.”
“Do you have a place to stay?”
“Yeah, I’m staying with a friend,” I lied again. “I should be going,” I told him. I wanted to be with people I cared about, but I was tired of dumping on them. Maybe this one I should handle on my own.
He kissed my cheek and said, “Call me if you need anything, okay?”
“I will. Thank you for always being there for me.”
“Bye sweetie, take care.”
“Bye,” I said. I went out to my car and sat for ten minutes, trying to figure out where to go.
I finally started the car and drove around for a while, trying to clear my head and figure out what I was going to do. I ended up at the park in the foothills where Dax and I used to go all the time. I sat under our tree and tried to let my mind wonder back to the good days. The times when it seemed like we had the whole world at our fingertips.
I lay back against the stump and thought back over my life since I met Dax. The conclusion I came to was that it was all good and headed in the right direction, before I walked away from him. I abandoned him and I betrayed him by being with Terrance. I was surprised he would have anything to do with me at all.
I thought back to the night before and the way he had just taken me into his arms and fucked me and let me stay. I wanted to believe it was because he still had the same feelings for me as I did for him. I am bright enough to know however that with men, sometimes the feelings they have below the belt are the ones that matter most. I guess the real test would be if he would take me in now, after we already had our reunion roll in the hay.
I pushed myself up off the ground and looked at my watch. It was getting late in the evening and it was the middle of the week so the bar shouldn’t be too crowded. It usually started breaking up by eight or nine on the weekdays. I drove over there and wondered if Dax would take me in or turn me away. No one could blame him if he just told me to go. It would be sweet revenge for what I had done to him.
Even though it was late, I was surprised and happy to find Cookie and Buster were the only two in the bar. I smiled at Cookie and went as fast as I could past Buster, hoping he would keep talking and not see me. I was carrying my duffel bag and a backpack. I could just hear the rumor mill starting up as soon as Buster got wind. I went to the room where Dax had been staying and I knocked. The room wasn’t big, if he was in there, I’m sure he heard me. I tried the door and it was locked. Frustrated, I turned around and saw Dax walking towards me down the hall.
He grinned. That was a good sign. He had the cocky look about him that he had since he got home. It was a new look, but it was kind of sexy.
“Hey gorgeous, you back for more?”
I raised an eyebrow. It must have been when it registered with him that I was holding my bags because he said, “Oh, shit.” That was probably not a good sign.
I smiled, not knowing what else to do and said, “Surprise, I dropped in for a visit.” I was met by a look of distress and I suddenly thought I had made a mistake in coming there. He hadn’t said anything and he was still looking at me so I said, “I left Terrance and I didn’t really have anywhere else to go. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he said, looking glad that I had left Terrance at least. “You can stay here, of course. We’ll just have to figure out a long-term plan for you soon. We can’t have you living in the back of a bar indefinitely.”
He opened the door with his key and let me in. I dropped my bags against the wall and we looked at each other. It was uncomfortable. Neither of us knew what to say at that point. What were we to each other? I guess that since I had abandoned him I couldn’t claim friend status. I had just left my boyfriend who used to be his best friend so I couldn’t claim girlfriend status. We had slept together, but I had done that on impulse. I wasn’t going to do it again either so I couldn’t claim lover.
Definitely uncomfortable.
“Are you hungry?” he asked. That was good, when all else failed, go with food. The truth was I had so much to think about today, I’d actually forgotten to eat and I was starving.
“Yeah, I am, actually.”
“Let’s go see what we can find in Cookie’s kitchen. It might just be a frozen hamburger patty or two.”
“Whatever is fine,” I told him.
I followed him out and was relieved to see that Cookie and Buster had left. Dax wouldn’t let me follow him in the kitchen, he told me to have a seat and he would do the cooking. I sat there and let everything run through my head again. I wondered if I should have asked my uncle for my job back or if I should go back to school, or both. I could smell Dax cooking and every once in a while I’d catch a glimpse of him as he walked past the little window. I still got a tickle in my belly every time he smiled at me. I wondered if it would ever go away. I wasn’t sure that I wanted it to.
