Chapter Fourteen

Savannah

I had a dream the night before. A dream that we were all one big family. Axel and I were married. Bobby was still our son. We all lived in this house together. The basement wasn’t my bedroom anymore but was instead a place we kept for visitors. And we had lots of visitors. Our house was a happy home which people loved to visit. In the dream, I had never left Axel all those years ago. I’d never been a part of the XMC. We rode bikes for fun, and we went racing every weekend together. We lived a happy and carefree life. When I woke up, I was happy, and I reached out to take Axel’s hand. But when I realized I was in bed alone, and that I was sleeping in the basement, I felt a pang deep inside. Did I want something that was never going to happen?

At work, I tried to bury the dream. I didn’t want to think about it. It didn’t help that we had enjoyed a particularly good breakfast together; that just made it feel like we were a family all over again. Pop came around to collect Bobby, and I went to work with Axel. I was starting to notice that the two of us did not feel as awkward around each other without Bobby around like we used to. We still avoided what had happened in the bathroom, but other than that, we were fine with one another. And, when we got to work, we went our separate ways. He went to work with Spike on the bikes, while I got to work in the office. It was an easy, happy and very normal routine in an otherwise completely abnormal situation.

The phone rang, and I reached out for it, almost banging my head on the cabinet as I did so. I chuckled to myself. Close one.

“Hello, you’ve reached Axel’s; how may I help you?”

“Savannah, it’s Dominic. It’s Candice. She’s . . .” he trailed off. He seemed panicked and at a loss for words.

“What’s wrong? Take a deep breath. Tell me what’s happening.”

“She’s gone into labor. Hospital. Not doing well.” His words came out staggered, and I could tell that he was about to cry. I felt my body go cold at the thought of anything happening to Candice. I didn’t know her very well, but from the little I knew of her, she was a wonderful person. And she meant the world to Pop and Axel. Because of that, she meant the world to me.

“Don’t worry. We’ll be right there,” I said.

He told me where to meet him, and I ran out to find Axel.

“What’s wrong?” he said when he took one look at my face.

“It’s Candice. She’s in hospital. Dominic said she wasn’t doing too well.”

“What do you mean? What’s happening?”

“I don’t know. He couldn’t get his words out. I told him we’d be right there. I’m coming with. Spike, can you take care of things at the shop?” I asked. I realized I was completely taking charge, but I could see that I had to. Even Axel seemed to not know what to do. He was looking at me like he was a deer caught in headlights.

“Of course,” he said. “You two go.”

“Thanks, Spike. Come on,” I said to Axel. I took his hand, and we walked out. I looked at him. “Take a deep breath. Dominic needs us right now. Okay? We have to be strong. I’m sure everything is fine. Sometimes there are complications, but it doesn’t mean that anything is actually wrong. Come on; I’ll drive us.”

We climbed into the car, and I drove us to the hospital. Neither of us said a word to one another. I had no idea what was going on his head. I just knew that Dominic meant the world to him, which meant that Candice meant the world to him too. Axel was a more loving and caring man than he had ever let on to anyone. He liked to come across as this tough guy, but I knew that he was really just a softie beneath all the tattoos and the hard looks. When we got to the hospital, I saw him mentally shake himself back to normal again. He was composed by the time we reached Dominic.

When we got inside, we saw Dominic pacing up and down the hallway. The look of relief on his face when he saw us was palpable. He ran over to us.

“What’s going on?” I asked. “Is Candice okay?”

“She’s not doing too well. The doctors didn’t say much, but they looked worried. She was losing a lot of blood. They asked me to wait out here which isn’t a good sign, is it? Surely they would let me go in if everything was fine. I’m freaking out. I’m so glad you guys are here. I’ve just been pacing up and down and going out of my mind.”

I took his hand and squeezed it. “Don’t worry. That doesn’t mean anything. Sometimes they just prefer to work without family around. They work better without people standing over them. She’s in good hands. This is an amazing hospital, and they know exactly what they are doing. Candice is going to be just fine. From what I’ve heard, she’s one of the strongest women ever. She’s already overcome a lot in her life.”