After a while he came out with a plate. It had a jalapeno and cheese burger on it, cut in half and curly fries with garlic and cheese. It was my favorite and he knew it. The tickle in my belly moved up towards my heart.
“Thanks for making all of this for me.”
He leaned on the counter and grabbed a fry off my plate saying, “I didn’t do it all for you, why do you think it’s cut in half?” He grinned at me and I almost told him that if he asked, I’d gladly sit and watch him eat it all. Coming around the counter and sitting down next to me he said, “Just like old times, huh?”
His nearness was making me tingle all over. He was so damn hot. Sometimes I hated what he did to me, mostly because I didn’t know what to do with it. He was right though, this was just like old times. The jalapeno cheese burger and cheesy garlic fries was what I used to order when we would come in together and hang out with his friends and family back in the day. I wish we could close our eyes and tap our heels and go back there. That way, we could move forward cautiously, knowing what to look out for along the way. It sucked that there were no do-overs in life.
“You want a beer?” he asked.
“No, maybe just water,” I told him. “I can get it.”
“Nope, I’m the waiter for tonight. You stay, I’ll get it.”
He went behind the bar again and rummaged in the little refrigerator. He came back with a bottle of water in his hand. He sat it down in front of me and looked at my face.
“So, what happened with Terrance? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said. “I just packed my things and told him we were through. He tried to talk me out of leaving, but I made sure he understood that I wasn’t going to forgive what he did or the fact that he lied to me about doing it.”
Dax was nodding and then he asked, “You were there all this time?”
“No, I got my things and hung out at my uncle’s shop for a while and then I drove up to the park.”
“You should have called me.”
“I just needed some time to think and clear my head,” I told him.
“So when you showed up last night…what was that about?”
I smiled and shrugged. “A moment of weakness?” I said, like it was a question almost.
“Oh, weakness? That’s what people are calling it these days? What about tonight? Are you still feeling weak?” He was grinning and I knew he was kidding…mostly.
“I think I’ll give the break-up some time before I let myself get all weak in the knees again, thank you very much.”
Still grinning, he said, “Okay, but keep me posted, all right?”
“Shut-up,” she quipped.
“How’s the food?”
“It’s good.” I wasn’t kidding It was like comfort food to me and I needed it.
“Good, I’m glad you liked it. Maybe I have a career as a short-order cook. I talked to my mom today about seeing her confront my dad on the security tape.”
I stopped mid-bite. “What did she say?”
“She said that at first, she was afraid that maybe they had talked me into something, but either way, she still blamed my dad. She believes that I didn’t do it though. That means a lot on its own. Remember that whole first few months when I started school, what a hard time he gave me? I held my ground and refused to do what he wanted me to do and that pissed him off. My mom said she thought maybe he had been trying to force me into having no other choices besides the club.”
“Wow, did you tell her about Terrance and the emails?”
“Yeah, she has a soft spot for him. She didn’t come right out and defend him, but she mentioned again about how he only had his dad as an example, blah, blah, blah.”
“I thought about that too,” I told Dax, honestly. “He did get dealt a bad hand in life, but I don’t think it’s a valid excuse. At some point as an adult you have to stop blaming your crappy childhood for everything and take responsibility. Terrance is perfectly satisfied with his life. He has no ambition, no desire to change it.”
“I agree. His life wasn’t any crappier than the rest of us. My mom was always there for him and he grew up right alongside me. Anyways, I’m going to confront my dad next,” he said.
It made my stomach hurt. Bull scared me. I had never seen him be violent, nor did I have any evidence that he was. But, someone that commands the type of loyalty and respect he does from the type of guys he deals with day to day…well that tells me there’s a lot about Bull I didn’t want to know.