I actually didn’t know all that much about her, but I’d heard bits and pieces about her life. I knew that Candice had been through a tough time with her political father and how he’d tried to stop her and Dominic from being together. But they’d persevered, and despite everything they had been put through, they were still together and still happy. I was looking forward to getting to know both of them a bit better. I could stand to have someone like Candice in my life.

“She’s so strong. But still, I just wish I knew what was going on. I want to go in and find out, but I’m too scared. What if they say something I don’t want to hear? I don’t know what to do. Also, I’m not sure that they are going to be happy if I barge in there. But I just wish someone would at least tell me what’s going on. I’m not sure if they’ve forgotten about me or if it means that they are still busy with her. I just hope it’s not bad news.”

“All right, Axel, you stay with Dominic. I’m going to go find a nurse. I’ll find out what is happening and come out to tell you. Okay? Don’t worry. I’ll make sure I get all the information. The two of you just wait right there. It’s probably better that I go in.” The last thing the doctors probably wanted was a panicked husband interrupting whatever it was they were doing. I could see why they had asked him to wait outside, but I did want to at least bring him some good news.

“Are you sure?” Dominic said, and I noticed that Axel threw me a grateful glance.

I nodded. “I’m sure. Come on; you’ll be fine. I’ll be right back.” And as I walked away, I just hoped and prayed that I would come back with a good answer. I was only being brave because that was what Dominic needed right now. I honestly didn’t feel brave at all. I knew how easy it was for something to go wrong, and I didn’t want to come out with bad news. I walked away from Dominic and Axel and took a deep breath, silently praying that everything was going to be fine.

I finally found a nurse who knew who I was talking about and who was happy to talk to me. She had a kind smile and immediately put me at ease. I had always loved those that worked in the medical profession. I had so much respect for people that worked such stressful jobs and who still managed to find a way to placate their patents. It couldn’t be easy. The nurse told me that everything was going fine.

“Really? Gosh, we were so worried.”

“Really. She’s doing great. She was losing a lot of blood, but everything is going well now. She’s a tough woman. In fact, I was just on my way to get her husband, Dominic.”

I felt relief wash over me. I hadn’t realized how much I’d been holding my breath until that moment. I almost hugged the nurse.

“I’ll get him. Must I just send him in?”

“That would be great. Thank you.”

I was glad that I could go back to Dominic with good news. When I got back, I saw that Dominic was still pacing up and down, this time with Axel next to him. Dominic looked at me with a worried expression on his face. He was pale and looked like he could faint at any moment. Poor guy. I rushed over to him.

“Everything is fine,” I said.

“Really?”

“Really. In fact, the nurse was on her way to call you. She said that Candice is doing great. She said you can go in now.” I smiled at him, happy that I had good news. I had acted so bravely but I wasn’t actually sure what I was going to do if I had come out with bad news. I wouldn’t have been able to do it. Dominic was so worried, and he was such a nice guy. No wonder the nurses didn’t want him in when they were working on Candice. He probably made them all nervous.

“I can go in?” he asked. He still seemed unsure about what I had said. He probably thought it was too good to be true.

I took his hand and squeezed it.  “You can go in. They said that everything is fine. They have it all under control. Axel and I will wait here for you, okay? Take as long as you need to with her. We’re not going anywhere.”

“Thank you, Savannah,” he said and embraced me quickly before running back to see Candice.

“Thanks for doing that,” Axel said to me. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that. I was freaking out, but I didn’t want Dominic to see it. The two of us barely said a word to one another. We just paced up and down this room. I felt so sorry for Dominic, but I didn’t know what to say. You were so calm.”

I laughed. “I wasn’t calm at all. I was just putting on a brave face for him. Trust me; calm was the last thing on my mind. I’m just glad I could come out with good news. I almost hugged the nurse when she told me that everything was fine. Come on, let’s sit down.”

“Want some coffee? I’m not sure how long we’re going to be waiting for.”

“Sounds good.”

“Wait here; I’ll go get us some.”

I took a seat and waited for Axel to return. The moment I was alone, I felt all the memories of my own labor come back to me. It was an overwhelming feeling, and suddenly every detail of the day came back to me. Six years had gone by, but I could still remember it all so clearly. I had been so terrified at the time, but I’d gotten through it. It was amazing how quickly I felt like a mother, even though I had known nothing about what it would be like. Instincts had just kicked in from the moment I stepped inside that hospital. Axel came back with the coffee and handed it to me. He wasn’t saying anything, but I could see that something was on his mind.

“Are you okay?” I asked him.

He nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine. I’m just . . . well, I just can’t help thinking that you did all of this when you had Bobby. I guess I haven’t thought about the actual birth until now. Now that we’re here, it’s all that I can think about. It’s strange to think that you did it all alone.”

“I know,” I said. “I was thinking the same thing myself. All the memories came back to me now. I’ve just been sitting here thinking about it all. It was such a long time ago, and yet in some respects, it feels like it was yesterday. I remember it all.”

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you. I hate to think that you didn’t have anyone.”

I sighed and shook my head. “You shouldn’t say sorry. You didn’t even know. I’m the one who made that decision. I should be the one saying sorry to you. I wish you had been there.”

“How was it?” he asked. “Tell me it was okay.”

“It was okay. I was lucky. It went pretty quickly for me. I was scared, but that was only natural, and I was lucky enough not to have had any complications. I had my father there, so that helped. He was never very happy about the fact that I chose to bring up Bobby alone. But he was there for me when I needed him to be. My father chose the wrong path in so many aspects of his life, and I didn’t agree with so many of the things that he did. But he was there for me. I have to give him credit for that. And he sure did love Bobby.”

“Who wouldn’t love Bobby?” Axel said.

I smiled at him. Suddenly the weight of what I’d done came crashing down on me. I had taken this moment away from Axel without even giving him the option. I hadn’t realized what a big deal that was until this moment. Seeing Dominic pacing in worry as he waited on news of Candice made me see just how much I'd needed Axel at that time, and how I'd deprived him of some of the milestones of fatherhood.

“Axel, I’m sorry. I . . . I regret my decision not to tell you. I shouldn’t have taken that away from you. I will never forgive myself for that. I know that there is nothing that I can do to make it better or to give you that moment back. But I want you to know that looking back now I realize that it was a big mistake. I thought I was doing the right thing, but it wasn’t fair that I took that away from you. For that, I will always be sorry. Always.”

Axel didn’t say anything. Instead, he reached out and took my hand. And that’s how we sat for the next hour, lost in our own thoughts and holding hands. I had so many regrets, and I knew those would never go away. I also knew that I had only done what I had done to protect all those around me. It might not have been the best choice, but it was the only choice I had at the time.

Pop showed up, with Bobby in tow, and I smiled at the sight of them. Bobby rushed over to me full of excitement. The smile on his face was so big.

“Is Candice really going to have a baby? That’s what Pop said. Is it true?” he said. “Like a real baby? Not just a play one?”

I laughed. “Yes. She’s going to have a real baby.”

“Wow.” Even though I had told Bobby how babies come out, he still found the whole thing fascinating. I didn’t blame him. It really was fascinating. Bobby hadn’t been around many babies so this was all new to him. I was glad that Pop had bought him with so that he could experience it all. He couldn’t stop moving. I chuckled as I watched him hop from one foot to the other.

“Have you heard anything?” Pop asked.

I was just about to say something when Dominic walked out. He had a huge grin on his face, and I knew that everything was going to be fine. Relief washed over me. Even though the nurse had told me that things were okay, I was still worried. Anything could go wrong. But it was clear by the look on Dominic’s face that everything was fine.

“Uncle Dominic,” Bobby exclaimed. “Is there really a baby coming out of Candice’s stomach?”

He laughed. “There sure is. The most beautiful baby I have ever seen in my whole life. And you are all invited to come and meet her.”

“Her?” I said, and my voice caught in my throat. My emotions took me by surprise.

“Yeah, come on in and meet our new little girl, Stacy.”

We all walked in together and found Candice sitting up with the most beautiful and perfect little girl in her hands. I had been excited for Candice, and nervous for them, but I had no idea that I would be affected by it as much as this. The moment I saw the baby in her arms, I was rocked by a deep desire for another child. A desire I didn’t even know I had until that very moment. And when Candice said I could hold the baby, I had to do everything in my power not to burst into tears.

“Oh, hello there, little Stacy. Oh, your father is right. You really are the most beautiful girl in the whole world.”